How Negative Disciplinary Measures Like Flogging, Yelling Can Hinder Your Child From Learning

How negative disciplinary measures like flogging, yelling can hinder your child from learning: This is one topic that a lot of people fight, I remember that whenever this is shared in our Facebook community parents would always revolt by saying things like “we were flogged and we turned out okay” “are you saying that we shouldn\’t discipline our children” etc.

When you flog and yell at your child you not only damage their brain, you also change their brain connectivity

They often fail to realize that when we use negative disciplinary measures, we are not just damaging the child’s brain we are also changing how the brain connects. I was reading something recently when I was preparing for our upcoming course “understanding your child\’s learning style ( you can enroll here), I was reading something about learning disabilities and it has been linked to trauma. Some children who were traumatized from the experiences of flogging and yelling lost their fine motor skills and this hindered their learning. So the things that we do can hinder a child from learning.

When you are yelling you are either growing aggression or you are growing shame. People have said and asked the question, does this mean that we cannot raise our voice or we cannot say something, No!

In our No yelling challenge we have what we call the yell – O – meter, this yell meter differentiates what is yelling from other forms of communication, there is a level of your yelling that becomes bad.

If you are trying to make yelling an alarm system, it is okay. When a child is trying to run into the road for instance, of course, it is only natural that you raise your voice to say, no stop. What we are talking about is consistent, yelling of correction that we do. When we are constantly screaming, I know of children who are perpetually under siege because they need to do assignments every day by their parents. Their parents are constantly killing them just because they are trying to learn. So assignment time, the child already is scared of coming. The child is scared of going to school because in school they shut the child down, the child is scared of coming home because at home you have one cane in your hand.

Children do not learn in fear because the moment the brain senses fear, the learning center of the brain shuts down. A signal is passed to the brain that tells it, shut down this it is not a learning time.

Let me tell you a story about one of my primary school classmates, he shared this on our Facebook community and tagged me. When he was tagging me he said he was in class with people like Wendy Ologe who were so smart and made it look like I was dumb, on reading this it did not make me smile, I felt really bad.

I was disturbed that people were made to feel less of themselves because of other people who could learn better and that was something that worried me. Currently, the same guy who was considered “dumb” lectures in one of the biggest universities in Scotland.

He\’s a Ph.D. holder but this young guy was demeaned for not learning the only thing that saved him was because his parents gave their support and were able to find help for him. When you shame a child for not learning the child shuts down. We need to understand that yelling doesn\’t help a child, it doesn\’t help a child try harder, he shuts down the child from trying. And then for the children who even begin to try, they do not have the joy of learning. This is something we call “learned helplessness” in psychology, learned helplessness is one of the things that is currently besieging our generation today, where there is no zeal to learn. I know so many people, not one, not two, not even three who have read nothing since they came out of school despite that some of them made a 2.1, some of them even made the first class.

These people just decided that they would learn and then went on to cram, the brain naturally will stretch and learn, but they did not develop the joy to learn. There is a joy to be able to learn. They did not develop it and immediately that happened it shut them down. So they were just motivated to finish school and get a job and that is where they died because if you are not learning you are dying.

Flogging induces some kind of fear and also inflicts physical pain. So a lot of our children are not learning, they are just cramming because they have been forced. This explains why we lack innovation, this is why we lack people who can’t think through processes. This is why when they leave school they learn nothing and there are a lot of dead adults today, who learned absolutely nothing. I know someone who told me, he said coach the only time I started reading again, was when I joined the inner circle. I haven\’t read anything since I left school, but I left school with a 2.1.

The idea is to build a child to learn to become more, to have the zeal to learn. The greatest gift you can give to a child is the gift of learning, so if you give your child the gift of learning, you have given your child everything because trust me you will not be able to teach your children everything but when you give your child the gift of learning, it means that your child will have the interest to learn.

So is your child interested in learning or does your child just want to pass the exam? That cane in your hand is just a quick fix.

Now one can beat skills into a child. I have said that over and again and it is unfortunate that even in our schools we still have these things happening over and again. We have untrained people who just believe that the beating they give them made them what would they become. When you engage in corporal punishment as a means to make your child learn you are simply being lazy. Let me say that again when you engage in corporal punishment as a means to make your child learn, you are simply being lazy. You are just looking for a quick fix.

FOUR LEARNING BARRIERS
● the emotional barriers
● the knowledge barriers
● the developmental barriers  
● the motivational barriers.

1. Emotional barriers: What are these emotional barriers? Fear of failure, fear of lack of focus, resistance to change. Let me talk a bit about resistance to change. Part of what we were given with the kind of learning that we had growing up is the resistance to change.? That is why you are not growing and why you are where you are because you are resistant to change. One of the things that happened to dinosaurs is not because they were the weakest of the animals it\’s because they were just unable to adapt to change. Any animal that cannot change, would be lost. Forget all the conversations you are having today online and all the arguments. If you are not learning, you are going to be kicked out of the system.

2. Knowledge barriers: Knowledge barriers are another barrier to learning. What do we know? What do we know that can help? children struggle to learn. Unfortunately what you do not understand is that even though your parent did not have to learn, you are paying the price, you are paying the price for your parent\’s assumption today. Just put yourself in all of the things that I am sharing today. Does that sound like you? You are paying the price for all of those things they did not know, for the things they did the things the wrong way. We are paying the price for every single one of us. So when we say oh but we turned out okay. At what cost? Seek knowledge. intentions are not enough. You can love your children and kill your children. I have said that once again so loving your child is not enough, oh I love my child, oh why are you telling me how to parent my child? you love my child more than me?. Unfortunately, I cannot actually because you do not understand what love is. Love is being able to understand who you are parenting. Being able to learn from the place of knowledge and helping your child become better. In your mind, you think love is giving your child what it is that they need.

3. Developmental barriers: If there are developmental barriers, children will struggle with learning difficulties will have learning difficulties and it is not an indication of intellectual levels. So in the understanding, your child\’s learning style course, part of what we are going to be teaching is developmental barriers, learning disabilities, and brain development. Do you know that it is been stated that yelling and beating a child are environmental factors that affect brain development, including poor nutrition as well? I was watching a movie called Night School with Kevin Hart as the lead actor movie where he went back to school but his parents did not understand what he was going through. He was dyslexic, heavily dyslexic, he couldn\’t read, he couldn\’t write and this guy went to school, dropped out of school, when he had to go back until he had to go back again to school he was now diagnosed with dyslexia and imagine if the parents knew earlier on they would have helped him and all the things that he went through would not have gone through. So the lack of knowledge of his parents, he paid the price. Your child will pay price with a lack of knowledge. So let\’s move quickly so at that class there is a whole lot of developmental barriers. So we are going to be sharing how you can also help your child.

4. Motivational barriers: What are the things that can cause these motivational barriers? Lack of seeing the big picture. Since parents do not share the big picture about learning, there is no real motivation. The motivation is just this child needs to pass an exam and do well so they can make their parents proud. That is what most children will tell you. So the big picture is not clear.

5. Personal barriers: There are personal barriers; how we were created can be a barrier to learning. We were doing the review in the inner circle of the current book we are reading, “Why you act the way you do” by Tim Lahaye. You must have read that you can read that book several times but trust me when you read a book in the inner circle, it doesn\’t sound the same. A book read in the inner circle is different from a book read outside.
(Book a slot to join the inner circle here)

Learning styles: Your child\’s personality and your child\’s temperament. Do you know that if you are raising a sanguine who is a kinesthetic learner you are going to struggle more than someone who is raising a melancholic auditory learner? It is not the same. So you need to understand who you are parenting. The question is how many of us even know who we are parenting?
Who are you parenting?
Do know your child\’s personality?
Your barrier. In our upcoming “Understanding Your Child’s learning style, we will show how your child learns and how this can be a barrier.

Do you know that different kinds of learners learn differently? Your Child\’s personality and their temperament: Your child\’s personality is temperament like I said earlier when you have a sanguine child or you have a choleric child. A choleric child will probably be more focused than your sanguine child. Do you know that happens in the first place? Do you know why you can help your child who is sanguine create more focus? These are the questions we should be asking. These are the questions we should be looking at. So learning goes beyond I just want my child to top the class. When you  really teach your children the joy of learning, you do not need to be there for your children to do well. You do not need to be there for them to try to learn. You do not need to force them to learn. So if you find yourself in a place where you are forcing your children, oh you need to read if you do not read, oh this will happen and all of that, that is you, you are parenting from the place of fear.

To register for the Learning Style Course:
Pay #10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.Or You can JOIN online via this link.
https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse

You will also have access anytime to the course as you enroll because this course will happen on our online academy:

Parents who have ever taken this course always say \” this is a course they wish they took a long time ago\”.