How To Create Boundaries In Your Family

Boundaries are rules and limits you present in your interactions with your children.

WHY DO CHILDREN NEED BOUNDARIES

When parents don’t give clear boundaries, power shifts toward the child, which is harmful to both parents and the child. There must be boundaries because it is what helps your child with building his or her self-esteem. Children need boundaries and it is your responsibility as a parent to create them.

Boundaries help to achieve:
•Good Self-esteem: Children who are raised without healthy limits and boundaries become narcists, they talk to people without regard and feel entitled. Children who grow with healthy boundaries will do better and have self-esteem.

•Reduces Conflict: Having boundaries helps a child learn and know what to do and not to do so it reduces conflict. You need to understand that the conflict you have is a result of the absence of boundaries.

•Responsibility: Having boundaries helps the child to know and be aware of what is available and allowed subsequently taking responsibility is easy.

•Security: A child who is given boundaries will feel secure because they know that when something happens their parents will be there.

•Consequences: Children will learn how life works because life is about consequences both good and bad.

• Respect: Authority is not force and control, it is trust and respect. If your child does not respect or trust you, then you have lost authority. To create a system that helps with respect, you have to create boundaries right.

HOW TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

•Create your Family Values and make them central in your lives
A family value plan is not something that you keep in your head, it is a well-crafted and constructed document. What is important in my family is not what is important in yours, so I cannot tell you what to include in your family value. You have to consider your unique family and what works for you. You can get the Family Value Guide to help you in creating this. Without a clear family value, nobody will know what is important and what is not. It Is the bedrock for creating boundaries.

•Establish effective communication
Effective communication is very key and important because if you do not know how to communicate with your children you will continue to be frustrated, yell and beat. You need to establish how communication should be done in your home for example there are some words that have never been spoken in my home because we have established and work with a communication system for our family. I will suggest you take communication classes with your spouse; it will help you to communicate effectively with your spouse and children.

•Create Rules at home
These rules will be a product of your family values, you cannot create rules from the vacuum. You need to consider what works for you as a family and what is applicable in your home.

•Be Consistent
If you are not consistent you cannot access positive results. To attain success in raising your children, you have to keep to your rules and boundaries.

•Follow through
You must follow through with the boundaries that you have set as a family, irrespective of who is involved and when it happens.

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