5 Effective Parenting Strategies to Parent Children with Difficult Behaviours

Does your child’s behavior leave you feeling like you’re constantly running kiti kiti, kata kata?

You’re not alone. Many parents struggle with challenging behaviors. But before you resort to yelling, and punishment, take a deep breath and consider this: there might be a reason behind those outbursts.

This blog post dives into the root causes of difficult behaviors in children, and equips you with 5 effective parenting strategies to navigate these situations calmly and constructively. Let’s move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling empowered in your parenting journey!

Often, we discuss children’s misbehavior without delving into its root causes. Let’s categorize these causes into three factors:

1 . Developmental Factors: Unmet developmental needs can lead to misbehavior. Children act out when essential needs like autonomy, competence, and social skills aren’t fulfilled. A common example is lacking social skills. When a child misses out on learning expected behaviors, it can lead to challenges. For instance, if a child should be able to bathe independently but is not given the opportunity, it can create difficulties for both the child and the parent. This sets off a chain reaction of struggles within the household. Another critical factor is brain development. Immature brain development can result in impulsive and emotionally driven behavior, especially in younger children who struggle with regulating their emotions. It’s a misconception that children should naturally know how to regulate their emotions; it’s a skill that needs to be taught. Parents play a crucial role in this by understanding normal child development. For example, tantrums are a normal part of childhood, but it’s essential for parents to address them appropriately. Failure to do so can result in adults who struggle to manage their emotions. To raise emotionally resilient children, parents must first equip themselves with the necessary knowledge and skills.

  1. Environmental Factors:
  • Family Dynamics: Many parents overlook understanding their family dynamics, often resulting in comparisons with other families and children. This can trigger rebellion in children, leading to conflicts, stress, and instability within the family environment, which in turn can impact a child’s behavior. Environmental factors within the family also encompass divorce, single parenting, family trauma, and inconsistent family practices.
  • Your Influence: You are the most significant influence on your child’s environment. The environment you create for your child goes beyond mere values. The outcome of a child’s development is shaped by who raised them, how they were raised, where they were raised, and the knowledge of those who raised them. Your ignorance can affect your child’s behavior positively or negatively. It’s crucial to reflect on whether your environment causes trauma for your child. Often, unnecessary drama stemming from past generations’ parenting traumas influences current parenting styles. There is a pressing need to redefine parenting for the well-being of our children. Our Inner Circle program is dedicated to this process of remodeling parenting, running throughout the year.
  • Peer Influence: Negative peer relationships and experiences of bullying can lead to challenging behaviors, as children often mimic behaviors observed in their peers. Peer influence constitutes another significant environmental factor. That’s why our inner circle offers a course titled “Creating a Social Road Map for Your Gen Z Child,” addressing the importance of navigating peer relationships effectively.Book a slot for the inner circle here
  1. Emotional and Psychological Factors:
  • Regulation Challenges: Children who struggle with regulating their emotions may exhibit outbursts, aggression, and withdrawal as coping mechanisms for overwhelming feelings.
  • Underlying Mental Health Disorders: Undiagnosed mental health disorders can contribute to behavioral issues in children.
  • Learning and Communication Challenges: Children with learning disabilities may become frustrated and act out due to difficulties in understanding and completing tasks in academic settings. Limited verbal and social communication skills can also lead to frustration and behavioral issues. Communication plays a crucial role here; many resort to yelling due to a lack of effective communication skills. This inability to communicate assertively can lead to a loss of control. For instance, toddlers, unable to express themselves with words, resort to tantrums. It’s important to recognize that effective communication is essential in parenting and managing behavior.
  • Trauma and Adverse Experiences: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, neglect, or adverse experiences may exhibit behavioral issues as a result. Trauma-informed approaches are necessary to support these children. It’s essential for caregivers to understand trauma and address their own trauma as well. Sometimes, the trauma our children experience stems from our own past experiences. Notably, individuals raised without aggression are less likely to exhibit aggressive behaviors.
  • Biological Factors: Some children may be genetically predisposed to certain behaviors. Understanding this aspect can facilitate dealing with misbehaviors more effectively.

Effective Parenting Strategies to use include: 

1.   Build your calm – This is the reason for our No Yelling Challenge in the academy. You need consistency in building your calm. Changing your children starts by changing you. 

2.   Learn positive communication – Foster open and positive communication. 

3.   Collaborative problem solving – Involve your child in finding solutions. Don’t just solve your problems alone. Encourage them to brainstorm ideas. When you collaborate in problem solving, it promotes a sense of empowerment and responsibility in your child. It can also lead to learning important skills such as negotiation and compromising which can help prevent future difficult behaviours. 

4.   Emotional regulation techniques – Teach your children how to manage their emotions. Teach your child techniques for handling their emotions. 

5.   Be consistent and predictable. Unpredictability is the enemy of parenting. Establish clear and consistent routines in your home. Consistency provides stability and it helps your child to know what to expect. It reduces anxiety, confusion, confrontation, commotion and chaos which contributes to difficult behaviours. You must do all these with calm. 

Understand that your child is being raised whether you are doing it or not. So you need to put in the time to raise them the right way. 

Yelling has negative effects on your child .. see slides to learn more … Anger and Yelling are the biggest frustrations of parents.

If you know my journey, you will know that parenting with peace and calm is possible.

I was that chronic Yeller who worked so hard to achieve calmness as a parent. I didn’t stop with myself I’ve worked with over 10,000 parents to let go of their anger and build deep, connected relationships with their children and spouses.

After authoring over 10 parenting best sellers; Connect To Correct, Walking your Child through Puberty , The Discipline That Works, Sex educate like a pro volume one and two , parenting launch plan , How to Love your child more , Raising an independent thinking child , From Yelling to Calm and Resolving Sibling Rivalry and 18 other guides that have sold in their tens of thousands; Parents have asked I put together tools and strategies that can help one move you from Yelling to Calm.

Yes, here we go I’m offering you a 5 – day accountability challenge, where I guide and give you strategies that will take you from yelling to Calm.

I guarantee this Challenge will change your life as a parent:
• If you are a parent that struggles with anger, you need this Challenge?
• If you have being Yelling at your children and actually get tired at some point you need to join this challenge
• If you are looking for alternative ways to modify your child’s behaviour without shouting down everyone, you need this Challenge.

Join me for this challenge as I share with you how I walked through my own journey from being a yeller to a calm Parent.In this 5 days Challenge will give you a jumpstart on your journey to tame your temper.

This first second early bird registration ends in few hours after that it rises to N8,999

To register for the No Yelling Challenge, simply click here:

Or pay N6,999 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Share proof to +234903 663 3600.

If I can ditch yelling, you too can.

Come let’s parent with Peace and Calm

5 Parenting Skills You Need to Stop Yelling at Your Children

Nearly all parents struggle with managing their emotions and yelling at their children. Many say they’ve tried to control their anger, but the truth is they might not recognize their triggers. I asked parents in our academy to share what causes them to yell. Interestingly, the reviews revealed that their children weren’t the cause of their yelling.

This is crucial because many parents believe their children make them yell. However, the root of the problem often lies within the parent themselves.

While stopping yelling might seem difficult, it’s achievable by mastering skills like emotional control. Yelling may provide a temporary solution, but it won’t solve the underlying problems.

While yelling may silence your child in the moment, it doesn’t address the root cause of their misbehavior. If it truly solved the problem, wouldn’t you have stopped yelling already? Simply stopping yelling isn’t enough. You need to find more effective parenting strategies. Prayer alone won’t solve the issue.

I still get upset and yell sometimes, but now I take responsibility for my actions. This allows me to choose my responses rather than react impulsively.

Taking responsibility is a crucial step in overcoming the urge to yell. 

The Five Parenting Skills You Need: 

1. Communication Skills:

Effective communication is key to positive parenting. It goes beyond simply staying calm. Many calm parents struggle to communicate their expectations clearly. Yelling or aggression are not effective communication strategies either. In fact, a significant number of parents yell out of frustration with communication breakdowns.

True communication involves ensuring your children can hear and understand your message.  Many parents mistakenly equate authority with force and control. However, genuine authority stems from trust and influence.  Relying solely on the parenting methods you experienced in your childhood can be detrimental to your children. By developing effective communication skills, you can learn to express yourself clearly and respectfully, fostering a positive parent-child relationship.

2. Emotional Intelligence Skills:

Managing your emotions is a crucial parenting skill. Simply staying silent doesn’t equate to emotional control. You can suppress your feelings but still be internally riled up. This can lead to a later explosion, which can be even more damaging. Emotional intelligence empowers you to effectively manage your emotions and respond thoughtfully in challenging situations. 

3. Discipline Skill:

Discipline provides structure, which is essential for reducing yelling. It’s not about punishment, but about teaching your children responsibility and self-control. Effective discipline involves setting clear expectations, implementing consistent consequences, and using positive reinforcement.  Yelling is a destructive form of discipline that can damage your child’s self-esteem. 

4. Leadership Skills:

Parenting is a form of servant leadership, where you prioritize your children’s needs and well-being. Authoritarian leadership styles that rely on control and aggression are counterproductive.  Effective leadership involves guidance, encouragement, and setting a positive example.  

5. Connection Skills :

Strong relationships with your children are key to reducing yelling. The more connected you feel to your children, the easier it is to communicate effectively and manage challenging situations. Prioritize quality time with your children, actively listen to them, and show them affection. Nurturing a strong connection fosters a more positive and collaborative parent-child dynamic. 

Yelling may seem like a quick way to get your children to obey, but it’s ultimately a destructive parenting tactic.  By  developing the five key parenting skills  – communication, emotional intelligence, discipline, leadership, and connection – you can build strong, trusting relationships with your children and address challenging behaviors more effectively. Remember, parenting is a journey, and there will be setbacks along the way. But by focusing on these skills and staying committed to positive parenting practices, you can create a more harmonious and nurturing home environment for your children.

Do you know that 90% of the parents who come to me have a problem with controlling their emotions and yelling. I often hear them say “I really want to always get a hold of myself but it’s not easy”. “I really want to react calmly to my child’s misbehavior but I cant”

Here’s the truth, parenting with calm is a skill, not just a wish, I have once been at that point where I was “wishing it” but until I learned the skills need to stop yelling absolutely nothing changed.

Then you should join us for this challenge

Whether you’re dealing with toddler tantrums or teenage rebellion, this challenge will give you practical skills and strategies you need to move from a yeller to a calm parent.

Don’t miss this challenge , tag a friend .

Join me for the No Yelling Chaallenge as I share with you how I walked through my own journey from being a yeller to a calm Parent. In this 5 days Challenge will give you a jump start on your journey to tame your temper.

In 5 days, you WILL notice a change in how often you yell at your children.

You will learn how to

✔Dramatically decrease how often you lose your temper with your children.

✔Feel more confident in your ability to stay calm when things get chaotic.

✔Create a happier, more relaxed home for your entire family
✔Ways to move from a consistent yeller to a calmer parent

✔ How to use proven strategies and tools to modify behaviors in your children without having to yell.

The first 500 participants to register will get my book 30 Days Sex Conversation Guide; a practical guide on age-appropriate Sex conversations for any age group.

To join for the 5-day No Yelling Challenge: simply click here:

Or pay #5,999 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Share proof to +234 903 663 3600.

Fee changes from April 10th.

Learn more here: https://wendyologe.com/noyellingchallenge

How to Become Your Child’s Number-One Teacher

“The most important classroom for your child isn’t within the four walls of a school; it’s right within your home, guided by you—the parent. This means you are the primary and most influential teacher in your child’s life. This blog post aims to address questions such as, ‘How am I the most important teacher?’ and ‘How can I step into this role, even if I’m a career person or an entrepreneur who has never set foot in a classroom except to pick up my child?’

As the first and most significant teacher for your child, you hold a key role in their academic success, growth, and lifelong learning. One of the gravest mistakes parents make on their journey is relinquishing total control of their child’s learning to the school. This often stems from ignorance prevailing over other reasons.

Parents often believe that finding the best schools and paying hefty fees absolve them of further responsibility. However, it’s crucial to recognize that paying school fees is merely the bare minimum in parenting; active involvement constitutes the lion’s share of the responsibility.

Research indicates that parental involvement is the primary predictor of a child’s academic success. As your child’s number one teacher, you are uniquely positioned to identify challenges and implement solutions within your parenting journey. You can recognize your child’s strengths, areas of growth, and tailor their educational experiences to match their unique learning style and pace.

For instance, if a child struggles with focus, the primary responsibility to assist them lies not with the school, but with the parent who can integrate solutions into their parenting approach.

Being your child’s number one teacher also allows you to understand their strengths and areas for improvement, enabling you to customize their educational experiences accordingly. Often, when parents think of involvement, they limit it to helping with homework, paying fees, and attending PTA meetings. Let’s delve deeper into these roles.”

Roles of Parents as the Number One Teacher:

1 . Emotional Anchor: Parents serve as the emotional support system for their children, providing encouragement and creating a safe space for learning and development. This emotional stability is essential for enabling children to thrive academically.

2. Modeling Behavior: Children are natural imitators, often mimicking the behaviors they observe in their parents. Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to exhibit positive behaviors that can influence their child’s academic journey. By demonstrating habits such as reading, curiosity, and perseverance, parents can instill valuable traits in their children that contribute to academic success.

3. Creating a Suitable Learning Environment: Beyond the physical aspects of the home environment, such as comfortable furniture and study areas, parents must cultivate an atmosphere conducive to learning. This involves modeling behaviors that support academic growth, such as limiting screen time and fostering a culture of curiosity and exploration. A cognitively, emotionally, and psychologically supportive environment is vital for a child’s educational development.

4. Advocacy: Parents play a crucial role as advocates for their children within the educational system. This includes ensuring that their child’s voice is heard and respected in the school environment, advocating for inclusivity, and supporting teachers to facilitate their child’s learning journey effectively. Parental involvement in advocating for their child’s needs can significantly impact their educational experience.

5. Foundational Learning: The home serves as the first environment for a child’s learning journey. During the formative years, typically ages one to five, children absorb vast amounts of information and develop critical skills. Parents are instrumental in laying the foundation for their child’s future academic success during this crucial period. Investing time and effort in early childhood education, even before formal schooling begins, sets the stage for a lifetime of learning.

How a Parent can Align with their Role as number one Teacher

1. Create a Supportive Learning Environment: Establishing routines and consistency is essential beyond just providing a study room or a well-stocked library. Consistency in setting study schedules helps children identify dedicated times for learning. Fostering a positive attitude towards learning is crucial as negative attitudes from parents can inadvertently affect children’s perceptions. Parents should actively model lifelong learning by showcasing enthusiasm for acquiring knowledge, sharing personal interests, hobbies, and experiences, and emphasizing the value of continuous personal development. Making learning enjoyable by integrating elements of play, creativity, and excitement into educational activities can significantly enhance children’s learning experiences, particularly during their early developmental stages.

2. Communication and Collaboration with the School: Many parents tend to have a transactional relationship with their child’s teacher, only engaging when there are complaints or negative feedback. However, it’s vital for parents to establish open lines of communication and collaboration with the school. Beyond addressing concerns, parents should proactively share insights about their child’s learning strengths, temperament, and effective strategies observed at home. Collaborating with teachers not only helps address immediate concerns but also fosters an environment where the child can thrive. Additionally, feedback from teachers provides valuable insights into a child’s behavior and performance within the classroom setting, helping parents adjust their parenting approach accordingly.

 3 . Fostering a positive attitude towards learning, particularly in subjects like mathematics, is crucial for a child’s academic development. Often, parents’ own apprehensions about certain subjects can unintentionally influence their children. For instance, if a parent expresses uncertainty or reluctance when confronted with a math problem, whether verbally or through non-verbal cues, the child may interpret this as a sign that math is difficult or undesirable.

However, parents have the power to change this narrative and cultivate a positive relationship with math for their child. Instead of conveying doubt or negativity, parents can adopt an attitude of encouragement and resilience when faced with math-related challenges. By demonstrating a willingness to tackle problems and learn alongside their child, parents can instill confidence and enthusiasm for math.

4. Make learning fun: Making learning fun is essential for engaging children and fostering a positive attitude towards education. Many parents perceive learning at home as tedious and authoritarian, resembling a military-like environment with excessive rules and threats. However, by embracing the concept of making learning enjoyable, parents can create a vibrant atmosphere that encourages curiosity, creativity, and enthusiasm in their child’s educational journey.

Incorporating elements of play, creativity, spontaneity, and enjoyment into learning experiences can significantly enhance a child’s engagement and retention of information. Children naturally thrive when activities are emotionally stimulating and enjoyable for them. By infusing learning with fun and excitement, parents can create an environment where their child feels motivated to explore, experiment, and discover.

5. Leverage Everyday Activities for Learning Opportunities:

  Intentionally integrate learning into your child’s daily routines. Everyday activities provide numerous opportunities for learning and skill-building. For example, during mealtime, you can teach math skills, etiquette, and social development. Engage your child in basic math operations during meal preparation, and encourage critical thinking and spatial awareness during trips or walks. Chores such as washing clothes, sorting laundry, setting the table, and sweeping can also be maximized for learning opportunities.

6. Make the Most of Their Play Time:

   Encourage active play, especially activities involving cardio exercises like jumping and running. According to educational neuroscientists, such activities trigger the release of hormones that aid in neural connections, enhancing cognitive development. Playtime is crucial for building neural connections and fostering a deeper understanding of concepts.

7. Support Literacy and Numeracy Development:

 Early childhood and primary education in Nigeria prioritize permanent numeracy and literacy skills, along with critical thinking and effective communication. It’s essential to ensure your child develops strong foundational skills in numeracy and literacy to support future learning. By age five, children should be proficient in basic math operations and number work, as well as capable of independent reading. Encourage reading at home from an early age to build vocabulary and comprehension skills. Additionally, integrate math into everyday activities to enhance critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Limit screen time and prioritize activities that promote cognitive development, such as walks, car rides, and baking, which provide ample opportunities to teach spatial awareness and mathematical concepts.

The long-awaited learning style course went live this week and the feedback, enthusiasm, and joy in the learning hubs show that the learning style course is a total liberation for families. The testimonials coming in are like a one-year course progressive.

Want to join this transformative course, reach out to our team on 0903 663 3600. Have you registered for the Learning Style Course yet?

To enroll, simply visit:

To register for the Learning Style Course, complete the payment of N15,500 to Bank: GTBank Account Number: 0509494057 Account Name: The Intentional Parent Academy or pay online: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/Learningstylecourse2024

Help! My Child is Unmotivated to learn

In a study by Stanford University, researchers found that intrinsically motivated students, that is, students who had genuine interest and enjoyment in learning consistently outperformed their peers who lacked adequate motivation. One striking example was seen in a group of elementary pupils who participated in a science project. Those pupils who were intrinsically motivated, that is to say, those pupils who were curious, who desired to understand the topic, completed the concept with higher quality retained the knowledge, and consolidated it a lot better than people who needed to be externally motivated.

This blog is geared towards answering the question of what I can do to motivate my child. What can I do for my child to be intrinsically motivated? A good number of learners do not think or consider the importance of studying until there is an exam facing them. The truth is that the rule of learning states that there is a need for enough interaction with the subject matter.

The concept of motivation as regards learning, is the inner intrinsic drive or desire that compels an individual to engage and participate in educational tasks. We have intrinsic motivation which is driven by internal factors such as curiosity, enjoyment, desire, self-motivation, and self-regulation. Extrinsic motivation is the weakest form of motivation, though it can be used to spur learners. Extrinsic motivation is the weakest because it is dependent on external factors and in a case where it is not available the learner will procrastinate, and defer learning.

Why Learners are Unmotivated.

  1. Lack of relevance. Many learners struggle to see and identify the relevance and importance of what they are learning in their lives.

  2. The fear of failure. For many children, instead of the fear of failure spurring them, it demotivates them because a child who consistently struggles with a concept will be unmotivated. They think, “I did this thing last time and I failed it, so why should I now try again?
  3. The lack of self-efficacy and self-confidence. When children do not believe in themselves and do not have confidence in their ability, when they have a fixed mindset that says, intelligence is fixed, they begin to relinquish the ability to succeed in learning to the people whom they consider as high flyers forgetting that learning is not fixed, but it is transcendent meaning if you do the work, you get the prize.
  4. Lack of self-mastery. Your child’s temperament can affect their motivation, not just in learning, but also in their study patterns, the way they navigate life, chores and so on. Temperaments have their strengths and weaknesses. For some children, the weakness of their personality and temperament is that they lack motivation and need external motivation to motivate them. Another factor is that the parents of these children would like to use fear and threat to motivate that child meanwhile the personality of that child is averse to those triggers you are using to motivate the child. 
  5. Learning difficulty. When a child finds it difficult to learn, it could be a major reason why they are demotivated. For instance, imagine you move to another country that speaks a different dialect than you, and there is no Google Translate, to help you understand. How will you feel? It’s the same way your child struggles to understand when there is a lack of understanding of a concept. If your child is unmotivated, you must check if they have learning difficulties or disabilities.

Tools For Motivating Your Unmotivated Child

1. Understanding the relationship between motivation and personality. Motivation and personality cannot be separated, they are interrelated. We have the extroverted child, as well as the introverted child. The way to motivate the extroverted child will be different from the introverted child. One of the ways to motivate an extroverted child is to find a way to tactfully use external motivation because they are motivated by extroversion and socialism. They just want to be out there. If you are not intentional, the extroverted child will struggle to learn. There are certain tools you can use to help an extroverted child like a peer coaching system, which is a system of accountability for example having a friend who would always call them to study. For the conscientious and introverted children – the self-aware, melancholy perfectionist children, one of the ways to motivate them is to set goals for them. They are willing to go through anything to reach that goal. The strong-willed learners love novelty and innovation. They are driven by curiosity. They are easily bored as they love teachers who are kinesthetic in their teaching. For this kind of child, their learning process must be innovative. Teach them skills like mind maps, highlighting, and annotation. For the agreeable learners who just want peace, you would need to employ extrinsic motivation while you work towards intrinsic motivation. The intrinsic motivation for these learners will be dependent on your parenting skills because they are usually laid back. They naturally lack that internal push so parents must intentionally use extrinsic tools on their way to building their self-regulation.

2. Equip them with study skills. Overwhelming workload load and distractions can be a demotivation to children. Study skills are very important for every child, every personality, every age group and learning style. Study skills include skills such as:

Spaced repetition – When a child studies this way, according to the neuroscience of retention which states that a lot of times when an individual has studied a material for a while it would take that person a period of deep sleep for permanent learning. Before knowledge is consolidated, the repetition in the memory must be constant. You can’t space repeat if you are reading only to pass an exam. For a 13-week school term, for example, a child who studies from week 1 would achieve more learning than one who just began to read when it was exam time.

How to help achieve this is to set a study time table, a schedule that incorporates a regular review season which will enforce learning and enhance long term retention.

Utilise a multisensory approach. We already know that we have different learning styles, learning strengths and  we have different intelligences according to the theory of multiple intelligence so learning is not a one size fits all approach. That’s why one of the greatest philosophers said that if you judge a fish by its ability to fly, it would spend its whole life thinking it was an idiot. Multisensory approaches must be tampered according to their learning styles. 

Another study skill is practice retrieval. This involves actively retrieving information from your memory through testing and self quizzes. This is the concept that mock exams emphasise on. What this does is that it helps strengthen the memory retrieval and doing this enhances long term memory. Whatever concept your child studies, get them to practise questions on their own. You may also get them to assume the role of a teacher whereby they come back to teach you the concept they just learnt. This is where peer mentorship and collaborative learning come in handy because the child takes the role of the teacher and as they try to teach each other they try to remember, demystify it and break it down in such a way that would enable them to teach another person. After that session, learning has happened. 

3. Create a supportive learning environment. Your child is not motivated to learn because they lack a supportive learning environment both in school and at home.

4. Intentionally foster a growth mindset. One of the ways to achieve this would be by emphasising on efforts rather than grades. To motivate your child you need to shift your reinforcement from focusing on their grades to their effort. Because a child could put in 100 percent effort and come out with a 60 per cent result, and the reverse is also true. So indeed, exams are not a true test of knowledge. Because you criticise a child’s grade, and not effort, the child gets demotivated and decides not to make any more effort in the future since his last effort was neither noticed nor praised. By praising efforts, you inculcate a growth mindset into them which motivates learning.

Have you seen our facilitator list for the upcoming course on “Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style”? With a team comprising a parent coach, clinician/autism professional, and a learning coach, this course is going to equip you with the necessary knowledge to understand and support your child’s learning journey.

Only 4 days left until the start of the 2024 Cohort of the “Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style Course”! Don’t miss out!

Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style Course 2024 offers a completely revamped curriculum and experience. We started running the “Understanding Your child’s learning style” course in 2018 and over the years, we have trained over 10,000 parents to understand how their children learn.

I remember at the very first batch a particular parent said to me “Coach Wendy I wish I attended this course some 20 years ago, some of the challenges I had with my son won’t have had it.”

To join the learning style course starting in 6 days time, pay N15,500 to 0509494057 (GTB) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600. 

Register Online Here 


Do you know the amazing thing? You get a 25% discount if you pay before the 24th of March. So instead of paying N20,500, you get to pay only N15,500.

Offer valid till March 24th, 2024.

5 Parenting Mistakes That Can Affect Your Child’s Learning Success

Busy schedules and deadlines can turn eve most dedicated parents too. leave their child’s academic growth solely in the hands of school or lesson teachers.
But unfortunately or fortunately, the key to unlocking the child’s true learning potential begins right at home. Even the best intentional parents make mistakes that unintentionally hinder their children from learning. Here you will be equipped with the tools that you’ll need to identify and overcome these common mistakes and how to nurture your child’s natural love for learning and set them on the path of academic success.

But the first thing to know is that the key to unlocking the child’s potential begins at home. It doesn’t happen outside the home. The school does the job of enhancement. But unfortunately, we have swapped roles.

The 5 Parenting Mistakes

  1. Neglecting Emotional Support : Many times parents are focused on the grades which leads to over-emphasising grades and performance without acknowledging the emotional well-being of the child. It’s possible to raise a child who just performs and does not learn. This is exactly how many of us learnt in the past, we only performed, we didn’t learn. Now we are turning our children into performance freaks, so instead of learning, all they do is perform, and this affects their mental health. The result is that emotional stress can hinder cognitive functions which eventually affects the child’s ability to learn and to focus effectively.

The epidemic we have now is that children leave school at 20, but are confused about what to do, not working, not doing anything, bingeing on Netflix and sharing on TikTok. These are children who graduated with good grades, yet are stuck, many of them are trophy children. The trophy child is the child who usually suffers most from this particular parenting mistake. So as a parent, you must be careful in your emphasis on good grades. Education is first internal, then external. Creativity is internal, it’s not learnt on the screen or in the school. One of the ways to address this problem is to foster a supportive environment where addresses emotional needs and fosters a positive attitude towards learning and this happens in the home. The only place children learn is at home. Every single tech giant had fathers who had garages where creativity was fostered. Where is your home garage?

2. Lack of Effective Communication: Assuming that academic progress is solely the school’s responsibility leasing to minimal communication about the child’s learning experiences. Limited communication can result in missed opportunities to identify challenges and provide necessary support. You need to learn and establish effective communication channels with everybody who is involved in the upbringing of that child. If for example you have a nanny at home, the truth is that the person is 80 per cent more of a parent to your child than you. They come back from school to meet the nanny, are fed by the nanny and are helped with homework by the nanny, and then they return with their emotions everywhere. That nanny is just as untrained as you are, unfortunately. So again, your children are struggling to learn even though they are passing exams. If your children spend all their time in school, you are not the one parenting them. If your children spend more time on TV than you spend with them, TV is the parent. So there is no place for creativity in your absence. Time is the currency of parenting. Because you don’t have time, you don’t communicate with them and you don’t know them. If that is your method of parenting, you have less influence than you think you have. Lack of communication will decrease creativity in a child. What kind of communication is happening in your home? Many parents were raised by house helps and that is what killed creativity in many adults today.

3. Overlooking individual learning styles or applying a one-style-fits approach in teaching and learning

Unacknowledged learning preferences may lead to disengagement and hinder the child’s ability to grasp and retain information. This is the reason we run the “Understanding your child’s learning style course” in the academy where you learn how to identify the different learning styles of your children and enhance learning. Once you understand learning styles, you won’t struggle with your child’s learning as well as discipline. Many times parents tend to teach their children with their own learning style. If you don’t understand how your children learn, they will not learn how to think on their feet. We must move our children from just mere education to solving real time problems. Africa is full of educated people, yet no creativity, no problem-solving.

4. Micromanaging Learning Process : Getting over-involved in every aspect of our children’s learning process leaves no room for independent thinking and problem-solving. Micromanaging stiffens creativity, hinders decision-making and impedes the development of self-efficacy and that’s the only place people learn to solve problems. You must encourage autonomy by providing guidance and support while allowing the child to take ownership of their learning journey. There’s something wrong if you are flustered about exam time for your child. It makes the children handicapped. The more independent a child is, the more creative the child. You need to teach your children autonomy, study skills and so on. Learning is not an emergency, it must follow a process.

5. Ignoring the importance of holistic development : Focusing on academics alone. Some parents complain about children reading every other book but academic books. But remember academic excellence is always a result of holistic development. Any child you focus on their holistic development will automatically do well. When you narrow focus on academics, you’ll hinder your child’s ability to navigate the real world challenges and collaborate effectively. You must emphasise a balanced approach, nurture not only academics, but also, social, emotional, and creative aspects of a well rounded individual.

If you avoid these parenting mistakes, you are going to be at the point where you are helping your child learn and succeed. Enrol for the learning style course and get to the place where your children will get fulfille


Your child might be struggling because you don’t understand how he learns!
My daughter is a dominant auditory learner I will say 80%. This makes her verbal and auditory coordination so apt!

A few years ago, we got them bicycles to learn, in split seconds her twin brother who is a dominant Kinesthetic learner started to ride. So kinesthetic learners find physical activities very easy to come by. Our son learned to swim the same day the swim Coach started his lessons.

In all these years, we have been looking for a way to make our daughter learn to ride because physical activities are part of our value system in our home. No, we never said “Can’t you see! your twin brother can ride easily bla bla! That stuff kills a child who would like to learn faster, it’s comparison even though parents

Well, we thought of how best we could teach her, and then boom her learning style was it. So we started to feed her ears first with the learnings on how to ride and not the actual ride itself. Then we got safety guards, …. And our big daughter decided to do the teaching job itself.

Using her dominant learning style instead of forcing and assuming she should just know…she learned how to ride her bike in 2days!!!

Do you know that understanding your child’s learning style might be the singular solution to her learning difficulties?

At The Intentional Parent Academy, we run a course where we just don’t teach parents how to identify the learning styles of their children, we also teach them how to use these learning styles to make their children study effectively and even discipline them correctly.
Have you registered to be part of the learning style course Yet?
To Course, simply click here:


To Register for the Learning Style Course, pay N10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.

Curious about our upcoming learning style course but unsure if it’s the right fit for your child’s academic success?

For a limited time, we’re offering something special: instant access to a free module of the learning style course.

How excited are you to dive in and explore?

Would you like to discover how to leverage your child’s unique learning style to enhance their learning experience? If so, don’t miss out on our incredible offer: a complimentary taster module from the ‘Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style’ course!

This module is designed to provide insights into your child’s learning process.

Seize this rare opportunity to peek into our transformative Learning Style course, which has already benefited thousands of parents worldwide since 2018. Now, you can experience it for free! But act quickly, as this offer is only available for a limited time.

Sign up now and embark on your journey to understanding your child’s learning style today! You won’t regret it.

Gain Access https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/Learningstylecoursefreemodule

How to Make Your Child Addicted to Learning

Many children lose their natural curiosity as they progress through school. This is often due to traditional learning methods that can be dry and unengaging. But what if learning could be fun and exciting? In this blog post, we’ll explore ways to create a love of learning in your child.

Teaching is more than just cramming facts into young minds. It’s about igniting the spark of curiosity, a flame that fuels a lifelong love of learning. As parents and educators, we hold the key to unlocking this potential. We aren’t just shaping minds that can pass exams; we’re nurturing explorers equipped to navigate the vast landscapes of knowledge.

One fundamental issue is that many children—and even adults—don’t know how to learn effectively. Passing exams doesn’t necessarily equate to true learning.

Let’s Delve into some key aspects that hinder effective learning:

1. Lack of Engagement:
Learning methods often fail to capture a child’s interest. For instance, subjects like mathematics are sometimes taught without engaging students, leading to a lack of enthusiasm for learning. Concepts remain abstract when they cannot be connected to real-life experiences. As the first learning environment, the home plays a crucial role. Unfortunately, not all homes provide an engaging atmosphere for learning.

2. Work Overload: Regarding work overload, the belief that rescheduling activities will improve performance overlooks the need for a conducive learning environment. Instead of piling on more lessons, focus on creating an environment where genuine learning can take place. Overloading the brain can lead to information regurgitation rather than true comprehension. Scientifically, an overloaded brain tends to shut down.

3. Fear of failure: The pressure to perform and an overemphasis on grades can prevent a child from taking risks and learning from mistakes, ultimately hindering true learning.

4. Constant comparison with peers can undermine a child’s confidence and motivation to learn. When a child is pressured, they may fail to grasp the significance of failure and its role in achieving success.

How can Children Learn?

Teaching children how to learn before they begin formal education is crucial. This lays a foundation for a lifetime of academic success. Academic achievement is merely a byproduct of learning; therefore, cultivating learning skills is paramount in their educational journey. If a child is not equipped with the ability to learn, they will encounter challenges throughout their lives.

1. Metacognition, the ability to think about one’s thinking, is essential. It involves understanding one’s learning process, identifying strengths, monitoring progress, and reflecting on experiences. This process begins with self-awareness. Thus, completing homework on behalf of a child deprives them of the opportunity to engage in metacognitive thinking. Consider the numerous creatives who have flourished outside traditional educational structures; many of them found support for their learning within their home environments. When the brain lacks training in learning, acquiring knowledge becomes arduous.

2. Critical thinking : Critical thinking and questioning are essential skills to instill in your children. Encourage them to think critically and question information they encounter.

3. Effective note-taking: Effective note-taking is another crucial skill. Before becoming effective note-takers, children must learn to be active listeners. Note-taking is a part of active listening, and guiding children on how to summarize information clearly is essential. Teaching methods like mind mapping can aid in conceptualization. Notes serve as repositories of wisdom, captured on paper.

4. Time management: Time management is key. Help your children understand the importance of prioritization, identifying urgent tasks, creating schedules, and planning. Providing structured systems for organizations is crucial, as unpredictability can hinder productivity.

5.Adaptability and resilience: Adaptability and resilience are vital qualities for success. Success, such as passing medical school, relies more on adaptability and resilience than sheer intelligence. Shielding children from failure deprives them of valuable learning experiences. Emphasize the value of embracing challenges, learning from setbacks, and adapting to change.

6. Communication and Collaboration Skills: Communication and collaboration skills are also essential. Teach children how to work in groups, share ideas, communicate effectively, and respect others’ viewpoints. These skills are often not taught in school but are crucial for success in various endeavors.

7. Encourage a joy for learning in your children. Learning should be viewed as a lifelong journey, and instilling self-reliance is crucial. Focus on self-improvement as a parent, as children often mirror their parents’ behavior,


Your child might be struggling because you don’t understand how he learns!
My daughter is a dominant auditory learner I will say 80%. This makes her verbal and auditory coordination so apt!

A few years ago, we got them bicycles to learn, in split seconds her twin brother who is a dominant Kinesthetic learner started to ride. So kinesthetic learners find physical activities very easy to come by. Our son learned to swim the same day the swim Coach started his lessons.

In all these years, we have been looking for a way to make our daughter learn to ride because physical activities are part of our value system in our home. No, we never said “Can’t you see! your twin brother can ride easily bla bla! That stuff kills a child who would like to learn faster, it’s comparison even though parents

Well, we thought of how best we could teach her, and then boom her learning style was it. So we started to feed her ears first with the learnings on how to ride and not the actual ride itself. Then we got safety guards, …. And our big daughter decided to do the teaching job itself.

Using her dominant learning style instead of forcing and assuming she should just know…she learned how to ride her bike in 2days!!!

Do you know that understanding your child’s learning style might be the singular solution to her learning difficulties?

At The Intentional Parent Academy, we run a course where we just don’t teach parents how to identify the learning styles of their children, we also teach them how to use these learning styles to make their children study effectively and even discipline them correctly.
Have you registered to be part of the learning style course Yet?
To join the Learning Style Course, simply click the link below:


Or pay #10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600

How to Identify Your Child’s Learning Strength

When looking for ways to help children learn, understanding their individual learning strengths is essential. Parents often struggle to support their children’s learning, not because the children lack intelligence, but because parents may not fully comprehend their child’s unique needs.

Consider this scenario: If your child is struggling with math but excelling in tennis, which teacher would you hire? The average parent might choose a math teacher, assuming that addressing the child’s weakness is the best approach. However, this strategy can be counterproductive.

Here’s why:

1 . Focusing on Weaknesses Weakens the Child: When parents concentrate solely on a child’s weaknesses, it can inadvertently hinder the child’s overall development. Instead of emphasizing weaknesses, consider identifying and nurturing the child’s strengths.

2. Understanding Learning Styles: Every child has a preferred learning style. Some learn best through visual cues, while others thrive with hands-on experiences. Recognizing your child’s learning style allows you to tailor educational approaches accordingly.

3. Beyond Exam Results: While exam results matter, they are just one aspect of learning. Learning extends beyond passing exams; it involves acquiring problem-solving skills, critical thinking, and a love for learning itself.

4. The Joy of Learning: Unfortunately, many adults lose their desire to learn after formal education because the joy of learning is missing.

5. Finding the Best Study Options: Knowing your child’s learning strengths helps you choose effective study methods. Some children struggle to study independently, and parents end up studying alongside them.

6. Avoiding Mistakes of the Past: Our parents often prioritized results over the ability to learn. Let’s break this cycle by focusing on holistic learning experiences for our children. By understanding your child’s learning strengths, you can foster a positive attitude toward learning.

Most of the schools I have interacted with fail to accommodate the needs of kinesthetic learners. These patterns represent learning strengths and serve as pathways to knowledge acquisition. Your child’s thinking processes can also be nurtured. Regardless of your child’s thinking style, fostering a growth mindset is crucial. This mindset instills the belief that with effort, one can learn anything.

It’s a mindset that significantly influences learning. Children learn through their talents, abilities, knowledge, skills, and thinking styles. Comprehending the child’s strengths in these core areas facilitates improved learning. Rather than becoming frustrated with the child’s inability to tie their shoes while their peers can, identify the child’s learning strength and tailor their learning approach accordingly.

To effectively identify your child’s learning strengths, consider the following steps:

  1. Observation: Spend time observing your child during various activities. Take note of their behavior, approach to tasks, and reactions to different environments.

2. Connection and Communication: Foster open and frequent communication with your child. Discuss their interests, observations, likes, and feelings. Strong parent-child connections are essential for understanding your child’s needs and strengths.

3. Learning Style Assessment: Conduct a learning style assessment to determine how your child best absorbs information. Recognize that learning styles can vary, including auditory, visual, and kinesthetic preferences.

3. Multiple Intelligence: Explore the concept of multiple intelligences, which encompass various ways people learn, such as musical, bodily-kinesthetic, and interpersonal abilities. Identify where your child excels and shows interest in pinpointing their learning strengths.

4. Practice: Provide opportunities for your child to engage in different activities. Through practice, you’ll observe both their strengths and areas of struggle, which are valuable insights for guiding their learning journey.

5. Seek Feedback from Teachers: Collaborate with your child’s teachers to gain insights into their academic progress and behavior in a classroom setting. View teachers as partners in your child’s development rather than adversaries.

6. Portfolio Review: Regularly review your child’s projects, assignments, and works to identify patterns of strengths and weaknesses. Feedback from these reviews can inform targeted interventions to support your child’s growth.

7. Interest-Based Learning: Encourage your child’s interests and passions, as they are more likely to excel and enjoy learning when engaged in activities they love. Recognize that play is essential for children’s development and fosters social learning.

“Passing exams does not really mean your child is learning.”

It’s possible To Just cram, and pass exams!

Unfortunately, many parents are only interested in their child passing exams without learning.

This is why a parent can pay anything to school so their child can pass exams..

What if I told you that this is exactly why most people never read any other thing after leaving school.

This is why we opened up the understanding your child’s learning style course so you can help your child learn.

Register Online for the Learning Style Course here or pay #10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.

Offer valid till March 15th, 2024

How to Spot and Stop Low Self-Esteem in Your Child

Did you know that 1 in 5 children experience low self-esteem, impacting their confidence, happiness, and overall well-being? As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see your child struggling with feelings of inadequacy, withdrawal, or negativity. But the good news is, that you can play a vital role in helping them build healthy self-esteem.

This blog will equip you with the knowledge and tools to identify the indicators of low self-esteem in your child, and most importantly, empower them to build a healthy sense of self-worth.

Indicators of Low Self-Esteem
1. Bullying or Being Bullied:
Both being a bully and being bullied are signs of low self-esteem. This falls under the category of changes in social interaction. Some parents might even feel proud if their child is the bully, thinking that their child can’t be intimidated. However, this could indicate that the child is battling with low self-esteem.

2. Changes in Behavior: Noticeable alterations in your child’s behavior can be a sign of low self-esteem.

3. Changes in Self-Expression: If your child’s way of expressing themselves changes, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.

5. Changes in Social Interaction: Changes in the way your child interacts socially can also indicate low self-esteem.

Children who feel powerless may become targets, while those struggling with their self-worth may attempt to assert control. It has become extremely important that we shine the light on issues concerning low self-esteem in Children, We can no longer remain silent. If we don’t address these issues, we risk harming future generations.

Low self-esteem doesn’t only affect the child, it also affects adults. Many adults struggle with initiating and maintaining friendships due to low self-esteem. All their lives they second-guess ourselves, feel like they don’t matter. These can be traced back to low self-esteem. These are effects of practices that can lead to low self-esteem. This might lead to fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy in social situations, and social withdrawal. Some of you may be well-dressed, and working in good environments, yet still feel inadequate. This is still low self-esteem.

A child with low self-esteem will find it difficult to express their opinion, leading to a lack of assertiveness. I recall a woman who joined our Inner Circle because her youngest child was very assertive, unlike her other children who were very obedient. But have you considered that obedience isn’t always a virtue?

We often domesticate our children in the name of parenting, shutting down their potential. We take pride in saying, “Once I speak, my children don’t utter a word.” But there’s a thin line between subduing a child’s assertiveness and proper parenting. It’s not just about following instructions; it’s about your children being assertive even while following instructions.

If your children can’t say no to you, they won’t be able to say no to people outside your home. A child recently asked me to do something I had no business doing. She pleaded, “Please don’t say no,” thinking it would make me say yes. But I said no. Why should I please you at the expense of displeasing myself or putting myself in an uncomfortable position?

Understanding Behavioral Changes Due to Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can lead to significant behavioral changes in children and teenagers. These changes can manifest in various ways, including withdrawal and isolation, avoidance of challenges, and perfectionism. Understanding these behaviors is crucial for parents, educators, and caregivers to provide the right support and guidance.

1. Withdrawal and Isolation
Children with low self-esteem often withdraw from social activities and isolate themselves from family and friends. This behavior is not merely a reflection of their personality but could be a sign of deeper issues. Teenagers, in particular, may become withdrawn due to the numerous changes happening in their lives. They may feel the need to shut out the world, and our words can play a significant role in this process. Our words shape realities, and if a child begins to withdraw and isolate themselves, they might be trying to navigate their environment without drawing attention to themselves.

2. Avoidance of Challenges
Another behavioral change is the avoidance of challenges due to fear of failure. The fear of failure can be so overwhelming that children hide their failures and results, leading to a reluctance to take on new challenges or engage in activities that require effort. They might develop a preference for tasks they’re already proficient in, avoiding anything new.

3. Perfectionism
Perfectionism is another defense mechanism adopted by some children with low self-esteem. They strive for flawlessness to gain approval, but the fear of not meeting these high standards can lead to frustration and self-criticism. They put in so much effort to build a perfect persona to please others, often at the expense of their own well-being. Perfectionism can hinder your ability to try new things and be confident. You might find yourself constantly telling yourself that it’s not perfect enough, it’s not excellent enough. But remember, excellence is not perfection.

4. Changes in Self-Expression
Changes in self-expression often start with negative self-talk. This involves the individual constantly belittling themselves, expressing doubt in their abilities, or using phrases like ‘I can’t.’ Negative self-talk can be a significant barrier to personal growth and achievement.

5. Physical Changes Indicating Low Self-Esteem
Physical changes can indicate low self-esteem. This can manifest in posture, avoiding eye contact, and signs of nervousness. These physical cues may indicate discomfort or lack of confidence. For instance, nail-biting could be a sign of low self-esteem.

How TO Stop Low Self-Esteem In Your Child
1. Understand the Influence of Parenting: Recognize that parenting significantly influences a child’s self-esteem. Good intentions alone are insufficient for effective parenting. The right knowledge and strategies are crucial.

2. Establish the Right Systems: We don’t rise to the level of our intentions, but we fall to the level of our systems. Ensure the right systems are in place for effective parenting.

3. Avoid Over-Criticism: Being overly critical when providing feedback can undermine a child’s confidence. Focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.

4. Differentiate Between Correction and Discipline: Correction is not the same as discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not rectifying mistakes.

5. Implement Effective Discipline: Discipline is about teaching with love, understanding, empathy, and compassion, not about criticizing or correcting.

6. Take Time to Calm Down: If your child makes a mistake, take time to calm down before you address it. The quality of the message you’re conveying is more important than the timing.

7. Break the Cycle of Criticism: Constant criticism can lead to self-doubt and fear. If you experienced this growing up, it’s important to recognize it and consciously choose a different approach with your own children. Offer constructive feedback and encouragement instead of solely focusing on what’s wrong.

8. Provide a Loving Environment: Offer love, understanding, empathy, and compassion in your interactions with your children. This helps build their self-esteem and confidence.

9. Encourage Effort Over Outcome: Focus on the effort your child puts into their activities rather than just the end result. This fosters a growth mindset and helps them learn from their experiences.

10. Avoid Comparisons: Each child is unique and develops at their own pace. Comparing them to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Celebrate their individuality and support their journey.

11. Set Realistic Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic expectations that can lead to a constant sense of failure. Tailor your expectations to your child’s abilities and stage of development.

14. Allow Them to Experience Challenges: Overprotecting children from failure and adversity can hinder their growth. Allow them to face challenges, make mistakes, and learn from them. This builds resilience and self-confidence.

Continual learning and growth are essential for effective parenting. It’s not about being perfect, but about being open to learning and making positive changes in your parenting approach. This will help you raise confident, resilient, and emotionally intelligent children who are equipped to thrive in the world. I’ve written several books to assist parents on this journey, click here to order our books.

Reading these books will help you understand what to expect and how to navigate through various phases of your child’s development. Each book I’ve written supports parents in their journey of raising confident, emotionally intelligent, and resilient children. They address specific challenges and provide practical strategies and insights to help parents navigate through various stages of their children’s growth and development. Whether you’re dealing with sibling rivalry, communication issues, or guiding your child through puberty, there’s a resource available to support you on your parenting journey. Visit our store here to order our resources.

If you lack emotional control, all the things I’ve shared here will be like pouring water on a phone. That’s why being part of the Emotional Intelligence Parent Course will be one of the best things that could happen to you this year on your parenting journey. You need to learn how to parent. If you don’t, you’ll make a mess. You need to be in a parenting academy. You can order the just concluded Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Course here to start your emotional intelligence journey.

How to Discipline Without Yelling, Shaming and Beating,

Do you struggle with disciplining your children? Do you feel like you are always nagging, yelling, or punishing them, but nothing seems to work? Do you wish you could raise your children to be self-motivated, responsible, and confident?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this blog post is for you. In this post, I will share what true discipline involves and how to go about it. Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children effectively and positively. Some parents resort to shouting, hitting, or other harsh methods that can harm the child’s mental and physical health. But there is a better way: positive discipline.

Positive discipline is a parenting approach that focuses on teaching and guiding your child, not punishing or controlling them. It is based on building a loving and supportive relationship with your child, setting clear and reasonable expectations, and reinforcing good behavior. It is also about being responsible and respectful and modeling the skills and values you want your child to learn.

Here are some key points to remember about positive discipline:

  • Discipline is a parent’s responsibility, not a child’s problem. You need to provide structure and guidance for your child, not yell or hit them.
  • Discipline is about building your child’s skills, not expressing your feelings. You need to control your emotions and act calmly and rationally, not let anger or frustration take over.
  • Discipline is about connecting with your child, not criticizing them. You need to praise and encourage your child, not belittle or blame them.
  • Discipline is about responding to your child’s needs, not reacting to their behavior. You need to think before you act, and choose the best way to handle the situation, not just react impulsively or emotionally.
  • Discipline is about having conversations with your child, not giving corrections. You need to communicate with your child, not lecture or scold them.
  • Discipline is about providing content for your child, not imposing control. You need to offer meaningful and engaging activities for your child, not just tell them what to do or not to do.
  • Discipline is about fostering growth in your child, not causing destruction. You need to help your child develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and confidence, not damage their self-esteem, trust, or happiness.

Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children effectively and positively. Some parents resort to shouting, hitting, or other harsh methods that can harm the child’s mental and physical health. But there is a better way: positive discipline.

In my book, The Discipline Is Not an Emergency, order a copy here , I wrote a note to parents and I said: “A seed grows with no sound, but a tree falls with a huge noise. Destruction is noisy. If your discipline strategy on your parenting journey is noisy, it means that it is destructive. Do not create drama that gives your children trauma in their lives. If your discipline is creating drama, that is not the right kind of discipline.”

Is your discipline creating drama? Aggression is not discipline, it is destruction. When we talk about discipline, a lot of people come to me and say, “Oh, you know, I just do what my parents did. If you are not aggressive to the child, the child will not listen.” No, you have just programmed your child to only listen to you when you are aggressive, and that is not the solution. You are not creating the right environment for your child. You are destroying it.

This is why we need to change the way we think about discipline. Discipline is not about what we do to our children, but what we do with them. Discipline is not about how we feel, but how we build. Discipline is not about how critical we are, but how connected we are. Discipline is not about reactions, but responses. Discipline is not about corrections, but conversations. Discipline is not about control, but content. Discipline is not about destruction, but growth.


  1. SELF DISCIPLINE: The first and most important strategy for positive discipline is self-motivation. Self-motivation is the ability to do something without external pressure or reward. It is the inner drive that makes you want to learn, grow, and achieve. Self-motivation is essential for developing self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and confidence.

Why is Self-Motivation Essential for Discipline?

Unfortunately, many of us were not taught self-motivation as a skill. We were taught to fear punishment or seek approval from others. We were taught to depend on external factors to motivate us, rather than finding our intrinsic motivation. We were taught to react, rather than respond. We were taught to criticize, rather than connect. We were taught to control, rather than create.

When we discipline our children with self-motivation, we help them:

  • Understand the why behind their actions and decisions
  • Align their behavior with their values and goals
  • Develop a positive and growth mindset
  • Build a trusting and respectful relationship with us
  • Become independent and confident learners and leaders

How to Teach Self-Motivation to Your Children?

One of the key steps to self-motivation is to clarify your why. Why are you doing what you are doing? Why do you want your child to do what you want them to do? When you and your child understand the why behind your actions and decisions, you are more likely to be motivated by your values and goals, rather than by fear or pressure.

In my book, The Discipline That Works, you can order a copy here , I wrote extensively about self-motivation and how to teach it to your children. I also shared some examples of how my children applied the lessons they learned from me in different situations. They were able to think for themselves and make smart choices because they knew the why behind their actions. If you want to learn more about how to teach your children self-motivation and positive discipline, you can check out my book, The Discipline That Works. You can also join the Inner Circle, where I share more tips and insights on parenting and personal development. Book a slot for the 2025 cohort of the Inner Circle Program here


In my book, I shared the 4M’s approach: mastery, mindset, modeling, and motivation

MASTERY: Mastery is about setting achievable goals and providing opportunities for skill development. Part of mastery is self-confidence. You need to build your child’s confidence in what you’re teaching. Your self-confidence rubs off on your child. Your children can sense when you’re not confident about your parenting journey. They call it BBT: born before technology. They think you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re providing information, not wisdom. But they don’t need information, it’s everywhere on Google. They need wisdom. Parenting today is about wisdom. Without wisdom, you will be unstable. The Bible says that wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of our times.

MINDSET: This is about creating the mindset for self-motivation. Part of it is positive self-talk and the growth mindset. A few days ago, I taught the parents in the inner circle how to avoid becoming praise junkies. Some of us have become praise junkies to our children. We constantly say, “You’re perfect, you’re the best.” We think that’s how to build self-esteem. But that’s not true. You need to affirm your children, not praise them. Praise should not be about you but about them. When children consistently seek approval for their decisions, they fall into the praise trap. I’m going to share more about this with the parents in the academy. One clear sign of being a praise junkie is when children consistently seek approval for the decisions that they make. Of course, they have been conditioned to do so. You need to break free from the praise trap. Praise should not be vague and insincere.

Children understand abilities and qualities better when we praise them for their efforts, not their traits. Growth mindset says that we should praise the process that the child goes through, such as “Wow, you’ve put a lot of work into this and look at the results. If you try it this way, you might get even better. You can see that the more you work hard, the more you succeed.” That’s a growth mindset. It encourages the child to learn and improve. A fixed mindset, on the other hand, says things like “You’re a very smart child.” That’s harmful. It tells the child that they have a fixed amount of intelligence and that’s it. It puts the child in a box and limits their potential. That’s a fixed mindset. You can read more about the difference between growth and fixed mindsets and how to foster a growth mindset in yourself and others. I also talked about modeling and motivation and shared some stories that can help you.

  • Modelling
  • Motivation

2. Overcoming common obstacles

Maintaining discipline in every area of your life is challenging, and you’re bound to encounter obstacles along the way. One of the strategies that you need to develop is to identify and address those obstacles. What are the common obstacles that you face when it comes to discipline?

3. Lack of focus: Distractions, lack of concentration, and difficulty paying attention can all interfere with your discipline. Nowadays, a lot of children are struggling with focus. So some of the problems that you’re dealing with are not just about the child’s behavior, but about the underlying obstacle of focus. It’s not necessarily about what the child has done or hasn’t done. So you look at a child who has lost focus and is struggling to stay on task. Of course, it’s going to affect their performance and behavior. So the problem is that you’re majoring in the minor and minoring in the major. You’re chasing the child and shouting and panting and doing all of that, meanwhile the child is coming from another angle. Lack of focus is an obstacle, and it’s not going to change until you deal with it.

3. Fear of failure: When it comes to discipline, fear of failure, negative self-talk, self-doubt, and anxiety can all erode your discipline by sapping your motivation. The child has internalized a negative message about themselves and their abilities. Many of us struggle with discipline because we have that fear of failure. We can’t try, we can’t do things, we’re so afraid. So one of the things that our discipline did to us, what our parents did to us, was that they sold us fear. They did not sell us a skill called discipline. They did not teach us how to cope with failure and learn from it. They did not help us develop a growth mindset. So that’s why we’re afraid. We don’t know how to stay on track and build on that skill in the face of fear. It’s an obstacle, and it’s a big one. So stop raising children who live in fear, because according to you, you want to prove that you’re the lion parent, you want to prove that you can control everything. But you can’t. You can only guide and support your child to overcome their fears and grow their discipline.

4. Lack of time management: Time management is a crucial skill for discipline, and many children don’t know how to manage their time effectively. So you get angry, you get angry and say “Why did you do this? Why didn’t you do that?” But if you understand what discipline means, you would not raise a child without building their time management skills. Any child you raise without building their skills is not going to be able to thrive in life. Parenting is about skills building, not instilling fear.

When you don’t look at the obstacles to discipline, you’re going to be stuck and frustrated. And it all comes from your definition of discipline. If you see discipline as a skill that you can learn and practice, then you can overcome the obstacles that prevent you from building that skill.

Ever wished for better connections, deeper understanding, and a more fulfilling life as a parent or even in your relationships?

Join our Emotional Intelligence Course and embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. 🚀

🔍 Why Join?

Unlock the secrets to navigating emotions, enhancing relationships, and achieving success in both personal and professional spheres. This isn’t just a course; it’s your key to a happier, more connected life.

What You’ll Gain:

Practical skills for real-life application

Supportive community for shared insights

Expert guidance from seasoned facilitators

Ready to transform?

To join the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N20,500 ($23) to 0509494057 (GTB Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.

You can register online here

Parenting in The Social Media Era: How do Parents Navigate?

Parenting in the social media era can be both constructive and destructive, depending on how you use it. When it comes to parenting in the 21st century, social media is a tool, not a problem. I often tell parents that the social media age will not go away. Instead, it will evolve and expand. From where we started with Facebook, we now have a million and one social media platforms out there. The fact is that the more you try to avoid or control them, the more you can’t manage them or teach your children how to use them wisely. You need to embrace that social media is not your problem. So don’t blame the tool, blame your inefficiency on how to navigate the tool. In essence, blaming social media for your parenting inefficiency is just like a bad workman blaming his tools. If you lack the skills to use the tool, it doesn’t render the tool useless. It’s about honing your skills to make the most of what’s available. Understanding this perspective is crucial. To sail successfully in this digital era, one must acknowledge the winds, not blame them. As the saying goes, “He that knows not where he sails, no wind is favorable.”

Moving forward, in this blogpost we will explore a framework for understanding the role of social media in parenting. If you find yourself attributing your parenting challenges solely to “children of these days,” it’s time for a paradigm shift. Embrace the tools available in today’s world, and you’ll find yourself equipped to champion the complexities of modern parenting.
Parenting in the Digital World; How to Navigate.

As a parent, understanding how to navigate the tools of the digital age is paramount and one of those tools is knowledge. Avoid falling into the trap of blaming external factors. Instead, seize the advantages this era offers, starting with the abundance of information and support. “If you grasp the use of today’s tools, you’ll emerge as a champion. Believe me, you will. I prefer to raise my children in this era, given the information I have at my disposal. While it may seem like a challenging period, it’s, in fact, an era of knowledge, totally different from the industrialization of our parents’ time or the agrarian era of our grandparents.

Just like parenting, maintaining a successful marriage in today’s world also needs knowledge. Without it, the path becomes chaotic. The idea that our parents had flawless marriages is often a romanticized misconception. In truth, many of their marriages were challenging. In a recent conversation with my husband, the governor, He shared a striking observation – 98% of the time, individuals unknowingly replicate patterns learned from their parents. The rising divorce rates are not a consequence of the present time or the behavior of today’s children; it’s a manifestation of a significant knowledge gap. The key factor in both parenting and marriage is knowledge, and without it, failure is inevitable. This isn’t a prophecy, prayer point, or curse; it’s a simple truth that we must acknowledge.

Unlike our parents, we now have abundant resources and knowledge at our disposal. We can’t afford to make excuses when the tools for success are within reach. The children of today are not inherently problematic; instead, they will hold us accountable for our lack of knowledge. Some have already begun challenging their parents. Embracing a commitment to continuous learning is paramount. We must confront the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of parenting and marriage. What challenges and concerns do we face? Understanding these dynamics is the first step toward navigating the complexities of navigating parenting in the parenting era. The sooner we commit to learning and adapting, the better equipped we will be to meet the demands of the future.

2. Embracing Communication and Connection
The foremost challenge for parents in this era of raising children is the erosion of face-to-face conversations. Genuine, direct communication is gradually becoming an extinct practice in our homes. Even within the confines of the same house, the reliance on digital communication platforms is increasing. In many cases, individuals find themselves in the same house, yet conversations are conducted through text or FaceTime. Without intentional efforts to address these challenges, they can spiral into overwhelming and destructive forces. The very essence of communication is compromised, leading to a disconnect among family members. An alarming example is when a teenager confided in me, saying that in their home, even mealtime notifications are delivered through text messages, this shows a significant shift away from face-to-face communication.

3. Discipline is a Private Affair:
Discipline is one of the most private aspects of parenting. Why has it become a public affair? In today’s parenting with social media, many parents use these platforms to vent about their kids instead of talking to them. They share frustrations, seeking advice or support from online communities. However, this can lead to too many opinions and confusion. Some parents even post videos of disciplining their children on social media, which raises concerns about privacy and their children’s well-being. Instead of directly addressing issues, they turn to online platforms. To navigate this, it’s crucial to prioritize real conversations with your child over seeking validation on social media. Building a strong connection requires talking, understanding, and engaging with your family directly, without relying too much on online platforms for problem-solving.

Discipline in parenting is a personal matter. When you miss the mark, you’re not just trying to prove something, but seeking validation publicly. It’s not about showcasing; it’s about being responsible and disciplined yourself. Ask yourself, why am I disciplining my child on social media? If you know exactly what to do, you don’t need validation from others. Seeking validation is a wrong aspect of our parenting culture that we learned. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. I have nothing to prove if my child makes a mess outside. There’s no need to defend my parenting skills. Why should it be about me? Sometimes, we struggle with our children making mistakes because we were raised to believe mistakes are unacceptable. It’s crucial to move away from this mindset. I wrote a book titled “Discipline Is Not an Emergency,” which is one of my favorites. Order a copy here. The essence of discipline is not an urgent display but a consistent, thoughtful approach. Let’s shift our focus from seeking approval to understanding and applying effective discipline.

4. Emotional Intelligence
To navigate parenting in this social media era you need emotional intelligence. If our emotions are not in check, the entire parenting process can go awry. Our childhood experiences often leave us with challenges in managing emotions. In our upcoming course, “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent,” starting on the 12th of February, we delve into the impact of childhood trauma on emotional regulation. It’s a foundational step because without addressing and healing these past experiences, efforts toward emotional regulation might not yield the desired results.

During the course, we’ll explore coping mechanisms, emotional deregulations, and normalized behaviors that originated from our upbringing. One significant module focuses on understanding our childhood, reflecting on our behaviors, recognizing distorted self-perceptions, and understanding how our upbringing shaped our traits. The distorted self-perception we carry from our childhood can affect how we perceive and teach certain subjects. The course aims to bring clarity and help participants navigate their emotional landscapes.

Additionally, I have valuable insights into the influence of social media on young people and the challenges and opportunities for parents. For instance, 68% of parents believe that social media affects their teens’ ability to socialize normally. This is a significant concern that we’ll address, emphasizing the importance of using social media as a tool for our benefit rather than letting it control us.

Online safety is another critical aspect, particularly protecting children from inappropriate content, online predators, and cyberbullying. The digital space is filled with potential dangers, and parents need to be aware and proactive in safeguarding their children. If you haven’t registered for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” course, I encourage you to do so. The details are available, and it promises to be a transformative experience. Share this information with your family and friends, as the course will provide valuable insights for everyone. I’m passionate about teaching this topic in a unique way, offering perspectives and strategies that aren’t copied from elsewhere. Join me on Deliverance Day, February 12th, for an insightful exploration of emotional intelligence in parenting.

If you haven’t registered for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” course, I encourage you to do so. The details are available, and it promises to be a transformative experience. Share this information with your family and friends, as the course will provide valuable insights for everyone. I’m passionate about uniquely teaching this topic, offering perspectives and strategies that aren’t copied from elsewhere. Join me on Deliverance Day, February 12th, for an insightful exploration of emotional intelligence in parenting.

Three Industry Experts!
Teaching ……
5 Modules!
5 worksheets!
5 days of learning

12th February is Emotional Intelligence Liberation Day

To join the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N20,500 instead of #30,500 before Friday to 0509494057 (GTB Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.

You can register online using this link: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent