When it comes to your child impacting the world, one of the major things I realized is that several people do not understand what impact means, how to raise a child for the world, and how to raise a child who will navigate the world. When parents talk about parenting goals, they say things like “I want to raise a good and obedient child.” Even though there is nothing wrong with raising a good child, yet there is everything wrong with raising a child who cannot thrive. It’s okay to say you want to raise an obedient child, but if you miss the part where that obedient child can thrive, you have missed it in parenting, which is a huge challenge for parents. One of the things that I have seen is that we don’t understand the difference between raising a child who is obedient and a child who will thrive. You can therefore raise a child who is obedient but foolish and cannot thrive.
Let us take an illustration from a favorite story in the Bible, which is the parable of the ten virgins. When people tell about foolish virgins, they talk about it from the light that the foolishness of the virgins came from not knowing what to do, but that’s not true. The story of the ten virgins is a typical example of being obedient yet unskilled because they were all prepared. The ten virgins were given what it was that they needed. It’s a story of following the rules, but the “what ifs” were not considered.
In the book Raising the Independent Thinking Child, I was talking about the “what else’s.” There is something called the “what else’s.” Your child is smart, obedient, intelligent, but what else do they bring to the table? It’s beyond “my child is brilliant,” or “my child is obedient,” or “they go to church.” There is nothing wrong with all of those things, but that’s not where it ends. That’s not a bragging right. The “what else’s” are the things that make the difference – the environment is a key factor to how you raise your children. 80 percent of who you become is linked to the environment – who raised you, how you were raised, where you were raised, and what the person who raised you knows. It’s important you look beyond what you know.
What are the determining factors in raising children who impact?
1 . The Matthew Effect: This is a key determining factor. The Matthew Effect was adapted from the book of Matthew 25:29, which says, “For everyone who has shall more be given, and he shall have in abundance; but for him that has not, that which he has shall be taken away from him.” Opportunity not fully utilized can never be gotten. Making an impact will go beyond their personality, how intelligent your child is, their lifestyle, and their inborn talent. It’s about skilling up, developing it, and grooming. Again, opportunities not fully utilized can never be gotten. You can’t get opportunities you don’t utilize. No matter how great a skill is, if it’s not nurtured and given attention, it will never blossom. That’s why the Bible talks about time and chance happening to them all. Time is the preparation; chance is the opportunity. The reason why people who have keep getting is because success is not only attributed to merit. It is the ingredient in success that makes for success. It doesn’t matter how you merit it, the world does not reward you for the things you merit; the world will only reward you for the ingredients in the success that make you successful. So, are you utilizing the opportunities that you have? The more you utilize the opportunities you have, the more you are opened up to more. That’s what the Matthew Effect is about. It is a determining factor to what your child will become, and it is also a determining factor to you. That’s why it is said that the rich keep getting rich – that is the Matthew Effect. So, your child being good doesn’t have any reward. They are not rewarded for goodness. So, there is nothing like “why do bad things happen to good people?” No. Bad things do not happen to good people. It’s not about good, but skilled. So, you see whether your child has potentials or is a good child, they’re not prerequisites for making an impact. Nobody is rewarded for their goodness. I usually say that the world is for the bold and the loud, not for the skilled and the silent. The Bible says, “Seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.” There is a seeing of your diligence. That means you can be diligent and not seen and not be rewarded because your rewarding is about the ingredients that make for success. This is what the Matthew Effect is all about. The more you’re seen, the more you’re rewarded.
Skills: This is another thing that will position your child for impact. Acquiring skills gives you influence and elevates you because you work to develop yourself and you’re seen because the system rewards you. It’s one thing to acquire skills, it is another thing to be able to make your skills known. Anything in its raw state does not have a reward until it is refined. Africa is where it is because most of our resources are unrefined. So, we export all our materials and we put it all out there, and then the people who understand how to refine get rewarded even more. Acquiring is one thing; refining it is another. Refining is a key aspect. No matter what skills or talents your child has, whether it’s playing an instrument or any other, it doesn’t end there – they’re raw skills. What is the process of being able to package it to become valuable? It is the valuability of that thing that makes it more rewarding. It is the tangibility of the skill that gets the reward. You want to raise a child that will impact, and the child has zero skills, and the skills are not even refined. Impactful people are people who give value to the world. The simple definition of impact is value. How valuable is your child?
A child who will be valuable to the world must be valuable at home. How can the things that your child has be so refined that they can be valuable? You cannot become more without being skilled. The question you need to answer is what can your child offer to the world? Going back to the five wise virgins, they were called wise because they were more skilled. They remembered the extras – they remembered to take extra oil. The foolish virgins were just as prepared as the wise. If everything had worked smoothly, they would have been called wise, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that. There is something about chaos or uncertainty that makes for the world. There is something about the fluidity of the world. The child must be prepared for the world. They were called foolish because they lacked the extras, the “what else’s.” When you’re raising a child, what will make you raise impactful children are the “what else’s.” Don’t raise your child saying “everybody is doing it.” Your child is just going to turn out ordinary. There’s something extra that makes for extraordinary.
Hard Work: Smart work involves taking your time to understand the problem to get an efficient strategy and to get a workable execution plan, and this takes time. Smart work is about efficiency, not laziness, so smart work is not easy. When people say, “work smart, don’t work hard,” it’s truly an error. Stop hiding your children from adversity. There is no impactful person in the world who is not a hard worker. If you miss the part of raising children who are not smart workers, you will raise a foolish child. Hard work is key for impact making. Trying to shield your child from suffering is a big problem.
There is a line between impact and discomfort. No one makes an impact from a comfort zone. The more comfortable you are, the less impactful you become. The more comfortable you make your children, the less they’re able to add value to their society. Get them uncomfortable and let them move. For you to become gold, there is a trying and roasting. Comfort means doing everything for your toddlers. Your toddlers should be able to take away their plates after a meal; they should be able to pack their toys after use. Go and study people who raised children in royalty. Why do you think in England they send every male child from the royal family to war? What do you think they’re trying to do? Do you know what it means to train a child in the British army? Let your children do things for themselves. Anything your child can do for themselves, if you do it for them, you kill them literally.
2 . Accumulative Advantage: I call it the 10,000-hour rule. Research has proven time and again that how you achieve success is if you put in 10,000 hours. You can become an impact maker, a genius if you put in 10,000 hours into any tasks or field of endeavor. This 10,000-hour rule equals 10 years of cumulativ effort. What you consistently do over time accumulates into expertise. This principle applies to raising children who will impact the world. You must help your children find their areas of interest and encourage them to devote time and effort to develop skills in those areas. Consistent practice and dedication lead to mastery.
3. Mindset: The mindset you instill in your child is crucial. A growth mindset, which is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work, is fundamental. Teach your children to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as obstacles. Encourage them to embrace failure as part of the learning process. Children with a growth mindset are more likely to persevere in the face of difficulties and achieve long-term success.
4. Emotional Intelligence: Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. This skill is essential for personal and professional success. Teach your children to recognize their emotions, express them appropriately, and develop empathy for others. Emotionally intelligent children are better equipped to build strong relationships, navigate social complexities, and lead effectively.
5. Resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. Life is full of challenges and setbacks, and children need to learn how to cope with them effectively. Encourage your children to develop resilience by allowing them to experience failure and learn from it. Provide support and guidance, but also give them the space to solve problems on their own. Resilient children are more likely to persevere through tough times and come out stronger.
7. Values: Instilling strong values in your children is essential for guiding their behavior and decision-making. Teach them the importance of integrity, honesty, kindness, and respect. These values will help them navigate the world with a moral compass and make positive contributions to society. Discuss real-life scenarios and ethical dilemmas to help them understand how to apply these values in various situations.
8. Leadership Skills: Encourage your children to develop leadership skills. Leadership is not about being in charge; it’s about making a positive impact and inspiring others. Provide opportunities for your children to take on leadership roles, whether in school, sports, or community activities. Teach them the importance of communication, collaboration, and decision-making. Leadership skills will empower them to influence and guide others effectively.
9.Self-Discipline: Self-discipline is the ability to control impulses and stay focused on long-term goals. Help your children develop self-discipline by setting clear expectations and providing structure. Encourage them to set goals, create plans, and follow through with their commitments. Self-disciplined children are better equipped to achieve their goals and make responsible choices.
10. Creativity and Innovation: Foster creativity and innovation in your children. Encourage them to think outside the box, explore new ideas, and experiment with different solutions. Provide opportunities for creative expression through art, music, writing, or other activities. Creative children are more likely to approach problems with an open mind and come up with innovative solutions.
11. Global Awareness: In today’s interconnected world, it’s important for children to be globally aware. Teach them about different cultures, languages, and perspectives. Encourage them to be open-minded and respectful of diversity. Global awareness will help them navigate a multicultural world and make meaningful contributions on a global scale.
In conclusion, preparing your child for the world involves more than just raising an obedient and good child. It requires a comprehensive approach that includes developing skills, fostering a growth mindset, building emotional intelligence, instilling values, and encouraging leadership. By focusing on these areas, you can raise a child who not only navigates the world successfully but also makes a significant impact.
