On Monday the 16th of May, I was Invited to the Lagos State 2nd edition of the international boy\’s Day conference at the Statehouse as a keynote speaker where I also sat on a panel with different stakeholders to enlighten people on parenting.

One of the things that struck me during that conversation was what the Controller general of prisons, the deputy commissioner of the police and other stakeholders who are in the place of correctional services shared on how we are raising the boys. I was excited in that session when other stakeholders agreed that we can no longer do what works for us in parenting. Whatever works for you no longer works in parenting, there is a template for raising children who are different.

In my paper, I gave examples of two prominent families in the American system whose parenting made a huge difference in their generation, and their generation was studied. According to the research, the difference that was found gave credence to the fact that our problem is parenting. The problem we have in our generation today is how we are raising people. Society is a product of the family. Now the question is what are we doing?

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We are not looking to raise people who are perfect; we are looking to raise people who can thrive. Parenting is not about perfection, parents need to be trained. The only way you can make a difference in your parenting is to be trained. We need to understand that when it comes to raising boys there is something that we must do.

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5 MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WHEN RAISING BOYS

1. MOTHERS EXPECT THEIR SONS TO THINK LIKE THEM
   This first mistake is made by mothers, as a mother, you need to realize that your boys will not think like you because boys think differently. Your son’s mind is wired differently from that of girls. This is why fathers will need to step up to the responsibility of raising boys because women are not wired like them. Boys need role models who they can look up to. Even as a single mother, you need to find male figures that can mentor your son. During the session on Monday, “the controller of prisons mentioned that majority of boys in the correctional center were boys raised by women” and it struck me. It’s been said over and again that the child who doesn’t have an involved father is more prone to prison than the one who does. This is why men need to stand up to their responsibilities.
   This is not only for raising boys; research has also shown that girls who are confident are girls who had involved fathers.
2. NOT TEACHING YOUR SONS BOUNDARIES AND RESPECT
   This is done by teaching them sex education, emotional control, and being explicit about consent. This is why a male role model is needed in a boy child’s life, the reason is simple there are conversations that a boy child will only be able to connect with when a male parent figure does the teaching. One of the reasons we are batting with rape cases and sexual consent is because men are not teaching it, this is not being modeled.
3. NOT ALLOWING YOUR BOYS TO DO DANGEROUS THINGS CAREFULLY.
   At the core of being a man is the ability to try out things, fail at them, and become more confident doing things. What parents of this century call suffering is normal responsibility. If your boys are going to thrive, they will need to try out things. You need to realize that the world does not revolve around your home. Do not overprotect your sons from the reality, your home is only a fraction of the world out there.
4. NOT ALLOWING YOUR SONS TO GO THROUGH THE CONSEQUENCES. A mother came to a school where her son sodomized another boy and was supposed to go on suspension, this mother came to the school begging that the boy’s father had beaten him mercilessly so therefore he shouldn’t go through the consequence for his action. Bailing out your sons starts with the little things like fighting for your sons in little things. This is not a curse but if you continue to bail out your son, you will continue forever even when they are a lot older. When you bail out your son you will end up raising a child who is irresponsible and can not take charge.
5. OVERINDULGING YOUR SONS:
   When you overindulge your sons you end up raising entitled children, they end up believing that acquisitions end to happiness and this sets them up to chasing the never-never satisfying chaos and this can lead to addictions and compulsions. When you overindulge your sons, you set them up to become irresponsible .

Dealing with childhood trauma is a complex but necessary process. Through therapy, you can overcome childhood trauma. You can raise happy and healthy families, be productive citizens, and have a fulfilling life.

At the Healing From Parenting Hurt session, we will be helping you with the process, so you can take your life back again. We have helped almost 1,000 parents on their healing journey.

Are you hurting? Time doesn’t change anything, it’s what we do with the time that makes a change. Enroll today and start your healing journey

To register for the Healing from Childhood Trauma Course, pay #15,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040. You can also register online https://selar.co/Healingcourse

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-15–Healing-From-Childhood-Trauma-e1i7loc