Help! My Children Are Driving Me Crazy

A lot of times, I hear parents say, \”my kids are driving me crazy!” but the question I ask is, \”Are your kids driving your crazy, or are you driving yourself crazy?”

In today\’s blog post I will be sharing with you what you can do if and when they drive you crazy. Parenting is a very rigorous and tedious job, at everytime there are emotions that flood our parenting journey, this is why I insist that if you are not working on your emotions you might be getting it all wrong.

The most important job of being a parent is staying encouraged because no matter how you want to look at it you will be discouraged from time to time. One of the greatest tools in parenting is to stay encouraged, this is why I say that being in a parenting academy is no longer negotiable.Join the Intentional Parent Academy Inner Circle here

What happens whenever you say that your children are driving you crazy is that:

1 . You Lack Knowledge On What To Do:
Not having any idea of how to handle your children can make you feel like they are driving you crazy and this lack of knowledge transmits to fear.

2 . You are afraid: You say those words when you are at your wit\’s end.

3 . You are discouraged: When you feel that you have done all you know but nothing is happening. One of the most important tools you need as a parent is to stay encouraged. You need a support system because when you become discouraged, you hate being a parent and it\’s a terrible place to be!

4 . You are disappointed :When it comes to parenting, it is not the steps you take that matter but the skills you acquire. You can quit your job to be present and connect but no magic will happen if you are present without skills and tools.The problem in parenting is not just connectivity and presence ,the problem is being present with tools and skills. A parent who is present with skills and tools will trump a parent who is present without skills and tools.

5. No encouragement. Kids are like arrows in the hands of parents and what we don\’t understand about the archery is that it requires that you aim, stay focused and shoot. This can also be said in parenting , it requires for you to have the skill to aim, focus, and shoot. The secrets to effective parenting are 1. Direction 2. Focus 3. Skills 4. Mindfulness

▪️ Direction: If you don\’t have direction, you\’ll end up going around in circles. Being led will get you to a place than without being led.

▪️ Focus: When parenting, the world pulls you from different sides and at same time judges you. You need a good support system that will help you remain focused and encouraged and that\’s what TIP Academy offers.

▪️ Skills: The truth is you can\’t give what you don\’t have. Over the weekend there was this buzz about T.D Jakes passing on the baton to his daughter because he had the blessings and passed it on to his daughter. The question for you to ask is, \”What skills do I have so that when I position myself well, I can aim and shoot so as to hit the bull’s eyes?”

▪️ Mindfulness: I always tell the parents in our inner circle program that an intentional parent is a thinking parent. In being mindful you think through the decisions that you are willing to make.

So at this point, you need to know the reasons WHY YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU DO, and here are some of the points that get you to that place:

1 . Lack of structure: Many of you parent without any structure, in our nigerian parlance I will equate this as \”doing things anyhow\” and this is what causes overwhelm, over scheduling , underscheduling and all of the pressure that you face. If you don\’t commit to a success you will continue to remain overwhelmed so your parenting needs a system to be effective.

2 . Parenting on probability : When you parent with probability you don\’t know with exactitude the outcome of your parenting. When you parent, it should be intentional and not on probability.

Signs to show that you are parentinv on probability :

1. Frustration
2. Complaints
3. Discouragement
4. Being afraid
5. Blowing things out of proportion
6. Resenting your kids(things they do annoy you)
7. Power struggle with them
8. Not saying NO when necessary, and feeling guilty for your decisions.

3 . No control of emotions: Emotions control is the bedrock of planning. I will give a little explanation of what happens to our brains- when you are stressed to the maximum and about to lose it and you have no emotional control, your prefrontal cortex ( part of the brain that does what we call higher function skills like logic, predicting the outcome of words and actions, impulse control, decision makings, focusing on attention, processing feelings of empathy, shame, etc.) gets flooded with stress hormone and the stress hormone puts you on a fight or flight mode. It happens to everyone but the ability to check it matters.

At this point, the nervous system has kicked in and you are no longer your normal self, and your body, being charged like that of a bear stops you from thinking in a sane manner. Emotion control helps you get into your calm. The difference between an emotional control parent and non emotional control parent is that the former deploys tools to use in order to process her calm.

So what do you do?

•Work on your emotions.
•Set up Routine, rituals, structure, and boundaries.
•Children thrive in predictability, security, safety, and freedom.

•Parent intentionally not on probability. Get knowledge about parenting. If parenting doesn\’t change you, then you are parenting wrongly.Intentional parenting changes you.
•Join a system that works. Enrol in a parenting academy for accountability and encouragement. TIP Academy offers such and much more. Join the waiting list for the Inner Circle program here