Tag: intentional parenting

Does every sibling experience rivalry? The answer is yes. How we handle sibling rivalry is one of the biggest challenges of parenting.

This blog post will help you understand the root causes of sibling rivalry and provide real-life solutions to help you manage it effectively.Many parents assume that rivalry will resolve itself over time, but this is rarely the case. Think about your extended family—did you notice rivalry among your parents and their siblings? How were these conflicts resolved? Most likely, they were handled haphazardly, without proper knowledge or tools. This is often because children are not taught how to resolve conflicts effectively.

Reflect on your marriage—how do you resolve conflicts with your spouse? Many people struggle with conflict resolution, either by shouting or resorting to silent treatment. Sibling rivalry is common, but it’s not normal. Understanding how to manage it is crucial for a healthy family dynamic.One of the key things you must understand is that sibling rivalry is a core part of your parenting journey.

What Are the Common Causes of Sibling Rivalry?

1. Competition: Siblings often compete for parental attention, resources, and achievement. Every child desires their parents’ attention, and they may even fight with a sibling to get it. I often say that for children, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Parents must recognize that attention is like food for a child—they crave it constantly.

– Parents are frequently a significant factor in sibling rivalry. Children compete for resources (e.g., who gets what and when) and for achievements (e.g., who is “better” in the eyes of mom and dad). If you create situations that encourage competition, it can worsen sibling dynamics. Many siblings are envious of one another. Think of the story of Joseph, who was envied by his brothers simply because of a dream that portrayed him as their future leader. 2. Personality Clashes: Differences in temperament, interests, and communication styles can fuel sibling rivalry. Many parents fail to recognize that each child comes with their own unique blueprint. Trying to raise two children using the same approach often leads to conflict because each child has their own “rule of law.”

– Understanding each child’s temperament, learning style, and personality is critical to effective parenting. In the sibling mentorship program, parents learn to create a system where siblings can learn from each other, which helps reduce negative competitiveness and pressure. It’s essential to foster an environment where communication is respectful and not aggressive.

3. Developmental Stages: Children often don’t understand what they or their siblings are going through at different developmental stages, which can lead to conflict. The key to managing this is knowledge. As a parent, you need to understand what’s happening and be able to explain it to your children.

– For example, explaining to your son what your pubescent daughter is going through during her period can reduce conflict significantly. The same goes for explaining to your daughter what your pubescent son is experiencing. Helping your children see things from their sibling’s perspective can drastically reduce conflicts.

4. Modelling Behaviour: The way adults behave in the family strongly influences how children interact with each other. How do you talk to the people in your home—your partner, your nanny, your driver, even your children? Your children will model that behaviour when interacting with their siblings.

– Many parents inadvertently empower older children to bully younger ones, replicating what they’ve seen at home. Remember that an older sibling is not a parent. Giving parental responsibilities to an older sibling can create resentment and lead to long-term conflict. Avoid creating a dynamic where one child holds power over another, as this can foster sibling abuse and lifelong resentment.

5. Family Dynamics: When parents exhibit poor conflict resolution skills, children may mimic those behaviours. If your home is filled with shouting and unresolved conflict, your children will likely adopt that behaviour. Conflict resolution is a learned skill, and it’s one that your children need to see in action. – Disagreements are normal, but rivalry isn’t. Understanding conflict resolution allows you to handle disagreements without escalating them into fights. Your children need to see you managing conflicts calmly, using your mind over your mood. This teaches them how to resolve their own conflicts.

Practical Solutions

Many parents try to resolve sibling rivalry by playing referee during every conflict. But constantly stepping in to mediate isn’t the solution. Both parents and children need tools and strategies to manage conflict independently.

Here are some steps you can take:-

1. Identify Common Triggers: What are the typical reasons your children fight? How do you currently respond? Once you’ve identified these, you can create a family agreement worksheet to establish clear rules and expectations for resolving conflicts. 2. Emotional Regulation Toolkit: Teach your children calm-down techniques to manage their emotions before conflicts escalate. 3. Problem-Solving Worksheet: Use this to brainstorm solutions and practice decision-making with your children. 4. Sibling Bonding Activities: Engage your children in activities that promote bonding and reduce existing rivalry. 5. Sibling Strength Worksheet: Help your children see the strengths in each other, eliminating envy and promoting cooperation. 6.Parenting Self-Assessment: Reflect on your parenting habits. Do you have a favourite child? How do you resolve conflicts? Understanding your own behaviours is key to improving your children’s relationships.- 1.Family Conflict Resolution Plan: Develop a structured approach to conflict resolution, teaching your children the importance of resolving disagreements peacefully. 2. Praise and Reward Chart: Use this to reward positive behaviours and reinforce good habits, like resolving conflicts calmly and respecting each other’s boundaries. 3. Journaling : Encourage your children to write about what they appreciate in their siblings, and how they felt during conflicts. This will help them reflect on their behaviour and take ownership of their actions. 4. Sibling Mentorship System: Teach your children to be mentors to each other rather than competitors. By fostering a mentorship dynamic, you create an environment where siblings support each other’s growth instead of tearing each other down. 5. Family Negotiation Skills: Help your children learn how to negotiate fairly, identify conflicts, and brainstorm solutions together. All of these strategies will be included in the worksheets provided in the Academy’s brand-new course on sibling rivalry. Enrolling in this course will equip you with the knowledge and tools you need to manage sibling rivalry effectively. Sign up for the course in October, and start implementing these strategies in your family immediately!

IIf sibling rivalry is turning your home into a battleground, our Dealing with Sibling Rivalry course is exactly what you need! We’ve designed this course to help you transform constant conflicts into opportunities for growth and deeper connection between your children.

For just ₦7,500 (instead of ₦20,500), you’ll gain access to:

– 14 practical worksheets and tools

– Proven strategies for fostering harmony

– Techniques to build stronger sibling bonds- And much more!

📍Sign up now: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/Dealing-with-Sibling-Rivalry

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Transfer ₦10,500 to GTB account 0509494057 and send your payment confirmation to +234 903 663 3600.

When you think about the new academic year, academics might come to mind first. However, there’s much more to consider in preparing your child for the upcoming school year. Many parents feel confused about how to approach this transition, often focusing solely on educational aspects.

Preparation can provide a significant advantage. It’s crucial to view the new school year from your child’s perspective, considering their anxiety about new classes, teachers, and expectations. Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you prepare your child effectively.

Aspects to Consider for the New School Year

1.Academic Success

2. Social Success

3. Emotional Success

4. Health

5.Chores and Responsibilities

1. Academic Success:
   Academic preparation should start as soon as the previous school year ends. Here’s how to set your child up for academic success:-
   i. Evaluate School Choice:
   Ensure the school fits your child’s learning style. A good school might not be the best for your child if it doesn’t support their specific needs. For example, a kinesthetic learner may struggle in a school lacking physical activity opportunities.
   ii. Create an Effective Study Environment: Establish a study area at home that supports your child’s learning style. Even a small reading corner can make a difference. Ensure your home has books and resources to stimulate learning.
   iii. Reduce Morning Chaos:Use the 5s of discipline—structures, systems, schedules, skills, and strategies—to create a smooth morning routine. Avoid yelling, as it disrupts your child’s ability to learn and start the day positively.
2. Social Success :Social success is as important as academic success. Prepare your child to thrive socially by:- Encouraging Friendships: Facilitate social interactions through playdates and group activities. Ii. Developing Social Skills:Teach your child empathy, effective communication, and conflict resolution.
3. Emotional Success: Support your child’s emotional well-being by:- i.Fostering Open Communication: Create a supportive environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their feelings. ii. Building Resilience: Equip your child with coping strategies to handle stress and setback.
4. Health: Health plays a critical role in your child’s overall success. Ensure your child:-. i. Gets Adequate Sleep:Aim for at least 8 hours of sleep per night. ii. Maintains a Nutritious Diet:Incorporate whole grains and proteins to enhance cognitive function and learning.
5. Chores and Responsibilities: Maintaining a balance of chores and responsibilities is essential. Ensure your child:- i. Handles Chores: Keep chores as part of their routine to teach responsibility and time management.- ii. Manages Time Effectively:Teach time management skills to balance their studies and responsibilities
6. Maintaining Overall Success
   : Ensure continuous success by:- i.Teaching Organizational Skills:
   Help your child organize their space and materials effectively. ii. Understanding School Policies: Familiarize yourself with the school’s disciplinary policies to avoid conflicts and ensure alignment with your values. iii.Staying Involved: Participate in PTA meetings and school events. Your active involvement shows your child that education is important and strengthens your connection with them.

Preparing your child for the new academic year involves much more than focusing on academics alone. By addressing their social, emotional, and physical needs, you can help them transition smoothly and succeed throughout the year. Start preparing early, stay engaged, and remember that your involvement plays a crucial role in your child’s overall success.

To join the BACK TO SCHOOL MASTER CLASS:- Pay #6,999 ($7) instead of #20,000 ($20) to 0509494057 (GT Bank), The Intentional Parent Academy.

Send proof of payment via WhatsApp to +234 703 639 3160 or 0903 663 3600.ONLY VALID FOR A LIMITED TIME

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Talking about sex with your children can be challenging, especially with many myths and misconceptions about when and how to do it. Many parents have fears and misunderstandings that can make these conversations difficult. However, addressing these myths can help you have better, more helpful discussions with your kids.

Here are five common misconceptions about sex education that every parent should know.

1. My Child is Too Young: Parents often believe their children are too young to have conversations about sex. They think, “What are they teaching them there?” when they hear about mentoring or classes for teenagers. However, children know more than we give them credit for. It is crucial to approach these conversations with the mindset that children already have some knowledge, rather than assuming they are complete novices. They gather information from various sources.

As a parent, your responsibility is to provide them with wisdom, strategies, and skills to navigate these topics. For example, a two-year-old girl who was taught about inappropriate touching was able to report molestation. If she had not been taught, she wouldn’t have known to report it. This is why sex conversations must start even before your child is born. The things you watch, wear, and do can set the foundation for future conversations.

For instance, it is inappropriate to bathe with your child; it sends mixed messages about privacy and boundaries.

2. I Don’t Want to Overexpose My Children: Some parents fear that talking about sex will overexpose their children, leading to incomplete conversations, which is worse than no education at all. Children are already overexposed to various information, often inaccurate or harmful. It’s vital to use correct terminology and address these topics comprehensively. The fear of overexposure often prevents parents from even naming private parts correctly, perpetuating a cycle of misinformation.

Avoid demonizing sex; instead, provide accurate, age-appropriate information. Incomplete education can leave children vulnerable to misinformation from peers or the internet.

3. Using Sex Conversations to Show Off or Embarrass: Some parents use sex conversations to show off or embarrass their children, recording discussions to post on social media or casually discussing their child’s private matters with friends. This breaks trust and discourages children from seeking guidance in the future. Trust and respect are your most valuable assets when discussing sensitive topics.

Imagine your child confides in you about a crush, and they overhear you sharing it with a friend. This breach of trust makes it less likely they will come to you again. Always seek your child’s approval before sharing their personal information, even within the family, to avoid oversharing and maintain their trust.

4. Can Have Conversations Anyhow – With Whatever I Know: It’s important to understand that children can tell when you’re not knowledgeable or prepared. Sex conversations should not be approached haphazardly. They must be intentional and well-informed. As societal norms and information evolve, so should your conversations about sex. Ensure you are updated with current knowledge to provide accurate information. Addressing topics like self-esteem, self-control, and emotional health is as important as discussing the mechanics of sex.

For example, a girl with low self-esteem might seek validation through inappropriate relationships. Building their self-worth and self-control helps them make better choices.

5. Thinking That Sex Conversations Are Just About the Mechanics of Sex: Many parents mistakenly believe that sex education is solely about the mechanics of sex. However, sex education encompasses much more, including building focus, self-esteem, and self-control. The most powerful sex organ is the mind, making sex education an activity of the mind. Conversations about sex should also address mental health and emotional stability.

For instance, a girl who understands her menstrual cycle will not feel anxious about being different from her peers. Similarly, boys who learn about healthy body image won’t resort to harmful practices to meet perceived standards. Addressing these broader aspects prepares children for the emotional and social challenges related to sex.

6. Thinking That Because You’re Not Speaking, No One Else Is Speaking: If you’re not educating your children about sex, someone else is, often providing misinformation. Avoid leaving your children vulnerable to inaccurate information from peers, media, or the internet. Proactively engage in these conversations to ensure they receive accurate and healthy information.

7. Thinking That Fighting Your Children’s Peers Is a Way to Give Sex Education: Some parents believe that fighting against peer pressure is the best way to protect their children. Instead of fighting, aim to manage it by creating a positive environment. You can’t always choose your child’s friends, but you can influence their environment to promote healthy choices. Foster a supportive atmosphere where your child feels comfortable discussing peer influences and making positive decisions.

Parenting is a complex task that requires adaptability and continuous learning. The concerns of the past, such as avoiding teenage pregnancy, are not the only issues today. It demands an up-to-date approach, addressing the broader context of sex education to help children navigate today’s challenges effectively.

Final call to pay #3,999 instead of #15,000 for the Sex Your Child Like a Pro 4.0

Have you registered already?

Do you know that fee changes to #4,999 from tomorrow?

Take advantage now and register by paying #3,999. Only for today.

Fee changes to #4,999 beginning from tomorrow, June 22nd.

You can still enrol for this course now for just ₦3,999 instead of ₦15,000?

You would also get access to amazing bonuses when you enrol, like:

✅ 80% discount valid for 24 hours.
✅ Access to 5 live classes with replays.
✅ “Guided Hands”: A father’s handbook on penis care and health discussions with their sons.
✅ “Guided Fingers”: A mother’s handbook on vagina care and health discussions with their daughters.
✅ Group registration special offer.
✅ Bonuses worth over ₦50,000.

All this for just ₦3,999! This special rate is valid for 24 hours only.

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Traumatic experiences happen to more people than we can ever imagine. The problem is that, most people don’t even understand what is happening to them, while a greater number tends to shy away from having this conversation.

Numbing your feelings will not end the traumatic experiences you had. Work on yourself. Deal with your trauma before it destroys you. To do these, you will have to identify the signs of trauma first. In today’s blogpost I will be sharing with you some traumatic signs you should look out for and how you can begin to heal.

When discussing trauma, many of us may not recognize that we carry its burden. There’s often a reluctance to speak ill of our parents, as we attribute their actions to good intentions. But how can we identify childhood trauma? Here are the signs:

1. Bad posture: Many of us slump or hunch over when sitting down. This posture, often associated with shame, is a protective stance. Chronic shame, experienced during childhood, can manifest in these physical mannerisms. If you notice a child consistently slouching, lowering their shoulders and eyes, it may indicate underlying shame. In past decades, shame was frequently used as a disciplinary tool in parenting. Bedwetting, for instance, was misunderstood, leading to unjustified shame. Adults who appear shy may actually be shielding themselves from feelings of shame. Despite its prevalence, childhood trauma is often overlooked, leading to shutdowns in discussions.

If you grew up in the 80s or 90s, consider attending a healing class, as unresolved issues from that era may still affect you. Trauma isn’t just about what happened; it’s also about what should have happened but didn’t. Many of us were prematurely burdened with adult responsibilities.

2. People-pleasing: Those with chronic trauma often seek acceptance and love by constantly trying to please others. They struggle with setting boundaries and find it hard to say no, and rejection is particularly difficult for them to handle. Many people struggle to decline unnecessary requests, feeling pressured to meet expectations, especially during personal or familial celebrations. While these gestures may seem positive, the underlying motivation can be traced back to trauma responses.

3. Hyper vigilance: Children who have experienced trauma may exhibit hypervigilance, constantly scanning their surroundings for potential threats even in safe environments. Overprotective parenting, stemming from the parents’ unresolved trauma, is common. This can manifest in a reluctance to let children play outside or venture out unaccompanied. Exaggerated startle responses, difficulty relaxing, and restless behavior are all indicators of unresolved trauma. Overparenting, often mistaken for love, can lead to entitlement issues in children. Sacrifice is an essential aspect of parenting, but it shouldn’t be equated with suffering. Learning to prioritize and sacrifice effectively is key to healthy parenting.

4. Dissociation is a coping mechanism where children disconnect from traumatic experiences. This can manifest in various ways, such as feeling detached from oneself or the world, experiencing numbness or memory lapses, or merely observing life without actively engaging in it. It’s essential to address any numbness or detachment towards the caregivers, as unresolved issues can impact future generations.

5. Self-sabotage: Those who have experienced trauma often harbor negative self-beliefs and engage in self-destructive behaviors. These behaviors may include substance abuse, unhealthy eating habits, difficulty in achieving goals, sabotaging relationships, and engaging in risky behaviors. Harsh self-criticism and an inability to extend grace to oneself are common traits. It’s crucial to recognize these patterns and seek healing to break the cycle of self-sabotage.

6. Perfectionism: Perfectionism is another common sign of childhood trauma. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness, coupled with self-blame for any perceived failures, can hinder personal growth and parenting effectiveness. Embracing imperfection is essential for both personal well-being and effective parenting.

7. Avoidance of emotional intimacy: Childhood trauma can also manifest as an avoidance of emotional intimacy, making it challenging to form deep connections with others. Addressing unresolved issues with parental figures is crucial for achieving emotional intimacy in adulthood.

8. Difficulty with emotional regulation: Children who have experienced trauma often struggle with regulating their emotions, leading to mood swings, intense emotions, and difficulty expressing or suppressing emotions. Seeking healing and accountability are essential steps in overcoming these challenges.

To embark on a journey of healing, consider enrolling in a trauma-focused program or seeking therapy. By addressing childhood trauma, not only will you experience personal growth and healing, but you’ll also create a more nurturing environment for future generations.

We opened up registration at the Academy “Healing From Parenting Hurt” to help you get over these hurts for the sake of your children. We have an offer you can cash in on NOW! Yes a 50% Discount from original Fee of #30,500 ($23) 

So you get to Pay #15,500 instead of #30,500

We must become better for our children. Dealing with childhood trauma is a complex but necessary process. Through therapy, you can overcome childhood trauma. You can raise happy and healthy families, be productive citizens, and have a fulfilling life.

At the Healing From Parenting Hurt session, we will be helping you with the process, so you can take your life back again. We have helped almost 5,000 parents on their healing journey. 

Are you hurting? Time doesn’t change anything, it’s what we do with time that makes a change. Enrol today and start your healing journey 

To register for the Healing from Childhood Trauma Course, pay #15,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 0903 663 3600

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“The most important classroom for your child isn’t within the four walls of a school; it’s right within your home, guided by you—the parent. This means you are the primary and most influential teacher in your child’s life. This blog post aims to address questions such as, ‘How am I the most important teacher?’ and ‘How can I step into this role, even if I’m a career person or an entrepreneur who has never set foot in a classroom except to pick up my child?’

As the first and most significant teacher for your child, you hold a key role in their academic success, growth, and lifelong learning. One of the gravest mistakes parents make on their journey is relinquishing total control of their child’s learning to the school. This often stems from ignorance prevailing over other reasons.

Parents often believe that finding the best schools and paying hefty fees absolve them of further responsibility. However, it’s crucial to recognize that paying school fees is merely the bare minimum in parenting; active involvement constitutes the lion’s share of the responsibility.

Research indicates that parental involvement is the primary predictor of a child’s academic success. As your child’s number one teacher, you are uniquely positioned to identify challenges and implement solutions within your parenting journey. You can recognize your child’s strengths, areas of growth, and tailor their educational experiences to match their unique learning style and pace.

For instance, if a child struggles with focus, the primary responsibility to assist them lies not with the school, but with the parent who can integrate solutions into their parenting approach.

Being your child’s number one teacher also allows you to understand their strengths and areas for improvement, enabling you to customize their educational experiences accordingly. Often, when parents think of involvement, they limit it to helping with homework, paying fees, and attending PTA meetings. Let’s delve deeper into these roles.”

Roles of Parents as the Number One Teacher:

1 . Emotional Anchor: Parents serve as the emotional support system for their children, providing encouragement and creating a safe space for learning and development. This emotional stability is essential for enabling children to thrive academically.

2. Modeling Behavior: Children are natural imitators, often mimicking the behaviors they observe in their parents. Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to exhibit positive behaviors that can influence their child’s academic journey. By demonstrating habits such as reading, curiosity, and perseverance, parents can instill valuable traits in their children that contribute to academic success.

3. Creating a Suitable Learning Environment: Beyond the physical aspects of the home environment, such as comfortable furniture and study areas, parents must cultivate an atmosphere conducive to learning. This involves modeling behaviors that support academic growth, such as limiting screen time and fostering a culture of curiosity and exploration. A cognitively, emotionally, and psychologically supportive environment is vital for a child’s educational development.

4. Advocacy: Parents play a crucial role as advocates for their children within the educational system. This includes ensuring that their child’s voice is heard and respected in the school environment, advocating for inclusivity, and supporting teachers to facilitate their child’s learning journey effectively. Parental involvement in advocating for their child’s needs can significantly impact their educational experience.

5. Foundational Learning: The home serves as the first environment for a child’s learning journey. During the formative years, typically ages one to five, children absorb vast amounts of information and develop critical skills. Parents are instrumental in laying the foundation for their child’s future academic success during this crucial period. Investing time and effort in early childhood education, even before formal schooling begins, sets the stage for a lifetime of learning.

How a Parent can Align with their Role as number one Teacher

1. Create a Supportive Learning Environment: Establishing routines and consistency is essential beyond just providing a study room or a well-stocked library. Consistency in setting study schedules helps children identify dedicated times for learning. Fostering a positive attitude towards learning is crucial as negative attitudes from parents can inadvertently affect children’s perceptions. Parents should actively model lifelong learning by showcasing enthusiasm for acquiring knowledge, sharing personal interests, hobbies, and experiences, and emphasizing the value of continuous personal development. Making learning enjoyable by integrating elements of play, creativity, and excitement into educational activities can significantly enhance children’s learning experiences, particularly during their early developmental stages.

2. Communication and Collaboration with the School: Many parents tend to have a transactional relationship with their child’s teacher, only engaging when there are complaints or negative feedback. However, it’s vital for parents to establish open lines of communication and collaboration with the school. Beyond addressing concerns, parents should proactively share insights about their child’s learning strengths, temperament, and effective strategies observed at home. Collaborating with teachers not only helps address immediate concerns but also fosters an environment where the child can thrive. Additionally, feedback from teachers provides valuable insights into a child’s behavior and performance within the classroom setting, helping parents adjust their parenting approach accordingly.

 3 . Fostering a positive attitude towards learning, particularly in subjects like mathematics, is crucial for a child’s academic development. Often, parents’ own apprehensions about certain subjects can unintentionally influence their children. For instance, if a parent expresses uncertainty or reluctance when confronted with a math problem, whether verbally or through non-verbal cues, the child may interpret this as a sign that math is difficult or undesirable.

However, parents have the power to change this narrative and cultivate a positive relationship with math for their child. Instead of conveying doubt or negativity, parents can adopt an attitude of encouragement and resilience when faced with math-related challenges. By demonstrating a willingness to tackle problems and learn alongside their child, parents can instill confidence and enthusiasm for math.

4. Make learning fun: Making learning fun is essential for engaging children and fostering a positive attitude towards education. Many parents perceive learning at home as tedious and authoritarian, resembling a military-like environment with excessive rules and threats. However, by embracing the concept of making learning enjoyable, parents can create a vibrant atmosphere that encourages curiosity, creativity, and enthusiasm in their child’s educational journey.

Incorporating elements of play, creativity, spontaneity, and enjoyment into learning experiences can significantly enhance a child’s engagement and retention of information. Children naturally thrive when activities are emotionally stimulating and enjoyable for them. By infusing learning with fun and excitement, parents can create an environment where their child feels motivated to explore, experiment, and discover.

5. Leverage Everyday Activities for Learning Opportunities:

  Intentionally integrate learning into your child’s daily routines. Everyday activities provide numerous opportunities for learning and skill-building. For example, during mealtime, you can teach math skills, etiquette, and social development. Engage your child in basic math operations during meal preparation, and encourage critical thinking and spatial awareness during trips or walks. Chores such as washing clothes, sorting laundry, setting the table, and sweeping can also be maximized for learning opportunities.

6. Make the Most of Their Play Time:

   Encourage active play, especially activities involving cardio exercises like jumping and running. According to educational neuroscientists, such activities trigger the release of hormones that aid in neural connections, enhancing cognitive development. Playtime is crucial for building neural connections and fostering a deeper understanding of concepts.

7. Support Literacy and Numeracy Development:

 Early childhood and primary education in Nigeria prioritize permanent numeracy and literacy skills, along with critical thinking and effective communication. It’s essential to ensure your child develops strong foundational skills in numeracy and literacy to support future learning. By age five, children should be proficient in basic math operations and number work, as well as capable of independent reading. Encourage reading at home from an early age to build vocabulary and comprehension skills. Additionally, integrate math into everyday activities to enhance critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Limit screen time and prioritize activities that promote cognitive development, such as walks, car rides, and baking, which provide ample opportunities to teach spatial awareness and mathematical concepts.

The long-awaited learning style course went live this week and the feedback, enthusiasm, and joy in the learning hubs show that the learning style course is a total liberation for families. The testimonials coming in are like a one-year course progressive.

Want to join this transformative course, reach out to our team on 0903 663 3600. Have you registered for the Learning Style Course yet?

To enroll, simply visit:

To register for the Learning Style Course, complete the payment of N15,500 to Bank: GTBank Account Number: 0509494057 Account Name: The Intentional Parent Academy or pay online: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/Learningstylecourse2024

In a study by Stanford University, researchers found that intrinsically motivated students, that is, students who had genuine interest and enjoyment in learning consistently outperformed their peers who lacked adequate motivation. One striking example was seen in a group of elementary pupils who participated in a science project. Those pupils who were intrinsically motivated, that is to say, those pupils who were curious, who desired to understand the topic, completed the concept with higher quality retained the knowledge, and consolidated it a lot better than people who needed to be externally motivated.

This blog is geared towards answering the question of what I can do to motivate my child. What can I do for my child to be intrinsically motivated? A good number of learners do not think or consider the importance of studying until there is an exam facing them. The truth is that the rule of learning states that there is a need for enough interaction with the subject matter.

The concept of motivation as regards learning, is the inner intrinsic drive or desire that compels an individual to engage and participate in educational tasks. We have intrinsic motivation which is driven by internal factors such as curiosity, enjoyment, desire, self-motivation, and self-regulation. Extrinsic motivation is the weakest form of motivation, though it can be used to spur learners. Extrinsic motivation is the weakest because it is dependent on external factors and in a case where it is not available the learner will procrastinate, and defer learning.

Why Learners are Unmotivated.

1. Lack of relevance. Many learners struggle to see and identify the relevance and importance of what they are learning in their lives.
   
   
2. The fear of failure. For many children, instead of the fear of failure spurring them, it demotivates them because a child who consistently struggles with a concept will be unmotivated. They think, “I did this thing last time and I failed it, so why should I now try again?
3. The lack of self-efficacy and self-confidence. When children do not believe in themselves and do not have confidence in their ability, when they have a fixed mindset that says, intelligence is fixed, they begin to relinquish the ability to succeed in learning to the people whom they consider as high flyers forgetting that learning is not fixed, but it is transcendent meaning if you do the work, you get the prize.
4. Lack of self-mastery. Your child’s temperament can affect their motivation, not just in learning, but also in their study patterns, the way they navigate life, chores and so on. Temperaments have their strengths and weaknesses. For some children, the weakness of their personality and temperament is that they lack motivation and need external motivation to motivate them. Another factor is that the parents of these children would like to use fear and threat to motivate that child meanwhile the personality of that child is averse to those triggers you are using to motivate the child. 
5. Learning difficulty. When a child finds it difficult to learn, it could be a major reason why they are demotivated. For instance, imagine you move to another country that speaks a different dialect than you, and there is no Google Translate, to help you understand. How will you feel? It’s the same way your child struggles to understand when there is a lack of understanding of a concept. If your child is unmotivated, you must check if they have learning difficulties or disabilities.

Tools For Motivating Your Unmotivated Child

1. Understanding the relationship between motivation and personality. Motivation and personality cannot be separated, they are interrelated. We have the extroverted child, as well as the introverted child. The way to motivate the extroverted child will be different from the introverted child. One of the ways to motivate an extroverted child is to find a way to tactfully use external motivation because they are motivated by extroversion and socialism. They just want to be out there. If you are not intentional, the extroverted child will struggle to learn. There are certain tools you can use to help an extroverted child like a peer coaching system, which is a system of accountability for example having a friend who would always call them to study. For the conscientious and introverted children – the self-aware, melancholy perfectionist children, one of the ways to motivate them is to set goals for them. They are willing to go through anything to reach that goal. The strong-willed learners love novelty and innovation. They are driven by curiosity. They are easily bored as they love teachers who are kinesthetic in their teaching. For this kind of child, their learning process must be innovative. Teach them skills like mind maps, highlighting, and annotation. For the agreeable learners who just want peace, you would need to employ extrinsic motivation while you work towards intrinsic motivation. The intrinsic motivation for these learners will be dependent on your parenting skills because they are usually laid back. They naturally lack that internal push so parents must intentionally use extrinsic tools on their way to building their self-regulation.

2. Equip them with study skills. Overwhelming workload load and distractions can be a demotivation to children. Study skills are very important for every child, every personality, every age group and learning style. Study skills include skills such as:

Spaced repetition – When a child studies this way, according to the neuroscience of retention which states that a lot of times when an individual has studied a material for a while it would take that person a period of deep sleep for permanent learning. Before knowledge is consolidated, the repetition in the memory must be constant. You can’t space repeat if you are reading only to pass an exam. For a 13-week school term, for example, a child who studies from week 1 would achieve more learning than one who just began to read when it was exam time.

How to help achieve this is to set a study time table, a schedule that incorporates a regular review season which will enforce learning and enhance long term retention.

Utilise a multisensory approach. We already know that we have different learning styles, learning strengths and  we have different intelligences according to the theory of multiple intelligence so learning is not a one size fits all approach. That’s why one of the greatest philosophers said that if you judge a fish by its ability to fly, it would spend its whole life thinking it was an idiot. Multisensory approaches must be tampered according to their learning styles. 

Another study skill is practice retrieval. This involves actively retrieving information from your memory through testing and self quizzes. This is the concept that mock exams emphasise on. What this does is that it helps strengthen the memory retrieval and doing this enhances long term memory. Whatever concept your child studies, get them to practise questions on their own. You may also get them to assume the role of a teacher whereby they come back to teach you the concept they just learnt. This is where peer mentorship and collaborative learning come in handy because the child takes the role of the teacher and as they try to teach each other they try to remember, demystify it and break it down in such a way that would enable them to teach another person. After that session, learning has happened. 

3. Create a supportive learning environment. Your child is not motivated to learn because they lack a supportive learning environment both in school and at home.

4. Intentionally foster a growth mindset. One of the ways to achieve this would be by emphasising on efforts rather than grades. To motivate your child you need to shift your reinforcement from focusing on their grades to their effort. Because a child could put in 100 percent effort and come out with a 60 per cent result, and the reverse is also true. So indeed, exams are not a true test of knowledge. Because you criticise a child’s grade, and not effort, the child gets demotivated and decides not to make any more effort in the future since his last effort was neither noticed nor praised. By praising efforts, you inculcate a growth mindset into them which motivates learning.

Have you seen our facilitator list for the upcoming course on “Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style”? With a team comprising a parent coach, clinician/autism professional, and a learning coach, this course is going to equip you with the necessary knowledge to understand and support your child’s learning journey.

Only 4 days left until the start of the 2024 Cohort of the “Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style Course”! Don’t miss out!

Understanding Your Child’s Learning Style Course 2024 offers a completely revamped curriculum and experience. We started running the “Understanding Your child’s learning style” course in 2018 and over the years, we have trained over 10,000 parents to understand how their children learn.

I remember at the very first batch a particular parent said to me “Coach Wendy I wish I attended this course some 20 years ago, some of the challenges I had with my son won’t have had it.”

To join the learning style course starting in 6 days time, pay N15,500 to 0509494057 (GTB) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600. 

Register Online Here 

https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/Learningstylecourse2024

Do you know the amazing thing? You get a 25% discount if you pay before the 24th of March. So instead of paying N20,500, you get to pay only N15,500.

Offer valid till March 24th, 2024.

Many children lose their natural curiosity as they progress through school. This is often due to traditional learning methods that can be dry and unengaging. But what if learning could be fun and exciting? In this blog post, we’ll explore ways to create a love of learning in your child.

Teaching is more than just cramming facts into young minds. It’s about igniting the spark of curiosity, a flame that fuels a lifelong love of learning. As parents and educators, we hold the key to unlocking this potential. We aren’t just shaping minds that can pass exams; we’re nurturing explorers equipped to navigate the vast landscapes of knowledge.

One fundamental issue is that many children—and even adults—don’t know how to learn effectively. Passing exams doesn’t necessarily equate to true learning.

Let’s Delve into some key aspects that hinder effective learning:

1. Lack of Engagement:
Learning methods often fail to capture a child’s interest. For instance, subjects like mathematics are sometimes taught without engaging students, leading to a lack of enthusiasm for learning. Concepts remain abstract when they cannot be connected to real-life experiences. As the first learning environment, the home plays a crucial role. Unfortunately, not all homes provide an engaging atmosphere for learning.

2. Work Overload: Regarding work overload, the belief that rescheduling activities will improve performance overlooks the need for a conducive learning environment. Instead of piling on more lessons, focus on creating an environment where genuine learning can take place. Overloading the brain can lead to information regurgitation rather than true comprehension. Scientifically, an overloaded brain tends to shut down.

3. Fear of failure: The pressure to perform and an overemphasis on grades can prevent a child from taking risks and learning from mistakes, ultimately hindering true learning.

4. Constant comparison with peers can undermine a child’s confidence and motivation to learn. When a child is pressured, they may fail to grasp the significance of failure and its role in achieving success.

How can Children Learn?

Teaching children how to learn before they begin formal education is crucial. This lays a foundation for a lifetime of academic success. Academic achievement is merely a byproduct of learning; therefore, cultivating learning skills is paramount in their educational journey. If a child is not equipped with the ability to learn, they will encounter challenges throughout their lives.

1. Metacognition, the ability to think about one’s thinking, is essential. It involves understanding one’s learning process, identifying strengths, monitoring progress, and reflecting on experiences. This process begins with self-awareness. Thus, completing homework on behalf of a child deprives them of the opportunity to engage in metacognitive thinking. Consider the numerous creatives who have flourished outside traditional educational structures; many of them found support for their learning within their home environments. When the brain lacks training in learning, acquiring knowledge becomes arduous.

2. Critical thinking : Critical thinking and questioning are essential skills to instill in your children. Encourage them to think critically and question information they encounter.

3. Effective note-taking: Effective note-taking is another crucial skill. Before becoming effective note-takers, children must learn to be active listeners. Note-taking is a part of active listening, and guiding children on how to summarize information clearly is essential. Teaching methods like mind mapping can aid in conceptualization. Notes serve as repositories of wisdom, captured on paper.

4. Time management: Time management is key. Help your children understand the importance of prioritization, identifying urgent tasks, creating schedules, and planning. Providing structured systems for organizations is crucial, as unpredictability can hinder productivity.

5.Adaptability and resilience: Adaptability and resilience are vital qualities for success. Success, such as passing medical school, relies more on adaptability and resilience than sheer intelligence. Shielding children from failure deprives them of valuable learning experiences. Emphasize the value of embracing challenges, learning from setbacks, and adapting to change.

6. Communication and Collaboration Skills: Communication and collaboration skills are also essential. Teach children how to work in groups, share ideas, communicate effectively, and respect others’ viewpoints. These skills are often not taught in school but are crucial for success in various endeavors.

7. Encourage a joy for learning in your children. Learning should be viewed as a lifelong journey, and instilling self-reliance is crucial. Focus on self-improvement as a parent, as children often mirror their parents’ behavior,

IS YOUR CHILD STRUGGLING TO LEARN?

Your child might be struggling because you don’t understand how he learns!
My daughter is a dominant auditory learner I will say 80%. This makes her verbal and auditory coordination so apt!

A few years ago, we got them bicycles to learn, in split seconds her twin brother who is a dominant Kinesthetic learner started to ride. So kinesthetic learners find physical activities very easy to come by. Our son learned to swim the same day the swim Coach started his lessons.

In all these years, we have been looking for a way to make our daughter learn to ride because physical activities are part of our value system in our home. No, we never said “Can’t you see! your twin brother can ride easily bla bla! That stuff kills a child who would like to learn faster, it’s comparison even though parents

Well, we thought of how best we could teach her, and then boom her learning style was it. So we started to feed her ears first with the learnings on how to ride and not the actual ride itself. Then we got safety guards, …. And our big daughter decided to do the teaching job itself.

Using her dominant learning style instead of forcing and assuming she should just know…she learned how to ride her bike in 2days!!!

Do you know that understanding your child’s learning style might be the singular solution to her learning difficulties?

At The Intentional Parent Academy, we run a course where we just don’t teach parents how to identify the learning styles of their children, we also teach them how to use these learning styles to make their children study effectively and even discipline them correctly.
Have you registered to be part of the learning style course Yet?
To join the Learning Style Course, simply click the link below:

https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/Learningstylecourse2024

Or pay #10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600

Did you know that 1 in 5 children experience low self-esteem, impacting their confidence, happiness, and overall well-being? As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see your child struggling with feelings of inadequacy, withdrawal, or negativity. But the good news is, that you can play a vital role in helping them build healthy self-esteem.

This blog will equip you with the knowledge and tools to identify the indicators of low self-esteem in your child, and most importantly, empower them to build a healthy sense of self-worth.

Indicators of Low Self-Esteem
1. Bullying or Being Bullied: Both being a bully and being bullied are signs of low self-esteem. This falls under the category of changes in social interaction. Some parents might even feel proud if their child is the bully, thinking that their child can’t be intimidated. However, this could indicate that the child is battling with low self-esteem.

2. Changes in Behavior: Noticeable alterations in your child’s behavior can be a sign of low self-esteem.

3. Changes in Self-Expression: If your child’s way of expressing themselves changes, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.

5. Changes in Social Interaction: Changes in the way your child interacts socially can also indicate low self-esteem.

Children who feel powerless may become targets, while those struggling with their self-worth may attempt to assert control. It has become extremely important that we shine the light on issues concerning low self-esteem in Children, We can no longer remain silent. If we don’t address these issues, we risk harming future generations.

Low self-esteem doesn’t only affect the child, it also affects adults. Many adults struggle with initiating and maintaining friendships due to low self-esteem. All their lives they second-guess ourselves, feel like they don’t matter. These can be traced back to low self-esteem. These are effects of practices that can lead to low self-esteem. This might lead to fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy in social situations, and social withdrawal. Some of you may be well-dressed, and working in good environments, yet still feel inadequate. This is still low self-esteem.

A child with low self-esteem will find it difficult to express their opinion, leading to a lack of assertiveness. I recall a woman who joined our Inner Circle because her youngest child was very assertive, unlike her other children who were very obedient. But have you considered that obedience isn’t always a virtue?

We often domesticate our children in the name of parenting, shutting down their potential. We take pride in saying, “Once I speak, my children don’t utter a word.” But there’s a thin line between subduing a child’s assertiveness and proper parenting. It’s not just about following instructions; it’s about your children being assertive even while following instructions.

If your children can’t say no to you, they won’t be able to say no to people outside your home. A child recently asked me to do something I had no business doing. She pleaded, “Please don’t say no,” thinking it would make me say yes. But I said no. Why should I please you at the expense of displeasing myself or putting myself in an uncomfortable position?

Understanding Behavioral Changes Due to Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can lead to significant behavioral changes in children and teenagers. These changes can manifest in various ways, including withdrawal and isolation, avoidance of challenges, and perfectionism. Understanding these behaviors is crucial for parents, educators, and caregivers to provide the right support and guidance.

1. Withdrawal and Isolation
Children with low self-esteem often withdraw from social activities and isolate themselves from family and friends. This behavior is not merely a reflection of their personality but could be a sign of deeper issues. Teenagers, in particular, may become withdrawn due to the numerous changes happening in their lives. They may feel the need to shut out the world, and our words can play a significant role in this process. Our words shape realities, and if a child begins to withdraw and isolate themselves, they might be trying to navigate their environment without drawing attention to themselves.

2. Avoidance of Challenges
Another behavioral change is the avoidance of challenges due to fear of failure. The fear of failure can be so overwhelming that children hide their failures and results, leading to a reluctance to take on new challenges or engage in activities that require effort. They might develop a preference for tasks they’re already proficient in, avoiding anything new.

3. Perfectionism
Perfectionism is another defense mechanism adopted by some children with low self-esteem. They strive for flawlessness to gain approval, but the fear of not meeting these high standards can lead to frustration and self-criticism. They put in so much effort to build a perfect persona to please others, often at the expense of their own well-being. Perfectionism can hinder your ability to try new things and be confident. You might find yourself constantly telling yourself that it’s not perfect enough, it’s not excellent enough. But remember, excellence is not perfection.

4. Changes in Self-Expression
Changes in self-expression often start with negative self-talk. This involves the individual constantly belittling themselves, expressing doubt in their abilities, or using phrases like ‘I can’t.’ Negative self-talk can be a significant barrier to personal growth and achievement.

5. Physical Changes Indicating Low Self-Esteem
Physical changes can indicate low self-esteem. This can manifest in posture, avoiding eye contact, and signs of nervousness. These physical cues may indicate discomfort or lack of confidence. For instance, nail-biting could be a sign of low self-esteem.

How TO Stop Low Self-Esteem In Your Child
1. Understand the Influence of Parenting: Recognize that parenting significantly influences a child’s self-esteem. Good intentions alone are insufficient for effective parenting. The right knowledge and strategies are crucial.

2. Establish the Right Systems: We don’t rise to the level of our intentions, but we fall to the level of our systems. Ensure the right systems are in place for effective parenting.

3. Avoid Over-Criticism: Being overly critical when providing feedback can undermine a child’s confidence. Focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.

4. Differentiate Between Correction and Discipline: Correction is not the same as discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not rectifying mistakes.

5. Implement Effective Discipline: Discipline is about teaching with love, understanding, empathy, and compassion, not about criticizing or correcting.

6. Take Time to Calm Down: If your child makes a mistake, take time to calm down before you address it. The quality of the message you’re conveying is more important than the timing.

7. Break the Cycle of Criticism: Constant criticism can lead to self-doubt and fear. If you experienced this growing up, it’s important to recognize it and consciously choose a different approach with your own children. Offer constructive feedback and encouragement instead of solely focusing on what’s wrong.

8. Provide a Loving Environment: Offer love, understanding, empathy, and compassion in your interactions with your children. This helps build their self-esteem and confidence.

9. Encourage Effort Over Outcome: Focus on the effort your child puts into their activities rather than just the end result. This fosters a growth mindset and helps them learn from their experiences.

10. Avoid Comparisons: Each child is unique and develops at their own pace. Comparing them to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Celebrate their individuality and support their journey.

11. Set Realistic Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic expectations that can lead to a constant sense of failure. Tailor your expectations to your child’s abilities and stage of development.

14. Allow Them to Experience Challenges: Overprotecting children from failure and adversity can hinder their growth. Allow them to face challenges, make mistakes, and learn from them. This builds resilience and self-confidence.

Continual learning and growth are essential for effective parenting. It’s not about being perfect, but about being open to learning and making positive changes in your parenting approach. This will help you raise confident, resilient, and emotionally intelligent children who are equipped to thrive in the world. I’ve written several books to assist parents on this journey, click here to order our books.

Reading these books will help you understand what to expect and how to navigate through various phases of your child’s development. Each book I’ve written supports parents in their journey of raising confident, emotionally intelligent, and resilient children. They address specific challenges and provide practical strategies and insights to help parents navigate through various stages of their children’s growth and development. Whether you’re dealing with sibling rivalry, communication issues, or guiding your child through puberty, there’s a resource available to support you on your parenting journey. Visit our store here to order our resources.

If you lack emotional control, all the things I’ve shared here will be like pouring water on a phone. That’s why being part of the Emotional Intelligence Parent Course will be one of the best things that could happen to you this year on your parenting journey. You need to learn how to parent. If you don’t, you’ll make a mess. You need to be in a parenting academy. You can order the just concluded Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Course here to start your emotional intelligence journey.

1. 

   Thanks for sharing

2. 

   Thanks Coach for all you do, I just realized that my first daughter is a auditory learner and we have…

3. 

   Wow this amazing, this gives me much value.. thanks coach ❤️ ❤️ Wendy

4. 

   Thank you so much for sharing Ma. Learnt alot

5. 

   Thank you ma🥰 This is an eye opener God bless you richly in Jesus name

Do you struggle with disciplining your children? Do you feel like you are always nagging, yelling, or punishing them, but nothing seems to work? Do you wish you could raise your children to be self-motivated, responsible, and confident?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this blog post is for you. In this post, I will share what true discipline involves and how to go about it. Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children effectively and positively. Some parents resort to shouting, hitting, or other harsh methods that can harm the child’s mental and physical health. But there is a better way: positive discipline.

Positive discipline is a parenting approach that focuses on teaching and guiding your child, not punishing or controlling them. It is based on building a loving and supportive relationship with your child, setting clear and reasonable expectations, and reinforcing good behavior. It is also about being responsible and respectful and modeling the skills and values you want your child to learn.

Here are some key points to remember about positive discipline:

• Discipline is a parent’s responsibility, not a child’s problem. You need to provide structure and guidance for your child, not yell or hit them.
• Discipline is about building your child’s skills, not expressing your feelings. You need to control your emotions and act calmly and rationally, not let anger or frustration take over.
• Discipline is about connecting with your child, not criticizing them. You need to praise and encourage your child, not belittle or blame them.
• Discipline is about responding to your child’s needs, not reacting to their behavior. You need to think before you act, and choose the best way to handle the situation, not just react impulsively or emotionally.
• Discipline is about having conversations with your child, not giving corrections. You need to communicate with your child, not lecture or scold them.
• Discipline is about providing content for your child, not imposing control. You need to offer meaningful and engaging activities for your child, not just tell them what to do or not to do.
• Discipline is about fostering growth in your child, not causing destruction. You need to help your child develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and confidence, not damage their self-esteem, trust, or happiness.

Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children effectively and positively. Some parents resort to shouting, hitting, or other harsh methods that can harm the child’s mental and physical health. But there is a better way: positive discipline.

In my book, The Discipline Is Not an Emergency, order a copy here , I wrote a note to parents and I said: “A seed grows with no sound, but a tree falls with a huge noise. Destruction is noisy. If your discipline strategy on your parenting journey is noisy, it means that it is destructive. Do not create drama that gives your children trauma in their lives. If your discipline is creating drama, that is not the right kind of discipline.”

Is your discipline creating drama? Aggression is not discipline, it is destruction. When we talk about discipline, a lot of people come to me and say, “Oh, you know, I just do what my parents did. If you are not aggressive to the child, the child will not listen.” No, you have just programmed your child to only listen to you when you are aggressive, and that is not the solution. You are not creating the right environment for your child. You are destroying it.

This is why we need to change the way we think about discipline. Discipline is not about what we do to our children, but what we do with them. Discipline is not about how we feel, but how we build. Discipline is not about how critical we are, but how connected we are. Discipline is not about reactions, but responses. Discipline is not about corrections, but conversations. Discipline is not about control, but content. Discipline is not about destruction, but growth.

STEPS FOR POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

1. SELF DISCIPLINE: The first and most important strategy for positive discipline is self-motivation. Self-motivation is the ability to do something without external pressure or reward. It is the inner drive that makes you want to learn, grow, and achieve. Self-motivation is essential for developing self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and confidence.

Why is Self-Motivation Essential for Discipline?

Unfortunately, many of us were not taught self-motivation as a skill. We were taught to fear punishment or seek approval from others. We were taught to depend on external factors to motivate us, rather than finding our intrinsic motivation. We were taught to react, rather than respond. We were taught to criticize, rather than connect. We were taught to control, rather than create.

When we discipline our children with self-motivation, we help them:

• Understand the why behind their actions and decisions
• Align their behavior with their values and goals
• Develop a positive and growth mindset
• Build a trusting and respectful relationship with us
• Become independent and confident learners and leaders

How to Teach Self-Motivation to Your Children?

One of the key steps to self-motivation is to clarify your why. Why are you doing what you are doing? Why do you want your child to do what you want them to do? When you and your child understand the why behind your actions and decisions, you are more likely to be motivated by your values and goals, rather than by fear or pressure.

In my book, The Discipline That Works, you can order a copy here , I wrote extensively about self-motivation and how to teach it to your children. I also shared some examples of how my children applied the lessons they learned from me in different situations. They were able to think for themselves and make smart choices because they knew the why behind their actions. If you want to learn more about how to teach your children self-motivation and positive discipline, you can check out my book, The Discipline That Works. You can also join the Inner Circle, where I share more tips and insights on parenting and personal development. Book a slot for the 2025 cohort of the Inner Circle Program here

HOW TO  ENCOURAGE SELF-MOTIVATION IN YOUR CHILD?

In my book, I shared the 4M’s approach: mastery, mindset, modeling, and motivation

MASTERY: Mastery is about setting achievable goals and providing opportunities for skill development. Part of mastery is self-confidence. You need to build your child’s confidence in what you’re teaching. Your self-confidence rubs off on your child. Your children can sense when you’re not confident about your parenting journey. They call it BBT: born before technology. They think you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re providing information, not wisdom. But they don’t need information, it’s everywhere on Google. They need wisdom. Parenting today is about wisdom. Without wisdom, you will be unstable. The Bible says that wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of our times.

MINDSET: This is about creating the mindset for self-motivation. Part of it is positive self-talk and the growth mindset. A few days ago, I taught the parents in the inner circle how to avoid becoming praise junkies. Some of us have become praise junkies to our children. We constantly say, “You’re perfect, you’re the best.” We think that’s how to build self-esteem. But that’s not true. You need to affirm your children, not praise them. Praise should not be about you but about them. When children consistently seek approval for their decisions, they fall into the praise trap. I’m going to share more about this with the parents in the academy. One clear sign of being a praise junkie is when children consistently seek approval for the decisions that they make. Of course, they have been conditioned to do so. You need to break free from the praise trap. Praise should not be vague and insincere.

Children understand abilities and qualities better when we praise them for their efforts, not their traits. Growth mindset says that we should praise the process that the child goes through, such as “Wow, you’ve put a lot of work into this and look at the results. If you try it this way, you might get even better. You can see that the more you work hard, the more you succeed.” That’s a growth mindset. It encourages the child to learn and improve. A fixed mindset, on the other hand, says things like “You’re a very smart child.” That’s harmful. It tells the child that they have a fixed amount of intelligence and that’s it. It puts the child in a box and limits their potential. That’s a fixed mindset. You can read more about the difference between growth and fixed mindsets and how to foster a growth mindset in yourself and others. I also talked about modeling and motivation and shared some stories that can help you.

• Modelling
• Motivation

2. Overcoming common obstacles

Maintaining discipline in every area of your life is challenging, and you’re bound to encounter obstacles along the way. One of the strategies that you need to develop is to identify and address those obstacles. What are the common obstacles that you face when it comes to discipline?

3. Lack of focus: Distractions, lack of concentration, and difficulty paying attention can all interfere with your discipline. Nowadays, a lot of children are struggling with focus. So some of the problems that you’re dealing with are not just about the child’s behavior, but about the underlying obstacle of focus. It’s not necessarily about what the child has done or hasn’t done. So you look at a child who has lost focus and is struggling to stay on task. Of course, it’s going to affect their performance and behavior. So the problem is that you’re majoring in the minor and minoring in the major. You’re chasing the child and shouting and panting and doing all of that, meanwhile the child is coming from another angle. Lack of focus is an obstacle, and it’s not going to change until you deal with it.

3. Fear of failure: When it comes to discipline, fear of failure, negative self-talk, self-doubt, and anxiety can all erode your discipline by sapping your motivation. The child has internalized a negative message about themselves and their abilities. Many of us struggle with discipline because we have that fear of failure. We can’t try, we can’t do things, we’re so afraid. So one of the things that our discipline did to us, what our parents did to us, was that they sold us fear. They did not sell us a skill called discipline. They did not teach us how to cope with failure and learn from it. They did not help us develop a growth mindset. So that’s why we’re afraid. We don’t know how to stay on track and build on that skill in the face of fear. It’s an obstacle, and it’s a big one. So stop raising children who live in fear, because according to you, you want to prove that you’re the lion parent, you want to prove that you can control everything. But you can’t. You can only guide and support your child to overcome their fears and grow their discipline.

4. Lack of time management: Time management is a crucial skill for discipline, and many children don’t know how to manage their time effectively. So you get angry, you get angry and say “Why did you do this? Why didn’t you do that?” But if you understand what discipline means, you would not raise a child without building their time management skills. Any child you raise without building their skills is not going to be able to thrive in life. Parenting is about skills building, not instilling fear.

When you don’t look at the obstacles to discipline, you’re going to be stuck and frustrated. And it all comes from your definition of discipline. If you see discipline as a skill that you can learn and practice, then you can overcome the obstacles that prevent you from building that skill.

Ever wished for better connections, deeper understanding, and a more fulfilling life as a parent or even in your relationships?

Join our Emotional Intelligence Course and embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

Why Join?

Unlock the secrets to navigating emotions, enhancing relationships, and achieving success in both personal and professional spheres. This isn’t just a course; it’s your key to a happier, more connected life.

What You’ll Gain:

Practical skills for real-life application

Supportive community for shared insights

Expert guidance from seasoned facilitators

Ready to transform?

To join the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N20,500 ($23) to 0509494057 (GTB Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.

You can register online here

Parenting in the social media era can be both constructive and destructive, depending on how you use it. When it comes to parenting in the 21st century, social media is a tool, not a problem. I often tell parents that the social media age will not go away. Instead, it will evolve and expand. From where we started with Facebook, we now have a million and one social media platforms out there. The fact is that the more you try to avoid or control them, the more you can’t manage them or teach your children how to use them wisely. You need to embrace that social media is not your problem. So don’t blame the tool, blame your inefficiency on how to navigate the tool. In essence, blaming social media for your parenting inefficiency is just like a bad workman blaming his tools. If you lack the skills to use the tool, it doesn’t render the tool useless. It’s about honing your skills to make the most of what’s available. Understanding this perspective is crucial. To sail successfully in this digital era, one must acknowledge the winds, not blame them. As the saying goes, “He that knows not where he sails, no wind is favorable.”

Moving forward, in this blogpost we will explore a framework for understanding the role of social media in parenting. If you find yourself attributing your parenting challenges solely to “children of these days,” it’s time for a paradigm shift. Embrace the tools available in today’s world, and you’ll find yourself equipped to champion the complexities of modern parenting.
Parenting in the Digital World; How to Navigate.

Knowledge
As a parent, understanding how to navigate the tools of the digital age is paramount and one of those tools is knowledge. Avoid falling into the trap of blaming external factors. Instead, seize the advantages this era offers, starting with the abundance of information and support. “If you grasp the use of today’s tools, you’ll emerge as a champion. Believe me, you will. I prefer to raise my children in this era, given the information I have at my disposal. While it may seem like a challenging period, it’s, in fact, an era of knowledge, totally different from the industrialization of our parents’ time or the agrarian era of our grandparents.

Just like parenting, maintaining a successful marriage in today’s world also needs knowledge. Without it, the path becomes chaotic. The idea that our parents had flawless marriages is often a romanticized misconception. In truth, many of their marriages were challenging. In a recent conversation with my husband, the governor, He shared a striking observation – 98% of the time, individuals unknowingly replicate patterns learned from their parents. The rising divorce rates are not a consequence of the present time or the behavior of today’s children; it’s a manifestation of a significant knowledge gap. The key factor in both parenting and marriage is knowledge, and without it, failure is inevitable. This isn’t a prophecy, prayer point, or curse; it’s a simple truth that we must acknowledge.

Unlike our parents, we now have abundant resources and knowledge at our disposal. We can’t afford to make excuses when the tools for success are within reach. The children of today are not inherently problematic; instead, they will hold us accountable for our lack of knowledge. Some have already begun challenging their parents. Embracing a commitment to continuous learning is paramount. We must confront the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of parenting and marriage. What challenges and concerns do we face? Understanding these dynamics is the first step toward navigating the complexities of navigating parenting in the parenting era. The sooner we commit to learning and adapting, the better equipped we will be to meet the demands of the future.

2. Embracing Communication and Connection
The foremost challenge for parents in this era of raising children is the erosion of face-to-face conversations. Genuine, direct communication is gradually becoming an extinct practice in our homes. Even within the confines of the same house, the reliance on digital communication platforms is increasing. In many cases, individuals find themselves in the same house, yet conversations are conducted through text or FaceTime. Without intentional efforts to address these challenges, they can spiral into overwhelming and destructive forces. The very essence of communication is compromised, leading to a disconnect among family members. An alarming example is when a teenager confided in me, saying that in their home, even mealtime notifications are delivered through text messages, this shows a significant shift away from face-to-face communication.

3. Discipline is a Private Affair:
Discipline is one of the most private aspects of parenting. Why has it become a public affair? In today’s parenting with social media, many parents use these platforms to vent about their kids instead of talking to them. They share frustrations, seeking advice or support from online communities. However, this can lead to too many opinions and confusion. Some parents even post videos of disciplining their children on social media, which raises concerns about privacy and their children’s well-being. Instead of directly addressing issues, they turn to online platforms. To navigate this, it’s crucial to prioritize real conversations with your child over seeking validation on social media. Building a strong connection requires talking, understanding, and engaging with your family directly, without relying too much on online platforms for problem-solving.

Discipline in parenting is a personal matter. When you miss the mark, you’re not just trying to prove something, but seeking validation publicly. It’s not about showcasing; it’s about being responsible and disciplined yourself. Ask yourself, why am I disciplining my child on social media? If you know exactly what to do, you don’t need validation from others. Seeking validation is a wrong aspect of our parenting culture that we learned. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. I have nothing to prove if my child makes a mess outside. There’s no need to defend my parenting skills. Why should it be about me? Sometimes, we struggle with our children making mistakes because we were raised to believe mistakes are unacceptable. It’s crucial to move away from this mindset. I wrote a book titled “Discipline Is Not an Emergency,” which is one of my favorites. Order a copy here. The essence of discipline is not an urgent display but a consistent, thoughtful approach. Let’s shift our focus from seeking approval to understanding and applying effective discipline.

4. Emotional Intelligence
To navigate parenting in this social media era you need emotional intelligence. If our emotions are not in check, the entire parenting process can go awry. Our childhood experiences often leave us with challenges in managing emotions. In our upcoming course, “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent,” starting on the 12th of February, we delve into the impact of childhood trauma on emotional regulation. It’s a foundational step because without addressing and healing these past experiences, efforts toward emotional regulation might not yield the desired results.

During the course, we’ll explore coping mechanisms, emotional deregulations, and normalized behaviors that originated from our upbringing. One significant module focuses on understanding our childhood, reflecting on our behaviors, recognizing distorted self-perceptions, and understanding how our upbringing shaped our traits. The distorted self-perception we carry from our childhood can affect how we perceive and teach certain subjects. The course aims to bring clarity and help participants navigate their emotional landscapes.

Additionally, I have valuable insights into the influence of social media on young people and the challenges and opportunities for parents. For instance, 68% of parents believe that social media affects their teens’ ability to socialize normally. This is a significant concern that we’ll address, emphasizing the importance of using social media as a tool for our benefit rather than letting it control us.

Online safety is another critical aspect, particularly protecting children from inappropriate content, online predators, and cyberbullying. The digital space is filled with potential dangers, and parents need to be aware and proactive in safeguarding their children. If you haven’t registered for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” course, I encourage you to do so. The details are available, and it promises to be a transformative experience. Share this information with your family and friends, as the course will provide valuable insights for everyone. I’m passionate about teaching this topic in a unique way, offering perspectives and strategies that aren’t copied from elsewhere. Join me on Deliverance Day, February 12th, for an insightful exploration of emotional intelligence in parenting.

If you haven’t registered for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” course, I encourage you to do so. The details are available, and it promises to be a transformative experience. Share this information with your family and friends, as the course will provide valuable insights for everyone. I’m passionate about uniquely teaching this topic, offering perspectives and strategies that aren’t copied from elsewhere. Join me on Deliverance Day, February 12th, for an insightful exploration of emotional intelligence in parenting.

Three Industry Experts!
Teaching ……
5 Modules!
5 worksheets!
5 days of learning
12th February is Emotional Intelligence Liberation Day

To join the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N20,500 instead of #30,500 before Friday to 0509494057 (GTB Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.

You can register online using this link: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent