Now the question is, Is it even possible to stay calm in the face of a misbehaving child? How do you not lose it? In recent times, globally there has been a lot of rancor about people not being able to manage their emotions. I realized that this is the same thing that happened when we start to parent. Parenting is an emotional journey, It takes you to the point where you\’re very frustrated with some of these misbehaviors.

Staying calm in the face of chaos is a skill, it is not a prayer point. A lot of religious people will fight it but trust me it\’s a skill that you need to learn.

Like I always tell the parents in the inner circle, you can join the inner circle here, “miracles don\’t come from just believing, Miracles come from doing and that is why it says that faith without works is dead. What exactly are you doing? that is the question. Somebody reached out to me today and said she had to hit her child and there was blood all over. She said, “I felt bad however, I can\’t help myself”. she said she has prayed about it but it\’s not working. No, you haven\’t done what you\’re supposed to do.

When people tell me, I want to really parent with calm, what I get is, “I am wishing it, I am not ready to work it”. Many times, we are just in a place where we are wishing to win. We are not in the place where we are putting in the work. And until you get to that point where you tell yourself that this is work that needs to be done, then nothing really changes. So parenting with peace and calm is a skill. Can you look at your child who is misbehaving and stay calm? How possible is that? Yes extremely possible.

However, you cannot do it without the right set of skills. The parents in the inner circle would say before I joined the inner circle, some of the things that the coach share on Tuesday live, I used to think she was kidding us, but by the time I spent a few weeks to months, I have come to realize that there are things you need to do. There is a practice, there is what to do. The question is, are you really doing what it takes?

When a child is acting out, it could mean that the child is lost, afraid, in need of guidance, is seeking attention or the child lacks skill.

When we fight our children for doing things they do without teaching them any other way to do it, we are actually doing it the wrong way. So, the first thing you want to ask when a child is misbehaving is, why is my child misbehaving?
Is my child is lost?
He doesn’t know what to do?
Is he afraid?
He doesn\’t know how to react in these circumstances?
He needs me to help and guide him?
Is he seeking my attention?
Does he lack the possible skills that I am actually requesting from him to actually behave in that certain way?

Capacity is a big deal and that is one of the things that we must put in perspective when we are raising our children. Your child acting out doesn’t mean that he is a bad child. A misbehaving child is not a bad child. There is no such thing as a bad child. We need to get this and we need to actually internalize it. A misbehaving child is not a bad child. it is just because the child is still learning, the child is still growing. So, misbehavior is part of the process. If your child doesn\’t misbehave, how do you know what you\’re teaching? The misbehavior points the parent in the direction to go in directing the child.

Over the years, after getting into helping parents and children walk through the systems of parenting, I have come to realize that it is just us. When a child misbehaves and many of the times we resort to screaming out, this isn\’t the solution.

You cannot just wake up and decide that I am not going to yell again, I am not going to hit the child again, and then it happens. No. it is not going to happen that way. Because you have a template in your system that has been sold to you. You are operating based on what you know. You are a product of your experience and a product of your knowledge. You\’re going to react to issues according to what you know. You\’re going to react to issues where your experience is stopped. You\’re going to react to issues where your knowledge particularly stopped.

What are the things that you can do, what are the things you need to understand when we talk about staying calm in the face of chaos being a skill? What must you understand as a parent to help you stay calm?

1. Discipline Is Not An Emergency: I am sure a few people like the parents in the academy (you can join the academy here ) must have heard me say that discipline is not an emergency. Well, they were privileged to review my book, the discipline that works in the academy and I remember re-emphasizing that discipline is not an emergency. What makes discipline an emergency most of the time for you is, what the next person will think, and what if I don\’t address this thing now and my child becomes useless tomorrow?

Discipline is not an emergency, provided your child is safe you must understand that everything is not about violence. When you make discipline and emergency, you actually take away the essence to be able to help your child at that moment. So being able to help your child in the face of misbehavior, is one of the things that you must put at the back of your mind. The aim is not to punish a child for misbehaving, the aim is to teach a child how to behave better. The aim of discipline is not to punish, so you need to learn to take a moment to pause. Plan how you would respond is very important.

When a child is misbehaving, one of the first things that you need to look out for is, how am I going to respond? What am I going to do? So when you fail to pause, you find yourself reacting or having to double your efforts to reconnect. When you choose to pause, you may believe that you\’re doing nothing but trust me, the power of that initial nothing, is the road to a karma response and an emotionally responsible child. Remember that the aim is to raise a child who will become emotionally responsible afterward. Is your child emotionally responsible? How can a child be emotionally responsible if you are not emotionally responsible? So that is the main thing. You need to show your ability to respond emotionally to actually be able to help your child. So while you are pausing, you can ask the following questions to help you;
● What guidance can I offer my child?
● How can we both benefit from this moment?
● How does my child need to get back on track or what can I do to help my child to get back on track?

2.Believe That Your Child Can Do Better: There is something that we call self-fulfilling prophecies, you need to be careful what you say in the face of misbehavior. Many of the times I have found that when a child is misbehaving, that is when parents go off, they say all sorts of things, that is when you lose it. that is when they just go crazy.
Do you have faith enough, that no matter how many mistakes your child makes, he\’s worthy of learning from your guidance? That is the first thing you need to tell yourself. No matter how many mistakes my child will be making, I am sure that my child will benefit from my guidance. Do you believe your guidance will work? When children misbehave, it is usually because they are stuck. So, when misbehavior shows up is because your child doesn\’t know any other way of letting you know that they are afraid, that they are hurting, that they are upset. Let your child know you believe they can do better.
So instead of a child who is misbehaving, you saying “I know that you will never ever listen to me”, instead of saying that why not say” I know that you can do better and I know that if you actually take these things the way I say it, you will be able to change a lot of things”. Be careful of what you say in the face of misbehavior. “My child is always stealing, lying…all of those things are key to our process.

3. Build skills: An unskilled child will frustrate you, there are seven essential life skills that you need to build in your child to actually be able to tackle these behaviors. Without building those skills your child will continually make those errors and it will not be a result of the child being a bad child. It will just be a result of a parent who is ignorant of what to do. So you need to incorporate these skills into your daily routines. Part of what we do in the inner circle is to help you incorporate some of these skills that we are sharing with you right in our daily routine. We have what we call the connection calendar and inside that connection calendar, it is a curriculum that has been built in a way that all of these seven skills I am gonna be sharing with you are actually being practiced every day. (You can join the inner circle here)

●Focus and self-control. Children thrive on schedules, habits, and routines. Any child that you put unpredictability in their system, you are going to “kill them” because that is how people thrive. Children thrive in predictability. Predictability is a key skill in your parenting. So focus and self-control in one of those conversations in the inner circle. We shared how to teach your child self-regulation which is part of its focus on self-control.

● Perspective-taking: Thinking about another point of view. A lot of the time because of the way we are raising our children, they cannot learn because we parent in such a way that we are focused on just how a straightway. there is no other thing to actually help our children think again. So perspective-taking is a skill but our parents and our daily routine don\’t give our children the opportunity to thrive or get this skill. So what does perspective-taking do: it helps you to see another point of view, to have meaningful conversations. Your children will never learn perspective thinking if you\’re parenting that way because your child learns all of these things. These things are not learned in school. They are learned in the home and we must understand that.

● Communication: Communication is one skill that you need to teach your child to be able to avoid all these misbehaviors. I have found that a lot of homes are about criticism, instructions, controls, and judgment, yellings, there are no conversations, there are no connections, there are no collaborations. If your home lacked these three C\’s your home is in trouble. Stand up today, connection, communication, collaboration. These are the three C’s on communication, and that is why intentional parenting, one of our core is connection. Connection is a key tool for us. How do we actually teach our children communication? I found that many of us cannot have valuable communication because we were not taught communication at home. There was never communication. that is why when I see how people argue online, the moment There is a diverse opinion, so perspective-taking is why a lot of us do not have that skill of being able to look at things from another person\’s perspective and this is also part of the conversion processes. But we are not taught conversations at home.
● Critical Thinking Skills: Many of our children cannot think? The only thing that we do is that we teach our children how to pass exams and that is not parenting. When all your child does is to be able to go and just pass the exam they can\’t think through their process. There is something wrong with that parenting.
● Resilience: Resilience is a very key skill in our parenting journey. Resilience is our ability to build the adversity quotient. Do you know why in Nigeria we use the quote this life is no balance? The reason is simple, while some people can be very resilient in the face of adversity, some can. that is it and that is why there is no balance. So if your child will learn to work, if you would learn to teach a child how to improve the adversity quotient then you\’re going to have a child with very minimal misbehaviors. So ability to build adversity quotient. Taking on challenges. I was sharing with the parents in the inner circle, one of those days and I said to them that struggling is part of learning.

4. Allow your children to struggle. A child who does not learn how to struggle is bound to fail. Allow your child to struggle. The struggle is a gift. We call it the gift of struggle. Your child is falling. You are constantly helping your child come up. The gift of struggle is a big deal. You need to teach your child that struggle is nothing but instead of allowing them to struggle, I see a lot of parents, your child does something, you jump up and down you, take the kid, you beat the child but yet your child can\’t struggle. Your child does or does not have all of these skills that we are reading here.

● Self-Directness: Our children must be self-directed and engage in learning. Many of our children are not self-directed. We are still the ones directing them. we are still the ones telling them what to do. we are still the ones putting everything together. it is still us. we are still the ones trying to do everything for them. There is no self-direction because we are parenting in such a way that everything is about us. You can\’t let your child have to make decisions, you cannot allow them to put things in place. Everything is about you. You\’re constantly making decisions for your children. There is something wrong with that. So you need to understand that part of your parenting and also deal with it.

● Engaged learning: Engaged learning is another concept many of our children don\’t know how to learn. All we do is that we are raising children who just pass exams. The moment they are done with school, they don\’t want to learn. That is why a lot of us also are not interested in learning. We have all gone to school and some of us made 2:1, 1:1 and some of them made different kinds of grades in classes but we come out and we are not interested in learning. The joy of learning is not there. You were not taught that learning is a skill. If your child learns the skill of learning, you are on your way to minimizing misbehaviors. There are learning skills and without them, your child will continue to struggle these skills can be developed through intentional activities, which is one of the key things that we do in the inner circle.

4. Build on your emotions and quit yelling: Now in the month of April in the academy, we are going to be facing yelling, where we are going to be introducing our no yelling challenge and we are going to be talking about yelling a lot. (Join our waitlist here for the no yelling challenge so you are informed when early-bird registration starts)

One of the things that a lot of parents do not understand is that yelling can actually shut down the brain of a child and stop them from learning. So you need to understand that you need to work on your emotions. Now we say, stay calm in the face of chaos, but the truth of the matter is that, if you cannot control your emotions, you would not be able to actually give this calmness that we are talking about, you can\’t do it and again it is not a prayer point. it is a knowledge point. Take it from me. You need knowledge to actually be able to practice this particular skill. I have been there where I thought it was prayer and trust me you need to actually walkthrough.

Do you want to join the next cohort of Parents in the INNER CIRCLE PROGRAM? We are having an upward Fee Review this year but those who already booked slots for the inner circle program NOW won’t be affected.

The current annual Fee is 50,000/annum for now but reviewed Fee would be more ( not concluded yet) Book here: https://selar.co/tipinnercircle
The booking Fee is N5,000 Only

Today\’s blog post is one that I am particularly excited about. So buckle up your seatbelts because you are in for a ride.

Understanding yourself as a parent is one of the first prerequisites for effective parenting but let’s start by answering these questions:

•Did you get married with the intent of, \’I have just reached the age of marriage so having kids is the next step.
•Were you prepared to have a child?
• Did you ask the right questions before you started having children?
I guess not many of you will answer yes to these questions.

One of the things that I have come to realize is that many people were never prepared to become parents rather they all stumbled on parenting, they just became parents. So I can say that parenting happened to many of us.

I started my parenting journey looking for solutions and when I found the solution I realized that so many parents were also like me struggling to do things differently.

Many of us were on that table, where we started parenting without any inkling of what to expect. We do not even understand who we were. Understanding who you are as a parent is a big deal for effective parenting.

The question is, who are you? Are you able to answer this question. When we ask this question many people will typically answer that “I am a medical doctor, I am a teacher” But that\’s not who they are. The question of who you are is a very key and valid question that every single one of us must answer before we become parents.

The major problem we have today is that we do not even understand why we became parents in the first place. We are not aware of why we needed to be parents. We just became parents because it was time. So as a parent, one of the things I have found is the place of being able to see, to understand why you are doing what you are doing. Until you understand you are why you will keep going back and forth on your journey.

So I am asking you today again, Why did you become a parent? Forget about the why before you read this post, think about the why after you\’ve read this post. What would be your why? What would be that thing that would jolt you back to reality to be able to put things in perspective?

One of the reasons why children are born in the world is because we are to co-create with God. I heard one of my mentors say that “when there\’s a problem in the world, a child is sent for impact. If we do not understand that part of why we became parents is to co-create with God, then we will also miss the essence of being parents and that starts from where we begin to understand ourselves. How much do you know about yourself?

As parents, one of the things that happened is that we repeat what we know best. And most often than not, what we know best is from our experiences. What we know best is from the integral part of our values, our belief system, and the things that we hold through to parenting. These are all going to come from our experiences.

According to science, we all make inferences from our subconscious and our subconscious is formed between ages 0 to 7. Everything that happened to you while you were being parented is who you became and the lack of understanding of who you are is what drives us to do things against our better judgement.

There is no parenting without you understanding where you come from.
What are the areas that we need to look at when it comes to understanding ourselves better? What are the things that we must understand to become better parents? You cannot become a better parent without understanding a lot of the things that happened to you as a child? We can only parent better to the degree of what we know about our past, our emotional defenses, and our psychological struggles. This will determine how much we are creating a smoother or a more rugged road in raising our children.

“Your past, your experiences, your emotional defenses, your psychological struggles, are determining factors for how you will parent better today. “

Your past, your experiences, your emotional defenses, your psychological struggles, are determining factors for how you will parent better today.

What are the things that you would need to look at or you will need to find that you need to put together in perspective when it comes to parenting your children better?

1. Self-Awareness on Parenting Ideologies:
   a. Where do your ideas on parenting come from? That\’s the first question you want to ask yourself today. They come from how you were raised, they come from who you became, the past, where are they coming from?

Many of the times, I say over and again that in parenting the reason we are to question the things that the previous generation has done isn\’t to discredit the previous generation. It is to help us credit a better system for the generation to come. If we cannot question what was done to us, then we cannot become better as a people. So your ability to question the parenting ideologies that you already know is coming from the place of self-awareness. When you become self-aware, when you are on a journey to understand yourself, it gives you leverage over a whole lot of other things that you think that you know.

Other Self Awareness Questions:
b. Where do your expectations about children come from?
c. What would I like to change about my parenting today?
d. What does my child need from me today as a parent that is different from what I needed from my parents?
e. Is it possible that I am parenting a different kind of child from the child that I was to my parents?

2. My personality and my temperament:
This is another part of you that you want to understand as a parent to be able to effectively parent your child. What are your personality and Temperament? Temperament is one of the most powerful influences in your life, however, temperament is not destiny, but for you to make progress you need to understand that about yourself. The more you understand who you are, the more you can make changes that are required in different aspects of your life to become a better person. Have you been able to find out if you are tended towards being melancholic, choleric , sanguine, or phlegmatic in your behavior?

Currently, in level one in the inner circle, we are reading, why you act the way you do. There is so much to why you act the way you act. You can book a slot to join the inner circle program here

Have you ever questioned yourself, why do I act this way because this is going to affect the kind of parent that you eventually would become or you eventually are because now we are talking to parents and not people who want to become parents? Your personality is a very big deal. Do you know that who you have become, how you learn, your temperament will affect how you raise children?

Do you also know that who your parents were their temperament, their personality affected how they raised you? There’s something that we call the parenting advantage. So if your parents worked on becoming a better version of themselves, you probably had a parenting advantage over the next person. Parenting advantage can put you in a better place than your mates, just because you had forward-thinking parents. Now the question is, what parenting advantage will you give your children because you were their parent?

3. Learning Style: One of the biggest struggles I see parents have is not understanding how their children learn, but beyond that understanding how they learn. Many of us do not know how we learn. We do not know whether we are kinesthetic, Auditory, or Visual learners. One of the things that happens in our learning style class is that, parents come to that class to first understand themselves and when they get into that class they are humbled. They understand why what happened to them academically in school even happened to them in the first place. They begin to understand where a lot of things happened to them in the past. They begin to understand why some of them were called an olodo. They begin to understand that they probably were kind of such learners and they didn\’t find the space where they could learn from their environment and of course, they ended up not learning.
So one of the biggest challenges we have is not even that we do not understand who we are parenting, its that we do not understand who we are, to be able to parent who we are parenting. So you are teaching your child from your style of the learning. You do not even know what their style of learning style is, so you can really make so much impact and progress.

When we talk about the learning style course, we talk about how you understand, how it has helped other people become better and all of that. If you want to enroll for the understanding your child\’s learning style Course, you might want to jump on it now because the second early birds offer ends shortly. The first early bird offer is over. The second early bird offer is 10 500 instead of 20 500. You can grab this time limited offer by clicking this link 👉 https://selar.co/learningstylecourse

4.Emotional Awareness: You need to understand who you are emotionally. A lot of us do not know how to handle emotions in any way. How are you aware? What are you aware of when it comes to emotions? Do you know how you react to incidences? Do you know your emotional triggers? Part of what we did in the course we did last month “ Becoming an emotionally intelligent parent “ is for parents who understand who they are emotionally. A lot of us do not understand who we are emotionally, we are just parenting. we are just going along and just moving. Who are you emotionally? Do you know your emotional triggers? Do you know how you respond to different kind of emotions?

5. Your development and attachment style: There are different types of attachment but the one that is at the forefront is the secure attachment style, that\’s the best. That\’s the one that we advocate for. There\’s the avoidance attachment style and insecure attachment style, there are about four to five of them. Many of us do not understand the kind of attachment style that we had. We shared this extensively in our course becoming an emotionally intelligent parent and I shared in that course how your attachment style affects how you parent your children.

Are you still thinking of taking the course on \”Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style\”? 200+ parents are already onboard💃💃💃

In this course, You will learn how to eliminate screams at assignment times and home learning times and teach your child study skills by understanding how my child learns better.

Come 28th of March, 2022, I will be taking 200+ parents on this journey to Understanding How children learn.

To register for the Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style course, pay #10,500 instead of #20,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). ( This offer ends by tomorrow) The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

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One of the things that have become a big deal in parenting a child in the 21st century is Focus. Now we are seeing children who are struggling to concentrate, children whose attention span have become even a lot shorter. I was reading a research recently and it says that the attention span for teenagers have gone down to a few seconds per time, because of excessive exposure to screen and a lot of other distractions.

Studies have shown that smartphones not only remove focus but also disturb the way the brain is developing. Right now we are having children who were born with smartphones under their armpits, they are digital nomads. These children come into the space and they do not even understand what it means not to have internet. They do not understand what it means not to have a smartphone. We learned it but they are digital nomads, we were here when the smartphone came in and unfortunately nobody taught us how to parent the smartphone generation.

Which is the biggest challenge of this century. This is that we do not even understand how to navigate, how to balance the training between the children born in this time and what it is that we have. This is why parenting education is no longer negotiable. Our parents transitioned into the times, there were no major changes, there were no major hits. But right now, we are not just a transitioning into the time, the times have changed, you must always put this in perspective in your parenting.

So the question remains; how do we evolve this education for these digital nomads?

How do we help them create more focus? I was teaching the parents in our inner circle program and I said to them, that if you do not build focus and concentration in your children we are going to get to a point where they would need to pay heavily to manage distractions in their children. I am a distraction manager, so there is something called distraction management, I know families that I work with, and the major challenge that they have is focused on concentration.

You can book a slot to join my Inner Circle Program Here)

When we talk about concentration, it says that the average four to five-year-old can focus on task two to five minutes times their age. Can you do the math?

If you have a five-year-old, the average focus for that five-year-old is two to five minutes times their age. So your five years old is supposed to have at least two minutes. if we calculate on based on two minutes, that\’s at least a ten minutes focus attention span. Right now as we speak, we do not even have toddlers focusing more than a minute. So we are talking about 10 minutes originally put together, but we do not even have children who can focus anymore.
How many of us are noticing that this is a challenge?
How many of us are taking out time to help our children build focus?
How many of us are taking out time to help our children build concentration?

When you come into the academy, one of the first things that I tell you is that the things that your children need to learn to thrive are not on the screen. I was analyzing something recently, about the world tech gurus. The world tech gurus didn\’t become the world tech gurus because they were exposed to screen, they became the world tech gurus because they could think. One way parents justify excessive screen time is by saying they saying that they want their child to be tech-savvy.

I was listening to a documentary on the Japanese children and I listened to how they were grouped from zero to seven and in all of those ages zero to seven, they tried not to introduce the screen. Also, these children do not start formal school until they are about six or seven years of. By the time they now take them to the classroom, boom they are like machines. They teach them manners first, they teach them how to think first before they take them to the tech world. Unfortunately what we are doing now is the reverse. So we are now teaching our children how to be in the tech world without the basics that they need. Very interesting turn and that is why places like Japan, Chinese are leading the world tech system.

Mark Zuckerberg ,Bill Gate and all of the tech giants in Silicon Valley didn\’t become the world giants because they were techier than others, they became the world tech giants because they could think, they were better thinker. So focus functions as a gateway to higher functioning skills.

A child cannot assess higher forms of learning especially memory, because memory is what leads to deeper comprehension. Without the ability to pay attention to something, children are not going to be able to process information, they will not be able to consolidate into this memory and this means that they will not be able to interpret, comprehend, analyze, criticize and synthesize information.

How To You Help Your Children Learn Focus?

1. Teach your children to think: Many of the times a child does something and you are very quick to jump in into correction, you are teaching your child how not to think. Mistakes are one of the biggest tools to use in parenting. You see those mistakes that you are angry that it is happening, they are one of the most profound tools that you need in parenting today. So if your child makes a mistake and you understand that you need to teach your children how to think, you will get to a point where you are giving room for your children to think.o

2. Teach your children how to deal with distractions.

Many of the times, what we do is that we teach our children not to be distracted but we do not teach them how to deal with distraction. Distraction will never go away. You cannot eliminate distraction no matter. Beyond eliminating distractions, you need to teach your children how to deal with distractions. Distraction is never going to go away completely. We need to teach them how to refocus as soon as they are distracted.Help your children practice mindfulness, when you get distracted, how do you put yourself back to start again?

3. You need to understand your child\’s learning style. In helping your child improve concentration, you will need to understand how your child learns. When I started parenting, I struggled with this. I have a set of twins, my daughter started reading as early as four but my son was struggling, and I didn\’t know that I was probably teaching my children with my learning style. If you cannot understand how a child learns, you cannot teach them how to focus and how to manage distraction, and also how to put the concentration in. We have been able to help him to improve his auditory learning style, his visual learning style since he is a dominant aesthetic learner.

“In helping your child improve concentration, you will need to understand how your child learns.“

We have a lot of children that we call olodo. For a lot of those of you who are Nigerians, olodo is a Nigerian term used to describe a dumb child, and many of the times, I have found that it is not the child\’s fault, it is actually that we do not understand how this child learns, so we are constantly struggling on how we can teach this child. This is why we have the course understanding your child\’s learning style in the academy, where you can learn and understand how your child learns. Now one of the things that this helped me do was that it did not only help me with his learning, right now he\’s a star in school but it helped me also to manage misbehaviors. I got to understand that discipline is teaching but we are constantly struggling because we are not teaching. So when you understand that it\’s teaching, then you need to understand who you are parenting.

Join the learning style course here and enjoy a whopping discount of over 50%. Click HERE to join.

4. Let your children read. Reading has been found as a way to teach your children how to focus and concentrate. Let them read big texts, large words. As soon as the twins turned 10, we started introducing them to reading a 400 pager book on purpose. It is going to build a lot of concentration. Now if your child hasn\’t started reading at all, read to them. The more you can read to your child, the more your child can see it and retain it. If your child has started reading, please create a system where your children are constantly reading, it is going to help build a lot of focus. So when we are talking about focus. We are talking about how it can help your child put a lot in perspective. If you do not build it as a skill, when your children are young, they will continue to struggle with it even as adults.

5. Teach your children how to boost brainpower.

How do I teach my children to boost brain power you ask? The kind of games your children play, Puzzles, crosswords can help boost their brainpower. If your children play a game that lets them think, your children are going to be better positioned to focus. If your child is not very good with focus, the first thing you get is a building block, a tiny lego piece. I am talking about from like 7, 8 of age your child is going to feel very frustrated because it takes a lot of focus.
Do not worry about what is happening when this is happening, do not worry when the child is throwing a tantrum and all of that. You need to gradually build this focus one step at a time. So even when you have toddlers, who go to play on a playground, get them to name the shapes that they see on the floor. it is a way to build focus.
When it comes to every child, every child is uniquely different. So because every child is uniquely different that is why you will need to understand who your child is, how your child learns and what personality your child is. It helps you parents better with peace and calm.

Starting from the 28th of March 2022, we\’ll be taking hundreds of parents on this journey of discovering how their children learn and strategies on they can accelerate their learning.

Do you know how your child learns? Do you want to know? You can join our upcoming class on Understanding your child\’s learning style.

To register for the Learning Style Course:
Pay #8,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.Or you can join online via this link. https://selar.co/Learningstylecourse

On the 10th of March my birthday, the first early bird will end and you pay more. You will also have access anytime to the course as you enroll because this course will happen on our online academy: Parents who have ever taken this course always say \” this is a course they wish they took a long time ago\”.

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-12–Emotional-Intelligence–the-real-deal-e1evqf4

Have you ever been in a situation where you are calling out to your child, you are screaming literally, and your child isn\’t answering you? Or have you been teaching your child and are getting frustrated? You keep saying \”oh I have taught this child this thing I have been teaching him but he\’s not listening\” Are you wearing those shoes then you are in the right class because there are lots and lots of things that happen, we\’re learning. When we do not understand this, we struggle with our own children because we do not understand what we should be doing.

Recently, a man shared a video in our community on Facebook where this parent was demonstrating how they actually teach their children during homework and a lot of people commented saying \”this is some\” and everybody laughed about it. Many children struggle to learn because their parents do not even understand who they are and cannot teach them the things that will help them learn. There are many things that will help your child learn and we need to teach them these things for learning to actually take place instead of neglecting them.

I will be sharing with you three/four things that actually hinder learning.

1. We Are Not Teaching The Skills That Aid Learning. Provided you don\’t teach your children those skills that aid learning your child will find it difficult to learn. This is applicable in a situation where you know that your child doesn\’t have a learning disability (that\’s a medical issue) One skill we are not teaching our children is work ethics. Unfortunately, we\’re more interested in making our children look perfect than teaching them the skills they actually need to be able to become better, to learn to do what they need to do. We are no longer teaching our children how to actually look at their work and do it the right way that it should be done. We are not putting down our foot on so many things. How are things being done in your home? Do your children use excuses like \”I\’m not going to be able to do this because I need to finish up my game\” and you allow them to live that way? Our children are not able to actually gain skills that will help them learn even when they are outside of our home because of this.

2 Self Worth. This is not the kind of self-worth we are propagating today where we\’re telling our children things like \”if you go to school then you deserve an award\”. Let me make this clear: the world will never award your child because they are special. I remember a conversation in our Facebook community where a lot of parents said their children are special so every school, they go to must award them. We then wonder why we\’re bringing children who are entitled. Self-worth should stem from the accomplishment of a challenging task; I am referring to intrinsic reward, not a promotion or an award. You need to teach your children to learn the self-worth of completing a task. Recently, I was teaching parents in the inner circle the difference between praising the process and parsing the result. Being focused on the result instead of the process is the reason parents go as far as paying for their children to write WAEC. I know that some of our own parents did the same thing as well, so we\’re just having a ripple effect of whatever it is that had been laid as a foundation. If we\’re going to make any difference in this generation then we need to stand up to do it differently.When you go through a challenge, it is a process that speaks to you not the result. You need to teach your children the value of intrinsic rewards, not just the promotion or physical awards that they are given.

3. Study skills. Some Children do not even know how to study so it\’s difficult for them to even learn on their own. If you teach the skill you would not struggle, instead of concentrating on beating the child who makes mistakes can we start concentrating on how we can build skills to help a child not to make those mistakes? If we think discipline from the angle of training, then I don\’t think we will have issues parenting. My son was having a conversation with me while he was studying and I don\’t know what is written in his book. If you have a 10-year-old and he or she can\’t study on their own, and you\’re still struggling with doing their homework, how are they going to survive the world outside of you? It is very important for you to teach them how they can study on their own.

Study skills involve self-discipline; Many of our children find it difficult to study on their own especially during examinations. I don\’t get it when people say \”Oh my children are writing exams\” so your life stops. I\’m referring to Children who are old enough, if you have an 8 year or 9-year-old then you should have teaching them study skills. Self-discipline teaches your child they need to wake up to actually study themselves when they have an exam. I wish that parents would begin to focus and put their energy into the training of their children because training is discipline. That is why you get tired and frustrated that\’s why we wield the cane. Instead of constantly trying to do things for your children, you need to sit back and ask yourself what skill you need to teach your child that is going to help them tomorrow. You need to understand that personal discipline is key, your children have the contributions to make on your parenting journey. However, you are the one that will teach your children what contributions they need to make on your journey. Do not make your children become people who suck energy from the family and give absolutely nothing.

Another key thing when it comes to teaching your children study skills is time management. I once shared on the community that my twins actually make their food in the morning and still be the first pupils that arrive at their school every day, this called time management. Someone then asked me if my children play at all, I don\’t think any other child plays more than my children because they immerse themselves in play. You have to teach your children how to scale their time, my children have created a time routine for themselves we just laid the foundation. I do not have to tell them what to do per time, they have learned it.

Time management is it is a big deal but unfortunately, many parents cannot manage their own time and that is where the problem. I keep saying that before you parents anybody at all you need to first parent yourself because you cannot give what you don\’t have. I was bad at time management when I started my journey, I knew that it was an error and I needed to unlearn it, it took a lot of sacrifices, but I had to do it. A very important aspect of study skill is goal setting. Teach your children how to set goals let them understand that they also have a role and teach them what they need

4. Sacrifice is another skill we need to teach our children, unfortunately, these days our children can\’t sacrifice anything. Your children need to learn that they do not need to finish that game they are playing before they do something that is important to them, they need to learn to sacrifice things for the other. Excellence thrives on sacrifice; children would need to sacrifice from day one. Unfortunately, parents think we need to start flogging from day one, NO, you need to start teaching them skills from day one. I was teaching the parents in the inner circle in one of our sessions and we were teaching honor as a skill. You need to teach them to pay their dues, let them learn to sacrifice something for something. There is no one who actually just wakes up and because you\’re gifted then you produce fruits, that only happens if you are actually you know doing something. No matter how beautiful a seed it, if you do not plant it never germinates.

5.Another skill your child will need to learn is decision-making and problem-solving skills. Children without decision-making skills struggle to learn, do you know that how to make choices is a skill? If you do not teach your children how to make a choice be it good or bad, they will do nonsense out there. Decision-making skill is the ability to weigh pros and cons: you need to teach your children how to predict outcomes and determine the pro or cons of any decision they make. With the way we are parenting, we are shutting down our children\’s ability to make choices. Even when they are able to make those wrong choices that give us the chance to correct and help, we end up making a mess because we do not give them room to learn. When you plant a tree and you do not weed around it, the weeds will envelop that plant and it will be a mess. The ability for the child to make choices is a skill, for the child to look at an issue and then determine what the advantages and disadvantages are. Things as simple as allowing your children to wear clothes shoe clothes can be way with starting skills but many parents shut their children when they share an opinion. This continues to happen, so when they get to the point where they can make choices people still tell them the choices to make.

6. Another Skill is Responsibility. Responsibility is conscience-driven and you need to give your children age-appropriate responsibility per time. Any child you do not give appropriate responsibility will become irresponsible. Your child does nothing at home, yet you are wielding the cane-like your life depends on it. I see 13-year olds with no responsibility as att. We made choices because it\’s the right thing, for instance, dishes must be washed for them to be ready for the next meal. That is responsibility.

if you do not build these skills, we are building children who cannot keep jobs. For instance, being punctual to work is tied to being able to keep your job so even if you have a movie you will like to watch, you still have to make it to work in time. You need to teach your children the orchestrating role responsibility plays in their lives. They need to realistically learn the outcomes when responsibilities are not met. If children do live up to their responsibility and natural consequences are not informed, you are creating children who would become irresponsible. This is not a curse; it is the truth and if you do not do this, it backfires.

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TIP ANNUAL CONFERENCE 2021

In 2018, we started FREE PARENTING online Conferencing to bring intentional Parenting knowledge to more parents across the globe. That year, we had only 4 speakers, I call them the veterans of TIP CONFERENCE Taiwo Akinlami Eyitayo Iyortim Zee Obi and myself

By 2019 TIP Conference blew up and became massive where we had 26 speakers ; we called them the assembly of giants in 6 days. People like Terry Manrique Akínrópò Akinolá Sue DeCaro Etima Abang Umeh Essienanwan Irene Bangwell Chunu Teajay Oluwatoyin Ogunkanmi corina Anne Ahrens Taiwo Akinlami Academy. Tega Omogor Dr. NitaJoseph Lola Aneke Bukola Bookkies Lameed Chinyere Obinna Viviann Okoye

In 2020, TIP CONFERENCE became an annual global sensation; we had 28 speakers from all over the world; we called them the re-makers of destiny!With speakers like Celia Kibler Samuel Babatunde Obafemi Favour Osiri Wisdom Dr. Keith Jowers Marybeth Achor-Chima Dr. Louisa Akaiso Elisha Kolade Ben Preye Baldwin Mute Olori folashade

TIP CONFERENCE 2021 is HERE and it\’s FREE yes you heard right

The Intentional Parent Academy is ready to blow up your mind on superior parenting knowledge in 2021

Theme : Parenting Today For Tomorrow.
30 Coaches we called them a line up of Global shapers

Date: July 23rd – July 30th, 2021

Let\’s Parent Today for Tomorrow

Register Here: https://bit.ly/TIPconference2021

Would you like to join the volunteer team to help us spread this message? Join here: bit.ly/tipvolunteers2021

Do you have Tech expertise and you will be willing to contribute your skills at the conference? Join our team of interns here: bit.ly/tipinterns2021

Catch Up on Our Latest Episode on the podcast title \”The Real Deal about Parenting Alone.

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe

©The Intentional Parent Academy ™

One of the errors Parents make today is to go about their parenting journey casually without developing needed skills.A lot of parents decide to wait before they start becoming intentional parents, but this is a problem because while they wait, the Child is growing.

So part of what we preach is that everyday matters as a parent.Two things happen when you are building a house, it\’s either you are building a mansion or a shanty, the same applies to parenting. It\’s either you are intentional or not, there are no sidelines.

Dear 21st century parent, to parent in this day and age you need to develop these skills that I will be listing out. Saying \”God forbid without a strategy\” is a failed plan. To raise the Gen Z\’s and Gen alpha\’s , these skills must be part and parcel of you. If you ready to go on this learning spree, let\’s dive Right in.

SKILLS NEEDED TO RAISE A 21ST CENTURY CHILD

1. Self leadership: Self leadership for parents is ability to lead yourself, and it is one of the things that adults struggle with. For you to raise a 21st century Child, you must be able to lead yourself. Being a leader is good but ability to show leadership is also important What is your self leadership quotient?

So ask yourself any skill I want to teach my child, so I have it?Before demanding from your Children ensure you also have it

1. Ability to focus on your Child\’s positive behaviour not just their negative behaviour: Whatever you keep laying emphasis on will grow,if you keep emphasing on what they they are doing wrong it becomes a subconscious thought and then the Child begins to internalise it.

The more you focus on the positive behavior you child gets better, the more you focus on the bad behavior it grows worse.if you can do this right, your ability to work on things becomes better.

1. Let your Children see you focusing on the needs of others: Part of my family values is the ability to help people, if your Child doesn\’t learn to help people they will not be fulfilled and fulfillment and happiness is one of basic needs of life. As they see you serve others, they will learn to serve.Parenting is in the works not just the words.
2. Improve your connection skills: Many parents think they are connected with their Children but in the real sense of it they are just being present. It\’s important you realise that connection is not being present for 24/7 but the ability to connect with content and tools. Connection in parenting is always quality over quantity. You cannot connect without content, it\’s in what you have to give. As a 21st century parent your connection goal must be tight.
3. Learn not to find yourself doing things for your Children: When you do things your Children should be able to do by themselves, it stops them from learning.I know that sometimes allowing children do tasks can be quite messy but you also need to realise that parenting is in the mess. If you are not ready to do the mess then you are not ready to parent. It is through the mess that you learn to teach.
4. Help your Children develop social skills: One of the classes we teach in the level 1 of the TIP inner circle is \” creating a social roadmap for the genzer\” One of the things I have realised in raising children in the 21 century is that teaching social skills has become important. Couple years back, there was no need teaching social skills but the times have changed. If you are not delebrate about building or developing social skills in this time, your Child will be lost and struggle.

You need to understand that for you to raise a well rounded Child, developing Social skills includes sharing, giving feedback,seeing things from others perspective, making eye contact and managing negative emotions.

7.Give them a sense of security:When we say security it goes beyond protecting your Child from harm and insecurity. Giving your Child a sense of security in this context means showing affection.

In giving your Child a sense of security you will need to treat them with respect, acknowledge their feelings, and set consistent boundaries, be approachable, remind them that you love them unconditionally, keep your promises, be dependent and trustworthy.

1. Develop resilience and perseverance: Angela Duckworth ,the author of Grit defines grit as perseverance and passion for long-term goals. It\’s been proven that, this is one of the most important traits that leads to success, research about success also indicates that grit is more important than IQ and a lot other factors.
2. Develop discipline skills: In developing discipline skills, you need to be fair, firm and friendly.
3. Develop your emotional intelligence skills:Emotional intelligence is a very vital skill and it is one skill that a lot of parents struggle with. But the truth is that all these other skills cannot work if you do not work on your emotions. Part of what will help you to embrace the messy part of parenting is to develop yourself emotionally.

There you have it, the 10 very important skills you need to develop to parent intentionally. If you notices through out this blog post, we didn\’t put much emphasis on your Child , the focus was solely on you the parent. Our mantra in the academy is that parenting is all about you and not your Child. So you will need to tell yourself that you are the one who needs work first and not your Children.

Perfection is not part of this parenting journey, you must be willing to be humble, humble to own up your process, humble to go through the mess.The journey becomes smoother when you tell yourself that you are the one that needs the work and not your child.

©The Intentional Parent Academy™