The time to start sex educating your child is now. No child is too small for sex education. My book “Sex Educate your Child like a Pro” is a good tool for sex educating children, you can order a copy HERE.

The questions about sex education usually come as; where do I start from, what do I do and how do I go about this?

One thing about sex conversation is, that parents are going about it the wrong way. You talk about sex with your child but what is the content of what you discuss? What do they see you do? What do they hear you talk about? Our parenting system is dependent on how much knowledge we have as parents. What exactly do you know as a parent?

Parenting ignorance keeps growing and the resultant effect will scar both the child and the parent.

Spending time in parenting must be done. This is the price to be paid, and if as a parent you don’t give the time needed now, you must definitely pay it sometime in the future. It must be paid at some point in the future. It is advisable to pay this price when it doesn’t scar the child or the parent. Sex education begins with you, the parent. The bigger part is that parenting is about you. This sex education is best referred to as sex conversation because it is a continuous thing. This conversation begins with the parent. In the school of sex conversation, the faculty is you (the parent).

Our sexual attitudes are shaped by our parents, then by peer groups, social media, and teachers. Understanding your sexual personality as a parent is the first step toward sex conversation and this is because parenting is first about you. Sex conversation is bigger than pointing out the public and private parts. Many parents today are afraid of discussing sex with their children, but it is important to know that there is no vacuum in parenting. Whatever you are not teaching your child, someone or something is teaching your child. There are many factors determining how we have these conversations. Some parents are too embarrassed by sexual terms to use them and this inhibits sexual conversation in our parenting journey.

The first point of call is
A. Parenting is about you
• Acknowledge these fears: What are you afraid of? Sharing the conversations or the misconceptions that you have?
• The sex conversation between you and your child is first non-verbal. Your beliefs, and attitudes towards sex will affect how your children view these conversations.
• Do an honest review of your sex life and share the result with someone trusted or a professional as the case may be
• Forgive yourself and learn how to go about these conversations
• Get a family value
• Get a media plan for your family.
Characteristics of parent-child relationship have an impact on decision children makes as regards sex conversation. Parenting is a set of shared norms, beliefs, and practices that are institutionalized and also operate at a structured level. So as a parent, do you know who, how and what you are parenting

B. Understand your child: Your child’s level of openness, conscientiousness, planning over spontaneity, child’s emotional stability, your child’s temperament. Understand what to teach.
•Understand how to teach sex conversation at different levels or age brackets.
•Yelling and beating a child is not sex conversation.
•Have a working media plan. Bad parenting will scar the child and parents forever.
•Put a structure in your plans. It costs a lot more to repair and these scars can never be undone.
•Take lessons on discipline: There is no sex conversation without appropriate discipline. Discipline is not yelling, discipline is not beating. They need to understand discipline to be able to understand sex conversation.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT IN SEX CONVERSATION.

1. Sex is deeply personal and a relational topic: Parents are not meant to tell their children if sex is good or bad. Share your experience of what sex is. This depends deeply on how you relate to your child. For this to be effective, you must develop a healthy relationship with your child. Have that connection with your child to be able to understand your conversation. One vital aspect of the relationship is the willingness to participate in the other person\’s world. your connection with your child determines how much they will want to learn from you and this builds trust. You cannot teach a child you are not connected with. Connection comes from spending time with your children. There is no sex conversation without trust. Trust is the currency in sex conversation. You get this by influence, not by force.

2. Having sex conversation is an act, not a science: Conversation gets more modified as age grows. Link conversation to character, spiritual truth, and understanding of who they are.

3. When asked a question, provide affirmation to ask more questions: Don’t shut them down. For instance, I am glad you asked and I know it’s a difficult thing to understand. It helps the child to open up and ask more questions. Get knowledge and inform rightly, because half-baked sex conversation is as dangerous as no sex conversation.

4. Address your misconceptions: Never tell a child all you know about sex conversation at the same time. It creates time for more connections later. If a child comes up with a question you cannot answer, don’t ever be scared of saying you don’t know.

5. Work on your emotions: Create an open environment for talking and listening. Do not react to everything your child does. Work on your ability to stay calm even in chaos.

6. Get more knowledge before your child moves to the next stage: Avoid parenting errors for responsibilities you failed to take. You are responsible for your child’s failure or success in this field. Get the knowledge your child needs for puberty, before your child is born, get the knowledge needed.

7. Ensure this conversation does not happen in a place where your child is uncomfortable.

8. Work on the dos instead of the donts: Teach the children how they can stay away from these and not just tell them not to engage. Remember, your child is first a sexual being. Assertiveness is part of sex conversation. We need to teach children to say no, which includes saying no to you as a parent. Refusal skill is part of sex conversation, tech conversation, and drug conversations are all sex conversations and these are non-touching sexual abuse and these are rampant today online where children get abused online. Create a system for those to influence your child to be available, and these parents need to create intentionally. Create a road map of who makes it to your child’s life journey.

9. Provide practical strategies for managing emotions and desires: You model to the child how to manage the skills they need. Teach them what to do and not what to do.

10.Build a connection with your child: Remove everything that will hinder your connectivity with your child, including our discipline pattern, time, and activities within the home. Yelling is a big killer of connectivity in parenting. A chronic yeller cannot have an effective sex conversation. This needs both parties to be conversing. It will be a conversation that requires feedback. Always parent from the place of connection. Spending time is a big factor and then connecting from the place of knowledge is another big factor. Parenting is not about tips and hacks, parenting is about the process. The process comes from the place of knowledge.

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