HOW TO HANDLE A MISBEHAVING CHILD. 

When it comes to parenting, I always tell parents that \”Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge.”

Thinking and believing that you need to mould your child into a \”perfect being” is the worst mistake you can make because there is no such thing as a perfect child. Believe when I tell you that there is no child that doesn\’t misbehave.

When your child misbehaves or acts out, there are reasons. It can be that they are:
•They are lost. They don\’t understand what\’s wrong with them.
•They are afraid and that\’s why your child lies, bickers, or becomes heady.
•They need guidance and because they don\’t know how to ask for it, they do it the way they know better.
•They seek attention. They need you to reassure them that you are with them.

Negative attention is better than no attention/connection.

Misbehaviour can push your parental buttons and you can only remain calm by applying the right skills and required knowledge. If you don\’t equip yourself with those required skills, you\’ll make a mess because a misbehaving child isn\’t a listening child.

A child who is defiant needs to connect with you and find their way back to calm, your child is not defiant because they are bad, your child is defiant because they are still learning and growing.

There are no bad children there are only parents who lack the required knowledge on how to help their children so if your child is struggling with behaviours it is because you don\’t know what to do.

If you have a child who is misbehaving, you need to realise that, that child is not the probleme, everytime I see a child who is struggling I see a parent who is ignorant.

One of the things you need to understand is that discipline is not an emergency, when you make it an emergency you make a mess and one of the ways you can practice discipline not being an emergency is to work on your emotions this is why you need to register for the master your emotions challenge here .

At this point someone will ask, \”Coach what do I need to do?

Here are some points.

1 . Apply the initial pause and calm. It is real work because you have to think, \”how do I respond to this?” The power of the initial nothing, is the road to calmer responses from you and that\’s where you get the emotionally responsible child. Your ability to master your emotions will be a determining factor for a lot of things for your child. While pausing you can ask questions like, “What guidance can I offer you at this point”, How can we both turn this moment around”

2. Believe that your child can do better.

There is something called “self fulfilling prophecies”, you need to be careful what you say in the phase of behaviours. Cursing your child out when they misbehave is a sign of lack of emotional control. When out of anger your say words to your child, do you know that they can become self fulfilling prophecies no matter your spiritual inclination.

Do you have faith enough that no matter how many mistakes your child makes that it is going to be worth it learning from your guidance , do you have faith that the skills you are acquiring is going to work?, do you believe your guidance will work even when difficulties show up? When children misbehave it\’s usually because they are stuck, when misbehaviors show up its usually because your child has no other way of letting you know that they are stuck, afraid, hurting and upset so at this point one of the things you should let your child know is that you believe that they can. In summary, you need to be kind, it really makes all the difference.

3 . Build skills in your child. An unskilled child will frustrate you. There are some essential life skills your child need and they are- Focus and self-control, Understanding another point of view or perspective taking, Communication, Taking on challenges, Critical thinking because when they make a mess, critical thinking takes place. Mistakes and mess are the pillars on which children who will be successful will be built. Mistakes prove that your child is thinking. If you want to learn more skills that your child would need to thrive in the 21st century then you need to join the inner circle program. Click here to join the waiting list for 2023 cohort here

4. Work on Your Emotions and Quit Reactivity:

The best way to work on your emotions at this moment is to join the master your emotions challenge. Want to walk this journey of mastering your emotions ?

Pay N5,000 instead of N10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

5. Make time for yourself :
One of the things you need to understand is that when you don\’t make time for yourself you will struggle because you are the base, you are the parent.

What are the things that increase misbehavior?

1. Inability to self-regulate: Many children cannot self regulate that\’s why misbehaviours are increasing instead of being worked on.
2. Stress
3. Lack of habits that last and skills that transform.
4. Wrong parenting styles.
5. Not understanding the child and developmental level.

6. Unpredictability. Your child needs to know what you are capable of doing at any given time. Children thrive on routine and structure.Unpredictability is the enemy of your parenting.

Recently someone I know shared with me how she was struggling with anger. She booked a one-on-one session so we can unravel where it was coming from; Stress, relationships, upbringing, etc.

As always it was childhood. She told me how their home was full of anger growing up. In her words

“I grew up in an anger-filled home, my mother was always angry about everything we did, My father was a saddist , he was always angry and shouting. We were never allowed to make mistakes. I realized that I get irritated anytime my children make mistakes; I am constantly reacting the same way I saw my parents would react.

When I see my children playing it irritates me because we were never taught to play but to be serious and be of our best behavior at all times. I used to think this made us better adults but after I became a parent and reading your books, I realized it made more mess than I can imagine.

I am seeing myself creating the same kind of home I was raised in, and I hated it and still hate yet I can’t help it, that’s all I know coach, I know I need help “.

A young man shared how he learned his emotions management skills as a Child in a video I shared yesterday.

In his words “I saw you my mother and my father responding the same way when you are angry”.

The interesting part of this conversation was that this parent was shocked! Her response was

“But what you are describing happened 20 years ago, you were only 9 years”.

This showed me how much many parents don’t understand why childhood is critical to human beings.

Building our subconscious happens in childhood, and proven researches in psychology say that about 90% of what we do come from our subconscious.

The subconscious is formed between 1-7years of childhood.

Does that mean anything to you?

Many of us enter our parenting relationship wounded from our childhood and many times these experiences make a mess of who we became and that is what we eventually project on our children.

One of the biggest factors is our emotions, mastering our emotions and learning to overcome these wounds must be an intentional walk.

At our Upcoming challenge \”Master your Emotions \” online course at the academy we lead you to start walking of healing of these experiences.

The early bird fee is 5,000 till 29th September instead of 10,000 ….You can take this class from anywhere in the world. We have over 350 parents already registered for this challenge.

Pay N5,000 instead of N10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.
You can register online here: https://selar.co/MYEchallenge

Are you willing to unlearn this on your parenting journey?