Parenting a teen has its own unique set of challenges. It is one key aspect of your journey as a parent. Many times, people do not realize that parenting a teenager will present different kinds of difficulties. It’s not uncommon for teenagers to crave independence and resist parental guidance. This phase can leave you wondering, “How can I reconnect with my teenager?” In today’s blog post, I’m going to teach you about understanding the five C’s of knowing your teen’s struggles and what to do to reconnect with them. This will help you to navigate the complexity of parenting a teenager.

1. Connection: The number one reason why parents struggle with their teenagers is connection issues. In my book, Connect to Correct, I explained that the child you do not build a connection with today as a toddler will be a problem for you as a teenager. This reflects the principle of seed time and harvest. Many times, you do not have to struggle with your teen if you have established a strong bond with them. I have heard people say that their children are not old enough for them to be in the academy or join the inner circle because their children are still toddlers. But by the time your children reach the adolescent phase, the struggle has already begun because you have lost connection with them. You should know that there is a lot of conflict that happens during this phase, and it is not because of you or the child.

These are conflicts that are inevitable and natural. And when they happen, one of the things that will help you is the fact that there is a connection between you and your child.

2. Control Issues: Control issues are one of the reasons why we are big on connection in the Inner Circle. We provide a daily tool that keeps you on your toes to connect with your child. Connection is not a weekly or once-in-a-while endeavor, it’s daily because anything you build is what you will reap.

Under control issues, you have autonomy struggles and power struggles. I was listening to my children review the book by Coach Chiedozie “Why Teenagers Fail”, and in this book, he was talking about the identity crisis, the autonomy crisis, and the destiny crisis, that teenagers face. These are all the crises that happen to your teenagers when they are going through this phase.

One of the bonus classes that we are offering for becoming an emotionally intelligent parent this year is understanding the teen’s brain and how to navigate it on your parenting journey. So if you haven’t registered and you have teenagers, you are on your own. I mean, this class will give you insight into how you can navigate through the process of understanding what is happening to the teen part of the brain. Register for this course here

When it comes to autonomy struggles, children begin to seek independence at this phase. Seeking independence is a good thing, not a bad thing. The problem is that we fight it because we don’t know how to find the balance between guidance and autonomy. There has to be guidance, of course, but that also leads us to power struggles.

There are a lot of power tussles that we engage in. We say, “No, you cannot do this or that,” because we do not understand how the teen brain works. There is something that makes them want to see what will happen. Most of the things your teenagers do are not because they don’t know whether it’s right or wrong. Some of them know it’s wrong, but they just want to try it because the brain tells them that that’s how to find independence. It’s a fight for life.

Have you read anything about the fight for independence in different countries and all of that? It’s similar to what your teens are going through. So all your threats, all your “I will do this or that to you,” your teen’s brain gets excited by that kind of challenge. So control issues are one of the reasons why you struggle with your teen.

3. Communication Issues:

So far in this blog post, we have explored reasons why you struggle with your child which included, connection, control, and for this third communication. In my book, “Solving Family Problems Through Effective Communication”, I wrote that the risky thing about raising teenagers in our world today is that they have a lot of options. There are a lot of people and media bombarding them with messages.

The problem is that you don’t fight to become the loudest voice in your child’s brain. No, you create it. You connect to influence, you don’t fight to influence. Many times, those communication issues happen because there is a difference in how you and your teen perceive and interpret things.

You cannot become the loudest voice in your child’s life by fighting. You fight and you lose the battle. That’s it! So, of course, in this phase, your teenagers have a problem. There is a communication gap, there is a misunderstanding. They interpret messages in different ways and I will tell you why as we go along. There is a limit to how much they share their thoughts with you.

The steps to influence your child are what we teach in the Creating a Social Roadmap for Your Genzer Inner Circle Class coming up this weekend for parents in our Inner circle. Book a slot here.

At some point, you will be on the fourth floor. When your children turn 13, you are on the fourth floor. You will no longer be the most influential person, even though you will still be the most important person if you have done the work to be the most important person. You will no longer be the most influential person when they are 13. Your influence is on the fourth floor.

If you have a child right now who is not 13 yet, please bear it in the back of your mind. Keep it in the back of your mind that at some point, you will not hear everything the way it is. Not because they want to lie to you, no, but because some information you cannot process the way you need to process it. And it’s also because you do not have the emotional intelligence to be able to take in some information. Because you have communication challenges, there is a lot of misunderstanding. There is a lot of back and forth.

That’s why you need training. Because if you are trained, you are in a better position to help your child. If you are not trained, you do your children a disservice by your ignorance. And then you fight because you will continue to fight where there is no fight.

4. Change in Priorities: One of the first things you learn as a teen parent is that the priorities of your teenager will change. They are now navigating their world and their priorities will shift. You begin to struggle when they begin to prioritize their friends. Do you know who is at the top of the fourth floor? Peer group. Do you know who is in the second group on that floor after the peer group? Other adults.

One of the most important people in the life of a teenager is other adults, not just their parents. That’s why we keep emphasizing mentorship. Your children will need it like their life depends on it, because at that point in time, they will need the other adult. And if you don’t set other adults in their life, they will pick any other adult, because there is no vacuum in parenting. Your child will fill the vacuum with whoever they can. It could be Kim Kardashian, it could even be Bobrisky, it could be anybody.

If you don’t intentionally create that system of who the other adults should be by the time they are teenagers, you will just be running around, because now you don’t even know who is influencing them. Remember, we are talking about the order of influence.

If you are an intentional parent, you will have created all of these four influence groups.

5. Coping with change: Coping with change is another reason why children struggle with their parents. Most of us do not understand why children struggle with the emotional roller coaster of their teenage years. Do you know that puberty affects the brain? There is something called the puberty brain in medicine. The brain changes its development during puberty. If you don’t have the book “Walking Your Child Through Puberty, get it here. I wrote this book while I was trying to understand what happens to children during puberty.

• Do you know that children at puberty become lazy?
• Have you noticed that your children become 14 or 15 and they are lazy about things? The brain and the whole drama during puberty, weigh them down. The reason for this is that we are not intentional in building our children’s emotional capacity. When puberty comes, it overwhelms them. And when this happens, You struggle to adapt to their mood swings, you struggle to adapt to their change in behavior.

The most difficult time for any child is between the ages of 13 and 18 because they are trying to navigate their world. They are trying to understand who they are. They are trying to understand what they are doing. If they get it wrong at this age, it will make a mess of their future. You know what they say, a fool at 40 was a fool at 14.

Are you ready to join the 1000 parents who have already registered for the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course?

This course will show you in practical terms how you can work on your emotions and use them positively in your journey as a parent
1. Learn to Understand Your Emotions
2. Understand Your Yelling Triggers And Ditch Them
3. How Emotions Management can help behavior management/discipline in parenting.
4. Learn how emotion management helps us become better people.

WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?
1. Free Assess to Self-assessment Tools:
You will receive self-assessment tools and questionnaires to evaluate their
current EI level.
2. Weekly Challenges and Exercises
You will receive weekly challenges and exercises to apply practically
your newfound knowledge and skills.
3. Year Long Access
Enrolled participants will have year-long access to the course materials
4. Bonus Resources:
Participants will also receive bonus resources, such as EI-related Guides, access to past editions of this course etc.
5. Gain year-long access to course materials
6. Get Up to 50% Off With Our Early Bird Offers!

But hurry, this offer won’t last long. You have until Friday to register for the course and pay only N15,500 ($17) instead of #30,500.

To join the course, simply pay to 0509494057 (GTB Bank) with the name The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600. You can also register online using this link: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/emotionalintelligence

“I am frustrated with Parenting, I don’t know if I am the only one but my children make this journey so difficult, I think my children are just too strong- willed and stubborn unlike your own children .

This is a complaint I get very often. While one parent thinks theirs is worse, what they don’t know is that every parent gets frustrated on their journey when the going gets tough, but what differs is what they are able to do with that frustration. Turning your parenting frustrations into connection moment is one of the supper powers of parenting and I have taught this over the years to help thousands of parents.

Have you ever thought that your worse moments can become the best moments for a while? Yes you heard right and this blog will be a light bulb moment for you.

In dealing with these frustrations, I have broken them down into :

6 P’s of Parenting Frustration and How to Turn Them to Connection

1. PRESSURE : Parenting, in these times is riddled with the weight of expectations. The pressure to excel in the role of parenting can be overwhelming. From societal standards to family expectations, the burden of raising children according to perceived norms creates pressure for tons of parents. These pressure points include ;

a. Pressure of Performance: The expectation to perform well and the constant comparison of our parenting with others, and even worse the invisible competition we create in our minds can contribute to this pressure .

b. Parenting Superiority: In a world where information is abundant, parents find themselves not only more educated but also more competitive. The pressure of proving that “my parenting is better than yours” is becoming crazy.

c. The Pressure of Fun: Surprisingly, there is a pressure associated with the concept of fun in parenting. I talked about this in the inner circle recently. From meticulously planned birthday celebrations to the pressure of living by societal expectations. The pressure of fun is real for families etc Other pressures include the pressure of educational expectations and fashion and appearance.

2. Perception: Perception to me, is at the core of parenting challenges. Life is shaped by how we perceive things, and when it comes to parenting, misunderstanding a child’s behavior can lead to frustration. It’s crucial to recognize that misinterpreting your child’s needs or not understanding their developmental stage can result in persistent frustration.

Parenting pressures like we mentioned earlier also adds to the mix. Whether it’s societal expectations or the fear of judgment, these pressures can cloud our perception. Instead of succumbing to societal pressure, it’s essential to focus on understanding and guiding Your child through their growth.

3. Power Struggles: Parenting comes with its fair share of frustrations, and one significant hurdle that many parents face is the power struggles that can arise between them and their children. These conflicts often stem from past struggles, a lack of connection, and misunderstandings about children’s developmental stages.

Power struggles with your child, especially during crucial developmental stages, can be a significant source of frustration. I believe that fostering a strong connection with your child prevents these struggles. Connection is the key to navigating past challenges and creating a harmonious relationship.

A misbehaving child seeks attention, even if negative. Understanding this helps in managing behaviors effectively. It’s crucial not to fall into the trap of prioritizing the wrong aspects—be it societal expectations or comparisons with others. Each parent’s journey is unique, and prioritizing your season of life is essential.

4. Prioritization challenges are a real struggle for parents. Managing and figuring out what truly matters often feels like an uphill battle. The constant pressure to keep up with others, especially in this competitive world, makes it difficult to prioritize our own needs and navigate through the different seasons of life.

In the Inner Circle, we don’t advocate for the concept of balance because, truth be told, there’s no such thing. The idea of achieving a perfect work-life balance seems unattainable. Instead, what we focus on is essentialism. Time, a factor often touted as manageable, is actually something we can’t control. We don’t teach time management; we teach essentialism. It’s about looking at time, prioritizing what truly matters, and embracing what is essential in that moment.

I’ve realized that trying to balance every aspect of life only leads to frustration. In my own journey, there have been moments when I felt overshadowed by high-achieving peers, questioning where I stand in my own season of life. Prioritizing my own season is the key to avoiding this frustration.

Life, as we know it, isn’t about finding the perfect balance, but rather about understanding what is essential in each season. By embracing essentialism over balance, I’ve found a more realistic and satisfying approach to managing life’s demands.

5. Perfection: Perfection, oh, the pressure it brings. Who told us that we must strive for perfection or raise perfect children? It’s a misleading notion. The idea that everything must fit into a perfect mold only sets us up for a life devoid of growth and improvement. If everything were perfect, what would be left to work on or strive towards?

In our current Inner Circle book of the month , ” Connect to Correct,” we explore the concept of perfection. I’ve often questioned why we, as parents, feel the need for our children to wake up one day and become executive bankers or fit into some predetermined perfect image. The truth is, if our children were already perfect, they wouldn’t need us. Perfection can actually hinder the growth and connection between parents and children.

The pursuit of perfection can also lead to power struggles, especially when we impose unrealistic expectations on our children. Wanting a two-year-old to be prim and proper when they come home? It’s unrealistic and sets the stage for frustration. Personally, I’ve learned that when children come to my house and don’t jump around, it gives me a negative vibe. Perfection is not only unattainable but can also create an environment that stifles the true essence of childhood.

6. Poor Emotions Management The final piece of the puzzle – poor emotions management. Discipline, to me, isn’t about creating drama that leads to trauma for my child. The root of frustration often lies in the inability to manage emotions effectively. It’s a skill not many were taught, and the result is often becoming a drama king or queen, causing unnecessary trauma.

I’ve witnessed instances where parents lose control over their emotions, creating a storm of pressure and drama. I recall a situation with our daughter a couple of years ago. The school contacted us about an incident, and instead of reacting with heightened emotions, my husband and I remained calm. We didn’t succumb to the expectation of creating a dramatic scene. We knew better.

Our daughter explained her side, and we calmly addressed the issue. The teachers, expecting a dramatic response, were surprised. It made me realize the power of not creating drama that leads to trauma for our children. We aren’t in the business of proving ourselves as ‘perfect’ parents; we’re focused on guiding our children through challenges.

It’s crucial to resist the temptation to create unnecessary scenes just for the sake of appearances. Some parents go to school, fueled by the need to show they are perfect. This not only misses the point but also traumatizes the child. Instead, I advocate for understanding and managing our emotions.

We shouldn’t crave drama or noise as a sign of effective parenting. It’s about knowing when to step in and guide, rather than reacting impulsively. I’ve even written a book called “Raising the Independent Thinking Child” that delves into these aspects. The key is not creating drama; it’s about being a pillar of support and understanding for our children. Managing our emotions is at the heart of effective parenting, ensuring that we don’t inadvertently cause trauma in the process.

I Can Show You How to Manage Your Emotions

As you know, my course Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course is starting soon and as we were onboarding the new participants, this question came in response to the promotion of the course and I would like to address this here.

“Hi, I’m eager to join the course, but I have a question. I am a Chronic Yeller, infact , I can yell for Africa. I have read books on managing my emotions, but I still struggle at the slightest provocation. Do you think that this course can help me parent with calm?”

Without a doubt, my answer is a resounding yes!

Here’s the reality: Your journey towards managing emotions and parenting with calm begins with a commitment to working on yourself. It’s not just wishful thinking; it’s about taking charge and enrolling in this course.

For instance, we’ve witnessed incredible transformations, like a mother of triplets parenting with absolute peace and calm and former chronic yellers breaking free from the habit – all thanks to this course.

So, to address the question directly – yes, I believe the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course” is tailor-made for any parent aspiring to approach parenting differently in 2024.

The goal is clear: to guide you on the path to work on your
emotions and use them positively in your journey as a parent. But it doesn’t stop there. You’ll gain skills, tools, and knowledge to replicate these results throughout the year.

If you’re considering signing up, act swiftly. Over 700 parents are on board already and the early bird registration ends on January 21st, so this is your only chance to secure the current price of N15,500/ $17. Delaying might mean missing out on this exclusive discount.

To enroll in the course, you can pay N15,500 ($17) to 0509494057 (GT Bank) and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600. Alternatively, you can purchase online using this link: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/emotionalintelligence.

Don’t hesitate—jump onboard now! I hope to see you in class

In your journey of parenting in 2024, becoming emotionally intelligence will be important in your child’s holistic development. An emotionally intelligent parent not only equips their child with the ability to navigate life’s challenges but also contributes to their social success, impulse control, and overall resilience. As we navigate parenting this year, you will need to be mindful of the profound impact our actions have on shaping the emotional intelligence of the next generation. In this blog post, I will be sharing 5 things emotionally intelligent parents won’t do in 2024

Advantages of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

1. More ready to engage: An emotionally intelligent child is ever ready to engage in school activities. He/she is ready to confront whatever situation he finds himself. The child gets involved in things they do and in general.

2. More socially successful: I’ve seen quite a number of parents raise kids who can navigate in the social world. There’s a study that says that children who can navigate their social world in the next 30 years, will have an 80% advantage over their peers.

3. They have impulse control: What many parents do not understand is that impulse control is one of the reasons why children misbehave.

A lot of kids can’t control their impulses because they don’t know what else to do. When you raise a child who understands emotional intelligence, you’ll find out that the child can control those impulses. If you don’t teach the child to do so, he’ll continue to do things anyhow.

Emotionally intelligent children are a product of emotionally intelligent parents. Emotional intelligent skills don’t naturally come upon you but from what you learn. By skills, I mean doing certain things that make your child feel safe enough to express their emotions. When a parent is emotionally intelligent, it’s automatically transferred to the children.

Here are Things Emotionally Intelligent Parents Won’t do in 2024

1. They Won’t Bail Their Children out of Difficult Situations: The reason, why you have a problem when your child is going through consequences is that you don’t have emotional intelligence skills.

Many times, you hear parents say, ” I don’t want my child to suffer”, “I don’t want my child to get angry”, or “I don’t want my child to get upset”. Sometimes, it can be jumping in to pacify a child that’s crying. When you do or say these things, you don’t allow the child to go through different situations like disappointment, anger, failure, agitation, and sadness. You deny them the opportunity to deal with these emotions. For instance, your child fails his exams and is expected to repeat the class. You come home and beat the child because according to you, he didn’t do well. Then you meet with the school authority to beg them to allow your child to move to the next class because you don’t want him to experience failure.

It can also be that your child isn’t doing well in school, and you flog him whenever you are helping out with his assignments but when it’s time to pay for illegal ways like paying for a mercenary to write external exams for him, you’ll gladly do so. You are raising a hypocrite, idiot, and someone that can’t think. I might be coming too hard on you today but trust me you need to hear this.
Studies have shown that children who are exposed to tough situations, and conflicts and how to manage them are more emotionally intelligent.

When a child faces difficult situations, he gains the tools to deal with the situations, however, there’s a caveat- it can only happen if the parents are emotionally intelligent. For eg, we teach failure as a tool in the Inner Circle Academy. Failure is part of the process of raising a child who will be well-rounded, however, what we call failure isn’t necessarily a failure. True failure is when you can’t use that failure as a tool to succeed. Failure is a tool in parenting and mistakes are proofs that your child is learning.

2. They do Not Shut Down Their Children’s Emotions. Often, parents ask their kids, “Why are you crying?” or “Why are you angry? I’m the one having a hard time here!! When you ask such questions, you shut down the child’s emotions. You make them understand that they don’t have the right to feel certain ways. Every single emotion is valid. Studies have shown that adults who had suppressed emotions when they were young have issues building positive relationships and that’s why you find that we have trust issues in relating with people.

3. They Won’t Stop Working on Their Emotions. I have constantly gone through emotional training in the past 10 years because I understand that it’s a journey and not a destination. When you don’t subject yourself to the journey, you’ll have issues. Your emotions are your responsibility to handle. Parenting is an emotional journey because we are constantly battling with different emotions. Learn how to work on your emotions here

4. They Won’t Hide Their Emotions. I see several parents feel disappointed and won’t share with their children that they are and if the child asks, they’ll be like, “I’m fine” while they are not.
You can’t name your emotions because you don’t even know what you feel at the moment. What happens is that the child learns to mask their emotions and become hypocritical. They won’t be able to define what they feel at times. When you say I’m okay or I’m fine, you are being hypocritical because you think that you ought to be perfect. You don’t need PERFECTION but TRAINING. When you make mistakes, don’t mask them because you have bought into an infallibility narrative. When you become vulnerable in your parenting journey, you don’t lose credibility rather you gain trust and trust is the biggest currency in your journey.

Putting up a facade of perfection, hiding your emotions, and hiding failures are not good examples but show that you have no emotional intelligence. Your children need to see you make mistakes and admit them and by so doing, you teach them to take responsibility for their actions.

5. They Are Not Reactive to Situations but proactive. The parent thinks about the process and then takes him/herself out of the process of helping the child. When a child fails, an emotionally intelligent parent uses the tools to help the child become better by using that same failure but the child of a no emotionally intelligent parent struggles.

In your journey as a parent, you need to understand that you are the most important pace. Parenting is about you and not your child. You need to connect to correct and you do that by working on your emotions.

Imagine this…

Imagine this… – it’s a school morning, and your child is getting ready for school. Suddenly, they start throwing tantrums, and their breakfast cereal pours on the only school uniform available.

Instead of yelling, you respond calmly, cleaning up the mess while keeping your cool.

But wait, there’s more…

You’re out shopping with the whole family. Your five-year-old creates a scene, demanding a toy you didn’t plan to buy. Amidst judgmental stares, you manage your emotions without exploding. In the midst of it all, they throw themselves on the floor crying.

or how about this…

Your school-age child decides to redecorate your freshly painted walls with soup but you still keep your cool.

Sounds like a dream right? (Especially if you currently struggle with your emotions) Nonetheless! this can be your everyday reality — when you learn how to manage your emotions.

This is exactly why I created The Becoming an Intentional Parent Course. This transformative course offers practical insights on how to manage your emotions positively on your parenting journey.

For the next few days, I’m offering the earliest bird discount of up to 50% off. Seize this opportunity to embark on a journey of intentional parenting and transform the way you handle those challenging parenting moments.

To join the Becoming the Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N15,500 ($17) to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.

You can purchase online using this link:

https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/emotionalintelligence

The age of 12 is a big transition age for children, at that age, they transition physically, mentally, and socially. If your child is not able to learn all they need to learn before they turn 13 they will struggle. Life gets bumpy for children because puberty comes in full swing and if they are not prepared, you the parent become frustrated and the child will struggle as a teenager. Life skills are learning to learn skills, these life skills are skills that can be developed intentionally and through everyday parenting.

In this blog post, we will share 12 skills that your child should have before they turn 12. You might not be ready to teach your child about life but life is not going to stop because you are not ready. Life doesn’t seek permission for readiness for exams; life gives you tests every minute of your life. You must understand that you will not be there for your child every minute of their lives because you are not babying children, you are raising adults. The moment you understand that you are raising your children for adulthood you will most likely rethink your parenting strategies.

Research has proven over and again that parenting, experiences, culture, and value systems are things that make a person. One of the questions we must ask is, do I really know what it takes to parent.”Novices do not raise geniuses. Many children go into the world unprepared for the reality of adulting, and it\’s been proven that children who do chores do better in life and are more successful in early adulthood.

12 SKILLS CHILDREN NEED TO KNOW BEFORE THEY TURN 12

1. BASIC HOUSE CHORES: Your 12-year-old must be able to do basic house chores, this is important because it\’s been proven that children who learn to do house chores as early as age 4 have higher self-esteem, high response-ability, better able to deal with frustrations and delay gratification. According to Matthew Rosemond involving children in chores as early as 3 years of age can have a positive impact later in life. The best predictor of young adult success is that they participate in household tasks as young as 4 years. The research also shows that the best results were gotten from the children who started to do these chores early. According to Harvard, children who do chores early are happier and have better mental health. The more responsible your child is, the more surge they have in their brain development because the brain needs to struggle to develop.

Part of what we teach in the Inner Circle is how to raise a child whose response-ability quotient is high, so we do this through daily activities, we also teach how to teach a system of honor and empathy.

REGISTER FOR THE INNER CIRCLE HERE

2. BASIC TRAVEL SKILLS: Part of our webinars in the inner circle program is teaching travel skills. I understand how sensitive and unsafe the times we live in are, but fearful parenting is not the way to go, knowledge-based parenting is the way to go. Are these insecurities ever going to go away? NO! Are our children going to need to survive? YES! Basic travel skills include that your child will be able to move from one place to another and trek a distance. Spatial awareness is part of safety education.

The ability to move from one location to another using public transportation is a crucial life skill. Introduce your child to travel routines in the following ways.
a. Teach them about landmarks. Let them understand that when being transported, one must be able to identify and remember locations by noting specific things at the locations (trees, buildings, road signs, etc).

b. Expose them to various means of transportation by first going along with them while to lead the way, and then going along the way while they lead the way (determine which type of means of transport to use and initiate the request, directions, and payment for them). Eventually, you can then allow them to take short trips on their own, and as you determine fit, allow them to make longer trips on their own like interstate and international travels

3. COOKING SKILLS: Cooking is very important. Part of our family values at home is that cooking is a life skill, not a gender role. I have come to realize that many parents don’t know the benefits of cooking maybe that’s why they don’t necessarily take out time to teach it. Working in the kitchen provides kids and teens opportunities to gain a sense of accomplishment. Even if the end result is not exactly what you expected, praise your kitchen helpers for their efforts.

4. TIME MANAGEMENT: The ability to manage time is an essential life skill and it can lead to productivity. First thing is to teach your child that time is limited and can be wasted. You also want them to understand that everyone has the same 24hours in a day, so it is the efficient use of that time that is important.

6. HIGH QUOTIENT FOR RESPONSE- ABILITY– This involves how to take initiative. You need to build a response-ability quotient

7. HOW TO REACT IN AN EMERGENCY: If something happens today, does your 12-year-old know how to react in that scenario?

8. How to understand what happens at the phases of DEATH, SEX, and BIRTH

9. How to take responsibility for Homework

10. How to start and sustain conversations: At the age of 12, your child should be able to start and sustain conversations, they should be able to have valuable conversations with an adult.

11. Teach Focus and Self Control: Teaching your child how to focus and have self-control comes from having schedules, structures, and strict routines.

12. PERSPECTIVE TAKING: We have a lot of adults who cannot take perspectives, they are not able to look at issues from the other person’s perspective. A lot of us were taught to be stereotyped.

INNER CIRCLE WAITING LIST

We are having an upward Fee Review this year but those who already booked slots for the inner circle program NOW won’t be affected. The current Annual Fee is $120 (N50,000)/annum for now but reviewed Fee would be more ( not concluded yet) Book here: https://selar.co/tipinnercircle (link accepts payment in any currency). The Booking Fee is $12 (N5,000) Only If you are more comfortable with direct transfers, we got you coveredYou can also make direct payment to our accounts

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As soon as you book you are sure of getting into the academy at the current fee. And also you are sure of getting in because, in reality, we can’t take everyone for 2023, we already have over 1,000 parents and another over 500 on the waitlist. Join our Inner Circle Waiting List for the 2023 Cohort here for updates: https://bit.ly/2023Waitinglist2. Please do not join if you don’t have plans to join this program for the next cohort.

Yelling is a big deal in our clime, in fact it is everywhere globally. Yelling is known to be passed from parents to offspring\’s. Once you are yelled at as a child, automatically you pick up yelling and your children pick it up too and the cycle continues. Growing up, my parents never yelled and we listened to them more than the yelling parents.

Some parents believe their children do not listen except you yell at them. This is a bad narrative sold to us that is completely wrong. The more you yell, the more your child resists what you are teaching.

Yelling has other side effect both on the yelling parent and the yelled child. The bad effect to the yelling parent as :high blood pressure, artery pain, anxiety, heart attack, anger issue and a lot more on this list. My best selling book ‘from yelling to calm’ is my journey from being a yeller to a calm parent.

You can order a copy of from yelling to calm here

Yelling also has its negative effects on our children; we bring up children who are timid, children without great self esteem, the inability to stand up to an adult whether the adult is wrong or not. Most of us were instructed not to question an adult, even when the adults seem to be wrong. One of the greatest gift we can give to our children is the ability to question our actions. Yelling affects the self esteem of our children, both at home and outside, children who cannot speak up. We raise children who cannot stand up for themselves.

This low self esteem eventually follows then through out their growth process, till adulthood. However you program your child, that\’s how your child will grow. The ability of a child to stand up and say that s/he is not okay with the abuse being melted on him/her is as a result of how their parents trained them. Our training as parents will help instill confidence in our children and enable them to speak up and leave an abusive environments.

The ability to think was shut down for most of us when were growing up. Not yelling at your child does not mean permissive parenting. It only means that you can parent in a more effective way apart from yelling. One of the reasons I am actively fighting the way we were raised is that, we are intentionally and unintentionally transferring this to our children. Training is beyond yelling and beating a child. Training requires that you do the job of discipline which requires you to build a structure.

The five basic things you can do to grab your child\’s attention without yelling and :

1. Take the opposite tone: The harder your child’s voice becomes, the softer the tone we respond with. With this, You are teaching your child how he is supposed to be. Model the kind of conversational skill you want them to emulate. With this, the child learns by your behavior because children learn better by what you model to them. The book “from yelling to calm” shows that the angry person needs the most kind words. This helps us to take the opposite tone and the next person backs down. Soft words turns away wrath.
2. Calm repetition: Most times, we demand that when we speak, the child picks it instantly. But we need to implement the calm approach, which is quietly repeating what you said to the child. Repeating the same phrase as much as it needs to be. You need to make an impression for anybody to internalize a message.
   For anyone to learn and internalize a message, you need to make an impression, and for you to make an impression, it comes from repetition. Calm repetition can be a great tool to learn instead of yelling. When calm repetition is practised, the child will know how serious you are. Always remember that whatever you sow in your children, that is what you reap. In parenting there is seed time and harvest. There is no time frame to the harvest. So start now to sow the right seed required.
3. Ask questions: Instead of yelling, ask questions. When there is room for negotiation, certain phrases can turn to arguments but turned into a healthy conversation. Create a room for the child to negotiate. Use simple short calm repetitive phrases, and allow children throw in their ideas or opinion. Ask questions in short phrases to enable some kids, kinesthetic children in particular to negotiate. When you don’t have time to negotiate, ask questions.
4. Be positive and clear: Being clear and direct about what you require is important. When giving direction or instruction, be specific and direct. Once you yell, your child picks self defense mechanism. Instead of connecting, your child is thinking of defence. And at this time, the ability to listen is taken away from the child instantly. Some children do not hear whatever you say at the point of yelling at them. The brain looks for a way to escape from the present situation. The brain works to preserve the human being, therefore it doesn’t comprehend yelling. For instant, use your child’s name while giving instructions and it gets the child’s attention. Be more apt and specific when directing instructions. An upset child is not a listening child.
5. Make it fun: Sometimes you just need to diffuse the intensity of the instruction. You get your child in the position where they are able to connect. You bring in fun into the activities of the moment and this helps the child connect. Yelling is like a fire alarm. We have a Yellometer, used from ages appropriate. It alerts you the parent when raised from 7-8, when it becomes dangerous. When raising your voice becomes dangerous, it acts as a fire alarm. If you are constantly yelling, it simply means you are raising an alarm consistently. The no yelling challenge has helped a lot of parents break free from yelling
6. Take a break: If it feels like one of the two parties is loosing control, call a break. This is also helpful with couples, friends…call a break when it gets overboard. Self reflection is a great skill, which can also be modeled to a child. Give that time out if the conversation is going to make a mess of your head. Teach your children conversational self control by modeling it to the child. Discipline is not meant for the public places, this shows that as a parent, you don’t need to discipline your child in the public. Disciplining a child in the public is actually embarrassing the child and not to discipline the child. Disciplining a child in the public means you need to validate that you are a good parent. You do not need people to validate your parenting if you are doing what is right. Your child can be corrected properly by not making it an emergency. When you make it an emergency, you will not think through your process and you will do things you will eventually regret. It takes emotional muscle to parent calmly. Aggression does not solve the problem.

We are launching the NO YELLING CHALLENGE this year again. Fee is N15,500 , but instead of N15,500, You get to Pay N5,999 only to be part of this challenge.

This is like paying practically nothing to get access to this challenge , Want this offer?

ONLINE PAYMENT
https://Selar.co/Noyellingchallenge

OFFLINE PAYMENT
Pay N5,999 to 0509494057, GTBank, The Intentional Parent Academy. After payment, send your full name, and proof of payment to WhatsApp +234 812 968 7040. I will show you how I got here to parent with peace and calm at that challenge; you too can .

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-13-The-Journey-To-Version-3-7-e1gatjd

Now the question is, Is it even possible to stay calm in the face of a misbehaving child? How do you not lose it? In recent times, globally there has been a lot of rancor about people not being able to manage their emotions. I realized that this is the same thing that happened when we start to parent. Parenting is an emotional journey, It takes you to the point where you\’re very frustrated with some of these misbehaviors.

Staying calm in the face of chaos is a skill, it is not a prayer point. A lot of religious people will fight it but trust me it\’s a skill that you need to learn.

Like I always tell the parents in the inner circle, you can join the inner circle here, “miracles don\’t come from just believing, Miracles come from doing and that is why it says that faith without works is dead. What exactly are you doing? that is the question. Somebody reached out to me today and said she had to hit her child and there was blood all over. She said, “I felt bad however, I can\’t help myself”. she said she has prayed about it but it\’s not working. No, you haven\’t done what you\’re supposed to do.

When people tell me, I want to really parent with calm, what I get is, “I am wishing it, I am not ready to work it”. Many times, we are just in a place where we are wishing to win. We are not in the place where we are putting in the work. And until you get to that point where you tell yourself that this is work that needs to be done, then nothing really changes. So parenting with peace and calm is a skill. Can you look at your child who is misbehaving and stay calm? How possible is that? Yes extremely possible.

However, you cannot do it without the right set of skills. The parents in the inner circle would say before I joined the inner circle, some of the things that the coach share on Tuesday live, I used to think she was kidding us, but by the time I spent a few weeks to months, I have come to realize that there are things you need to do. There is a practice, there is what to do. The question is, are you really doing what it takes?

When a child is acting out, it could mean that the child is lost, afraid, in need of guidance, is seeking attention or the child lacks skill.

When we fight our children for doing things they do without teaching them any other way to do it, we are actually doing it the wrong way. So, the first thing you want to ask when a child is misbehaving is, why is my child misbehaving?
Is my child is lost?
He doesn’t know what to do?
Is he afraid?
He doesn\’t know how to react in these circumstances?
He needs me to help and guide him?
Is he seeking my attention?
Does he lack the possible skills that I am actually requesting from him to actually behave in that certain way?

Capacity is a big deal and that is one of the things that we must put in perspective when we are raising our children. Your child acting out doesn’t mean that he is a bad child. A misbehaving child is not a bad child. There is no such thing as a bad child. We need to get this and we need to actually internalize it. A misbehaving child is not a bad child. it is just because the child is still learning, the child is still growing. So, misbehavior is part of the process. If your child doesn\’t misbehave, how do you know what you\’re teaching? The misbehavior points the parent in the direction to go in directing the child.

Over the years, after getting into helping parents and children walk through the systems of parenting, I have come to realize that it is just us. When a child misbehaves and many of the times we resort to screaming out, this isn\’t the solution.

You cannot just wake up and decide that I am not going to yell again, I am not going to hit the child again, and then it happens. No. it is not going to happen that way. Because you have a template in your system that has been sold to you. You are operating based on what you know. You are a product of your experience and a product of your knowledge. You\’re going to react to issues according to what you know. You\’re going to react to issues where your experience is stopped. You\’re going to react to issues where your knowledge particularly stopped.

What are the things that you can do, what are the things you need to understand when we talk about staying calm in the face of chaos being a skill? What must you understand as a parent to help you stay calm?

1. Discipline Is Not An Emergency: I am sure a few people like the parents in the academy (you can join the academy here ) must have heard me say that discipline is not an emergency. Well, they were privileged to review my book, the discipline that works in the academy and I remember re-emphasizing that discipline is not an emergency. What makes discipline an emergency most of the time for you is, what the next person will think, and what if I don\’t address this thing now and my child becomes useless tomorrow?

Discipline is not an emergency, provided your child is safe you must understand that everything is not about violence. When you make discipline and emergency, you actually take away the essence to be able to help your child at that moment. So being able to help your child in the face of misbehavior, is one of the things that you must put at the back of your mind. The aim is not to punish a child for misbehaving, the aim is to teach a child how to behave better. The aim of discipline is not to punish, so you need to learn to take a moment to pause. Plan how you would respond is very important.

When a child is misbehaving, one of the first things that you need to look out for is, how am I going to respond? What am I going to do? So when you fail to pause, you find yourself reacting or having to double your efforts to reconnect. When you choose to pause, you may believe that you\’re doing nothing but trust me, the power of that initial nothing, is the road to a karma response and an emotionally responsible child. Remember that the aim is to raise a child who will become emotionally responsible afterward. Is your child emotionally responsible? How can a child be emotionally responsible if you are not emotionally responsible? So that is the main thing. You need to show your ability to respond emotionally to actually be able to help your child. So while you are pausing, you can ask the following questions to help you;
● What guidance can I offer my child?
● How can we both benefit from this moment?
● How does my child need to get back on track or what can I do to help my child to get back on track?

2.Believe That Your Child Can Do Better: There is something that we call self-fulfilling prophecies, you need to be careful what you say in the face of misbehavior. Many of the times I have found that when a child is misbehaving, that is when parents go off, they say all sorts of things, that is when you lose it. that is when they just go crazy.
Do you have faith enough, that no matter how many mistakes your child makes, he\’s worthy of learning from your guidance? That is the first thing you need to tell yourself. No matter how many mistakes my child will be making, I am sure that my child will benefit from my guidance. Do you believe your guidance will work? When children misbehave, it is usually because they are stuck. So, when misbehavior shows up is because your child doesn\’t know any other way of letting you know that they are afraid, that they are hurting, that they are upset. Let your child know you believe they can do better.
So instead of a child who is misbehaving, you saying “I know that you will never ever listen to me”, instead of saying that why not say” I know that you can do better and I know that if you actually take these things the way I say it, you will be able to change a lot of things”. Be careful of what you say in the face of misbehavior. “My child is always stealing, lying…all of those things are key to our process.

3. Build skills: An unskilled child will frustrate you, there are seven essential life skills that you need to build in your child to actually be able to tackle these behaviors. Without building those skills your child will continually make those errors and it will not be a result of the child being a bad child. It will just be a result of a parent who is ignorant of what to do. So you need to incorporate these skills into your daily routines. Part of what we do in the inner circle is to help you incorporate some of these skills that we are sharing with you right in our daily routine. We have what we call the connection calendar and inside that connection calendar, it is a curriculum that has been built in a way that all of these seven skills I am gonna be sharing with you are actually being practiced every day. (You can join the inner circle here)

●Focus and self-control. Children thrive on schedules, habits, and routines. Any child that you put unpredictability in their system, you are going to “kill them” because that is how people thrive. Children thrive in predictability. Predictability is a key skill in your parenting. So focus and self-control in one of those conversations in the inner circle. We shared how to teach your child self-regulation which is part of its focus on self-control.

● Perspective-taking: Thinking about another point of view. A lot of the time because of the way we are raising our children, they cannot learn because we parent in such a way that we are focused on just how a straightway. there is no other thing to actually help our children think again. So perspective-taking is a skill but our parents and our daily routine don\’t give our children the opportunity to thrive or get this skill. So what does perspective-taking do: it helps you to see another point of view, to have meaningful conversations. Your children will never learn perspective thinking if you\’re parenting that way because your child learns all of these things. These things are not learned in school. They are learned in the home and we must understand that.

● Communication: Communication is one skill that you need to teach your child to be able to avoid all these misbehaviors. I have found that a lot of homes are about criticism, instructions, controls, and judgment, yellings, there are no conversations, there are no connections, there are no collaborations. If your home lacked these three C\’s your home is in trouble. Stand up today, connection, communication, collaboration. These are the three C’s on communication, and that is why intentional parenting, one of our core is connection. Connection is a key tool for us. How do we actually teach our children communication? I found that many of us cannot have valuable communication because we were not taught communication at home. There was never communication. that is why when I see how people argue online, the moment There is a diverse opinion, so perspective-taking is why a lot of us do not have that skill of being able to look at things from another person\’s perspective and this is also part of the conversion processes. But we are not taught conversations at home.
● Critical Thinking Skills: Many of our children cannot think? The only thing that we do is that we teach our children how to pass exams and that is not parenting. When all your child does is to be able to go and just pass the exam they can\’t think through their process. There is something wrong with that parenting.
● Resilience: Resilience is a very key skill in our parenting journey. Resilience is our ability to build the adversity quotient. Do you know why in Nigeria we use the quote this life is no balance? The reason is simple, while some people can be very resilient in the face of adversity, some can. that is it and that is why there is no balance. So if your child will learn to work, if you would learn to teach a child how to improve the adversity quotient then you\’re going to have a child with very minimal misbehaviors. So ability to build adversity quotient. Taking on challenges. I was sharing with the parents in the inner circle, one of those days and I said to them that struggling is part of learning.

4. Allow your children to struggle. A child who does not learn how to struggle is bound to fail. Allow your child to struggle. The struggle is a gift. We call it the gift of struggle. Your child is falling. You are constantly helping your child come up. The gift of struggle is a big deal. You need to teach your child that struggle is nothing but instead of allowing them to struggle, I see a lot of parents, your child does something, you jump up and down you, take the kid, you beat the child but yet your child can\’t struggle. Your child does or does not have all of these skills that we are reading here.

● Self-Directness: Our children must be self-directed and engage in learning. Many of our children are not self-directed. We are still the ones directing them. we are still the ones telling them what to do. we are still the ones putting everything together. it is still us. we are still the ones trying to do everything for them. There is no self-direction because we are parenting in such a way that everything is about us. You can\’t let your child have to make decisions, you cannot allow them to put things in place. Everything is about you. You\’re constantly making decisions for your children. There is something wrong with that. So you need to understand that part of your parenting and also deal with it.

● Engaged learning: Engaged learning is another concept many of our children don\’t know how to learn. All we do is that we are raising children who just pass exams. The moment they are done with school, they don\’t want to learn. That is why a lot of us also are not interested in learning. We have all gone to school and some of us made 2:1, 1:1 and some of them made different kinds of grades in classes but we come out and we are not interested in learning. The joy of learning is not there. You were not taught that learning is a skill. If your child learns the skill of learning, you are on your way to minimizing misbehaviors. There are learning skills and without them, your child will continue to struggle these skills can be developed through intentional activities, which is one of the key things that we do in the inner circle.

4. Build on your emotions and quit yelling: Now in the month of April in the academy, we are going to be facing yelling, where we are going to be introducing our no yelling challenge and we are going to be talking about yelling a lot. (Join our waitlist here for the no yelling challenge so you are informed when early-bird registration starts)

One of the things that a lot of parents do not understand is that yelling can actually shut down the brain of a child and stop them from learning. So you need to understand that you need to work on your emotions. Now we say, stay calm in the face of chaos, but the truth of the matter is that, if you cannot control your emotions, you would not be able to actually give this calmness that we are talking about, you can\’t do it and again it is not a prayer point. it is a knowledge point. Take it from me. You need knowledge to actually be able to practice this particular skill. I have been there where I thought it was prayer and trust me you need to actually walkthrough.

Do you want to join the next cohort of Parents in the INNER CIRCLE PROGRAM? We are having an upward Fee Review this year but those who already booked slots for the inner circle program NOW won’t be affected.

The current annual Fee is 50,000/annum for now but reviewed Fee would be more ( not concluded yet) Book here: https://selar.co/tipinnercircle
The booking Fee is N5,000 Only

Today\’s blog post is one that I am particularly excited about. So buckle up your seatbelts because you are in for a ride.

Understanding yourself as a parent is one of the first prerequisites for effective parenting but let’s start by answering these questions:

•Did you get married with the intent of, \’I have just reached the age of marriage so having kids is the next step.
•Were you prepared to have a child?
• Did you ask the right questions before you started having children?
I guess not many of you will answer yes to these questions.

One of the things that I have come to realize is that many people were never prepared to become parents rather they all stumbled on parenting, they just became parents. So I can say that parenting happened to many of us.

I started my parenting journey looking for solutions and when I found the solution I realized that so many parents were also like me struggling to do things differently.

Many of us were on that table, where we started parenting without any inkling of what to expect. We do not even understand who we were. Understanding who you are as a parent is a big deal for effective parenting.

The question is, who are you? Are you able to answer this question. When we ask this question many people will typically answer that “I am a medical doctor, I am a teacher” But that\’s not who they are. The question of who you are is a very key and valid question that every single one of us must answer before we become parents.

The major problem we have today is that we do not even understand why we became parents in the first place. We are not aware of why we needed to be parents. We just became parents because it was time. So as a parent, one of the things I have found is the place of being able to see, to understand why you are doing what you are doing. Until you understand you are why you will keep going back and forth on your journey.

So I am asking you today again, Why did you become a parent? Forget about the why before you read this post, think about the why after you\’ve read this post. What would be your why? What would be that thing that would jolt you back to reality to be able to put things in perspective?

One of the reasons why children are born in the world is because we are to co-create with God. I heard one of my mentors say that “when there\’s a problem in the world, a child is sent for impact. If we do not understand that part of why we became parents is to co-create with God, then we will also miss the essence of being parents and that starts from where we begin to understand ourselves. How much do you know about yourself?

As parents, one of the things that happened is that we repeat what we know best. And most often than not, what we know best is from our experiences. What we know best is from the integral part of our values, our belief system, and the things that we hold through to parenting. These are all going to come from our experiences.

According to science, we all make inferences from our subconscious and our subconscious is formed between ages 0 to 7. Everything that happened to you while you were being parented is who you became and the lack of understanding of who you are is what drives us to do things against our better judgement.

There is no parenting without you understanding where you come from.
What are the areas that we need to look at when it comes to understanding ourselves better? What are the things that we must understand to become better parents? You cannot become a better parent without understanding a lot of the things that happened to you as a child? We can only parent better to the degree of what we know about our past, our emotional defenses, and our psychological struggles. This will determine how much we are creating a smoother or a more rugged road in raising our children.

“Your past, your experiences, your emotional defenses, your psychological struggles, are determining factors for how you will parent better today. “

Your past, your experiences, your emotional defenses, your psychological struggles, are determining factors for how you will parent better today.

What are the things that you would need to look at or you will need to find that you need to put together in perspective when it comes to parenting your children better?

1. Self-Awareness on Parenting Ideologies:
   a. Where do your ideas on parenting come from? That\’s the first question you want to ask yourself today. They come from how you were raised, they come from who you became, the past, where are they coming from?

Many of the times, I say over and again that in parenting the reason we are to question the things that the previous generation has done isn\’t to discredit the previous generation. It is to help us credit a better system for the generation to come. If we cannot question what was done to us, then we cannot become better as a people. So your ability to question the parenting ideologies that you already know is coming from the place of self-awareness. When you become self-aware, when you are on a journey to understand yourself, it gives you leverage over a whole lot of other things that you think that you know.

Other Self Awareness Questions:
b. Where do your expectations about children come from?
c. What would I like to change about my parenting today?
d. What does my child need from me today as a parent that is different from what I needed from my parents?
e. Is it possible that I am parenting a different kind of child from the child that I was to my parents?

2. My personality and my temperament:
This is another part of you that you want to understand as a parent to be able to effectively parent your child. What are your personality and Temperament? Temperament is one of the most powerful influences in your life, however, temperament is not destiny, but for you to make progress you need to understand that about yourself. The more you understand who you are, the more you can make changes that are required in different aspects of your life to become a better person. Have you been able to find out if you are tended towards being melancholic, choleric , sanguine, or phlegmatic in your behavior?

Currently, in level one in the inner circle, we are reading, why you act the way you do. There is so much to why you act the way you act. You can book a slot to join the inner circle program here

Have you ever questioned yourself, why do I act this way because this is going to affect the kind of parent that you eventually would become or you eventually are because now we are talking to parents and not people who want to become parents? Your personality is a very big deal. Do you know that who you have become, how you learn, your temperament will affect how you raise children?

Do you also know that who your parents were their temperament, their personality affected how they raised you? There’s something that we call the parenting advantage. So if your parents worked on becoming a better version of themselves, you probably had a parenting advantage over the next person. Parenting advantage can put you in a better place than your mates, just because you had forward-thinking parents. Now the question is, what parenting advantage will you give your children because you were their parent?

3. Learning Style: One of the biggest struggles I see parents have is not understanding how their children learn, but beyond that understanding how they learn. Many of us do not know how we learn. We do not know whether we are kinesthetic, Auditory, or Visual learners. One of the things that happens in our learning style class is that, parents come to that class to first understand themselves and when they get into that class they are humbled. They understand why what happened to them academically in school even happened to them in the first place. They begin to understand where a lot of things happened to them in the past. They begin to understand why some of them were called an olodo. They begin to understand that they probably were kind of such learners and they didn\’t find the space where they could learn from their environment and of course, they ended up not learning.
So one of the biggest challenges we have is not even that we do not understand who we are parenting, its that we do not understand who we are, to be able to parent who we are parenting. So you are teaching your child from your style of the learning. You do not even know what their style of learning style is, so you can really make so much impact and progress.

When we talk about the learning style course, we talk about how you understand, how it has helped other people become better and all of that. If you want to enroll for the understanding your child\’s learning style Course, you might want to jump on it now because the second early birds offer ends shortly. The first early bird offer is over. The second early bird offer is 10 500 instead of 20 500. You can grab this time limited offer by clicking this link 👉 https://selar.co/learningstylecourse

4.Emotional Awareness: You need to understand who you are emotionally. A lot of us do not know how to handle emotions in any way. How are you aware? What are you aware of when it comes to emotions? Do you know how you react to incidences? Do you know your emotional triggers? Part of what we did in the course we did last month “ Becoming an emotionally intelligent parent “ is for parents who understand who they are emotionally. A lot of us do not understand who we are emotionally, we are just parenting. we are just going along and just moving. Who are you emotionally? Do you know your emotional triggers? Do you know how you respond to different kind of emotions?

5. Your development and attachment style: There are different types of attachment but the one that is at the forefront is the secure attachment style, that\’s the best. That\’s the one that we advocate for. There\’s the avoidance attachment style and insecure attachment style, there are about four to five of them. Many of us do not understand the kind of attachment style that we had. We shared this extensively in our course becoming an emotionally intelligent parent and I shared in that course how your attachment style affects how you parent your children.

Are you still thinking of taking the course on \”Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style\”? 200+ parents are already onboard💃💃💃

In this course, You will learn how to eliminate screams at assignment times and home learning times and teach your child study skills by understanding how my child learns better.

Come 28th of March, 2022, I will be taking 200+ parents on this journey to Understanding How children learn.

To register for the Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style course, pay #10,500 instead of #20,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). ( This offer ends by tomorrow) The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/learningstylecourse

One of the errors Parents make today is to go about their parenting journey casually without developing needed skills.A lot of parents decide to wait before they start becoming intentional parents, but this is a problem because while they wait, the Child is growing.

So part of what we preach is that everyday matters as a parent.Two things happen when you are building a house, it\’s either you are building a mansion or a shanty, the same applies to parenting. It\’s either you are intentional or not, there are no sidelines.

Dear 21st century parent, to parent in this day and age you need to develop these skills that I will be listing out. Saying \”God forbid without a strategy\” is a failed plan. To raise the Gen Z\’s and Gen alpha\’s , these skills must be part and parcel of you. If you ready to go on this learning spree, let\’s dive Right in.

SKILLS NEEDED TO RAISE A 21ST CENTURY CHILD

1. Self leadership: Self leadership for parents is ability to lead yourself, and it is one of the things that adults struggle with. For you to raise a 21st century Child, you must be able to lead yourself. Being a leader is good but ability to show leadership is also important What is your self leadership quotient?

So ask yourself any skill I want to teach my child, so I have it?Before demanding from your Children ensure you also have it

1. Ability to focus on your Child\’s positive behaviour not just their negative behaviour: Whatever you keep laying emphasis on will grow,if you keep emphasing on what they they are doing wrong it becomes a subconscious thought and then the Child begins to internalise it.

The more you focus on the positive behavior you child gets better, the more you focus on the bad behavior it grows worse.if you can do this right, your ability to work on things becomes better.

1. Let your Children see you focusing on the needs of others: Part of my family values is the ability to help people, if your Child doesn\’t learn to help people they will not be fulfilled and fulfillment and happiness is one of basic needs of life. As they see you serve others, they will learn to serve.Parenting is in the works not just the words.
2. Improve your connection skills: Many parents think they are connected with their Children but in the real sense of it they are just being present. It\’s important you realise that connection is not being present for 24/7 but the ability to connect with content and tools. Connection in parenting is always quality over quantity. You cannot connect without content, it\’s in what you have to give. As a 21st century parent your connection goal must be tight.
3. Learn not to find yourself doing things for your Children: When you do things your Children should be able to do by themselves, it stops them from learning.I know that sometimes allowing children do tasks can be quite messy but you also need to realise that parenting is in the mess. If you are not ready to do the mess then you are not ready to parent. It is through the mess that you learn to teach.
4. Help your Children develop social skills: One of the classes we teach in the level 1 of the TIP inner circle is \” creating a social roadmap for the genzer\” One of the things I have realised in raising children in the 21 century is that teaching social skills has become important. Couple years back, there was no need teaching social skills but the times have changed. If you are not delebrate about building or developing social skills in this time, your Child will be lost and struggle.

You need to understand that for you to raise a well rounded Child, developing Social skills includes sharing, giving feedback,seeing things from others perspective, making eye contact and managing negative emotions.

7.Give them a sense of security:When we say security it goes beyond protecting your Child from harm and insecurity. Giving your Child a sense of security in this context means showing affection.

In giving your Child a sense of security you will need to treat them with respect, acknowledge their feelings, and set consistent boundaries, be approachable, remind them that you love them unconditionally, keep your promises, be dependent and trustworthy.

1. Develop resilience and perseverance: Angela Duckworth ,the author of Grit defines grit as perseverance and passion for long-term goals. It\’s been proven that, this is one of the most important traits that leads to success, research about success also indicates that grit is more important than IQ and a lot other factors.
2. Develop discipline skills: In developing discipline skills, you need to be fair, firm and friendly.
3. Develop your emotional intelligence skills:Emotional intelligence is a very vital skill and it is one skill that a lot of parents struggle with. But the truth is that all these other skills cannot work if you do not work on your emotions. Part of what will help you to embrace the messy part of parenting is to develop yourself emotionally.

There you have it, the 10 very important skills you need to develop to parent intentionally. If you notices through out this blog post, we didn\’t put much emphasis on your Child , the focus was solely on you the parent. Our mantra in the academy is that parenting is all about you and not your Child. So you will need to tell yourself that you are the one who needs work first and not your Children.

Perfection is not part of this parenting journey, you must be willing to be humble, humble to own up your process, humble to go through the mess.The journey becomes smoother when you tell yourself that you are the one that needs the work and not your child.

©The Intentional Parent Academy™