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Today\’s blog post is one that I am particularly excited about. So buckle up your seatbelts because you are in for a ride.

Understanding yourself as a parent is one of the first prerequisites for effective parenting but let’s start by answering these questions:

•Did you get married with the intent of, \’I have just reached the age of marriage so having kids is the next step.
•Were you prepared to have a child?
• Did you ask the right questions before you started having children?
I guess not many of you will answer yes to these questions.

One of the things that I have come to realize is that many people were never prepared to become parents rather they all stumbled on parenting, they just became parents. So I can say that parenting happened to many of us.

I started my parenting journey looking for solutions and when I found the solution I realized that so many parents were also like me struggling to do things differently.

Many of us were on that table, where we started parenting without any inkling of what to expect. We do not even understand who we were. Understanding who you are as a parent is a big deal for effective parenting.

The question is, who are you? Are you able to answer this question. When we ask this question many people will typically answer that “I am a medical doctor, I am a teacher” But that\’s not who they are. The question of who you are is a very key and valid question that every single one of us must answer before we become parents.

The major problem we have today is that we do not even understand why we became parents in the first place. We are not aware of why we needed to be parents. We just became parents because it was time. So as a parent, one of the things I have found is the place of being able to see, to understand why you are doing what you are doing. Until you understand you are why you will keep going back and forth on your journey.

So I am asking you today again, Why did you become a parent? Forget about the why before you read this post, think about the why after you\’ve read this post. What would be your why? What would be that thing that would jolt you back to reality to be able to put things in perspective?

One of the reasons why children are born in the world is because we are to co-create with God. I heard one of my mentors say that “when there\’s a problem in the world, a child is sent for impact. If we do not understand that part of why we became parents is to co-create with God, then we will also miss the essence of being parents and that starts from where we begin to understand ourselves. How much do you know about yourself?

As parents, one of the things that happened is that we repeat what we know best. And most often than not, what we know best is from our experiences. What we know best is from the integral part of our values, our belief system, and the things that we hold through to parenting. These are all going to come from our experiences.

According to science, we all make inferences from our subconscious and our subconscious is formed between ages 0 to 7. Everything that happened to you while you were being parented is who you became and the lack of understanding of who you are is what drives us to do things against our better judgement.

There is no parenting without you understanding where you come from.
What are the areas that we need to look at when it comes to understanding ourselves better? What are the things that we must understand to become better parents? You cannot become a better parent without understanding a lot of the things that happened to you as a child? We can only parent better to the degree of what we know about our past, our emotional defenses, and our psychological struggles. This will determine how much we are creating a smoother or a more rugged road in raising our children.

“Your past, your experiences, your emotional defenses, your psychological struggles, are determining factors for how you will parent better today. “

Your past, your experiences, your emotional defenses, your psychological struggles, are determining factors for how you will parent better today.

What are the things that you would need to look at or you will need to find that you need to put together in perspective when it comes to parenting your children better?

1. Self-Awareness on Parenting Ideologies:
   a. Where do your ideas on parenting come from? That\’s the first question you want to ask yourself today. They come from how you were raised, they come from who you became, the past, where are they coming from?

Many of the times, I say over and again that in parenting the reason we are to question the things that the previous generation has done isn\’t to discredit the previous generation. It is to help us credit a better system for the generation to come. If we cannot question what was done to us, then we cannot become better as a people. So your ability to question the parenting ideologies that you already know is coming from the place of self-awareness. When you become self-aware, when you are on a journey to understand yourself, it gives you leverage over a whole lot of other things that you think that you know.

Other Self Awareness Questions:
b. Where do your expectations about children come from?
c. What would I like to change about my parenting today?
d. What does my child need from me today as a parent that is different from what I needed from my parents?
e. Is it possible that I am parenting a different kind of child from the child that I was to my parents?

2. My personality and my temperament:
This is another part of you that you want to understand as a parent to be able to effectively parent your child. What are your personality and Temperament? Temperament is one of the most powerful influences in your life, however, temperament is not destiny, but for you to make progress you need to understand that about yourself. The more you understand who you are, the more you can make changes that are required in different aspects of your life to become a better person. Have you been able to find out if you are tended towards being melancholic, choleric , sanguine, or phlegmatic in your behavior?

Currently, in level one in the inner circle, we are reading, why you act the way you do. There is so much to why you act the way you act. You can book a slot to join the inner circle program here

Have you ever questioned yourself, why do I act this way because this is going to affect the kind of parent that you eventually would become or you eventually are because now we are talking to parents and not people who want to become parents? Your personality is a very big deal. Do you know that who you have become, how you learn, your temperament will affect how you raise children?

Do you also know that who your parents were their temperament, their personality affected how they raised you? There’s something that we call the parenting advantage. So if your parents worked on becoming a better version of themselves, you probably had a parenting advantage over the next person. Parenting advantage can put you in a better place than your mates, just because you had forward-thinking parents. Now the question is, what parenting advantage will you give your children because you were their parent?

3. Learning Style: One of the biggest struggles I see parents have is not understanding how their children learn, but beyond that understanding how they learn. Many of us do not know how we learn. We do not know whether we are kinesthetic, Auditory, or Visual learners. One of the things that happens in our learning style class is that, parents come to that class to first understand themselves and when they get into that class they are humbled. They understand why what happened to them academically in school even happened to them in the first place. They begin to understand where a lot of things happened to them in the past. They begin to understand why some of them were called an olodo. They begin to understand that they probably were kind of such learners and they didn\’t find the space where they could learn from their environment and of course, they ended up not learning.
So one of the biggest challenges we have is not even that we do not understand who we are parenting, its that we do not understand who we are, to be able to parent who we are parenting. So you are teaching your child from your style of the learning. You do not even know what their style of learning style is, so you can really make so much impact and progress.

When we talk about the learning style course, we talk about how you understand, how it has helped other people become better and all of that. If you want to enroll for the understanding your child\’s learning style Course, you might want to jump on it now because the second early birds offer ends shortly. The first early bird offer is over. The second early bird offer is 10 500 instead of 20 500. You can grab this time limited offer by clicking this link 👉 https://selar.co/learningstylecourse

4.Emotional Awareness: You need to understand who you are emotionally. A lot of us do not know how to handle emotions in any way. How are you aware? What are you aware of when it comes to emotions? Do you know how you react to incidences? Do you know your emotional triggers? Part of what we did in the course we did last month “ Becoming an emotionally intelligent parent “ is for parents who understand who they are emotionally. A lot of us do not understand who we are emotionally, we are just parenting. we are just going along and just moving. Who are you emotionally? Do you know your emotional triggers? Do you know how you respond to different kind of emotions?

5. Your development and attachment style: There are different types of attachment but the one that is at the forefront is the secure attachment style, that\’s the best. That\’s the one that we advocate for. There\’s the avoidance attachment style and insecure attachment style, there are about four to five of them. Many of us do not understand the kind of attachment style that we had. We shared this extensively in our course becoming an emotionally intelligent parent and I shared in that course how your attachment style affects how you parent your children.

Are you still thinking of taking the course on \”Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style\”? 200+ parents are already onboard💃💃💃

In this course, You will learn how to eliminate screams at assignment times and home learning times and teach your child study skills by understanding how my child learns better.

Come 28th of March, 2022, I will be taking 200+ parents on this journey to Understanding How children learn.

To register for the Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style course, pay #10,500 instead of #20,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). ( This offer ends by tomorrow) The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/learningstylecourse

How negative disciplinary measures like flogging, yelling can hinder your child from learning: This is one topic that a lot of people fight, I remember that whenever this is shared in our Facebook community parents would always revolt by saying things like “we were flogged and we turned out okay” “are you saying that we shouldn\’t discipline our children” etc.

When you flog and yell at your child you not only damage their brain, you also change their brain connectivity

They often fail to realize that when we use negative disciplinary measures, we are not just damaging the child’s brain we are also changing how the brain connects. I was reading something recently when I was preparing for our upcoming course “understanding your child\’s learning style ( you can enroll here), I was reading something about learning disabilities and it has been linked to trauma. Some children who were traumatized from the experiences of flogging and yelling lost their fine motor skills and this hindered their learning. So the things that we do can hinder a child from learning.

When you are yelling you are either growing aggression or you are growing shame. People have said and asked the question, does this mean that we cannot raise our voice or we cannot say something, No!

In our No yelling challenge we have what we call the yell – O – meter, this yell meter differentiates what is yelling from other forms of communication, there is a level of your yelling that becomes bad.

If you are trying to make yelling an alarm system, it is okay. When a child is trying to run into the road for instance, of course, it is only natural that you raise your voice to say, no stop. What we are talking about is consistent, yelling of correction that we do. When we are constantly screaming, I know of children who are perpetually under siege because they need to do assignments every day by their parents. Their parents are constantly killing them just because they are trying to learn. So assignment time, the child already is scared of coming. The child is scared of going to school because in school they shut the child down, the child is scared of coming home because at home you have one cane in your hand.

Children do not learn in fear because the moment the brain senses fear, the learning center of the brain shuts down. A signal is passed to the brain that tells it, shut down this it is not a learning time.

Let me tell you a story about one of my primary school classmates, he shared this on our Facebook community and tagged me. When he was tagging me he said he was in class with people like Wendy Ologe who were so smart and made it look like I was dumb, on reading this it did not make me smile, I felt really bad.

I was disturbed that people were made to feel less of themselves because of other people who could learn better and that was something that worried me. Currently, the same guy who was considered “dumb” lectures in one of the biggest universities in Scotland.

He\’s a Ph.D. holder but this young guy was demeaned for not learning the only thing that saved him was because his parents gave their support and were able to find help for him. When you shame a child for not learning the child shuts down. We need to understand that yelling doesn\’t help a child, it doesn\’t help a child try harder, he shuts down the child from trying. And then for the children who even begin to try, they do not have the joy of learning. This is something we call “learned helplessness” in psychology, learned helplessness is one of the things that is currently besieging our generation today, where there is no zeal to learn. I know so many people, not one, not two, not even three who have read nothing since they came out of school despite that some of them made a 2.1, some of them even made the first class.

These people just decided that they would learn and then went on to cram, the brain naturally will stretch and learn, but they did not develop the joy to learn. There is a joy to be able to learn. They did not develop it and immediately that happened it shut them down. So they were just motivated to finish school and get a job and that is where they died because if you are not learning you are dying.

Flogging induces some kind of fear and also inflicts physical pain. So a lot of our children are not learning, they are just cramming because they have been forced. This explains why we lack innovation, this is why we lack people who can’t think through processes. This is why when they leave school they learn nothing and there are a lot of dead adults today, who learned absolutely nothing. I know someone who told me, he said coach the only time I started reading again, was when I joined the inner circle. I haven\’t read anything since I left school, but I left school with a 2.1.

The idea is to build a child to learn to become more, to have the zeal to learn. The greatest gift you can give to a child is the gift of learning, so if you give your child the gift of learning, you have given your child everything because trust me you will not be able to teach your children everything but when you give your child the gift of learning, it means that your child will have the interest to learn.

So is your child interested in learning or does your child just want to pass the exam? That cane in your hand is just a quick fix.

Now one can beat skills into a child. I have said that over and again and it is unfortunate that even in our schools we still have these things happening over and again. We have untrained people who just believe that the beating they give them made them what would they become. When you engage in corporal punishment as a means to make your child learn you are simply being lazy. Let me say that again when you engage in corporal punishment as a means to make your child learn, you are simply being lazy. You are just looking for a quick fix.

FOUR LEARNING BARRIERS
● the emotional barriers
● the knowledge barriers
● the developmental barriers  
● the motivational barriers.

1. Emotional barriers: What are these emotional barriers? Fear of failure, fear of lack of focus, resistance to change. Let me talk a bit about resistance to change. Part of what we were given with the kind of learning that we had growing up is the resistance to change.? That is why you are not growing and why you are where you are because you are resistant to change. One of the things that happened to dinosaurs is not because they were the weakest of the animals it\’s because they were just unable to adapt to change. Any animal that cannot change, would be lost. Forget all the conversations you are having today online and all the arguments. If you are not learning, you are going to be kicked out of the system.

2. Knowledge barriers: Knowledge barriers are another barrier to learning. What do we know? What do we know that can help? children struggle to learn. Unfortunately what you do not understand is that even though your parent did not have to learn, you are paying the price, you are paying the price for your parent\’s assumption today. Just put yourself in all of the things that I am sharing today. Does that sound like you? You are paying the price for all of those things they did not know, for the things they did the things the wrong way. We are paying the price for every single one of us. So when we say oh but we turned out okay. At what cost? Seek knowledge. intentions are not enough. You can love your children and kill your children. I have said that once again so loving your child is not enough, oh I love my child, oh why are you telling me how to parent my child? you love my child more than me?. Unfortunately, I cannot actually because you do not understand what love is. Love is being able to understand who you are parenting. Being able to learn from the place of knowledge and helping your child become better. In your mind, you think love is giving your child what it is that they need.

3. Developmental barriers: If there are developmental barriers, children will struggle with learning difficulties will have learning difficulties and it is not an indication of intellectual levels. So in the understanding, your child\’s learning style course, part of what we are going to be teaching is developmental barriers, learning disabilities, and brain development. Do you know that it is been stated that yelling and beating a child are environmental factors that affect brain development, including poor nutrition as well? I was watching a movie called Night School with Kevin Hart as the lead actor movie where he went back to school but his parents did not understand what he was going through. He was dyslexic, heavily dyslexic, he couldn\’t read, he couldn\’t write and this guy went to school, dropped out of school, when he had to go back until he had to go back again to school he was now diagnosed with dyslexia and imagine if the parents knew earlier on they would have helped him and all the things that he went through would not have gone through. So the lack of knowledge of his parents, he paid the price. Your child will pay price with a lack of knowledge. So let\’s move quickly so at that class there is a whole lot of developmental barriers. So we are going to be sharing how you can also help your child.

4. Motivational barriers: What are the things that can cause these motivational barriers? Lack of seeing the big picture. Since parents do not share the big picture about learning, there is no real motivation. The motivation is just this child needs to pass an exam and do well so they can make their parents proud. That is what most children will tell you. So the big picture is not clear.

5. Personal barriers: There are personal barriers; how we were created can be a barrier to learning. We were doing the review in the inner circle of the current book we are reading, “Why you act the way you do” by Tim Lahaye. You must have read that you can read that book several times but trust me when you read a book in the inner circle, it doesn\’t sound the same. A book read in the inner circle is different from a book read outside.
(Book a slot to join the inner circle here)

Learning styles: Your child\’s personality and your child\’s temperament. Do you know that if you are raising a sanguine who is a kinesthetic learner you are going to struggle more than someone who is raising a melancholic auditory learner? It is not the same. So you need to understand who you are parenting. The question is how many of us even know who we are parenting?
Who are you parenting?
Do know your child\’s personality?
Your barrier. In our upcoming “Understanding Your Child’s learning style, we will show how your child learns and how this can be a barrier.

Do you know that different kinds of learners learn differently? Your Child\’s personality and their temperament: Your child\’s personality is temperament like I said earlier when you have a sanguine child or you have a choleric child. A choleric child will probably be more focused than your sanguine child. Do you know that happens in the first place? Do you know why you can help your child who is sanguine create more focus? These are the questions we should be asking. These are the questions we should be looking at. So learning goes beyond I just want my child to top the class. When you  really teach your children the joy of learning, you do not need to be there for your children to do well. You do not need to be there for them to try to learn. You do not need to force them to learn. So if you find yourself in a place where you are forcing your children, oh you need to read if you do not read, oh this will happen and all of that, that is you, you are parenting from the place of fear.

To register for the Learning Style Course:
Pay #10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.Or You can JOIN online via this link.
https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse

You will also have access anytime to the course as you enroll because this course will happen on our online academy:

Parents who have ever taken this course always say \” this is a course they wish they took a long time ago\”.

One of the things that have become a big deal in parenting a child in the 21st century is Focus. Now we are seeing children who are struggling to concentrate, children whose attention span have become even a lot shorter. I was reading a research recently and it says that the attention span for teenagers have gone down to a few seconds per time, because of excessive exposure to screen and a lot of other distractions.

Studies have shown that smartphones not only remove focus but also disturb the way the brain is developing. Right now we are having children who were born with smartphones under their armpits, they are digital nomads. These children come into the space and they do not even understand what it means not to have internet. They do not understand what it means not to have a smartphone. We learned it but they are digital nomads, we were here when the smartphone came in and unfortunately nobody taught us how to parent the smartphone generation.

Which is the biggest challenge of this century. This is that we do not even understand how to navigate, how to balance the training between the children born in this time and what it is that we have. This is why parenting education is no longer negotiable. Our parents transitioned into the times, there were no major changes, there were no major hits. But right now, we are not just a transitioning into the time, the times have changed, you must always put this in perspective in your parenting.

So the question remains; how do we evolve this education for these digital nomads?

How do we help them create more focus? I was teaching the parents in our inner circle program and I said to them, that if you do not build focus and concentration in your children we are going to get to a point where they would need to pay heavily to manage distractions in their children. I am a distraction manager, so there is something called distraction management, I know families that I work with, and the major challenge that they have is focused on concentration.

You can book a slot to join my Inner Circle Program Here)

When we talk about concentration, it says that the average four to five-year-old can focus on task two to five minutes times their age. Can you do the math?

If you have a five-year-old, the average focus for that five-year-old is two to five minutes times their age. So your five years old is supposed to have at least two minutes. if we calculate on based on two minutes, that\’s at least a ten minutes focus attention span. Right now as we speak, we do not even have toddlers focusing more than a minute. So we are talking about 10 minutes originally put together, but we do not even have children who can focus anymore.
How many of us are noticing that this is a challenge?
How many of us are taking out time to help our children build focus?
How many of us are taking out time to help our children build concentration?

When you come into the academy, one of the first things that I tell you is that the things that your children need to learn to thrive are not on the screen. I was analyzing something recently, about the world tech gurus. The world tech gurus didn\’t become the world tech gurus because they were exposed to screen, they became the world tech gurus because they could think. One way parents justify excessive screen time is by saying they saying that they want their child to be tech-savvy.

I was listening to a documentary on the Japanese children and I listened to how they were grouped from zero to seven and in all of those ages zero to seven, they tried not to introduce the screen. Also, these children do not start formal school until they are about six or seven years of. By the time they now take them to the classroom, boom they are like machines. They teach them manners first, they teach them how to think first before they take them to the tech world. Unfortunately what we are doing now is the reverse. So we are now teaching our children how to be in the tech world without the basics that they need. Very interesting turn and that is why places like Japan, Chinese are leading the world tech system.

Mark Zuckerberg ,Bill Gate and all of the tech giants in Silicon Valley didn\’t become the world giants because they were techier than others, they became the world tech giants because they could think, they were better thinker. So focus functions as a gateway to higher functioning skills.

A child cannot assess higher forms of learning especially memory, because memory is what leads to deeper comprehension. Without the ability to pay attention to something, children are not going to be able to process information, they will not be able to consolidate into this memory and this means that they will not be able to interpret, comprehend, analyze, criticize and synthesize information.

How To You Help Your Children Learn Focus?

1. Teach your children to think: Many of the times a child does something and you are very quick to jump in into correction, you are teaching your child how not to think. Mistakes are one of the biggest tools to use in parenting. You see those mistakes that you are angry that it is happening, they are one of the most profound tools that you need in parenting today. So if your child makes a mistake and you understand that you need to teach your children how to think, you will get to a point where you are giving room for your children to think.o

2. Teach your children how to deal with distractions.

Many of the times, what we do is that we teach our children not to be distracted but we do not teach them how to deal with distraction. Distraction will never go away. You cannot eliminate distraction no matter. Beyond eliminating distractions, you need to teach your children how to deal with distractions. Distraction is never going to go away completely. We need to teach them how to refocus as soon as they are distracted.Help your children practice mindfulness, when you get distracted, how do you put yourself back to start again?

3. You need to understand your child\’s learning style. In helping your child improve concentration, you will need to understand how your child learns. When I started parenting, I struggled with this. I have a set of twins, my daughter started reading as early as four but my son was struggling, and I didn\’t know that I was probably teaching my children with my learning style. If you cannot understand how a child learns, you cannot teach them how to focus and how to manage distraction, and also how to put the concentration in. We have been able to help him to improve his auditory learning style, his visual learning style since he is a dominant aesthetic learner.

“In helping your child improve concentration, you will need to understand how your child learns.“

We have a lot of children that we call olodo. For a lot of those of you who are Nigerians, olodo is a Nigerian term used to describe a dumb child, and many of the times, I have found that it is not the child\’s fault, it is actually that we do not understand how this child learns, so we are constantly struggling on how we can teach this child. This is why we have the course understanding your child\’s learning style in the academy, where you can learn and understand how your child learns. Now one of the things that this helped me do was that it did not only help me with his learning, right now he\’s a star in school but it helped me also to manage misbehaviors. I got to understand that discipline is teaching but we are constantly struggling because we are not teaching. So when you understand that it\’s teaching, then you need to understand who you are parenting.

Join the learning style course here and enjoy a whopping discount of over 50%. Click HERE to join.

4. Let your children read. Reading has been found as a way to teach your children how to focus and concentrate. Let them read big texts, large words. As soon as the twins turned 10, we started introducing them to reading a 400 pager book on purpose. It is going to build a lot of concentration. Now if your child hasn\’t started reading at all, read to them. The more you can read to your child, the more your child can see it and retain it. If your child has started reading, please create a system where your children are constantly reading, it is going to help build a lot of focus. So when we are talking about focus. We are talking about how it can help your child put a lot in perspective. If you do not build it as a skill, when your children are young, they will continue to struggle with it even as adults.

5. Teach your children how to boost brainpower.

How do I teach my children to boost brain power you ask? The kind of games your children play, Puzzles, crosswords can help boost their brainpower. If your children play a game that lets them think, your children are going to be better positioned to focus. If your child is not very good with focus, the first thing you get is a building block, a tiny lego piece. I am talking about from like 7, 8 of age your child is going to feel very frustrated because it takes a lot of focus.
Do not worry about what is happening when this is happening, do not worry when the child is throwing a tantrum and all of that. You need to gradually build this focus one step at a time. So even when you have toddlers, who go to play on a playground, get them to name the shapes that they see on the floor. it is a way to build focus.
When it comes to every child, every child is uniquely different. So because every child is uniquely different that is why you will need to understand who your child is, how your child learns and what personality your child is. It helps you parents better with peace and calm.

Starting from the 28th of March 2022, we\’ll be taking hundreds of parents on this journey of discovering how their children learn and strategies on they can accelerate their learning.

Do you know how your child learns? Do you want to know? You can join our upcoming class on Understanding your child\’s learning style.

To register for the Learning Style Course:
Pay #8,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.Or you can join online via this link. https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse

On the 10th of March my birthday, the first early bird will end and you pay more. You will also have access anytime to the course as you enroll because this course will happen on our online academy: Parents who have ever taken this course always say \” this is a course they wish they took a long time ago\”.

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-12–Emotional-Intelligence–the-real-deal-e1evqf4

In this blogpost I will be sharing on how to raise and protect your child in the digital world.

Navigating digital parenting is something that a lot of parents are worried about. Parents are constantly panicking about all the drama that comes with raising children in this digital world. The truth of the matter is that this is not going to end, we are going to have to deal with this for a long while. When we talk about digital parenting, many of the times people look at it to be separate from parenting. Digital parenting is simply parenting in today\’s world. A lot of people want to shy away from the fact that digital parenting is a thing, but here we are. We need to raise and protect our children in today’s world.

So, the question is” how are we going to be protect our children? What exactly are we doing?

Recently , a parent said to me ” I really do not know what to do with my children as regards the media” Its important you realise that parents who keep an eye on their young children and their teenagers online are referred to as digital parents. You agree with me that many of our children were born with digital devices under their arm and one of the biggest parenting tragedies we have today is what we call the knowledge barriers.

According to research there are three different styles of digital parenting. By reading this blogpost, you will find out which one you are.
There are three different styles of digital parenting;
1.Limiting digital parent.
2.Enabling digital parent.
3.Mentoring digital parent.

Before we delve into what kind of digital parent you are , please answer these question:
•Are You a limiter
•Are you an enabler
or Are you a mentor of your child\’s digital experiences? You need to decide which you are and by the time we are done reading this blogpost you will be able to understand where you are and also understand what you should be doing to help your children even fare better.

1. The Enabling Digital Parents:
   As an enabling digital parent, you believe that a time spent on digital technology, on screen or TV are all learning times. Now what enabler parents do is that; they give their children access to all manner of devices ; it could be a game console, TV, Ipad, Smartphones, all sorts of devices. An enabler parent just thinks that, well ”I am going to give my children access to these devices. There is a lot to learn online and my children should have this access to explore. So, they usually give their children access to be able to take initiative on what to do and what not to do. The enablers do not really understand why a child should be limited with technology, after all they are born in this world. They are tech savvy, just allow them to just be in the tech community.

2. The Limiting Digital Parents:

The idea of the limiting digital parentis the opposite of the Enablers. They have learned about the negative sides of being online, being on screen and they have decided that their children would have none of that after all when they were growing up, they have zero to no access to smartphones. My children are not going to have access and it’s not going to kill them. What they do is to shut down their children from digital technology. Their children do not have access to technology and screens . They have the opinion that limiting them is the best thing that can happen to them.

3.The Mentoring Digital Parent:

The mentoring digital parent is the balance between the enablers and the limiters. The mentoring digital parents are the ones that have the media plan in their homes. There is a plan on what should happen and how it should happen when it comes to media. Now, while both the Limiters and the Enablers do not have any form of guide, even the ones that are say that their children don\’t have access (which is almost unrealistic because your children are going to have access using other places ,limiting them is not your best bet)

Both Limiters and Enablers do not have any plan in place. They are not thinking of teaching their children anything. All they know is well, the internet is here. For the Enablers just go ahead and just have access. For the limiters, no you cannot have access at all. Unfortunately, with these two styles of digital parenting, the children eventually gain access to what happens online and they get confused because there was no plan for the exposure to that world. The family does not believe in parenting with a media plan.

During the pandemic, we came up with the media plan in the Academy, it is called The Family Media Plan. There were a lot of questions that were coming to me. People asked questions like : when should I give my children telephone to use? At what age?

To answer those barrage of questions ,I hosted a live session on our YouTube channel, Click HERE to watch that session.

How To Raise And Protect Your Child In The Digital World:

1. Set Rules For Yourself.
   In the media plan we have a section where you are to state rules and things that must be acceptable to your family per time.
   Things to think about before you post. Is this content appropriate?Set your rules, you may want to avoid partial nudity of shots. This would depend on your family values. In my family , we have a rule where there is no partial nudity of shots of my children , my husband and I anywhere online including swim wears and all of that. It is a decision, It is a rule.
   You can make yours for your family as well.
   Do you want to post full frontal face shots?
   Do you want to post an angle?.
   Are you sharing images with people you know and trust?
   You need to begin to review what it is that you take out there.

2. The Devil Is In The Detail.
Strangers learn more about your children from the single photo that you share. Where they are found during certain hours , the school they attend etc You need to set these rules and understand details.

What details do you want to be out there? I see a lot of people who snap pictures with their children school uniforms, tiny details and by the time I zoom in and you can see the name of their school, you can look at the location, share the location and all of that. Tagging pictures to locations. These are things that you might want to check. And while you might want to share proud moments and all of that, consider not putting in a lot of details those tiny details.
Every digital photograph contains metadata that record time, data, GPS co-ordinates and all of that. Sometimes when I take a picture and don’t want people to know where it is my picture was shared from, I simply screenshot it and share instead. When you screenshot a picture to share, it limits the amount of information that can be gotten from that photograp, it also ensures that the image resolution is low, this lowers the chances of the images being used. This is if you are a family that is conscious about the details that is out there.

3. Ask Before Sharing:
By the time my children became older, when we could have conversations on digital parenting and all of the things that we need to do , I made sure to ask my children if I it was okay to share their picture.

Do you know that there are pictures of our children we have shared that in the next 30 – 40 years, those pictures would not be okay to be online. These children are digital citizens and it is important that we consider these things. When you ask them, it also means that they understand that they cannot just take anybody\’s stuff share , it also gives that respect. Have an open conversation about what they are happy to share and the things that they want you to actually put out there.

Sometimes, I do a video in the home and my children will be the first to say, this is not a video that should go out and because I have taught the.I say things like ”nobody shows anybody this picture”, it is a family picture.We take a lot of pictures in my home, we share pictures on social media as well but we are also very conscious of what it is that we share. So, when your child is old enough ask for permission, this establishes the privacy first mentality. Where you need to set up a healthier relationship with technology.

4. Have An Ongoing Conversation About What Your Children Are Doing Online.
Because we have a media plan that is very rich and reviewed at every point in time, we are able to have an ongoing conversation on technology. What is happening online, what they need to do?
We need to understand some of these things and this would happen according to our family values. Again, this is not me saying that this is how it works in my house come and do it the way it works in my house, No. I am saying you must parent from the place of your value but the question is do you even know what that value is? So, what are they doing online? What is happening? You need to keep track. Know what your child is doing per time.

A parent reached out to me and said, my teenager is always reading books online, I don\’t even know what it is that they are read, I don\’t have the time to even check what it is that they are doing. You are not too sure that is a book that your teenager is reading. Do you know the number of children who are disguised into pornography today? It is very important that we look out for it. No matter the password that you have on any device, without connection you will miss it.

5. Educate Yourself.
I see a lot of parents say, I don\’t really know how these things work, I am not tech savvy, i cant navigate these devices. When you say things like this, your children call you BBT(Born Before Technology) ,they just look at you as someone who cannot even operate a simple smart TV. Do not let your children call you born before technology. Learn how to use tech. Learn how to put a lot of things in perspective as regards the use of technology. If you are teaching a child and you are parenting in the digital world, please note, you cannot do that without first educating yourself. If you don\’t learn, you will make a total mess of your journey. A lot of us do not even know that our children watch porn on our own devices and you can\’t find it. You can\’t find it because you are not even interested. You don\’t even know what to find. You do not even want to understand how to create a media plan. How to create a system in your home. You don\’t want to want to learn. One of the things you owe your child is to learn about their world. Stop telling me that it is not my time, I don\’t know how to use all these things. You are being culturally unintelligent. Cultural intelligence teaches us that we are able to look at the culture of other people and begin to actually learn it. So please stand up today and learn it. You need to educate yourself.

6. Create A family Media Plan.
Your family media plan is what puts everything in perspective. With a family media plan, your children will be able to understand what is acceptable in your home and what is not acceptable when it comes to media.

When my children’s friends are around many of the times and they want to watch something and you hear them say, it\’s not allowed to watch in our home and we don\’t also watch it for now. Because we have a media plan spelled out and have an ongoing conversation on why. We are not just telling our children, this is how, we are telling them, this is why because like I often say, he who knows why is greater than he who knows how. So, if your child only knows your hows, your child will try to understand the why and in the understanding the why, if they have never learnt it, they might mess up the process of the why. So, he who knows why is better than he who knows how. Your media plan is what gives your children the “why” system. Why am I doing this? Why have I been told not to go online alone? That is what your media plan presents to you. And then in that media plan it creates a strategy. It creates a strategy that will help your children understand what it is.

After reading through the Family Media Plan we launched in 2020 A parent reached out to me to say…. \”Hello mam, I have retrieved my daughter\’s phone and apologized to her, we are starting over Wendy! God bless you for writing this guide you don\’t know how many families you have helped!

If you gave your child any gadget without a guide ; please retrieve it and start all over . Get a copy of our Family Media Plan to help and guide you create a plan.

If you are about to hand your teen a phone ; this guide will be the best thing that will happen to you and your teen.

We currently have almost 10,000 parents working with this guide to restructure their media plan.Trust me You will need this as a Parent at any stage of parenting.

Want a Copy of this guide? Simply use link to get your Guide
https://selar.co/FamilyMediaPlan

Are you about to give your child a phone? A gadget? Do they play computer games? Or even Regular Tv? Then you need this guide.We currently have an offer of 25% off so instead of N, 2000 you get this for N1,500 only for a limited Time and this will revert back to N2,000.

Every child learns to lie until you can teach them the value of honesty!! Flogging a child for lying doesn\’t stop them from lying, they only learn how to lie without you getting to know😁

There are better ways to teach a child how to stop lying…

In this blog post, I will respond to a question that I have gotten several times in the academy “Help, My Child Is Always Lying”

When parents say that they have never lied, I smirk because that in itself is the biggest lie of the century .😁😁

How Does Lie Start
Lying starts as a basic survival skill, everyone wants to survive including children, toddlers. So between the ages of 2-5, they learn to bend the truth. No child wants to be beaten, punished, or face the consequences of their actions, so what they do in a bid to avoid this is to lie. As much as this looks like nothing, to your child, it is a big deal

Lying is a behavior, so this implies that parents would need to teach their kids that lying should not be a coping mechanism. It is a skill to teach your child how not to lie and these skills are called rational skills: skills that children need to learn on how lying cannot serve them.

3 Reasons Why Children Lie:

1. Fantasy: Between ages 2 to 4, a child starts fantasizing
2. Bragging: Children lie for bragging rights, this is a result of low self-esteem and peer pressure.
3. Preventing Negative Consequences.

Lying is one of the earliest lessons we learn in life, and it is one of our first self-realization and reaction. When you beat a child for lying, they don\’t automatically stop lying, the device is a way to lie better. Beating a child gives you instant gratification but does that serve the child? They become hypocrites and master the art of lying.

Age-by-Age Guide to Lying

Lying is a sign of healthy development in a Child, It\’s an important developmental milestone in Children, research shows that 4-5-year-olds lie every 2 hours, so lying is normal but we are not encouraging you to ignore it. It is your responsibility to teach honestly.

From toddlers to preschoolers, they learn to exaggerate things that can be seen as a lie as well, they express their rich imagination through exaggeration. When you hit a Child for being creative, their creativity is killed.

5 to 7-year-Olds, they lie to escape or get what they want the responsibility. At this age, friends are becoming important to them so they also lie to brag or tell a feeble.

8 and Above, at this age lie, has become more intentional. They lie to impress people, they gain social standing.

What Can I Do Raise Honest Children
1. Figure Out Your Child\’s Motivation For Lying :Until you figure out why your child is lying, you can never deal with the problem of lying because lying is inherent in that Child. Start by considering how you respond when a child slips, how do you respond when your child makes mistakes, this will determine if your child will lie to you or not. If your disciplinary measures are too harsh, your Child will escape them. Humans are greater to survive, so they will do their best to avoid it.

2. You Must Nurture Self Esteem In Your Child: Confident Children are less likely to embellish the truth, so they don\’t lie for bragging or to prove a point. One of the things that erode a child\’s self-esteem is bad discipline, a lot of us are raised with negative discipline and we are doing the same to our children. So most of our parenting process erodes self-esteem that\’s why we have more liars.

3. Teach Your Children By Modelling Honesty: This is an extra effort you need to put in to teach your children honestly. Many parents are chronic liars without realizing it, they tell lies while bragging to their Children that they have never lied. You must model honestly if you want to raise honest Children.

4. Take Away The Infallibility Theory From Your Parenting: If you don\’t take the infallibility theory from your parenting, you will raise hypocrites. If you don\’t take the perfectionist system where you claim to be perfect and your children need to be perfect you will not be able to raise children who have rational skills and can be honest at all times.

5. Learn To Be Honest With Your Emotions:

One of the things we learned in January for parents in our inner circle program is social intelligence and parents in the program will attest that social intelligence is a subject that is quite deep.

Social skills are skills that help children thrive, while academic excellence is great, without teaching social and emotional intelligence to your child, you have failed them.In this blogpost we will look at 10 Social Skills Every Child Needs To Thrive in 2022

1.Effective Communication: Effective communication involves making eye contact, to teach your children to make eye contact, you can share stories and illustrations. Listening is also one communication skill that is required, listening is not about staring or staying quiet, it involves absorbing. Listening is a critical component of healthy conversations.

2. Accepting Consequences: When a child is wrong, what most parents do is that they bring out the cane and flog without helping their child learn to understand the consequences of their action.

3.Following Direction: Children generally have difficulty with following directions, whether you are instructing your child to clean their room, or instructing them to learn how to do something, your child needs to follow instructions but before you expect your child to follow directions, it is important that you are giving those directions the way it should be.

4. Flexible /Cognitive Thinking: This is a key social skill, this is also known as mental flexibility or cognitive thinking. This is a child\’s ability to have a problem and be able to think up several solutions. You do your child a disservice when you do not engage them to think in flexible thinking, it deters their ability to connect with the social system.

Children who have difficulty in thinking don\’t have the ability to think beyond the mob based way of doing things.Children who have weak flexibility have problems with taking up responsibiliies as they get older and problem solving.

There are two skills that make up cognitive thinking: 1) Flexible Thinking 2) Set shifting

5. Conflict Resolution: Generally we have a problem with solving problems. To help your Child solve problems, they must first learn how to manage their emotions.

6.Self Regulatory Skills: This is another skill that your child needs to thrive in the 21st century, there are tons of people who are a mess because they lack the ability to self regulate.Without self regulations, your children cannot control their emotions which are drivers of relationships. You can register for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course” Here.

A part of self regulation is a child\’s ability to impulse control and without this ability, a child can get into ADDICTIONS. If you cannot self regulate, you need to seek help, part of what our upbringing gave us, was the inability to seek help. Asking for help is a sign that you are growing.

7. Taking Responsibilities: We are raising children who can\’t take responsibilities for their actions. The moment you take on to beating a child, you teach them irresponsibility because you are being irresponsible with your own emotions. They ability to put your emotions in check turns around your parenting journey.

Until you work on your emotions, you will always find yourself struggling with correcting a misbehaviour.

The Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent parent course is launching for the quarter for the first time and only time this year

90% of Parent who come to me have a problem with controlling their emotions. I often hear them say \”I really want to always get hold of myself but I just can\’t \” .

Do you know why? It\’s a skill, you can\’t wish it. I have once been at that point where I was \”wishing it\” but until I learnt it nothing changed.

To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 instead of #20,500 to: 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040. You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent

That course will teach you;

✔how your emotions control 90% of your relationship with child.

✔️How emotional Intelligent is key to your journey.

✔️Simple and proven techniques to practice EI with your family.

✔Learn that parenting with peace and calm is possible.

✔Strategies I have shared with thousands of parents in over 4 years and have had results on them.

✔️Practical learning experience with live project work and examples

What are you doing to become a better you?

Parenting is about you not your child!

©Wendy Ologe

In this blogpost, I will be sharing 7 ways to nurture self-esteem in your children. We’ll consider what you can do more to nurture this in your children.

Parenting is a learned skill, the first time parents hear this they are shocked. When we talk about self-esteem it involves a person’s general feeling of self-worth.

• 

One of the biggest tools in revamping self-esteem is parenting. Self-confidence comes from how much you believe in yourself and this stems from what you heard. This comes from the inner voice in you also called an “inner child”. 95% of what we do comes from our subconscious mind. Research states that this was formed from age 0 to 7, so the question is what happened between age 0 to 7 of your life. Have you been able to sit back and access what happened in the first 7 years of your life?

Many factors determine self-esteem and they include:

• Self-worth
• Identity
• Sense of belonging
• Feeling competent
• 1.Self Worth: Parenting is a big deal, a lot of people get shattered from childhood. Issues around self-esteem can be traced back to parenting. One of the things we don\’t realize is that we can\’t press delete in the brain, so when something happens, it takes much more to rebuild that child than when you had a window of opportunity. No parent intentionally sets out to crush their children’s self-esteem, feel insecure, feel less competent but when you have the wrong tool this happens by default.

This is why I always say that parenting is such a big deal, it is a window of opportunity to make or mar your child and you must be able to step up to this responsibility. The place of responsibility cannot be undermined.

1. Identity: Does your child know who they are? Part of the first thing you do when you come into our inner circle program is to figure out your family values. Growing up, our parents assumed that we knew who we are but unfortunately it backfired. It is through these values that your children begin to know their identity. Everything you do as a parent makes or mar your Children.
2. Sense of Belonging: If you cannot connect with your children, they can\’t have a sense of belonging. When children question their parent\’s love, it deteriorates their self-esteem.

7 WAYS TO NURTURE YOUR SELF ESTEEM

1. Stop preventing your children from struggles and failures, allow them to take healthy risks. When you prevent your Children from struggles, failures, and disappointments, they can\’t get motivated. When you don\’t allow your children to take healthy risks you kill their self-esteem, they won\’t understand that struggles and failures are a part of life. It builds confidence and helps your child realize that they can go through the process. Humans are created to solve problems, humans are created to create. When they walk through the process, they build resilience.
2. Use the Discipline That Works: Self-esteem is one thing that gets easily eroded when you don\’t use the discipline that works, the reason is that when a child does something wrong you become agitated and afraid then anger is triggered and at that instance most parents who are not emotionally intelligent explode.Your child\’s self-esteem is hinged on your actions. This is further explained in my book “Discipline That Works”, you can order for my book HERE
3. You need to take responsibility and work on your emotions: Working on your emotions precedes using the discipline that works. Children who are yelled at continuously have been found to have low self-esteem. When you tell at your children, something happens that shuts down the learning center, so It\’s either that your child tones off or it shuts down their learning center. Yelling erodes their self-concept. You need to be responsible for relearning your emotions.

• 

Punishment impacts the emotional brain while discipline impacts the thinking brain. In my upcoming course, Becoming the Emotionally Intelligent Parent “ you will learn how to relearn and rewire the emotional brain.Register for the course HERE

1. You Need To Connect With your Child. The more connected you are with your child, the more you can build their sense of belonging and feeling of security. The feeling of security is very important for a child who is trying to build their self-esteem concept.
2. Don\’t Overpraise Your Children: Praise the process your child takes to achieve a result and not the result. This teaches a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset.
3. Teach Your Children How To Say No:
   For you to teach your children to say no, they have to be able to say no to you. Your children need to understand that it is okay to Say No and for others to say No to them.
4. Teach Your Children To Take Responsibility

As a parent, do you resort to hitting your children at the slightest error? Is this frustrating you?Are you measuring your success as a parent by the quality of the relationship you have with your child, or by how effectively you can control your child?

Do you recognize that you are responsible to your children and not just for them?

Do you get so angry that you see yourself overreacting?

If you have answered these questions in the affirmative then this course is for you!

People with well-developed emotional skills are more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of the mind that foster their productivity.

People who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought.

This course will show you in practical terms how you can work on your emotions and use them positively in your journey as a parent.

To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 to: 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040. You can register online by clicking https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent

http://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-11-Why-Social-Skills-Is-Crucial-For-Everyone-e1d20nr

In a recent live session that I shared on my Facebook timeline, someone commented that sometimes children cry for no reason, and I responded that a child can\’t cry for no reason.

There are different reasons why children cry, before I state those reasons, these are four primary emotions that we all share as humans.
1. Happiness
2. Anger
3. Sadness
4. Fear
Crying can be associated with the emotions listed above.

Crying is a primary means of communication when you are constantly agitated. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says 2 to 3 hours of crying a day in the first 3 months of life is considered normal.As a Child gets older, they learn other effective ways to communicate and then crying minimizes. But crying remains an effective way for them to communicate.

To help decipher your child’s reason for crying, consider these age-appropriate reasons…

Toddler (1–3 years): Emotions and tantrums tend to rule at this age, and they’re likely triggered by being tired, frustrated, embarrassed, or confused.

Preschool (4–5 years): Hurt feelings or injury are often to blame.

School-age (5+ years): Physical injury or loss of something special are key triggers for crying in this age group.

When you beat your Child for crying, you shut down your child’s emotional competence.

7 Reasons Why Children Cry

1. They’re hungry

If you’re approaching mealtime and your Child gets cranky, starts to fuss, hunger is the first thing to consider.This happens especially to babies.

2. They’re feeling pain or discomfort

Pain and discomfort that you can’t see are often reasons your kid may be crying. Stomach aches, tooth ache, and ear ached are examples to consider when your child is crying.This can also happen to older children who have not been taught to regulate their emotions.

3. They’re tired

Whether it’s the meltdown or tantrum, kids of all ages can find themselves in a puddle of tears if they are overly tired.

4. They’re overstimulated

Overstimulation is a trigger for kids of all ages. In infants and preschool-age kids, too much noise, visual effects, or people can cause crying. You may notice your child looking around or trying to take shelter behind your leg or in a corner before they start crying.

5. They’re stressed or frustrated

Stress and frustration can look different depending on the situation. Maybe your little one wants something that you won’t give them, like your phone, or they’re frustrated because their toy isn’t working the way they’d like.

6. They need attention

Children can give negative reactions for your attention. Sometimes kids just need our attention, and they can’t or don’t know how to ask for it. If you’ve ruled out all other causes of crying, such as hunger, fatigue, overstimulation, and frustration, it might be time to ask yourself if they just need some time with you.

7. They’re feeling separation anxiety

Separation anxiety can happen at any point in your child’s life, many times when toddlers are being separated they can get anxious.

What to do when your child is crying.
1. Don\’t Distract Them:
When you distract your child when they are crying, you miss the chance for them to connect and learn emotions regulation skills.

2. Don’t Punish
When your child is crying, do not
punish, shame, judge, threaten, discipline, or preach. An upset child is not a listening Child.

3. Do Not Ask Them to Stop Crying
When you ask your Child to stop crying, you send a message that their feelings and emotions are not important or valid.

4. Do Not Ask Them Too Many Questions
When your child is full of overwhelming feelings, they do not have the ability to provide answers to your questions. Keep your questions for later.

5. No Buts
When empathizing with your Child, NO BUT\’S. Even if your corrections are valid, but at that time all your child needs is empathy. When you say but….. you explain away your Child\’s feelings.

How Can You Get Your Kid To Stop Crying?

Understanding the reason for crying is always a good first step. “Trying to address the reason — if you can determine what the reason is — and if you think the reason needs to be addressed, is often an efficient way to make the crying stop, which is the goal of many parents,” says Woods.

Once you know the reason for the tears, you can help your child identify, understand, and manage the emotion behind the expression. But before you can do this, it’s important to check your own emotional temperature.

Make sure you’re calm

If you’re running hot, it might be time to step away, take a deep breath, and collect yourself before you address your child — especially if the crying is too much for you.

If your children are older, it’s still perfectly OK to take a time-out for both you and them, by sending them to their room or stepping outside for a moment while they’re in a safe place in the home.

Pay attention to your words

After checking your emotional temperature, the next step is to avoid making blanket statements or judging their behavior. Saying things like “only babies cry” or “stop crying” is not going to help them calm down, and it may make the situation worse.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS THE ANSWER.

A Parent approached me for a coaching session on an issue that looked \”unsolvable\”. She has been battling with a behaviour her child picked up about 6 years ago. She said she had tried everything she knows, Including \”Beating, punishing, shouting etc. all to no avail.

She wanted me to just give her a magic solution on \”what she will tell the child and it just stops\”

My first line of response to her was \”Getting this problem solved is about you not your child, My job is to show you how!!
You have done all you know, sometimes all you know is not enough.

I suggested to her that we go through an Emotional Intelligence Coaching session.

At first she was reluctant. , my response was not good enough😃. She said to me \”this is not what I need, I just need my child to stop this behaviour, I am lossing it.\”

My response to her was simple……

You are not yet in the right frame of mind to tackle this issue. You will keep lossing it because you don\’t have control of your emotions. You need someone to show you how. Someone who has worn your shoes before💃
What you daughter needs now is a \”listener\”, a \”non-judger\”, Someone who will acknowledge her current state, and begin to influence her not \”force her\”/bully her.

Eventually I was able to convince her to go through the coaching session on \”Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent\” .

After the 3days coaching session. Her reviews brought tears to me eyes

She said \”Wendy you were sent to me\” You don\’t know what you have done , I owe you, I can\’t pay you enough, more parents need it; We need knowlegde\”.

If you find yourself battling with a bad behaviour from your child and you are thinking that using force /coporal punishment will help…….
I am here to burst your bubble 😛😛😛
IT WILL NEVER HELP.

All you will do is to end up raising a \”Hypocrite\”, Who will pretend and do your bidding when you are there, and continue what he/she wants when you are not there.

Many times it takes you! not the child.
Stop bullying your child, learn the skill to help you parent without bullying and aggression

Emotional Intelligence skills put you as a master/influencer over your child, not a major general .

Today we launched our first course for the Year “Becoming an emotionally intelligent Parent Self Paced Course. To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 instead of #20,500 to: 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent (link in bio)

Parenting is a learnt skill, Never forget that.

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-11-Why-Social-Skills-Is-Crucial-For-Everyone-e1d20nr

It is no longer news that there are skills that will make your Child thrive better than others in this century and in this blog post, I will be sharing with you “Skills that you need to parent in 2021. These skills are skills that you need to start building on.

Children who are skilled are easy to parent, for you to have skilled children, you must be skilled yourself.

Skills You Need To Parent In 2022

1. Behavioral Management Skills: These are skills needed for behavioral Management. These skills can be classified as ( Disciplinary skills and emotions control skills) A lot of the time we fight with behavioral Management because our children lack skills. This skill is a core skill. What do you know about how to discipline your child? What do you know about the discipline that works? Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. We are at loggerheads because. We lack these skills

One of the major mishaps of this season is that we are raising children who are more knowledgeable than us, so you must ask yourself at every given time, “What knowledge do I have “?

2. Relationship Skills: Our theme in the academy this 2022 is “Social Intelligence\” and one of the things we are doing is looking at social intelligence and how to break it down to teach our children ( You can book a slot for the inner circle program for 2023 here). Social neuroscience has been able to link some terminal diseases to a lack of relationships. As common and as little social intelligence is, it affects the outcome of one\’s life. How you relate with your spouse can affect how your children are raised. We are raising children who lack relationship skills. To teach social intelligence, you need to learn about it

3. Connection Skills: Relationship skills and connection skills are linked together, one of the major challenges that I have seen is that connection is a big deal. I have noticed that most times, our parenting is not about connection but force, coercion, pressure because we do not have what it takes to build relationships at all fronts we are constantly fighting our children. I have seen several parents who came into the academy who could not connect with their children,they unintentionally ignored their children. The major problem of connection Skills is that we didn’t have a connection with our parents. Because Parenting characteristics are reflective,we simply passed this on to our children. The major reason we can’t connect is lack of emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence is the bedrock of effective parenting.

4. Spiritual Skills: A few days ago, I was having a conversation with a parent and I was talking about how I was able to get spiritual mentoring for my children. There are confusions and complexities with understanding things around our spirituality, a lot of us are confused. This is the major reason why I got a spiritual coach for my Children, don\’t want them to be swayed or confused by random doctrines. Apart from this I am equipping myself to be able to teach my children what we are doing and what we believe in.

5. Stress Management Skills: Stress management skills have become so valid in this time because parents are becoming extremely stressed. Do you know that parents who can control their emotions have better stress management capacity? When you are emotionally intelligent, you won’t become stressed, you stop getting ill, you are calm you are in control, you understand what you need to do per time, you understand when to stop and start, etc. Emotional intelligence has so many benefits. ( Register For The “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” Course Here)

6. Develop Perseverance and Resilience: Angela Duckworth calls this “GRIT” in her words grit, passion and perseverance for long-term goals are part of the most important traits that lead to success. Research indicates that grit is more important than factors like “IQ” You will need to understand grit to be able to teach it to your children.

The Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course mentioned above is an online course by The Intentional Parent Academy that runs every year. So far 100s of parents have taken this course and have shared amazing testimonies on their journey.

Raising a child with high EQ has become paramount in the 21st century, however many parents are not emotionally Intelligent, so can\’t give what they don\’t have.

This course walks you through creating a workable template for working on your emotions.

Remember Parenting is an emotional journey and requires a good knowledge of how our emotions work.

Parenting is about you, not your child.

To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 instead of #20,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent (link in bio)

Parenting is a learned skill, Never forget that.

©Wendy Ologe (Parent Coach &Author)

Whenever we talk about sibling Rivalry, people say”Oh no leave them it\’s just a stage they will outgrow it!!!

Whatever you allow, will grow! While growing up, I had a very bad case of sibling rivalry in my family. I grew up seeing my father and his siblings fight over things that should never have been an issue.

This was something of concern to me over the years as I sought to know why. Eventually, this became even a generational rivalry, where the second generation also carried on with a “beef” they never understood. My father’s siblings who are now Parents turned their children against each other.

In my research interviewing over 500 parents from different tribes and nations, I found that what I witnessed with my Father and his siblings do was not very strange; just that it came in different dimensions. From this research I realized that people don’t cooperate because they are blood, people cooperate because relationships are built. Whether it is you to your child, or your Child to their siblings, relationships must be built.

Sibling rivalry is simply the ongoing conflict between children  raised in the same family. It can happen between blood-related siblings, stepsiblings, and even adopted or foster siblings.

It might take the form of verbal or physical fighting, name-calling, tattling and bickering, being in constant competition for parental attention, voicing feelings of envy etc.

There is no way to stop bickering forever but there are many ways to minimize conflict and maximize solutions and you need to start with small changes.

Sibling Rivalry starts at childhood, Over the years many  “scientific” expertise had arisen warning against the early intrusion of jealousy into childhood and advising parents how to curb it. Sibling rivalry became a formal concept, and the responsibility for dealing with it lay in the hands of parents.

Are Parents Solely Responsible?

The answer is NO, however the role parents play in sibling rivalry is very significant that you can put their contribution at more than 80%

Over the years working with thousands of parents I have found this thought to be true in many cases.  

OTHER CAUSES OF SIBLING RIVALRY

• Birth order– First and last borns are seen to be shown favouritism over their siblings.
• Gender : Some people show preference to a particular sex or gender especially if that gender was so desired.
• Children with special needs or ailments are understandably given a lot of attention.
• Children who do well in school or are smarter
• Circumstances surrounding the birth: This includes, a child who was waited patiently for,a child born in old age e.g. Jacob loved Joseph because he was a child born at his old age.

HOW TO DEAL WITH SIBLING RIVALRY

• YOU NEED TO TAKE AWAY THE TARGET: Many times parents have made themselves the target of conflict by putting themselves in the center of every sibling rivalry. One of the cardinal principles of resolving sibling rivalry is to never get involved except there is danger which is why we are going to need to teach skills.

• YOU NEED TO TEACH SKILLS: If you are not going to get involved with your Children’s conflict you should have taught them to resolve conflicts on their own. The three cardinal  skills needed for children to resolve conflicts on their own are: Communication Skills, Negotiation Skills  and Conflict resolution.  If your Children will resolve conflicts themselves, you need to do a lot of teaching. Raising a child without skills is one of the worst things you can do to that child.

• YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOUR CHILDREN FAIRLY NOT EQUALLY: You cant treat your Children equally, so there is fairness not equality. Your younger child will have different needs from your older children.

• YOU NEED TO CREATE SIBLING BONDING ACTIVITIES: Teamwork helps children work together , when this happens they will need to learn how to treat each other nicely, negotiate their way through, disagree.

• Create a Conflict resolution plan in your home; Misunderstandings are not abnormal. Teach them to disagree without being aggressive; I have said over and again that aggression is a learnt behavior. I needn\’t remind you that when two persons always agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary!

RESOLVING SIBLING RIVALRY; Tools and strategies to deal with sibling Rivalry before it becomes a monster

This is a solution-driven book? A miracle to happen in homes!

To pre-order your copy of the book, RESOLVING SIBLING RIVALRY, pay #3,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can pre-order online here: https://selar.co/Siblingrivalrybook

After Launching on the 5th of December; this book will cost you 4,500 to buy.

The first 100 persons to Preorder will access the Sibling Rivalry course in the Academy Free as we launch it.

If you have read any of my works, then you would reckon that this is another lifeline for parents in the 21st century.