I have heard people Abuse people who can’t leave abusive relationships ,what many don’t know is how hard it can be when you are dealing with trauma. Our childhood experiences affect our behavior and personality into adulthood even if we are not aware of the existence of this connection. Sometimes we are not even aware we living out these traumas on our loved ones.
Do you think you had a traumatic upbringing?
One of my biggest goals is to get parents to understand how they are raised, understand what they are doing to their children and how it can affect who they become eventually.
Many parents do not know that they are hurting, it is through therapy that you are able to recognize that you are going through trauma. Traumatic experiences are a big deal because people don\’t know that they are traumatized. So many of us are still hurting from our childhood and we want to numb that feeling, many times we succeed in numbing it but unfortunately, the brain doesn\’t forget, the brain cannot delete. You cannot press delete on things that your brain has been able to internalize.
Trauma is a bastard, it can mess you up and mess your entire generation up. Most parents are victims so they end up victimizing their children. Have you ever heard that an abused person will move on to abuse other people except they get healed on the journey, the mindset that parents have concerning how they treat their children portrays a victim mindset?
We don\’t realize that we are passing on our childhood trauma to our children, over the years we have realized that a lot of parents are raising children without healing from their past. So they are angry with themselves, with their spouses, they are angry with the economic situation, angry with their parents so they continually play the victim card.
We don\’t remember the first 2 to 3 years of our lives or our earliest childhood experiences that we have, but those experiences stick and continually influence us even through adulthood.
Signs of Childhood Trauma.
1. Inability to say NO to hurtful people and set limits on hurtful behavior from others.
2. Inability to say NO to your own destructive impulses
3. Inability to hear NO from others and accept that.
4. Inability to delay gratification and accomplish tasks and goals.
5. Tendency to be attracted to irresponsible and hurtful people
6. Taking responsibility for other people\’s lives
7. Ability to be easily manipulated and controlled
8. Trying to fix people
9. Struggling with intimacy and maintaining closeness with others
10. Inability to trust anyone
11. Inability to be honest with people you are close with
12. Inability to confront others and resolve issues productively
13. Experiencing life as a victim instead of living it with a sense of purpose
14. Addictions and compulsions
15. Disorganization and lack of follow-through
16. Being too timid: Children who are overprotected can lead to low self-esteem because confidence comes from competence. You grow competence by doing things yourself and getting to the point where you assert yourself.
Understanding Parenting Attachment Theory.
1. Secure Attachment: How Children are to their parents governs whether they will be well adjusted in adulthood or not so a child who has secure attachment will develop well academically, socially, and mentally and are less likely to have issues with drugs and in marriage.
2. Avoidance Attachment: Children with this attachment style are uncomfortable with closeness and even into their adulthood they will have issues forming relationships. They have difficulties being close to people.
3. Anxious Attachment: Children who are raised with an anxious attachment will crave closeness and are insecure about relationships so as adults they become clingier.
4. Disorganized Attachment: This arises from fright without solutions, this form of attachment can arise from abuse, unresolved trauma, and loss. This results in individuals who are not able to make sense of their experiences, have difficulty expressing themselves, believing in themselves, and have issues with relationships. etc
When you hear childhood trauma, what comes to mind? People say time heals everything but that isn\’t true. Time only numbs the feeling.
Experiences In Childhood That Affects The Adult We Become:
1. Parentification: Parentification acts out as becoming parents to our parents without even knowing, getting your children to play the role of parents, acting as a confidant to your parents, providing emotional support to your parents, getting pulled into arguments between your parents, mediating conflicts between your parents, giving household responsibilities that are not age-appropriate, paying bills as a child, listening to your parents\’ woes, giving advice to your parents.
2. Lack of Boundaries: When you raise your children without boundaries you might be doing them a disservice.
3. Overparenting: When you micromanage your children because of fear, you will make them take wrong decisions and become over-reliant on others, and have high expectations of other people\’s roles in their lives. They find it difficult to make choices and they have low self-esteem.
4. Physical, emotional, and verbal abuse
5. Unsupportive parents
6. Attachment style
One of the things we must begin to do is to ask questions about what happened in our early years. Studies have shown that everything we do comes from our subconscious and the subconscious mind is built from zero to ten. Experiences through your childhood shape your perception and your understanding of critical moments of your life. So over time these experiences whether negative or positive destruct the neurodevelopment, they lead to social, emotional, and cognitive impairment and ultimately they result in adapting risky behaviors.
Dealing with childhood trauma is a complex but necessary process. Through therapy, you can overcome childhood trauma. You can raise happy and healthy families, be productive citizens, and have a fulfilling life. At the Healing From Parenting Hurt session, we will be helping you with the process, so you can take your life back again. We have helped almost 1,000 parents on their healing journey.
Are you hurting? Time doesn’t change anything, it’s what we do with time that makes a change. Enroll today and start your healing journey. To register for the Healing from Childhood Trauma Course, pay #15,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040. You can also register online here: https://selar.co/Healingcoursehttps://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-15–Healing-From-Childhood-Trauma-e1i7loc