5 Parenting Skills You Need to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

90% of the parents who come to me have a problem with controlling their emotions and yelling. I often hear them say, \” I want to react calmly to my child’s misbehavior, but I can’t.”. The truth is that we want what’s best for our kids and that is why so many parents make choices that lead to frustration. Sadly, the frustration leads to the programming of the children’s brains. Yelling at your children can solve a problem at the moment but can make your child’s behavior even worse which means you have to yell more to try to correct them and the cycle continues.


I\’ve seen a lot of parents who pray for them to stop yelling but the truth is, parenting with calm is a skill and not a wish. I have once been to that point where I was wishing it\” but until I learned the skills needed to stop yelling absolutely, nothing changed. What happens is that amid the chaos, our emotional brain gets stirred up and we lose sight of our logical brain. When the brain becomes overloaded with emotions, reactivity begins which comes in the form of yelling or screaming, and none can help deal with your children. It’s our month of calm and in this post, I’m going to be sharing with you 5 skills you need to stop yelling and I added a bonus point.

  • Communication Skills: Communicating effectively doesn’t mean being calm. You can be a calm person but do not have the tools to communicate effectively. Also, being aggressive does not guarantee that your child will listen to you. There\’s a possibility that they are afraid of you. A large number of parents struggle with yelling because they have communication issues. Effective communication skills mean that your children can hear and understand you.
  • Emotional Intelligence Skills: Keeping quiet doesn’t equal managing your emotions. When people hear me talk about not yelling, one of the things that come to their mind is keeping mute when their children misbehave. When you keep quiet whenever they misbehave, instead of controlling your emotions, you\’ll erupt after some time and that can be damaging. Some skills need to be learned and emotional intelligence is one of them. You can’t manage your emotions if you are not emotionally intelligent and you\’ll continue to yell.
  • Discipline Skills: Discipline is structure. Without discipline, you can\’t effectively stop yelling, and you can\’t succeed. Structure helps your children understand discipline policies and how things should go. The schools are on holiday and many parents dread the holiday already because it is a period of yelling and screaming for them. Creating and planning for the holiday with the academy\’s Ultimate Holiday Bundle can
    be of great help instead of spending the holiday as it comes.
  • Leadership Skills: Parenting is servant leadership. It is leadership skills that let you know that you need to learn and train yourself. I shared with the parents in TIP about the servant leadership model. Every time the twins come back home from boarding school, there is a welcome settlement with posters, balloon decorations, and a sumptuous meal. It takes a lot of our time but it\’s servant leadership and by so doing, we teach our children how to become servant leaders. That is the only leadership system that works in parenting. A parent is a servant leader and that helps you recognize that there are a lot of wrong things. If you do not learn how to lead, you will struggle with yelling.
  • Learning Skills: Learning doesn’t take place in a brain that has been programmed to yelling. A good number of us were raised with yelling so our brains have been programmed as yelling machines and that’s the only way they know how to respond. While teaching the \”Understanding Your Child\’s Learning Style\” course, I taught the parents about the neuroplasticity ability of the brain where you can retrain your brain also known as reprogramming ( teaching your brain to do things differently). If you don’t reprogram your brain, no matter how much you want to change or try to be different, you will still struggle because that is how your brain has been structured. The risk is that your children\’s brains are also being programmed to yell.
  • Connection Skills: Connection simply means building a relationship with your children. Connection is fusing, being with, and talking with them. If you do not connect with your children, you won\’t stop yelling. The more you connect with your kids, the less you yell. The important question you need to ask yourself is, ” Am I willing to stop yelling?”

Parenting with calm starts with you. You need to parent with a firm, calm, and compassionate tone. It allows the child\’s brain to stay open and learn. Focus more on yourself and less on your kids. You have the most control over yourself and your response to a given situation. On this holiday, put up a structure based on activities and games that will keep you and your children occupied and at the same time entertaining. It will help you connect with them.


Anger and Yelling are the biggest frustrations of parents.

My name is Wendy Ologe, I am known as The Intentional Parent. If you know my journey, you will know that parenting with peace and calm is possible.

I was that chronic Yeller who worked so hard to achieve calmness as a parent. I didn\’t stop with myself I’ve worked with over 10,000 parents to let go of their anger and build deep, connected relationships with their children and spouses.

After authoring 10 parenting best sellers; Connect To Correct, Walking your Child Through Puberty, The Discipline That Works, Sex educate like a Pro Volume 1, Sex Educate Like a Pro Volume 2, From Yelling to Calm, Parenting Launch Plan, Resolving Sibling Rivalry, Raising Independent Thinking Child, and How To Love your child more that have sold in their tens of thousands; with over 30 parenting guides …. Parents have asked I put together tools and strategies that can help one move you from Yelling to Calm.

Yes, here we go 💃💃I’m offering you a 5-day accountability challenge, where I guide and give you strategies that will take you from yelling to Calm.

I guarantee this Challenge will change your life as a parent:
📌If you are a parent that struggles with anger, do you need this Challenge?

📌If you have been Yelling at your children and actually get tired at some point you need to join this challenge .

📌If you are looking for alternative ways to modify your child\’s behavior without shouting down everyone, you need this Challenge.


Join me for this challenge as I share with you how I walked through my own journey from being a yeller to a calm Parent. In this 5 days Challenge will give you a jump start on your journey to tame your temper.

In 5 days, you WILL notice a change in how often you yell at your children. You will learn how to

  • Dramatically decrease how often you lose your temper with your children.
  • Feel more confident in your ability to stay calm when things get chaotic.
  • Create a happier, more relaxed home for your entire family.
  • Ways to move from a consistent yeller to a calmer parent.
  • How to use proven strategies and tools to modify behaviors in your children without having to yell.

The first 100 participants to register will get my book 30 Days Sex Conversation Guide; a practical guide on age-appropriate Sex conversations for any age group. To register for the 5-day No Yelling Challenge:


Pay N4,999 to 0509494057, GTBank, The Intentional Parent Academy. After payment, send your full name, and proof of payment to the team: WhatsApp 0903 663 3600 or 0812 968 7040

ONLINE PAYMENT https://selar.co/Noyellingchallenge
Please Note: This first early bird registration ends on the 14th of April after that it rises to N5,999. If I can ditch yelling, you too can.
Come let\’s parent with Peace and Calm

How to Use Discipline to Help Your Child Learn And Grow

Oftentimes, discipline is seen as a negative aspect of parenting associated with punishment, yelling, and flogging. A large number of people believe so due to a lack of knowledge which is why many parents struggle with how best to discipline their children. When parents talk to me, they sound exhausted and almost at the point of giving up on parenting. Some go as far as tagging their children as bad because the children do not obey their instructions which results in yelling and beating.

Having worked with parents in the past 5 years, it\’s obvious that no parent enjoys beating their children. The reason why you always go for the alternative is that you are stressed and do not know what to do or understand how things should go.


The \”Understanding your child\’s learning style\” course started on Tuesday and after the first module, a lot of parents regret hitting their children because they now know better. When you yell and hit your children, you\’ve lost language and become violent. Repeated shouting and hitting can adversely impact your child\’s entire life. The long-term effects of repeated shouting and hitting can be detrimental to a child\’s overall well-being, creating toxic stress and causing negative outcomes. Instead, discipline should be viewed as a powerful tool for teaching and learning. It can help children develop important life skills and build strong, positive relationships with their caregivers. Discipline can also be used as an effective tool for building strong and positive relationships.

There are ways you can use discipline to help your child learn and at the same time grow and one of them is self-discipline skills.


Self-discipline skills should be the ultimate goal of any parenting strategy. While many of us may believe that we are already disciplined individuals we pride that we are a disciplined generation, the truth is that we often lack structure. Self-discipline involves creating a structure and committing to it, even in the face of challenges.

Teaching your child self-discipline can help them in various ways, including:

• Delaying gratification
•Resisting unhealthy temptations such as drug addiction or pornography
•Developing the ability to tolerate discomfort in order to reach long-term goals

Self-discipline is essential to helping your child become a responsible adult. There are eight effective ways that you can use to teach your child self-discipline.

1 . Structure: Establishing a daily routine for your child is essential for them to know what tasks they are expected to complete each day. By following a routine, they are less likely to get sidetracked by other distractions. For example, a well-structured morning routine will help your child wake up on time, have breakfast, brush their teeth, and get dressed. Similarly, a well-planned afternoon routine will enable them to allocate their time for completing chores and homework. Finally, a consistent bedtime routine will help them wind down and fall asleep more easily.

2 . Values And Not Rules: Establishing a strong value system for your child provides them with something concrete to rely on, beyond just enforcing rules. In today\’s world, where children are more daring and more inclined to take risks, having a set of values can prevent them from indulging in certain behavior. Rules are not bad but they are a subset of values. Values are fundamental principles that shape one\’s actions and decisions. By instilling these values in your children, you can transform the atmosphere of your home. Children are more likely to embrace and internalize values, rather than feeling coerced by rules.


3 . Consequences: A lot of parents jump in to bail their children at any given opportunity and if you continue, you make a mess. Instead, it\’s essential to teach children about the cause-and-effect relationship between their actions and consequences. In some cases, natural consequences can provide valuable life lessons. Natural consequences can teach some life lessons. When a child forgets to grab his coat and goes outside in the cold, the natural consequence is that he will end up feeling cold. Children need to know the importance of logical consequences. It helps you avoid a power struggle.


Forcing them to do something won\’t teach them self-discipline. The moment you begin to fight with your child, you begin to try to prove that you are his parent and that shows something is wrong. Explain the logical consequences to the child for making poor choices. Your child learns from consequences.

4 . Behavior: Parenting is a process and not a destination. When you make it a destination, you lose track. You need to shape behavior one step at a time and not look for a quick fix. Remember that it is not about your intention but about the process. The process is more important than the outcome because if the process is right, the outcome is going to be
right too but if you focus on the outcome, you miss the process.

5 . Positive Attention: Most times, we do not know how to point out good behaviors rather we criticize and complain always. You must give good attention and praise when your child demonstrates self-discipline. It helps the child do better.

6 . Problem-solving skills: Problem-solving is a core aspect of self-discipline. Teach your children how to solve problems. Many of our children can\’t solve problems on their own because we are constantly trying to solve problems for them. You can\’t raise a child who can\’t think independently without teaching them how to solve problems and your child can\’t learn if they can\’t solve problems.


7 . Modelling: Parenting is about you and not your child. Before you teach, you model. For instance, If you want your child to cultivate the habit of reading, you need to model it to them.

In conclusion, discipline is not about punishing your children for their mistakes. Discipline is about structure that helps build habits. As a parent, your goal in parenting is to build habits that last and skills that transform. If you cant build sustainable habits on your parenting journey, you may need to re-evaluate your approach.

Modules 1 – 4 of the Learning Styles Course 2023 have all gone live and in the words of one of our participants, this year’s Learning Style Course came with a lot of Intercontinental Ballistic Misslies of Knowledge.

Over 1,000 parents have joined this course as at today. Still in doubt on whether this course is for you , check out these reviews. You still have a chance to join and catch up on all of the modules so far.

To register, simply click here: https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay N18,500 directly to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send your proof of payment to 09036633600.

7 Essential Skills Every Child Needs To Thrive in Life / School

As parents, we all want our children to succeed in life. We hope that they will grow up to be happy, fulfilled, and able to handle any challenges that come their way. However, many children miss out on learning essential life skills and how to handle real-world situations until they become adults. While schools play a crucial role in a child\’s education, these skills are primarily learned at home. As parents, it\’s our responsibility to provide our children with the tools they need to succeed, and there is a critical window of opportunity during which we can do so.


In this blog post, I will discuss seven core skills that will help your child collaborate with others effectively. These skills are invaluable and will benefit your child for a lifetime.

  1. Executive Functioning Skills: Executive functioning skills that encompasses a broad set of cognitive skills that are performed by the executive part of the brain. These skills are often overlooked but essential for success in many areas of life. The following skills are included in executive functioning:

A. Adaptable And Critical Thinking: When it comes to creativity, there are 2 kinds of strategies namely

  • Red ocean, and
  • Blue ocean strategies.
    Blue ocean strategists think out of the box. They do or create things from scratch and off the beaten path. They do a lot of critical thinking while the red ocean strategists do what I call copy and paste. They simply copy what someone else has done and replicate it with a little tweak. When it comes to parenting, we are mostly red ocean strategists. We do what is readily available.

Most of us were not raised to ask \”why\”. Adaptable thinking helps you question things that you used to know. He who knows why is greater and superior to he who knows how. How is important but if your child knows the why, it helps the child create without sticking to the known way/method. Adaptable and critical thinking makes your child stand out. It allows your child to recreate a circumstance using the same system, i.e, thinking of alternative ways to solve the same problem.


B. Planning: Most of us were raised with the mentality that whatever will be, will be. However, it is essential to learn how to plan as building on principles and plans can help us achieve the desired results. As Bishop Oyedepo rightly puts it, \”prayer without planning is like living in the woods without knowing it.\” Sometimes we pray for things but fail to plan for them, assuming that they will just happen on their own. However, as the scripture says, \”Have you ever seen someone who is about to build his house and didn\’t count the cost?\” Therefore, when we set off to parent, we need to count the cost, which includes the knowledge we need to acquire, the finances required, and the time involved.\”

C. Decision-making: When you expose your children to this executive functioning skill, it helps them make better decisions. Most of us do not know how to make critical decisions and in turn, we do not know how to teach our children. Decision-making will help the children take full responsibility.

D. Self-monitoring And Self-control: This is one aspect of the executive functioning skills that we don\’t pay attention to. This skill is all about monitoring and controlling what is happening to a person at every point in time. It helps your child to be able to look and see where there is a gap and know when to fill it up. That\’s why emotional intelligence is key.

E. Working Memory: You develop working memory in your children through the things they do daily. Putting them on the screen and not replacing the screen with educational activities will slow down their working memory.


F. Time Management And Organization: A lot of us get overwhelmed because we do not know how to manage our time and that\’s the reason why a lot of parents complain that they do not have the time to parent their children or read books. The interesting thing is that everyone on earth has 24 hours in a day and those who can create or produce maximize theirs. If 24 hours isn\’t enough for you, then it shows that you are a poor home manager. Being organized helps your child to manage his space and time.

  1. Social Skills. Social skills are as broad as executive functioning skills, encompassing communication, listening, and collaboration.
    Effective communication is essential for success in personal and professional life. Your child needs to learn how to use different communication methods appropriately, express themselves clearly, and actively listen. These skills are not typically taught in schools, but rather at home. If you cannot communicate effectively with your children, they will struggle to do so with others. If all your child learns about communication is through yelling, they will model that behavior.
    Encourage your children to speak, collaborate, and make friends. Human beings thrive in communities and need relationships. Some parents discourage their children from having friends out of fear of negative influence. However, children will be influenced regardless, so it is crucial to teach them to choose positive influences. Collaborating with others can help prevent social awkwardness. Remember, there is no prosperity without relationships and associations.\”
  2. Financial Literacy Skills: The knowledge of money is more important than what you bequeath to your children. A lot of us think that financial literacy means leaving some property and cash for our children. Financial literacy isn\’t just about money it involves having the knowledge of and understanding of how to manage money. A lot of people get uncomfortable when the issue of money is talked about because while growing up our parents did not teach us ways to make money.
  3. Self-directed And Engage Learning: To teach this skill to your child, you need to encourage the love for learning and limit your child\’s access to the screen. A child who loves learning rarely becomes bored in life. To achieve that, you have to start from their
    strength to their weakness. To recognize their strengths, you need to understand how your child learns because it is their learning strength. Self-directed and engaged learning skill helps model curiosity and enthusiasm for learning in life.
  4. Resilience Skills: One of the most important traits we can develop in life is resilience. It is also known as a take-on challenge. It is about being able to take on challenges and bounce back from failure. A lot of parents are afraid that their children will fail but there\’s beauty in failure. It gives you the edge of making better comebacks. Learning to understand why failure is good changes the game for you as a parent.
  5. Focus Skills: Attention is the new code. To drive attention, you need focus. To make money, you need to drive attention. Teach your children to focus. To build attention,
    start by teaching them to focus on a thing. Distraction is a big killer and one of them is the screen( phones, tablets, televisions) These things take away focus. They are addictions.
  6. Perspective Thinking: Thinking about another point of view does not come naturally to a lot of people. It can be developed by discussing the character\’s feelings and motivations in books. You can help your child by helping them observe how others are feeling by asking them questions based on a movie or what they\’ve read. This skill makes them more empathic and empathy is about how the decisions you make can affect the next person.
  7. Decision-making And Problem-solving Skills: A lot of us don\’t like taking responsibility for our decisions. We do the blame game. When you take decisions, you must critically look at the aspects of the
    decisions. The aspect of decision-making must not be dependent on anybody. Many of us were not taught to solve problems and that is why we can\’t create. Creativity is a function of problem-solving. Children who are taught to solve problems can create and they are also good at mathematics and mathematics is solved because it is a problem.

A child is a product of who raised him, how he was raised, and what the person that raised him knows. You can be an advantage or disadvantage to your child. Prayer alone doesn\’t solve parenting problems. It requires the knowledge you acquire, and how effectively you put them to use. When you pray, you plan. Your children\’s school won\’t and can\’t give them the skills they need in life. The reason why some children struggle is that there are gaps and they need to be filled.


TIP academy is built around executive
functioning skills. We give parents tools to help them plan.


Parenting today has gone beyond, intuition, experience, and opinion, it\’s now about evidence. Knowing with exactitude the outcome of your journey. And that is what we provide at the academy.

Parenting is about the process, not just Tips and Hacks!! Do you want to build a strong value system and form a foundation so strong to destroy? Do you want to understand why your children act the way they do and help them become better?

⚫️Imagine building a parenting plan and following through in the year with accountability system provided?

⚫️Imagine having direct access to Coach Wendy Ologe throughout the year; Access to coach worth over #1M $2,000

⚫️Imagine having access to webinars worth #100,000 ($200) every month?

You don\’t want to keep imagining .These and many more are the benefits of being in the Inner circle. We worked with over 1,000 parents in 2022 and we currently have over 2,500 New parents enrolled for 2023.

The annual subscription fee for the program is N70, 000. Fee will be reviewed to 100,000/annum soon but if you book now it won’t affect you.You book a slot at the enquiry desk with a non-refundable fee of N5,000 for 2023 cohort, and pay your annual fee of N65,000 which you can decide to pay at once N70,000.

Simply book by using this link https://selar.co/tipinnercircle or make direct payment to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy, then send a chat with proof of payment to 08129687040.


Only 3 Days To Go And the 2023 Cohort of the “Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style Course”

Are you in yet?
You snooze you miss!

Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style Course 2023 is about, to begin with a bang 🤩🤩💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻


When you know your child\’s learning style

📍You can choose effective study methods that complement those strengths.

📍You will understand how best to teach those simple skills without any form of frustration.

📍You will also be able to choose an effective disciplinary measure for your child, not just trial and error.

📍You will be at peace on your journey as a parent.

🎯We started running the \”Understanding Your child\’s learning style\” course in 2018 and over the years, we have trained over 10,000 parents to understand how their children learn. I remember at the very first batch a particular parent said to me \”Coach Wendy I wish I attended this course some 20 years ago, some of the challenges I had with my son won\’t have had it.\”

Do you know the amazing thing? You get a 25% discount if you pay before the 25th of March. So instead of paying N20,500, you get to pay only N15,500.

Register for the Learning Style Course here: https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay #15,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.

Principles For Parenting Children Who Thrive

Are there principles that work in parenting? Many have argued that there are no rules or principles but parenting is about doing what works for you or what you know. Little wonder we have the result of ineffective parenting all around us. Think about it, whatever works has guiding principles and values or rules that make them work. Without those principles, all we do is work with the probability of maybe or maybe not, if or if not.


Principles work in parenting but the question is, \”do we know them? Are you applying those principles? There are lots of principles and practices that can be applied to raise children who thrive but I have listed a few of them to help us navigate through our parenting journey.

  1. Principle of Safe System: Safety tops the chart when it comes to the principles of parenting a child that thrives. When it comes
    to the safety of a child, parents look at the physical aspect of it. What comes to mind is, \”I need to protect my child from people talking down at them or bullying them.\” Safety goes beyond that mindset. It entails other aspects that make up a system that makes the child thrive. Safety for a child comprises of:

A. Predictability- Unpredictability is an enemy of intentional parenting. When you create an unpredictable system, you create an unsafe environment for your child. To create a predictable system, you have to put together a system that your child has and work with routines and structure.


B. Support– It is all about encouraging and supporting your child in what they have a flair for.

C. Discipline– Discipline is core to achieving safety for your child. Your child can\’t be safe in a system that does not entail discipline. Discipline is structure and routines. It is not about being aggressive, hitting, or yelling at your child.

D. Mistakes– Mistake is a proof that your child is learning. Mistakes are opportunities for your child to learn. Your child should be able to make mistakes to feel safe. A child who is afraid of making mistakes in a home isn\’t safe and can not learn.


E. Failures– No one succeeds without failing multiple times. The fear of failure is one of the major reasons why many shy away from being creative in this part of the world. If your child can not fail within the confines of the environment you have created, you\’ll fail to help your child. It is safe for your children to fail at home, and learn from their failures before launching out into the real world.

F. Opportunities– You must create an environment in your home that give opportunities for your children to learn. Do not confine them to the \”perfect world\” you have created for them to live in.

  1. Principle of Values And Not Rules: A home with sets of values instead of rules helps the children own the process. Values are game changers in parenting. When you set rules, you limit your child and give them a fixed mindset. When you set values, you give them a limitless mindset.
  2. Principle of Responsibility: If your child isn\’t taking responsibility, it means someone else is taking it for them. It means that you are not only absolving them of work but also absolving them of the ability to learn the work and understand the process. It makes them understand that the work has to be done and that we all have to be part of the puzzle to get the work done. A Harvard study shows that children who do chores strive better in the work environment than their contemporaries when they become young adults. In one of my best-selling books, \”Raising An Independent Thinking Child\”, I stated that you should never do for your child what he can do by himself. A dependent child is a demanding child. A demanding child will weary you forever. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them responsibilities.
  3. Principle of Honor And Not Obedience: I won\’t say much on this point because only parents in the Inner circle that follow a process will understand better. Honor is a knowledge that ranks higher than obedience. When your children obey you always, you are raising zombies and that\’s where honor comes in. The principle of honor and not obedience teaches you to raise a child who
    will think for themselves and not a child that will obey every word you say. It is vital because you are not infallible as a parent. The infallibility narrative is a false narrative. When you teach honor over obedience, you raise the bar for your children-this means that your children understand your place and can think for themselves.
  4. Principle of Mentorship: In a session with the level 2 parents in the inner circle, I talked to them about parenting partners. Many times, we do not understand that our children need a system. You can not parent all by yourself. You need people who understand the process that is introduced in your children\’s lives because a time will come when your children won\’t tell you everything. Introduce models who are you because, at some point in their lives, they will start to discover who they are especially in their teenage years.
  5. Principle of Knowledge And Learning: Parents who raise successful children learn, research, and understand child development and growth. When you parent by probability ( doing what works for you) and lack knowledge, you set your children up for failure. The reason is that every child is unique and different. You help each child with their uniqueness. Assumption stems up due to a lack of knowledge. Your children are products of your knowledge- how they were raised, the environment they were raised in, and what the person who raised them knows.
  6. Principle of Intentional Parenting: Intentional parenting is not about raising perfect children but about raising children through a process and structure. Intentional parents are ready to admit their child\’s flaws and help them overcome them instead of projecting perfection. No one course, class,
    webinar or workshop can get you through your parenting journey but a system/process to which you commit yourself and the system in turn, hold you accountable.
  7. Principle of Connection, Communication, and Conversation: This is a principle of being able to create a relationship with your children. Relationship trumps control in parenting. When you enforce control, you can\’t influence your children and you will lose authority. Authority isn\’t force or control but trust and respect.

Parenting is a journey that has no end but a process. Doing \”what works for you\” is simply setting your child up for failure. Truth is inaction itself. It is a rule for people who will fail at a thing. Having the mindset of not guiding your children and believing that they will learn on their own is inaction and parenting on probability.


Many believe that we don\’t teach discipline in the Inner Circle because we don\’t preach hitting the child or yelling as forms of discipline. As I said earlier, discipline is structure and routine and that is what we help parents in the Inner circle accomplish by creating systems, family values, visions, and missions so that your children can internalize what you are teaching. We help create tools for parents to connect, communicate and converse with their children.




Parenting today has gone beyond, intuition, experience, and opinion, it\’s now about evidence. Knowing with exactitude the outcome of your journey. And that is what we provide at the academy.

Parenting is about the process, not just Tips and Hacks!! Do you want to build a strong value system and form a foundation so strong to destroy? Do you want to understand why your children act the way they do and help them become better?

⚫️Imagine building a parenting plan and following through in the year with accountability system provided?

⚫️Imagine having direct access to Coach Wendy Ologe throughout the year; Access to coach worth over #1M $2,000

⚫️Imagine having access to webinars worth #100,000 ($200) every month?

You don\’t want to keep imagining .These and many more are the benefits of being in the Inner circle.We worked with over 1,000 parents in 2022 and we currently have over 2,500 New parents enrolled for 2023.

The annual subscription fee for the program is N70, 000. Fee will be reviewed to 100,000/annum soon but if you book now it won’t affect you.

You book a slot at the enquiry desk with a non-refundable fee of N5,000 for 2023 cohort, and pay your annual fee of N65,000 which you can decide to pay at once N70,000

Simply book by using this link https://selar.co/tipinnercircle or make direct payment to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy, then send a chat with proof of payment to 08129687040.


At our upcoming course “UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDS LEARNING STYLE “ we will show you how you can eliminate these screams at assignment times and teach your child study skills by understanding how they learn better. We will also show you how you can get to know how you learn better.

We have almost 1,000 participants registered for this course both parents and teachers we have the second early bird offer ending in 3 days… If you are a sucker for learning, Dont misses out on this course to learn how to raise lifelong learners not just people who pass exams.

Are you in?

Register for the Learning Style Course and take advantage of the early bird offer here: https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay #15,500 instead of 20,000 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.

Offer valid only in 72 hours.

Help! My Child Isn’t Learning

Do you feel like your child is struggling with learning? Are you concerned about your child\’s academic progress? Are you wondering if your child struggles with poor attention span or has cognitive difficulties? Are you wondering if they are just slow learners or outrightly lazy learners?

If so, you are not alone. Many parents face these challenges, especially with the typical educational system that most schools adopt. Excitingly, today, we\’ll explore the reasons why some children struggle to learn and provide you with practical strategies that you can use to help your children succeed academically.


Last week, I had a session with a family and before I could commence with the child, the parents informed me that I needed to be patient with their son because according to them, he\’s not very smart. I was taken aback because they have labeled the boy. To them, it sounded good and okay but as a student of psychology, labeling a child is a problem. It creates a fixed mindset. When you see your child\’s academic results as an indication of the child\’s cognitive ability instead of a reflection of how the child is taught, then you miss it because a reflection of the child\’s academic result is how a child is taught, the child\’s study habits developed over time, and how much effort he has put in.

No child is dumb. Every child is born a genius but the way we parent them and the things we say to them are essential. If a child is not learning, it means that there is something wrong with the way the child is being taught. For your child to learn, even for adults, you need to recreate the system where your child has a dominant learning style. For instance, when we learned that our son is a kinesthetic learner, I started buying books with cartoon characters to get him to key into what we wanted him to learn, and then found a school that understood his learning style. Now he learns through auditory and visual but he\’s predominantly a kinesthetic learner. The most powerful thing any child needs to be taught is learning as a skill. It gives you and your child a good understanding and also put a stop to hiring a home lesson tutor.


However, when it comes to labeling, be it positive or negative, can be harmful. Research shows that constantly telling your child that he is smart can be bad for the child. Labeling positively or negatively creates a fixed mindset. It creates an identity the child feels compelled to protect at all costs and which can be dangerous. The book, \”Mindset- The New Psychology of Success\” by Professor Carol Derwick, shows that people who are praised for inert intelligence tend to shy away or give up quickly on challenges that threaten their smart identity. So a child with a fixed mindset, their self-worth is all about passing exams. An individual\’s mindset plays an important role.

The growth mindset says, \” I can learn to do anything I want but a fixed mindset says, \”I am good at this or I am not good at this.\”

The growth mindset says, \”my effort determines my ability but a fixed mindset says, \”my potential is predetermined.

The growth mindset says, \”I\’m inspired, motivated, and challenged by the success of others but a fixed mindset says, \”I don\’t like to be challenged. I just want to stay in what I know. I\’m not moved by the success of others.\”

The growth mindset says, \”challenges help me grow but a fixed mindset takes feedback personally. It easily gives up when faced with a challenge or hit a roadblock.



Neuroscience shows that our brain can rewire and upgrade itself to gain competence, and new skill and consolidate a piece of new knowledge. The effort, strain, and struggles the child puts up enables the brain to step up. To begin to teach your children to learn, you should:


1.Teach Them To Honor Struggles. As a parent, you should avoid jumping in to rescue your children at any slightest mistake. When a new concept or difficulty is introduced, the brain rises to step up the neurons in the brain, and string them together to consolidate the information and through that process, it\’s called Myelination. The neural network is wired together timely. Children build confidence when they struggle and overcome.

2 . Do Not Label But Commend Their Efforts. Let your child know that learning is in the process and the effort they put in. Do not applaud the child when he doesn\’t do things right, especially when you are busy. Tell the child in direct terms what he needs to do right, where he needs to put in more effort, or where he needs to do some corrections.

3 . Understand Your Child\’s Learning Style. Understanding your child\’s learning style is a game changer for you and your child. It does not only help your child learn but also helps you to know the disciplinary strategy that is effective for your child. For instance, when correcting a visual learner and you are just talking, the child will be distracted and won\’t take the corrections but an auditory learner will listen more to what is being said. Also, get your children to do their research about learning and understanding their learning styles.

4 . Help Your Child Build Focus And Improve Memory. To build focus, you have to help your child increase their capacity to pay attention. The focus ability is dwindling every day because we keep our children on the screen daily. The more you keep your child on the screen, the more they struggle. The screen takes away concentration and the ability to focus. A child under 2 years of age has no business with the screen no matter what you think the child is learning.

5 . Create A Structure And Stick To A Daily Habit. Unpredictability is an enemy of intentional parenting. Having a structureless system where the children wake up to do anything they want won\’t help them. What makes your child exceptional are habits that last and skills that can transform.

6 . Understand Your Learning Style. Some parents teach their children according to their own(parents) learning styles. Knowing and understanding your learning style will help you to know how to teach your child and not teach by assumption.

7 . Create A Study Habit. Teach your children study habits. Allocate a time and a place where studying should take place at home. It is your responsibility as a parent to understand your children\’s learning style and make them run with it. It is a game changer. Applying the above steps will help you understand their learning style and also yours. The challenge is that a lot of us were raised with a fixed mindset and that\’s why we struggle. There is a time that learning and understanding your child\’s learning style will be of no use.


Do you know that understanding your child\’s learning style might be the singular solution to her learning difficulties really?

In the Academy, we run a course where we just don\’t teach parents how to identify the learning styles of their children, we also teach them how to use this learning styles to make their children study effectively and even discipline them correctly.

Do you also know that until you understand how your child learns your discipline will not be effective.

Do you know how your child learns?Could your child be struggling to learn that thing you are teaching because you are not teaching with her dominant learning style?

Register for our upcoming course \”Understanding your child\’s learning style\” starting March 28th, 2023. Our second Early bird offer ends in 5 days.

A particular parent after going through the course said \”I wish I knew this 20 years ago, I won\’t have had the power struggles I had with my son \”

This could be the singular most important thing you should know about your child. Join 800 parents currently on board this train to understanding how their children learns

Register for the Learning Style Course : https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay #15,500 (instead of 20,500, offer expires in 5days) to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.


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The Role of Parenting in Building A Great Nation

The concept of parenting is often overlooked when it comes to nation-building, but it is in fact a crucial factor that shapes the character, values, and skills of the citizens who will drive the progress and prosperity of the nation. Developed nations recognize this and use parenting as a deliberate strategy to build their nations, and I strongly believe that parenting is the bedrock of our own nation.

Did you know that the success or failure of a nation is largely attributed to its leadership? Do you know that leadership can make or mar a nation . Effective leadership can drive a nation towards progress and prosperity, while poor leadership can lead to stagnation and decline. It is important to recognize that this leadership is nurtured and raised in the home.


Parenting plays a pivotal role in all family settings globally, and by extension, in the success of a nation. In order for a nation to succeed, parents have a critical task to fulfill which is to teach, guide, instruct, and shape the next generation. They are responsible for molding children into responsible, productive, and compassionate members of society.

One of the biggest errors that we make in this part of the world is equating parenting solely with success in education and career achievement. However, parenting encompasses much more than that. It involves instilling values, building character, fostering emotional intelligence, and nurturing relationships. Parenting is a holistic endeavor that shapes the overall well-being and fulfillment of the child, not just their academic and professional success.


Nation building refers to the process of creating and developing a nation, particularly one that has recently gained independence. It is a crucial part of any nation. Nation building is not a random occurrence, it doesn’t happen by accident , but rather a deliberate and intentional effort led by exemplary individuals who are committed to promoting good governance and socio-economic development. In order to ensure the sustainability of nation building, institutions must be established and maintained to support the development and progress of the nation.


After over six decades of independence, Nigeria has continued to experience a decline from its original state. Extensive research has identified numerous challenging factors that hinder the nation-building process. However, one crucial aspect of nation-building that is often overlooked is the role of patriotism among citizens. Patriotism cannot thrive unless it is intentionally cultivated through intentional parenting. Therefore, while these challenges do impact the growth and development of Nigeria as a nation, it is important to recognize that cultivating patriotism through parenting is an essential component of successful nation-building.


The quality of every nation is a direct reflection of the quality of her citizens and the quality of her citizens is determined primarily by the quality of the families that they come from and the quality of families depends on the quality of Parents. What we see today is a direct reflection of the quality of citizens we have and that’s also a direct reflection of the kind of the families that we are building and the quality of the family is dependent on the quality of the parents. This is why parents must commit to building themselves . There is no magic that can happen in any nation if we don’t commit to building ourselves as parents.


The reason for our constant clamor for change since the election is rooted in our failure to raise better individuals. In order to foster better individuals, we must first re-parent ourselves. It is essential to take a closer look at how we can re-parent ourselves in order to bring about the positive change that we seek.This was why I started the transformational work we do at The Intentional Parent Academy.

How To Be Involved In Nation Building

  1. Be Intentional : Parents must become intentional in every aspect of their parenting journey. It is crucial to commit to continually learning and gathering parenting knowledge. In this day and age, it is no longer acceptable to dismiss the need for learning. As parents, we must also reprogram our thought process. Our own parents may have carried their own trauma, which has been passed down to us. It is our responsibility to break this cycle by committing to reprogramming ourselves.

The society we see today is a reflection of the state of our family systems. If we continue to argue that we turned out fine, we will only perpetuate the problems in our nation. A nation is only as strong as its family system because it is within the family that children learn morals and spiritual values that give meaning to their lives. As Blessed John Paul II once said, \’the future of humanity passes by way of the family,\’ he referred to the family as a society in its original form.

  1. Build a Valuable Family System:
    We need to put values around our family system, when you get into the inner circle one of the first things we teach is to build family values . In our nation we are not intentional about building values and unfortunately we uphold culture over values . Values are what builds any system even including the family system . Nation building only starts when we have a renewal.

It is essential to inculcate into our family system strong values. When you enter into our inner circle program( you can join here) , one of the first things we teach is the importance of building family values and how to build them . Unfortunately, in our nation, we have not been intentional about cultivating values. Instead, we uphold culture over values. Values are the foundation for building any system, including the family system. Nation-building can only begin when we have a renewal that emphasizes the importance of strong values.




Parenting today has gone beyond, intuition, experience, and opinion, it\’s now about evidence. Knowing with exactitude the outcome of your journey. And that is what we provide at the academy.

Parenting is about the process, not just Tips and Hacks!! Do you want to build a strong value system and form a foundation so strong to destroy? Do you want to understand why your children act the way they do and help them become better?

⚫️Imagine building a parenting plan and following through in the year with accountability system provided?

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You don\’t want to keep imagining .These and many more are the benefits of being in the Inner circle.

We worked with over 1,000 parents in 2022 and we currently have over 2,500 New parents enrolled for 2023.

The annual subscription fee for the program is N70, 000. Fee will be reviewed to 100,000/annum soon but if you book now it won’t affect you.

You book a slot at the enquiry desk with a non-refundable fee of N5,000 for 2023 cohort, and pay your annual fee of N65,000 which you can decide to pay at once N70,000

Simply book by using this link https://selar.co/tipinnercircle or make direct payment to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy, then send a chat with proof of payment to 08129687040.



Your child might be struggling because you don\’t understand how he learns!

My daughter is a dominate auditory learner, in fact, I will say 80%. This makes her verbal and auditory coordination so apt!

A few years ago, we got them bicycles to learn, in split seconds her twin brother who is a dominate Kinesthetic learner started to ride. So kinesthetic learners find physical activities very easy to come by. Our son learnt to swim the same day the swim Coach started his lessons.

In all these years, we have been looking for a way to make our daughter learn to ride because physical activities are part of our value system in our home. No, we never said \”Can\’t you see! your twin brother can ride is easy bla bla! That stuff kills a child who will like to learn faster, it\’s comparison even though parents

Well, we thought of how best we could teach her, then boom her learning style was actually it. So we started to feed her ears first with the learnings on how to ride and not the actual ride itself. Then we got safety guards, …. And our big daughter decided to do the teaching job itself.

Using her dominate learning style instead of forcing and assuming she should just know…she learnt how to ride her bike in 2days!!! Do you know that understanding your child\’s learning style might be the singular solution to her learning difficulties really?

In the Intentional Parent Academy, we run a course where we just don\’t teach parents how to identify the learning styles of their children, we also teach them how to use this learning styles to make their children study effectively and even discipline them correctly.

Do you also know that until you understand how your child learns your discipline will not be effective like I shared in my best selling book \”The Discipline that Works \” Discipline is teaching? And you can only teach when you understand how someone learns.

Understanding this will also help you tailor your child\’s learning in school.

Do you know how your child learns?

Could your child be struggling to learn that thing you are teaching because you are not teaching with her dominant learning style?

Register for the Learning Style Course here: https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay #10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.

Offer valid till March 5th, 2023.

5 Building Blocks For Raising Children Who Suceed In School

One of the problems I have seen regarding learning is parents thinking it is the responsibility of the school to do everything for their children to succeed, they place the burden of their children\’s success solely on the school. When you dig deeper, you find out that the school is just a part of the success story of your child.

While it\’s true that a classroom is a place designed for learning, it\’s crucial to recognize that learning actually begins at home. If a child isn\’t absorbing information at home, they will inevitably struggle with learning at school as well. The capacity to learn is something that\’s acquired, and individual factors such as personality, learning style, and temperament significantly impact a child\’s willingness to learn and their general outlook towards education.


When a child is not given the necessary attention to their unique learning needs, they may resort to cramming information just to perform well on exams. I always tell parents that education is the fruit of your journey. You can\’t raise a child who will succeed academically while leaving out the other factors. If you are not able to look at the fundamentals of your child, he will cram to pass exams.


So What Are The Strategies That You Can Apply to Enhance Your Child\’s Motivation to Learn?

There are building blocks for raising children who will succeed in school and if you don\’t have these building blocks in place, it can be devastating to the child. In my work as a parent coach, I have seen two extremes of parents. First are the ones who can do anything humanly possible just so that their children will pass exams while the others are the ones that want academic success but become helicopter parents.

They offer too much praise and guidance. They do not hesitate to follow up with the school authority if their child misses a project or assignment because they are afraid of them failing. All these are rooted in fear and fear cripples the child from learning. Hence the building blocks needed are:

  1. Conducive Environment At Home: The home environment is a key aspect in encouraging a child to learn. It is put in place to aid the child\’s learning. One of the ways to create a conducive environment is by setting up a system where your child can read. There is no learning without learning how to read. When your children develop a love for reading, they develop a love for learning. It is all about creating an atmosphere of reading because reading is key to overall success. Reading helps your child\’s brain to learn how to process ideas or think on their feet.

Children should be taught to learn and not forced to learn. When you teach them to learn, you make them understand the joy that comes with learning and it gets stuck with them. Furthermore, you have to make books readily available and a mapped-out place in the home strictly for reading. In my book, \”Discipline that works\”, there\’s a tool called silent and deliberate programming. It\’s all about programming the environment to get the child accustomed to reading. Model to them how to read by reading as a parent and also providing games that stimulate them such as legos, puzzles, building blocks, etc.

  1. Understanding Your Child\’s Learning Style: Most schools do not support or encourage some learning styles. It is one of the reasons why you need to know your child\’s learning style before choosing a school for him. You don\’t have to enroll the child in a particular school just because it is tagged as the best school in town. At some point in our journey, our son was finding it difficult to read while his twin sister was doing so well. My husband and I knew that we were failing somewhere and had to seek knowledge of knowing how to help him. In the process, we found out that our son is a kinesthetic learner and most kinesthetic learners are not encouraged in the school system. Therefore, as a parent, when you don\’t understand this, you can\’t help your child, and the school system won\’t perform any magic because the school system isn\’t structured that way. Some children struggle not because they are dumb but because they have learning disabilities that hinder them from learning. There are 3 primary learning styles namely;
    Understanding the learning styles will help you offer your child the adequate help you
  2. Improve Your Child\’s Response- Ability Quotient: If you are going to raise a child who would do well academically, you\’d want to raise a child that would respond to things around them easily. How do you increase the response-ability quotient? You do so by encouraging the child to take up the responsibility of doing chores. When you allow your children to take responsibility, you allow them to have control of their learning experience. The more you allow them to have control of their learning experience now, the more they become motivated to learn. Your child will only learn to the extent that you can allow them. If you are not increasing the responsibility quotient of your child, you are killing the child.
  3. Self-Discipline And Time Management: Time management is fundamental for
    learning. Time management helps your child create study habits. Self-discipline helps the child know how to do result analysis. Without these, you\’ll raise a child you would control forever. The idea is to raise a child that can lead themselves without you being there to monitor and yell at them to read.
  4. Parenting Advantage: I always say that what makes a child is who raised them, the environment in which they were raised, and the knowledge level of the person that raised them. The parenting advantage children have is that when parents are faced with some problems in their parenting journey, they look for a solution, and when they find the solution, it becomes a game changer. Parenting is about you and not your child. The parental advantage is a tenant of a child who would learn. Every child is born a genius but parents are the ones that make them inept. Your parenting style and advantage play a vital role in the lives of your children.

Conclusively, I believe that the best definition of education is learning the things you think you know that you didn\’t know. The knowledge you acquire gives you an advantage as a parent. Going on this journey, you don\’t have to assume because the assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. The level of your parenting knowledge gives advantage or disadvantage to your children.



When you know your child\’s learning style ;You can choose effective study methods that complement those strengths ,You will understand how best to teach those simple skills without any form of frustration and You will also be able to choose an effective disciplinary measure for your child, not just trail and error.


We started running the \”Understanding Your child\’s learning style\” course in 2018 and over the years , we have trained over 10,000 parents to understand how their children learn. I remember at the very first batch a particular parent said to me \”Coach Wendy I really wish I attended this course some 20 years ago, some of the challenges I had with my son I won\’t have had it.\”


🔖Don\’t wait to share your testimonial 20 years later join the upcoming course of \”Understanding your Childs learning style course\” starting on the 28th -31st of March, 2023.

See details on flier to register. Do you know that amazing thing? You get a 50% discount if you pay before 1st of March. So instead of paying N20,500 you get to pay only N10,500.

As usual there are over 10 bonuses for this course worth over N250,000

Register for the Learning Style Course here: https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse or pay #10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600. Offer valid till March 1st, 2023.

How To Parent Using Your Child’s Love Language

Love is a universal language. It can be expressed in diverse ways according to the language each person understands. It is cherished by everyone. Bringing it home to parenting, when a parent and child share a love language, it\’s easy to express and receive love from one another. However, when a parent and child have different love languages, it can be equated to building a house with someone who speaks a foreign language.


At a family counseling session, a 25-year-old from a seemingly loving family said, \”I know my parents love me but I can\’t see it. I only believe it because I know that parents naturally love their children even in their worst state\”. When I heard this, I knew something was wrong but at the same time, I didn\’t judge the parents or the young adult experience. It was good food for thought for me. I left that session wondering why anyone from such a loving family will say that they didn\’t feel loved because I know the family. Boom! It clicked, \”LOVE LANGUAGE\”.


As parents, our main job is to know who we are parenting and part of that knowledge is knowing your child\’s love language and understanding how to express it. It helps you to parent your child better. There are several ways by which parents can know how to effectively parent their children.

• Understanding your child\’s love language.
• Understanding your child\’s learning style.
• Understanding your child\’s temperament.
• Understanding your child\’s emotional quotient.

However, our focus will be on love language. Gary Chapman, an author, listed the 5 love languages;

1 . PHYSICAL TOUCH: The most common way to speak this love language to people who understand it is by giving hugs or kisses. It can also be by affectionately holding their hands. Positive touches fill their love tanks and can positively affect their behavior. For the child who falls under this category of love language, when you discipline him by hitting or slapping, he severely gets imparted emotionally and mentally and the gap comes in. The child\’s self-esteem will be affected. On the other hand, an unwanted touch for a child with this love language will be a problem. If the child gets molested, he or she won\’t survive it.


2 . WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Communication and affectionate words are powerful for a child under this category. It means that the child will pay attention to things you say and will reap the benefits. The voices of the children that their love language is words of affirmation hear matters a lot to them. Are the voices of instruction, encouragement, discouragements, or criticism? Words are powerful. Words can make or mar your children. As a parent, you are a co-creator with God so the things you speak to your children will come to pass. When you speak negative words to your child, it can cast doubts on his abilities.


3 . ACTS OF SERVICE: Parenting is a service-oriented vocation. The day you become a parent is the day you sign up for full-time service. The contract lasts for a minimum of 18 years with an active reserve for several years after. This love language is easy to combine because you have already signed up for service as a parent. However, you need to teach honor and resourcefulness. If not, the child that falls into this category will fold his hands and cross his legs while you do everything, and that will destroy the child.
You need to understand how it works for your child, how to show it, when and where it is essential on your journey, and implement it.


4 . GIFT: This can be the most difficult love language to do. I have learned to teach parents that gifts are not only material things. The problem is that children whose love language is a gift, like getting everything they want. When you give in to your child\’s demand of gifting all the time, you can set the child up for failure. They can become entitled or won\’t put a value on things so when you understand that gifts are not only material things, you handle such children differently. If care is not taken, you\’ll begin to substitute gifts for your presence. Teach the child that gifts can come in form of time or honor.

5 . QUALITY TIME: There are children whose primary love language is just the time they spend with you. How much time are you willing to give? How much time are you willing to share? In the inner circle, we created what we call Connection Tools. Connection tools are designed for parents to be able to give their time on their parenting journey. Whether your child\’s love language is a gift, time, physical touch, or words of affirmation, the truth is that every child\’s love is spelled TIME. If you can not give that time then you are probably on the wrong side.


In the academy, we teach parents that time is the currency of destiny. The moment you are given a child to raise, you are a destiny custodian. As a destiny custodian, you are a custodian of talent, time, and treasure. Most parents claim not to have time to parent their children but that\’s the language of people who are poor managers of time. Time management is life management which means that if you say you don\’t have time, you are a poor manager of your life.


When you know your child\’s love language, what do you do with it? Do you speak it or do you parent on the go? The first step you need to take is;

1 . Get To Know Who You Are: Understanding who you are and how you show love is key. If your primary love language is physical touch, you might overwhelm your child whose love language isn\’t physical touch. If your love language is acts of service, you might have a problem trying to jump into doing everything for your children and that might harm them.

2 . Understand How You Give Love:

A lot of people make mistakes when it comes to this. Many married women believe that their primary love language is “ act of service” because they need helping hands. Start by healing from any form of trauma- understand who you are, and where you are coming from, and heal from your trauma because trauma can affect your love life.

3 . Understand What Your Love Language Is: This comes after you must have known who you are and healed from your trauma. Without these steps, you cannot walk through the process of being able to love intentionally.

3 . Understand Your Child\’s Love Language: Understand your child\’s love language and how to show it. With the help of emotional intelligence, you\’ll be able to parent your child using his love language. It makes it easier because you will be able to communicate your thoughts.

In conclusion, a child whose love tank is not filled will constantly misbehave. Most times, people say that negative attention is better than no attention for a child and that\’s why you see some children cause mayhem just to get their parents attention but it is not supposed to be so. Children love attention. It is like food to them.

Furthermore, understanding one\’s primary love language doesn\’t just apply to children only but also to adults. Many times, couples have marital issues because they don\’t understand how their spouses should be loved. All these challenges might be as a result of trauma. Heal from your trauma and work on your emotional intelligence. It is key. Do not go through parenting making mistakes that will leave scars on your journey.


Day 3 of the “Becoming An Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course “ went live yesterday and I am short of words because this year’s “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent parent course is a total deliverance for families. The testimonials are like a one-year course progressive. What a blessing .

Over 1,700 parents as at today 🙌💃🏻💃🏻

Still in doubt , check out these reviews 👇, when you are done swipe for more reviews.

I just had a breakthrough listening to module 2 of the Emotional Intelligence course this morning and I’m tearing up in the gym. I can’t even begin to explain Wendy.

Wow Wendy…. I’m in shock! I’m in shock! I’m in shock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I am close to the source of why I am the way I am…. Or maybe I have even just arrived at the source gan gan. It came from the question or maybe it was even just a passing comment “review the way you were parented.”

I realised that I looked up to my accomplished dad and I felt his disappointment in my academic abilities. This was also reinforced in my highly academic school. I actually very regularly wanted to do better but every time I slipped up it reinforced their thinking that I was not capable and as such when I became aware of my natural abilities socially I leaned into that. I decided to become popular and good with people. Wendy till this day even professionally I don’t bother to try hard on my technical skills- I just wanna be gisting with people in the office and get them to do their work. It works in the office but I am painfully aware that being a nice person that helps the working environment is great but my technical ability needs to develop.

The thing is I KNOW for a fact that I am actually quite intelligent…. But I have never had the motivation to use it because the expectations I’ve always felt from my parents and teachers is one of my lack of ability and it is exhausting trying to learn when the people who should be teaching you don’t believe in you.

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How To Raise Disciplined Children

Discipline is a common challenge faced by many parents and often stems from our past experiences as children while growing up. The traditional notion of discipline is often associated with being aggressive and confrontational with children. However, many parents who claim to be strict and not tolerate misbehavior from their children still struggle in their parenting journey. This is because they have misinterpreted what discipline truly means and instead have substituted it with inappropriate methods, such as physical punishment.

When asked to describe our parents, many of us may describe them as disciplinarians because they used corporal punishment as a form of correction. However, this is a flawed understanding of what discipline should entail.

Many children today are lacking discipline, and this is not due to a lack of punishment or yelling, but rather a lack of understanding about what discipline actually entails. Raising disciplined children requires a proactive approach, rather than just waiting for a miracle or relying on frustration. To achieve this goal, it\’s important to:

i. Gain a deeper understanding of the concept of discipline
ii. Apply this knowledge in practical ways
iii. Take active steps towards implementing your understanding in your parenting.

Regrettably, many of us as parents struggle with discipline in our own lives. We may have trouble managing our time, following through on commitments, or making decisions based on our rational thoughts instead of our emotions. I recently shared this insight with a group of parents on the topic of self-discipline. If you find yourself unable to control your emotions, it could indicate a lack of discipline in your life. Discipline is about having a plan in place to reach your goals, and this involves acquiring knowledge and skills. It requires the ability to complete what you start, to separate your thoughts from your feelings, and to make decisions that align with your priorities, even if it means sacrificing comfort.


It\’s important to recognize that discipline is not a problem for children, but rather a challenge for parents. An undisciplined parent cannot expect to raise a disciplined child.


As a parent, it is important to establish clear structures and routines, and to effectively manage your time. In many our African clime , the typical approach is to wait for a child to make mistakes before \”disciplining\” them. However, this approach does not help the child build the skills they need to succeed. For example, if a child is struggling with a task and chooses to do it their own way, despite being advised otherwise, it is not effective to simply wait for them to fail and then punish them. Instead, it is important to use this as an opportunity to teach the child and help them build skills that will allow them to thrive. Punishing a child for making mistakes, such as through hitting, kicking, or yelling, does not help them learn and grow. Instead, it is more productive to use the failure as a tool for learning and skill-building.


So, let\’s examine the traits and skills of highly disciplined parents.

  1. Commitment: Commitment is not just a choice, but a skill that is developed over time. Highly disciplined parents are committed to their tasks and don\’t give up easily, even when the process is challenging. They also don\’t bail out their children when they have committed to something.
  2. Finishing What They Start: Highly disciplined parents have a belief that giving up is not an option. They stay committed to difficult projects until the end and do not let failure define them. Instead, they see failure as an experience that can be used as a tool for learning and growth.

3.Positive Sensory Orientation: Highly disciplined parents have a positive outlook and focus on the positive aspects of every experience they encounter. They avoid succumbing to negative emotions and remain motivated to succeed.

  1. Do Not Get Fluttered. Highly disciplined parents are not led by their moods but by their minds. For you to learn how to play by your mind, you should be able to work on your emotions. Be able to define and label your emotions, and know how to work on them.
  2. Set Boundaries. They know where to draw the lines/set boundaries. They know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. They are not flippant with words.
  3. Highly Independent. These set of parents raise independent children and what sets up independent children is raising responsible children.
  4. Eager to Learn. Highly disciplined parents see themselves as evolving. They are always interested in ensuring that they learn new things, and they believe in reaching their goals and also believe that there is no one way to reach those goals. Their eyes are on the goal and that’s why I always say that an intentional parent follows a goal while an unintentional parent follows the crowd.
  5. Strengths of Their Imaginations. They use their imaginations a lot and it’s a strong factor for them. They build the ability to create ideas in their minds and start working on them. They are self-disciplined and it is essential when it comes to emotional intelligence. Without self-discipline, you can’t achieve anything.
  6. Plan and Organize. Highly disciplined parents don’t take or live the day as they come. They plan and work with a manual and principles that they follow. They look at what it is that they are about to do and why they ought to do it.
  7. They Don’t Worry About Time. Their time is always structured so they know what to do with their time because they are organized. They change the tide of time to suit their plan.

To become a highly disciplined parent and raise a well-disciplined child, what steps should you take?

i. Teach Your Children to Become Responsible. At the core of the discipline is responsibility. Children need the discipline to thrive and to thrive with discipline, they need responsibility. There is age-appropriate responsibility even for a one-year-old. What molds and makes children are habits and skills that transform. When you don’t help them inculcate those habits. You are raising an irresponsible person. You have to increase their responsibility quotient by teaching them how to respond to issues and you achieve that by modeling and not yelling or hitting.

ii. Emotions Control. Your children need to know and understand how to react to life outside of their emotions. They should know how to identify their emotions and put a check on them. Let them understand that bottling up their emotions isn’t the same as managing their emotions. Teach them how to express those emotions.

iii. Commitment and Consistency. Educate your children on how to be committed and consistent, and not give up even when things are tough. If you don’t teach them how to be consistent, they’ll grow up to be unstable.

iv. Equip Them with Skills. There are skills your children need to have in order to thrive in life. You can read about them in my previous posts. You don’t have to wait for them to make mistakes before you teach. As a parent, you have to be proactive and figure out how to teach your child what to do at the right time. teach them to focus on what they’ve started and finished up.


Discipline plays a critical role in parenting and is essential for success. It involves using the right skills and knowledge to achieve your objectives. Intelligence or talent may not be necessary for success, but discipline is. To be successful, it\’s important to understand how discipline works and how to implement it effectively. Quick fixes, like physical punishment or yelling, are not effective solutions and will not produce the desired outcomes. Instead, it is crucial to raise children who are guided by their mind and not their emotions, and this starts with you as a parent. To be an effective and emotionally intelligent parent, it is necessary to have the right tools and knowledge.


The Becoming an Emotional Intelligent Parent course is a great opportunity for anyone, regardless of their profession or background, to learn how to master their emotions and discipline. The course will take place on February 15th, 2023, and promises to be an enriching and transformative experience. Don\’t miss out on this opportunity to grow and become a better parent.

Register for the Emotional Intelligence Course here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent or pay #18,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy.

Send proof of payment to 09036633600.


Help! I Want To Stop Flogging My Child

In my years as a parent coach, I often receive similar questions from various parents, such as:
\”Can I parent my child without flogging?”. \”Won\’t they become irresponsible without flogging?”.
\” Can I parent without flogging my child and still have a well-behaved child?”.
\”Are there more ways to discipline a child without being aggressive?”.
Some parents believe that once they flog their children, they\’ll learn or take corrections. When you flog your child as a form of discipline, the child either becomes defiant or the child takes on the form of pretense/deception, i.e. repeating the same action behind you, and that is when what we call the 4Rs of negative discipline stems up ( Rebel, Resent, Retreat, and Revenge).


\”In my book, \”Connect to Correct,\” I explore the consequences of incorrect discipline on children, which can lead to the 4Rs of negative discipline: revenge, retreat, rebel, or resentment. When a child experiences revenge, they may feel encouraged to repeat negative behaviors. In the case of physical punishment, such as flogging, the child may even display signs of rebellion and fight back. This is not due to possession by evil spirits, but rather a result of negative discipline methods.

Additionally, a child may retreat, causing a decrease in their self-esteem. They may become withdrawn in social situations or the classroom, unwilling to participate or speak up even when they know the answer.


Before discussing the reasons behind and effective solutions for discipline, it\’s important to understand what discipline truly entails. To do this, ask yourself: Does hitting your child lead to desired changes? Does it result in different behavior? Do you find yourself repeating physical punishment frequently? Answering these questions can help provide a deeper understanding of discipline.
DISCIPLINE is structure. Without structure, there\’s no discipline. The structure is put in place by the parent so if there\’s none, you\’ll be frustrated. Discipline is a parent-based problem and not a child-based problem. When there is a structure in your home, the children follow through and align.



It has been proven scientifically that flogging comes with a dose of anger. A lot of parents resort to flogging due to:

  1. Childhood Trauma And Experiences. A lot of our parents were raised to survive and not to fulfill. They lacked stress management skills because all they knew how to do was to survive. Building skills like stress management and emotional regulation weren\’t paramount to them and that\’s why they lashed out, talked down, or flogged you at every opportunity and now you do the same to your children. They are not parenting strategies but trauma imprints that you are replicating.
  2. Lack of Knowledge. Ignorance is one of the most terrible things that can happen to you. You flog your child because you don\’t know what to do and when you find yourself in that situation, you get confused and lash out.
  3. Lack of Emotional Control. It simply means being irresponsible with your emotions. So anytime your emotions get the better part of you, you dump them on your children. Some parents go to the extent of bragging about how they are not able to manage their emotions and they make statements like, \” That is how I am. I get angry quickly and my children know.”
  4. Lack of Parenting Skills. Parents that use aggression as a substitute lack appropriate parenting skills. You are clueless about how to go about it.
    Hitting a child is a terrible thing. If you think that it\’s a form of correction, why do you feel guilty after hitting your child? Whenever you feel guilty after hitting your child, then there\’s something wrong with it.
    Why the guilt?
    ❗ You are confused because you are not emotionally intelligent to know what to do.
    ❗It releases what you felt as a child (trauma imprint) even after you\’ve promised yourself not to be like your parents.
    ❗It brings out your frustration and lack of knowledge because you know that you aren\’t equipped with the right tools. What to do is never constant. Parenting styles change as your child grows and that\’s why seeking knowledge is a prerequisite. It entails continuous seeking of knowledge.
    ❗Lack of appropriate communication skills. You become aggressive when you lose language. Hitting, attacking, and throwing tantrums mean that you don\’t know how to communicate. As a parent, there are things you can do asides from flogging and still get results.

1 . Work On Your Emotions. Your emotions are the engine rooms of your being. You have to be in control of your emotions and manage them well. If your emotions are not in check, you can\’t practice effective discipline. How do you begin to work on your emotions? You can start by signing up for the upcoming \”Becoming an Emotional Intelligent Parent course”. It will save your life. It will equally help you understand people better and connect with them.


2 . Learn The Discipline That Works. Seek knowledge and gain insight into other ways you can discipline your child. You can start by getting a copy of my book, \”Discipline that works”. It is available on Amazon, and we also have distributors in Lagos and other cities.

3 . Join An Accountability Group. Getting yourself into a system or academy that holds you accountable should be on your priority list as a parent. There is collective intelligence in such a system. The truth is that you can\’t go on the parenting journey all by yourself, you\’ll get weary, and when that happens, you join the crowd of \”do what works for you”

4 . Learn Communication Skills. Communication skill is vital in parenting. It is one of the skills we teach in the inner circle. We\’ll have a course in communication and it is the first time of having the session in the inner circle program. It is called \’Resolving Family Problems Through Effective Communication’.

5 . Structured Parenting. Nurture and structure are the two most important parts of your journey. Parenting, void of structure creates room for chaos. Create a structure then you nurture.


I firmly believe that parenting is a reflection of our own behavior and values. Children are constantly observing and learning from their parents. The Intentional Parent Academy (Inner Circle) helps identify and fill any missing pieces in parenting.

It\’s essential to strive for conflict-free parenting and not normalize fighting and disagreements. Relationships can be strengthened without the presence of fights and arguments.


Have you registered for Becoming Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course ?Over 1,000 Parents are now on Board 🔥🔥😁. Take advantage of transformational experience

Register for the Emotional Intelligence Course here https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent or pay 18,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.