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In a recent live session that I shared on my Facebook timeline, someone commented that sometimes children cry for no reason, and I responded that a child can\’t cry for no reason.

There are different reasons why children cry, before I state those reasons, these are four primary emotions that we all share as humans.
1. Happiness
2. Anger
3. Sadness
4. Fear
Crying can be associated with the emotions listed above.

Crying is a primary means of communication when you are constantly agitated. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says 2 to 3 hours of crying a day in the first 3 months of life is considered normal.As a Child gets older, they learn other effective ways to communicate and then crying minimizes. But crying remains an effective way for them to communicate.

To help decipher your child’s reason for crying, consider these age-appropriate reasons…

Toddler (1–3 years): Emotions and tantrums tend to rule at this age, and they’re likely triggered by being tired, frustrated, embarrassed, or confused.

Preschool (4–5 years): Hurt feelings or injury are often to blame.

School-age (5+ years): Physical injury or loss of something special are key triggers for crying in this age group.

When you beat your Child for crying, you shut down your child’s emotional competence.

7 Reasons Why Children Cry

1. They’re hungry

If you’re approaching mealtime and your Child gets cranky, starts to fuss, hunger is the first thing to consider.This happens especially to babies.

2. They’re feeling pain or discomfort

Pain and discomfort that you can’t see are often reasons your kid may be crying. Stomach aches, tooth ache, and ear ached are examples to consider when your child is crying.This can also happen to older children who have not been taught to regulate their emotions.

3. They’re tired

Whether it’s the meltdown or tantrum, kids of all ages can find themselves in a puddle of tears if they are overly tired.

4. They’re overstimulated

Overstimulation is a trigger for kids of all ages. In infants and preschool-age kids, too much noise, visual effects, or people can cause crying. You may notice your child looking around or trying to take shelter behind your leg or in a corner before they start crying.

5. They’re stressed or frustrated

Stress and frustration can look different depending on the situation. Maybe your little one wants something that you won’t give them, like your phone, or they’re frustrated because their toy isn’t working the way they’d like.

6. They need attention

Children can give negative reactions for your attention. Sometimes kids just need our attention, and they can’t or don’t know how to ask for it. If you’ve ruled out all other causes of crying, such as hunger, fatigue, overstimulation, and frustration, it might be time to ask yourself if they just need some time with you.

7. They’re feeling separation anxiety

Separation anxiety can happen at any point in your child’s life, many times when toddlers are being separated they can get anxious.

What to do when your child is crying.
1. Don\’t Distract Them:
When you distract your child when they are crying, you miss the chance for them to connect and learn emotions regulation skills.

2. Don’t Punish
When your child is crying, do not
punish, shame, judge, threaten, discipline, or preach. An upset child is not a listening Child.

3. Do Not Ask Them to Stop Crying
When you ask your Child to stop crying, you send a message that their feelings and emotions are not important or valid.

4. Do Not Ask Them Too Many Questions
When your child is full of overwhelming feelings, they do not have the ability to provide answers to your questions. Keep your questions for later.

5. No Buts
When empathizing with your Child, NO BUT\’S. Even if your corrections are valid, but at that time all your child needs is empathy. When you say but….. you explain away your Child\’s feelings.

How Can You Get Your Kid To Stop Crying?

Understanding the reason for crying is always a good first step. “Trying to address the reason — if you can determine what the reason is — and if you think the reason needs to be addressed, is often an efficient way to make the crying stop, which is the goal of many parents,” says Woods.

Once you know the reason for the tears, you can help your child identify, understand, and manage the emotion behind the expression. But before you can do this, it’s important to check your own emotional temperature.

Make sure you’re calm

If you’re running hot, it might be time to step away, take a deep breath, and collect yourself before you address your child — especially if the crying is too much for you.

If your children are older, it’s still perfectly OK to take a time-out for both you and them, by sending them to their room or stepping outside for a moment while they’re in a safe place in the home.

Pay attention to your words

After checking your emotional temperature, the next step is to avoid making blanket statements or judging their behavior. Saying things like “only babies cry” or “stop crying” is not going to help them calm down, and it may make the situation worse.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS THE ANSWER.

A Parent approached me for a coaching session on an issue that looked \”unsolvable\”. She has been battling with a behaviour her child picked up about 6 years ago. She said she had tried everything she knows, Including \”Beating, punishing, shouting etc. all to no avail.

She wanted me to just give her a magic solution on \”what she will tell the child and it just stops\”

My first line of response to her was \”Getting this problem solved is about you not your child, My job is to show you how!!
You have done all you know, sometimes all you know is not enough.

I suggested to her that we go through an Emotional Intelligence Coaching session.

At first she was reluctant. , my response was not good enough😃. She said to me \”this is not what I need, I just need my child to stop this behaviour, I am lossing it.\”

My response to her was simple……

You are not yet in the right frame of mind to tackle this issue. You will keep lossing it because you don\’t have control of your emotions. You need someone to show you how. Someone who has worn your shoes before💃
What you daughter needs now is a \”listener\”, a \”non-judger\”, Someone who will acknowledge her current state, and begin to influence her not \”force her\”/bully her.

Eventually I was able to convince her to go through the coaching session on \”Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent\” .

After the 3days coaching session. Her reviews brought tears to me eyes

She said \”Wendy you were sent to me\” You don\’t know what you have done , I owe you, I can\’t pay you enough, more parents need it; We need knowlegde\”.

If you find yourself battling with a bad behaviour from your child and you are thinking that using force /coporal punishment will help…….
I am here to burst your bubble 😛😛😛
IT WILL NEVER HELP.

All you will do is to end up raising a \”Hypocrite\”, Who will pretend and do your bidding when you are there, and continue what he/she wants when you are not there.

Many times it takes you! not the child.
Stop bullying your child, learn the skill to help you parent without bullying and aggression

Emotional Intelligence skills put you as a master/influencer over your child, not a major general .

Today we launched our first course for the Year “Becoming an emotionally intelligent Parent Self Paced Course. To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 instead of #20,500 to: 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent (link in bio)

Parenting is a learnt skill, Never forget that.

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-11-Why-Social-Skills-Is-Crucial-For-Everyone-e1d20nr

It is no longer news that there are skills that will make your Child thrive better than others in this century and in this blog post, I will be sharing with you “Skills that you need to parent in 2021. These skills are skills that you need to start building on.

Children who are skilled are easy to parent, for you to have skilled children, you must be skilled yourself.

Skills You Need To Parent In 2022

1. Behavioral Management Skills: These are skills needed for behavioral Management. These skills can be classified as ( Disciplinary skills and emotions control skills) A lot of the time we fight with behavioral Management because our children lack skills. This skill is a core skill. What do you know about how to discipline your child? What do you know about the discipline that works? Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. We are at loggerheads because. We lack these skills

One of the major mishaps of this season is that we are raising children who are more knowledgeable than us, so you must ask yourself at every given time, “What knowledge do I have “?

2. Relationship Skills: Our theme in the academy this 2022 is “Social Intelligence\” and one of the things we are doing is looking at social intelligence and how to break it down to teach our children ( You can book a slot for the inner circle program for 2023 here). Social neuroscience has been able to link some terminal diseases to a lack of relationships. As common and as little social intelligence is, it affects the outcome of one\’s life. How you relate with your spouse can affect how your children are raised. We are raising children who lack relationship skills. To teach social intelligence, you need to learn about it

3. Connection Skills: Relationship skills and connection skills are linked together, one of the major challenges that I have seen is that connection is a big deal. I have noticed that most times, our parenting is not about connection but force, coercion, pressure because we do not have what it takes to build relationships at all fronts we are constantly fighting our children. I have seen several parents who came into the academy who could not connect with their children,they unintentionally ignored their children. The major problem of connection Skills is that we didn’t have a connection with our parents. Because Parenting characteristics are reflective,we simply passed this on to our children. The major reason we can’t connect is lack of emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence is the bedrock of effective parenting.

4. Spiritual Skills: A few days ago, I was having a conversation with a parent and I was talking about how I was able to get spiritual mentoring for my children. There are confusions and complexities with understanding things around our spirituality, a lot of us are confused. This is the major reason why I got a spiritual coach for my Children, don\’t want them to be swayed or confused by random doctrines. Apart from this I am equipping myself to be able to teach my children what we are doing and what we believe in.

5. Stress Management Skills: Stress management skills have become so valid in this time because parents are becoming extremely stressed. Do you know that parents who can control their emotions have better stress management capacity? When you are emotionally intelligent, you won’t become stressed, you stop getting ill, you are calm you are in control, you understand what you need to do per time, you understand when to stop and start, etc. Emotional intelligence has so many benefits. ( Register For The “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” Course Here)

6. Develop Perseverance and Resilience: Angela Duckworth calls this “GRIT” in her words grit, passion and perseverance for long-term goals are part of the most important traits that lead to success. Research indicates that grit is more important than factors like “IQ” You will need to understand grit to be able to teach it to your children.

The Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course mentioned above is an online course by The Intentional Parent Academy that runs every year. So far 100s of parents have taken this course and have shared amazing testimonies on their journey.

Raising a child with high EQ has become paramount in the 21st century, however many parents are not emotionally Intelligent, so can\’t give what they don\’t have.

This course walks you through creating a workable template for working on your emotions.

Remember Parenting is an emotional journey and requires a good knowledge of how our emotions work.

Parenting is about you, not your child.

To register for the Becoming the Emotional Intelligent Parent course, pay #15,500 instead of #20,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can register online by clicking here: https://selar.co/emotionalintelligentparent (link in bio)

Parenting is a learned skill, Never forget that.

©Wendy Ologe (Parent Coach &Author)

Whenever we talk about sibling Rivalry, people say”Oh no leave them it\’s just a stage they will outgrow it!!!

Whatever you allow, will grow! While growing up, I had a very bad case of sibling rivalry in my family. I grew up seeing my father and his siblings fight over things that should never have been an issue.

This was something of concern to me over the years as I sought to know why. Eventually, this became even a generational rivalry, where the second generation also carried on with a “beef” they never understood. My father’s siblings who are now Parents turned their children against each other.

In my research interviewing over 500 parents from different tribes and nations, I found that what I witnessed with my Father and his siblings do was not very strange; just that it came in different dimensions. From this research I realized that people don’t cooperate because they are blood, people cooperate because relationships are built. Whether it is you to your child, or your Child to their siblings, relationships must be built.

Sibling rivalry is simply the ongoing conflict between children  raised in the same family. It can happen between blood-related siblings, stepsiblings, and even adopted or foster siblings.

It might take the form of verbal or physical fighting, name-calling, tattling and bickering, being in constant competition for parental attention, voicing feelings of envy etc.

There is no way to stop bickering forever but there are many ways to minimize conflict and maximize solutions and you need to start with small changes.

Sibling Rivalry starts at childhood, Over the years many  “scientific” expertise had arisen warning against the early intrusion of jealousy into childhood and advising parents how to curb it. Sibling rivalry became a formal concept, and the responsibility for dealing with it lay in the hands of parents.

Are Parents Solely Responsible?

The answer is NO, however the role parents play in sibling rivalry is very significant that you can put their contribution at more than 80%

Over the years working with thousands of parents I have found this thought to be true in many cases.  

OTHER CAUSES OF SIBLING RIVALRY

• Birth order– First and last borns are seen to be shown favouritism over their siblings.
• Gender : Some people show preference to a particular sex or gender especially if that gender was so desired.
• Children with special needs or ailments are understandably given a lot of attention.
• Children who do well in school or are smarter
• Circumstances surrounding the birth: This includes, a child who was waited patiently for,a child born in old age e.g. Jacob loved Joseph because he was a child born at his old age.

HOW TO DEAL WITH SIBLING RIVALRY

• YOU NEED TO TAKE AWAY THE TARGET: Many times parents have made themselves the target of conflict by putting themselves in the center of every sibling rivalry. One of the cardinal principles of resolving sibling rivalry is to never get involved except there is danger which is why we are going to need to teach skills.

• YOU NEED TO TEACH SKILLS: If you are not going to get involved with your Children’s conflict you should have taught them to resolve conflicts on their own. The three cardinal  skills needed for children to resolve conflicts on their own are: Communication Skills, Negotiation Skills  and Conflict resolution.  If your Children will resolve conflicts themselves, you need to do a lot of teaching. Raising a child without skills is one of the worst things you can do to that child.

• YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOUR CHILDREN FAIRLY NOT EQUALLY: You cant treat your Children equally, so there is fairness not equality. Your younger child will have different needs from your older children.

• YOU NEED TO CREATE SIBLING BONDING ACTIVITIES: Teamwork helps children work together , when this happens they will need to learn how to treat each other nicely, negotiate their way through, disagree.

• Create a Conflict resolution plan in your home; Misunderstandings are not abnormal. Teach them to disagree without being aggressive; I have said over and again that aggression is a learnt behavior. I needn\’t remind you that when two persons always agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary!

RESOLVING SIBLING RIVALRY; Tools and strategies to deal with sibling Rivalry before it becomes a monster

This is a solution-driven book? A miracle to happen in homes!

To pre-order your copy of the book, RESOLVING SIBLING RIVALRY, pay #3,500 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can pre-order online here: https://selar.co/Siblingrivalrybook

After Launching on the 5th of December; this book will cost you 4,500 to buy.

The first 100 persons to Preorder will access the Sibling Rivalry course in the Academy Free as we launch it.

If you have read any of my works, then you would reckon that this is another lifeline for parents in the 21st century.

When it comes to raising outstanding children, a lot needs to be done. But are we willing or is the Devil winning? When we talk about raising Godly children, the first thing that you hear people say is, \”oh, the child needs to know how to pray, the child needs to behave well, the child needs to be morally outstanding, and many more remarks.\” All these are good, but is that all there is to Godliness?

During Pastor Wisdom Osiri\’s ministration in Port Harcourt, he talked about the other side of Godliness. He said \’Holiness is not the only product of Godliness\’. Holiness is good but it\’s not all there is to Godliness.

Generally, I have discovered that Christians find it difficult to pay for knowledge. It\’s an attitude that needs to be checked if we must move forward. There is something about the world system. The world has a ripple effect if we don\’t stand up to equipping ourselves with the right knowledge and skills. If the Christian community does not build a system where they can create, then we can\’t make an impact in the world. If we want to change the tide, then we need to stand up to the conversation by acquiring knowledge, building wealth, and controlling the system.

We need to intentionally and strategically build a system where we can control. If you can\’t control the media, schools, and world system, our prayer and fasting can not change it. If we don\’t stand up to raise outstanding and Godly children, who can create and not consume, then everything we are doing is balderdash. If we don\’t have a strategy as parents and Christians, our children will follow the world system. What is in your process? Prayer won\’t take away the world system. As a Godly parent, what impact have you made? Until we think of creation and not consumption, we go nowhere. You need a strategy to change the world system. Remember, life works on principles and strategies.

Stop Raising Mediocre Children in the name of Godly parenting. When you raise mediocres in the name of Godly parenting, you tell the world that our God is not excellent. We have Godly children but they are not in the space where people are creating. Are we raising children who can create something that can influence the world? Until we are ready to do what is right, nothing can change. Raising godly children goes more than raising children who know how to read the Bible.

How do I raise Godly children?

Raising Godly children is never automatic, there is work to be done.

1- Define what it means to be Godly:- The definition of a thing is where our challenges lie. We see Godly parenting as children being able to go to church and read the Bible. If your child can not impact the world, you haven\’t raised a godly child. The Bible says that \’Godliness is profitable unto all things.\’ It requires planning, implementation and you must also be willing to grow. Your child is not going to be celebrated for being mediocre. Nobody will clap for your child for being good. Your child will be celebrated for impact. Ask yourself, \’Why are Godly people not in the world system\’?

2- Seek Knowledge:- Go and learn. The Bible says, \’My people perish for lack of knowledge. I saw a template recently and discovered that pedophiles have a training manual. I was shocked. People who want to destroy have training manuals and we are here leaving things to chance. Do you know the kind of training that went on before they infused LGBTQ into the media?

3- Teach Skills:- You need to teach your children relevant skills that would make them stand out. The skills range from; Emotional intelligence skills, social intelligence skills, cultural intelligence skills, and spiritual intelligence skills. When we talk about social intelligence skills, you need to teach your children how to interact and build good interpersonal relationships. Children are lost. No survival skills. They are confused because their parents didn\’t show them. Most children don\’t even know how to interact and talk to people. Let\’s not raise idiots in the name of Godly parenting.

Some children don\’t even know how to navigate. The ability to hear from God is a valid 21st-century skill that is undermined.

Also, one of the parenting problems of our generation is that we have swapped roles with God. The responsibility to raise your child rests on you as a parent. God protects your child, you can\’t give them safety. God will not parent your children for you. God\’s role is the role of protection while yours is the role of parenting.

4- Teach Leadership and not just followership:- As parents, you can only lead by raising leaders. There is a template for raising leaders. Every success can be replicated, provided you follow the principles. A lot of children are not being parented. They are just growing. You lead by raising leaders. There is a kingship system. There is a template for raising kings.

5- Set Boundaries As Early As Possible:- There are three things you must note if you must raise outstanding children, they are: Love, discipline, and training. Our definition of these three concepts is where the problem lies. The home is primarily a training ground. Training is part of discipline while love means acquiring the right knowledge to raise your children. If you love your children, you will go and buy the truth. Love includes setting boundaries. You can love your child and still destroy your child. Love is not enough. To that, your love, add knowledge, skills, and implementation. Remember, everyone can not be a king. The choice is yours. Training a child means repetition, reinforcement, and encouragement. Until a child clocks 8years, training is comprised mostly of the inputs of the parents. The home remains the primary learning environment. You can\’t afford to discipline your children. Discipline is structure and not flogging and shouting. If you do not have a structure, don\’t accuse a child of being undisciplined. Discipline aims to raise a child who can stand independently.

TIP SUMMIT LAGOS

Raising the 21st Century King!!!

Do you know we will be having Pastor Dotun Arifalo founder of Leading Ladies Business Institute speak at this event?

As well as other amazing parent coaches and Teen Coaches?

Trust me you want to be here!

We currently have over 500 parents registered and set to attend this fire blazing event!

Use the link to register here

https://bit.ly/TIPSummitLagos3

Slots are filling up so fast, please get them in now before we close up registrations

Be Intentional.

©️The Intentional Parent Academy

Boundaries are rules and limits you present in your interactions with your children.

WHY DO CHILDREN NEED BOUNDARIES

When parents don’t give clear boundaries, power shifts toward the child, which is harmful to both parents and the child. There must be boundaries because it is what helps your child with building his or her self-esteem. Children need boundaries and it is your responsibility as a parent to create them.

Boundaries help to achieve:
•Good Self-esteem: Children who are raised without healthy limits and boundaries become narcists, they talk to people without regard and feel entitled. Children who grow with healthy boundaries will do better and have self-esteem.

•Reduces Conflict: Having boundaries helps a child learn and know what to do and not to do so it reduces conflict. You need to understand that the conflict you have is a result of the absence of boundaries.

•Responsibility: Having boundaries helps the child to know and be aware of what is available and allowed subsequently taking responsibility is easy.

•Security: A child who is given boundaries will feel secure because they know that when something happens their parents will be there.

•Consequences: Children will learn how life works because life is about consequences both good and bad.

• Respect: Authority is not force and control, it is trust and respect. If your child does not respect or trust you, then you have lost authority. To create a system that helps with respect, you have to create boundaries right.

HOW TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

•Create your Family Values and make them central in your lives
A family value plan is not something that you keep in your head, it is a well-crafted and constructed document. What is important in my family is not what is important in yours, so I cannot tell you what to include in your family value. You have to consider your unique family and what works for you. You can get the Family Value Guide to help you in creating this. Without a clear family value, nobody will know what is important and what is not. It Is the bedrock for creating boundaries.

•Establish effective communication
Effective communication is very key and important because if you do not know how to communicate with your children you will continue to be frustrated, yell and beat. You need to establish how communication should be done in your home for example there are some words that have never been spoken in my home because we have established and work with a communication system for our family. I will suggest you take communication classes with your spouse; it will help you to communicate effectively with your spouse and children.

•Create Rules at home
These rules will be a product of your family values, you cannot create rules from the vacuum. You need to consider what works for you as a family and what is applicable in your home.

•Be Consistent
If you are not consistent you cannot access positive results. To attain success in raising your children, you have to keep to your rules and boundaries.

•Follow through
You must follow through with the boundaries that you have set as a family, irrespective of who is involved and when it happens.

We have been swamped with the Question:

What is it for me in the INNER CIRCLE PROGRAM?
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Parenting is about the process, not just Tips and Hacks!!

When you want to build a shanty. You don\’t need any plan, not a strategy… You just show up and start 😁

But if you want to build a Mansion, you would not only need plans and strategies you would need professionals to help you.
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The Inner Circle is an Annal Parenting program @theintentionalparentacademy
Do you desire to change your parenting game?
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📍Do you want to build a strong value system and form a foundation so strong to destroy?
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📍Do you want to understand why your children act the way they do and help them become better?
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Just imagine these 👇

💥Imagine building a parenting plan and follow through in the year?
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💥Imagine being able to connect with your children even though you have limited time using a daily connection calendar specifically built to address your needs?
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💥Imagine keeping a record of your parenting journey in a journal (specifically made for you ) with your goals, challenges, and wins?
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💥Imagine having direct access to me through the year. A session is worth N40,000 per hour 😁
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💥imagine having access to webinars worth over 20,000 every month?

💥Imagine being able to read one Parenting Book every month with corresponding teachings and breaking down what you read by a professional?
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💥Imagine having a 15 – 50% Discount on all our courses, and services for the whole of 2021?
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💥Imagine having someone who has been exactly where you are, holding your hand as you smash your parenting goals?
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💥Imagine being accountable to someone for everything you learn?
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💥Imagine connecting with other parents and learning from their journey?
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You don\’t want to keep imagining 😂😂😂😂😁

These and many more are the benefits of being in the Inner circle.
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We currently have almost 1,000 parents who is on this train with us for 2021!
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Remember your children won\’t wait!! 😁 they grow every day.
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Fee: 50,000/annum

You can book a slot now with a non-refundable fee of N5,000 for 2022 cohort.

This payment will become part of your 50,000 Fee .

0509494057
GT Bank
The Intentional Parent Academy

We already have the class 70% full.

Send us a chat to join 08034377085
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Be Intentional about 2022😁
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©️The Intentional Parent

Are you a School / Business Owner in Portharcourt that is looking to reach a wider range of parents? Then partner with us on the upcoming The Intentional Parent Summit Portharcourt?

We have a few slots for partnership either for physical products or services for Parents or Children to our Audience during the TIP Academy Tour Portharcourt.

There are limited slots available, kindly send a chat to Precious +234 703 754 0102 or Augustine +234 812 968 7040 for further details

See you in PH city 💃💃

We will bring down fire literally at this event 🔥

To effectively correct a misbehaving child, I would like us to dive into the definition of a child.

Who is a child?

1- The first thing you need to note is that \’Your child is not an adult.’ I like to say this a lot because many times we look at children and we want them to behave like adults.

Unlike adults, children are still developing socially. Thereby, children are learning values, knowledge, and skills that can help them to relate to the world around them.

Most times, I hear parents say things like, \’oh, but you are supposed to know this\’, forgetting that children are not adults. From the physiological, cognitive, and social aspects, you can never compare a child to an adult. So we must understand that social skills are learned from the people around the child. Children learn social skills from the environment and people around them. Our experience shapes us, either positively or negatively.

If you\’re constantly thinking your child should be able to do something, you might struggle in raising your child. The constant use of the word \’should\’ takes away the place of learning for the child.

\”Children don\’t say I have a hard time, can we talk\”? They say things like, \”Will you play with me? Your child\’s emotions are valid, you shouldn\’t ignore their needs.

2– Your child is human and your child has emotions: As I said earlier when a child is distraught, he/she doesn\’t say it in clear terms. So anytime your child comes to you and says, \’will you play with me? It\’s an indication that your child is dealing with something. Just like you, a child gets angry, happy, embarrassed, sad, or even frustrated. Children don\’t know how to express emotions. The emotional well-being of your child starts with you recognizing that your child has emotions. Also, emotional well-being is influenced by the people around them, environment, social wellbeing, and self-awareness.

During my private sessions with parents, I discovered that parents live in denial and do not like to take responsibility for all that happens in their environment. They say things like, \’oh, my child didn\’t learn this from me, he/she learned it from outside\’. By the time I am done with private sessions, most parents realize that their children picked it up from their immediate environment. We are all products of our experiences. Also, remember, parenting is about YOU.

PLEASE NOTE: Your child cannot be happy all the time because no emotionally stable person is happy all the time.

Parents must learn to manage their own emotions themselves. Learning your emotions as a parent is a skill that can be learned. When you connect with your child emotionally, you give your child more resilience, you build high self-esteem, you cultivate better leadership skills, more self-resilience, and better social skills.

3- Your child is still trying to learn the world: Children are natural learners. For example, when your child brings a cup and turns it upside down and you beat the child. You are telling the child not to be experimental. The child is trying to learn their world and they do it by experimenting with things. Children go through different learning stages.

Why and what makes a child misbehave.

1- For you to deal with any misbehavior effectively, you must first understand why your child misbehaves. You owe that to your child. If you have ever seen a child misbehaving, what comes to your mind? For most people, they say things like \’This child is trying me.\’ This is not peculiar to anyone in particular. Every parent thinks that a child is trying

them.

2- We must understand that children will seek attention at all costs. Do you know that a brain can be rewired? And it will be carried in the DNA of your child. However, there are two biggest motivations of misbehavior:- Attention, power, and control. Children believe that having negative attention is better than no attention at all. So they will do anything to get attention. Do you know that your child can hit his head in the wall just to get your attention? It doesn\’t matter the extent that your child needs to go, children will do everything and anything to get your attention. So sometimes, a misbehaving child is just an attention-seeking child. Sadly, parents think the child is \’trying them \’when he/she is only trying to get the parents\’ attention.

3- Many times, children misbehave just for the need to exert power and control violence. It also happens to you as parents. For most parents, power and control mean they are the alpha and omega of the home and their children\’s lives. You will also replicate such lifestyles in your children. They will become abrasive. Children like this respond better when you give them choices than just demand. For you to raise an emotionally intelligent child, you must become one yourself. Modelling is always more important than the things you say. Children come as a clean slate to the world. So they learn everything from the environment. They use the behaviour to communicate their emotions. Children don\’t know how to verbalise their emotions.

4- If you understand how and why children misbehave, it will help to also choose the appropriate discipline strategy to use. So you must understand that when your child is misbehaving, there is an underlying factor. Sometimes I see things happen and we have a lot of people jump to conclusions. Do you know why? This is because they have learnt to understand and identify underlying factors in any given situation.

5- According to psychology, children are naturally curious. This experiment is of two categories:- The Natural World and The Social world.

6- They want attention

7- Children are copy-cats: Children copy others. They learn how to behave by copying others. This is why we say that a child learns how to behave from the environment. What is your child watching?

Do you know that your child can begin to watch something and the brain will be wired in a certain way?

\”Every child will remember the examples laid down instead of the voice.\”

\”Parents must reckon that they are major influencers of who their children become.\”

As a matter of fact, what your children need to thrive is not on the screen.

8- They are testing your limits: A child is going to test your limits. You must say what you mean and mean what you say. It would do more harm than good when you don\’t mean what you say. You must set up the right consequences for misbehaviour in the home. Fear, flogging and yelling are no consequences. It takes a lot of emotional stability to allow your children to go through consequences.

Do you often find yourself losing your cool and yelling at your children?

Do you find yourself verbally abusing because you feel verbal abuse is better than physical abuse?

Don\’t kid yourself, verbal abuse can be worse.

It happens to many parents, but it doesn\’t have to.

It is possible to change and enjoy a calmer life because of it!

Yes it is!!

With our upcoming \” MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS CHALLENGE\” , you\’ll learn practical, simple solutions, tools, strategies, guides & motivation to replace aggression and reactivity in your parenting with calm, peace & Thinking.

Whether you have one child or twenty (or one you still yell at who is twenty), strengthen your relationships and maybe even laugh a little more–by taking this CHALLENGE today.

Want to walk this journey with US?

Pay #2,499 instead of #10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can also join online here: https://selar.co/MYEchallenge

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-10-Your-Emotions-and-Your-Parenting-e17bonv

Parenting is hinged on two major things
1. Communication
2. Emotion.
A lot of the time we make a mess of this journey because we lack the ability to communicate. When you lack communication skills, you become violent and aggressive, so you become violent.

WHAT ARE THE BASIS OF GETTING YOUR CHILD TO LISTEN
1. Ability to control your emotions
2. Ability to connect with your Child
3. Ability to engage cooperation with empathy.

ABILITY TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS: A lot of the time, connection, and your Children\’s ability to listen to you will come from the fact that you are able to put your emotions to check. The ability to control your emotions is the basis of parenting. If you do not know how to control your emotions you will see yourself constantly fighting. If you don’t remove aggression from your parenting, your children will never get to listen. The only way you can get Children to listen is by first working on you.

You need to talk to your Child only when you have your Child’s attention. A misbehaving Child is not a good listener. During last week’s session, I mentioned that discipline is not an emergency, so the moment anything happens we want to correct it immediately. So only talk when you have your Child’s attention.

ABILITY TO CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD: To connect with your Child:
1. Get down at their level, probably sit will them, and connect to them at that moment.
2. Touch the Child gently and acknowledge what they are doing
3. Ensure that your child is looking up
4. Don’t repeat yourself. When you do this, you model to your Child to keep rambling even when someone isn’t paying attention to them.

ABILITY TO ENGAGE COOPERATION WITH EMPATHY: Giving orders stimulates resistance, when speaking you need to look at your tone of voice.

HOW TO ENGAGE COOPERATION
1. You engage cooperation by sharing choices, when you give choices your Child feels empowered, it makes them feel that they can lead themselves. One of your biggest wins in parenting is to get your Children to lead themselves. If you have a child who cannot lead themselves, if you teach your child independent thinking, they will be able to lead themselves. You teach independent thinking by Building structures and routines, your aim as a parent is to be able to raise children who think. Parenting is tough, your success is in the systems that you are able to create.

2. Start being proactive instead of being reactive. Proactivity is doing things before they come.
3. Stay Calm: When you get upset, Children feel unsafe so they get into the fight, freeze, or flight mode, and in the effort to defend themselves they fight back, become less effective at listening, they loose sight of the message. When you are not calm when you are speaking your Child will naturally feel unsafe. So you need to take a deep breath so that you do not fuel the storm. Emotions control is a skill and not a prayer point, for you to be able to control your emotions you need to learn it. If you don’t have a grip on your emotions, you will run wild.

Do you often find yourself losing your cool and yelling at your children?

Do you find yourself verbally abusing because you feel verbal abuse is better than physical abuse?

Don\’t kid yourself, verbal abuse can be worse.

It happens to many parents, but it doesn\’t have to.

It is possible to change and enjoy a calmer life because of it!

Yes, it is!!

With our upcoming \” MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS CHALLENGE\”, you\’ll learn practical, simple solutions, tools, strategies, guides & motivation to replace aggression and reactivity in your parenting with calm, peace & Thinking.

Whether you have one child or twenty (or one you still yell at who is twenty), strengthen your relationships and maybe even laugh a little more–by taking this CHALLENGE today.

Want to walk this journey with US?

Pay #2,499 instead of #10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can also join online here: https://selar.co/MYEchallenge
Be Intentional.
©Wendy Ologe
Parent Coach & Author

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-10-Your-Emotions-and-Your-Parenting-e17bonv

How to discipline a child without flogging, yelling, or beating is a very controversial topic. I will be sharing today\’s blog post from two of my books: The discipline that works and Connect to correct the discipline. If you are saying: \”I don\’t know what to do; I don\’t know where to go from here or where to start from\” trust me you are reading the best blog post.

What exactly is discipline? If you have listened to me or read my posts over again you must have heard me define discipline as \”Structure\”. Discipline is structure and that is where the major challenge is.

EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE HELPS TO:

1. Modify the child\’s behavior: If your discipline is not modifying your child\’s behavior, it is a failed strategy.
2. Develop your child\’s character
3. Protect your child\’s mental health
4. Help develop a close relationship with your child.

If any disciplinary strategy you are using does not do these four things you need to put a stop to that strategy because it is not working.

WHAT DISCIPLINE IS NOT?
1. Discipline is not shaming
2. Discipline is not yelling.
3. Discipline is not being permissive.
4. Discipline is not flogging. When you get to the point where you need to flog a person, your disciplinary strategy has failed.
5. Discipline is not insulting your children or calling them names.
6. Discipline is not a reward system. If you need to reward your child as part of your discipline process it means that your child doesn\’t even understand why the discipline itself is there. If you need to reward your child for doing the right thing there\’s a problem with the system.
7. Discipline is not an assumption or accusation trial. Saying: \”you must have been the one that did it\” to your children instead of asking if they did it, is an assumption and accusation trial and that is not discipline. If you read my book; The Discipline that Works you\’re going to get more insight on that.

I stated that the difference between discipline and punishment is that discipline impacts the thinking brain while punishment impacts the emotional brain. If you see any system where flogging, beating, shaming, and yelling are prevalent, creativity is very little in that space. This is because one of the things the wrong kind of discipline does to a child is that it shuts down the creative part of the brain

WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE DISCIPLINE?

There was a study 3 years ago on children who were flogged and those who were not. An MRI assessment was conducted on the children to observe the changes in the brain responses while the children viewed a series of images featuring facial expressions that indicates emotional responses like frowns and smiles. They found out that children who have experienced flogging more had a higher activity response in the area of the brain that regulates these emotional responses and dictates threats even to the facial expression that most would consider non-threatening.

Surprisingly, the same reaction the brain has when responding to threatening experiences like sexual abuse was the same reaction that part of the brain actually had when an MRI assessment happened on the children\’s brains who were flogged. This potentially affects the area in the brain that is used for emotional regulation and threat detection so the child can respond quickly to threats in the environment. When you keep flogging your child, you shut down the part of the brain, so the child is not able to dictate when things like that become wrong.

Flogging reduces the grey matter in the prefrontal cortex of the brain and this has been linked to depression, addiction, and other mental issues. This also alters how the brain actually develops for me that was one of the things that I actually saw that scared me.

Flogging also reduces cognitive ability. One of the things that colonization did was to shut down that part of us that can think. They did it through shaming, flogging, and stripping of our dignity.

The grey matter is actually what helps the child develop self-control, lack of self-control. The prefrontal cortex (which is where the grey matter is located) is where decision-making and thought processing takes place. A lot of children we are raising cannot think because we are not giving them the opportunity to think for themselves

The more grey matter your child has in his prefrontal cortex the better your child will be able to evaluate rewards and consequences. Your ability to actually make sure that this grey matter is retained is one of your WINS as a parent in raising a child that thrives. So, the irony is the more you use negative discipline on your children for the lack of self-control the less they have it.

Children do not need fixing they need to be shown how to regulate how to set boundaries without breaking them. It took me years to put a lot of what I share into practice. If you must discipline without flogging your children without hitting them and without yelling at them, you would need to :

1. Create a healthy relationship with your children.

You can only correct somebody that you can connect with. I say that correction without connection does not make sense because we are only able to influence people that we have a relationship with. This relationship might not be physical which is why even television can influence your children.

2. Authority and influence
Authority is not force and control, Authority is respect and trust. If your child cannot respect and cannot trust you, you have lost authority. The first place to start with is Trust, if your children cannot share with you the things that they feel about you, another person, and themselves then they do not trust you. And they will listen to the person they trust whoever that person is, it could even be the television.

Influence is not force, you don\’t force or beat influence into people. You workout influence, you create influence, you live influence and people just simply follow. This also applies in your home that\’s how influence works and that\’s the only way you can actually get your children to really listen to you. Nobody listens to somebody that cannot influence them. Ask yourself how much influence you have in the life of your children.

3. Structure
One of the problems that we have in our proper parenting strategy is that there is no structure. We want to hold our children accountable to the things that we cannot even hold ourselves accountable to. It is not about looking at our children and noting all the things they are not doing. The question is: What structure is laid down for our children to actually put things together?

Discipline arms you with the ability to actually create systems that help you to grow to actually be able to learn. Unfortunately, what happens is that we are very quick to wait for the correction part. A child is growing, and you do nothing, you don\’t build skills then you wait for the child to make mistakes and you crash on the child because for you it is all about quick fixes. If you\’re not going to create a structure for the discipline you can\’t practice what I\’m teaching you, you need to be someone who believes in the process.

I have done this for the past 11 years (not yell and flog) yet my children have skills that are amazing. You don\’t beat skills into a child, you teach them, and It is about you committing to the process. The process starts with you the process starts with you. One of my first favorite quote says that \”Parenting first about you\”, intentional parenting changes you first before you start to talk about your child.

Intentional parenting is not based on assumption. Do you beat mathematics into your child? If you cannot beat Mathematics into your child, why do you think you can beat your child into learning how to sweep or cook.

4. Be consistent. When you beat you do not have the moral conscience to now allow your child to go through the consequences of their actions. Actions have consequences, and if you do not allow your child to go through the consequences of their action, your child will continue doing that same action. For instance, if you beat your child for throwing a tantrum in a shop because he or she wants a sweet and then you buy the same sweet, you have not disciplined your child. What you have done is to reinforce the behavior or throwing tantrum. The child is going to do that same thing again and again, that\’s why I said that discipline is not a reward system.

What are the disciplinary tools to employ? There are about ten of these tools in my book The Discipline that Works (You can order here)

1. Verbal Correction: Verbal correction is not just talking. The number one thing that you need to do when giving verbal correction is to validate your relationship, tackle your concern, not your child. Emphasize on the behavior, talk about the previous behavior that is good, and then talk about the one that is bad. You need to ensure that your reaction is commensurate to the challenge and don\’t ask why. Asking \”Why\” gives the suggestion that there is an excuse for that behavior.

2. Emotions Coaching: First of all, emotions originate from the brain, specifically in the limbic system. The limbic system is a small structure that is located in the middle of the brain between the lower center and the higher center of the CORTEX. The brain stem controls alertness, arousal and sends sensory messages to the cortex via the limbic system. Much of our thinking and learning takes place in the context. Priscilla Bell an expert on learning has described emotions as the on and off switch of learning.

Research shows that children who understand their feelings and know about their feelings have advantages over children who do not. They do better in school, are calmer, are able to handle moods better, get sick less often they are very independent they are very creative.

Do you often find yourself losing your cool and yelling at your children?

Do you find yourself verbally abusing because you feel verbal abuse is better than physical abuse?

Don\’t kid yourself, verbal abuse can be worse.

It happens to many parents, but it doesn\’t have to.

It is possible to change and enjoy a calmer life because of it!

Yes it is!!

With our upcoming \” MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS CHALLENGE\” , you\’ll learn practical, simple solutions, tools, strategies, guides & motivation to replace aggression and reactivity in your parenting with calm, peace & Thinking.

Whether you have one child or twenty (or one you still yell at who is twenty), strengthen your relationships and maybe even laugh a little more–by taking this CHALLENGE today.

Want to walk this journey with US?

Pay #2,499 instead of #10,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can also join online here: https://selar.co/MYEchallenge

Be Intentional.
©Wendy Ologe
Parent Coach & Author

There are many ways to improve your Child\’s academics but in this Blogpost, I will be looking at 5 ways to improve your Child\’s academic performance. As I sat in a session with a parent some weeks back; a parent said that her Son was not smart. Why would you say that? In response to me, “His result says it all, the school cannot be lying ma; this boy plays too much and he is not as smart like his siblings “.

Before you say “Ah why?” hold on, you might also be guilty. Negative labeling is a big worry in the educational system today but even beyond that is also what we refer to as “positive labeling or praise”. Unfortunately, the two sides of this coin will do the same harm to a child. I shared this at our Tuesday class this week (you can replay here).

Research shows that constantly telling your child he’s a smart child could be just as bad. For many students, it creates a fixed identity they feel compelled to protect, even at a high cost which can have disastrous consequences.

What this does is that it instill a fixed mindset in your child instead of a growth mindset.

Growth mindset says “I can learn to do anything I want”

while fixed mindset says “I am either good at this or I am not”.

Growth mindset says “my effort determine my ability”

While fixed mindset says “My potential is predetermined; that\’s who I am “.

A child\’s academic results are not an indication of the child’s cognitive abilities; but

A reflection of how that child has been taught

How a Child Learns

The study habits he has developed over time

how much effort the child has put in.

The most important thing any child can learn is that learning is a skill, the same way they learn to walk, talk, sing, crawl that\’s the same way they need to learn how to learn. and that is why we all do not learn the same way.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR CHILD\’S ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE

1. TEACH YOUR KIDS TO EMBRACE STRUGGLE: There is honor in struggle, constantly saving your children from stressful situations is doing them a disservice. In neuroscience, the brain can rewire and upgrade itself. So whenever you want to gain competence or consolidate new information the brain will begin to struggle. That struggle simply means that the brain is beginn9ng to step up to the new task. This struggle helps them learn by the neurons stringing together to consolidate information. This is a process called MYELINATION.

In essence, allow your children to struggle to learn the Maths or science that they need to learn. When they do the brain is stepping up in reasoning, logic, concentration, memory.

According to Benjamin Hardy, the author of \”Willpower doesn\’t Work\”, many of us misunderstand confidence. People don\’t do well because they are confident; in fact, confidence is a by-product or a direct reflection of previous successful actions. The previous successful actions could be anything “Negative, positive, failure, etc.

2. STOP LABELING YOUR CHILD, COMMEND THE EFFORT: You need to focus on the effort that the child is putting in. You must stop labeling Children but focus on the amount of effort they put into the learning process.

3. GET THEM TO DO THEIR OWN RESEARCH ABOUT LEARNING

When Children understand learning, they understand their learning styles, how they learn and this will trigger something in them. Remember I mentioned earlier that learning is a skill.

4. HELP THEM BUILD FOCUS AND IMPROVE MEMORY: You must build your Child\’s focus and improve memory through brain-building activities. No matter how smart your child is and they don\’t build focus, don\’t understand that learning is a skill they will fail at it. One of the ways you can build skills is to get them to read more than watch the screen. Keep improving the process as they go. Cognitive exercises help in building study skills.

5. HELP THEM CREATE A STRUCTURE AND STICK TO IT

6. TEACH THE STUDY HABITS

In summary, remember that A child\’s academic results are not an indication of the child’s cognitive abilities; but a reflection of how that child has been taught, How a Child Learns, The study habits he has developed over time, and How much effort the child has put in.

THE BACK TO SCHOOL MASTERCLASS CONTINUES TODAY

To join the BACK TO SCHOOL MASTER CLASS,

Pay #5,000 ($13) instead of #20,000 ( $26) to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

*ONLY VALID FOR 24hours*
You can register online here: https://selar.co/B2Smasterclass

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-9-Back-To-School-Conversation-e16k4l7

When we talk about preparing your child for a successful school year, I have noticed that a lot of people think it is all about education and academics. I have also realized that a lot of parents get confused when a new academic year is starting. I was also confused in the past. I didn\’t know where to start from and how to support my children.

I began a lot of studies and I realized that children also struggle with a new school year even if it\’s the same school. They get agitated and curious at the start of a new school year. A new school year is not just all about academics, there are a lot more to consider.

Many times, I have also realized that parents don\’t prepare their children enough. This has caused a lot of confusion on the part of the children.

Here are the aspects to consider in a new school session:

1- Academic success

2- Social success

3- Emotional success

4- Health

5- Chores

6- Maintaining Success

The skills to be able to do chores can never be overemphasized. I noticed a lot of parents take away chores once their children resume school. It is wrong. You do not need to take away the child\’s responsibility once school resumes.

Maintaining success can be very tasking for our children. So you must teach your children all of these. There is a need to check into other aspects of a child\’s life apart from academics. There are skills that your child needs to thrive aside from academic success.

A new school year doesn\’t start when the school is about to resume. It starts the very day the previous academic session ended. As parents, you are supposed to begin preparation immediately when an academic session ends and not when the school is about to resume. For example, if a school year ended July 23rd, you are supposed to have started preparing your child for the next session that same July 23rd.

-Academic Success: Academic success starts with the kind of school that your child attends. Does the school support your child\’s learning style and pattern? For instance, if your child is a kinesthetic learner, you will need to enroll your child in a school that has a good playground. In fact, if you take a boy child to a school that doesn\’t understand the play, you are going to shut down a part of his development.

When it comes to having children excel in their academics, the first thing is choosing the right school. The school is an integral part of how successful your child\’s education will be. So you might need to choose a school that supports the kind of learner that you have.

Do you know that a gifted child is a special child? A gifted child might not survive in a normal school setting. A lot of children have suffered from the ignorance of their parents. Your child could be suffering the ignorance of you not choosing the right school. EVERY SCHOOL IS NOT MEANT FOR EVERY CHILD. That a school is best doesn\’t make it the best fit for your child. Your child might not thrive in that school. You also need to understand where the connection lies.

The second point to note on academic success is:

Create An Effective Study Environment. If you want your child to study, you need to create an effective study environment. In creating an effective study environment, please take note of the following:

-Understand your child\’s learning style.

–Work on removing the morning chaos in the routines. All the yelling, shouting, and chaos that you create in the morning shut down the learning center of your child. DISCIPLINE IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. You can always address things later. You also need to understand the place of timing in your discipline.

–You need to set your children ready to learn. What do you do to stimulate learning in the morning? For me, we do music to stimulate learning in my home. A child should never go to bed upset nor should they get to school feeling very overwhelmed from shouts and screams.

–Check the nutrition of your child? It has been proven that food rich in whole grain, fiber, and protein helps children learn better. What are your children eating in the morning?

-You also need to check the right amount of sleep. Most preschoolers should get at least a minimum of 10 hours of sleep per day.

-You need to teach organizational skills.

-Teach time management

-Teach your children study skills.

-You need to understand the disciplinary policy in that school. What is the school policy on bullying? Don\’t just assume, ask relevant questions.

-You need to get involved. I see parents send their house help and drivers to represent them during PTA meetings. This leaves me astonished and wonders what kind of system you are creating. For you to raise a king, you need to be involved.

-Make time to talk with your child every day. Children who talk with their parents every day perform better academically. It\’s been proven that children who get connected with their children thrive excellently well in their academics.

Finally, neglect is a form of abuse. When you neglect your children, you are abusing them. Stop abusing your children in the name of \’I do not have time. Create time for your children.