When looking for ways to help children learn, understanding their individual learning strengths is essential. Parents often struggle to support their children’s learning, not because the children lack intelligence, but because parents may not fully comprehend their child’s unique needs.
Consider this scenario: If your child is struggling with math but excelling in tennis, which teacher would you hire? The average parent might choose a math teacher, assuming that addressing the child’s weakness is the best approach. However, this strategy can be counterproductive.
Here’s why:
1 . Focusing on Weaknesses Weakens the Child:When parents concentrate solely on a child’s weaknesses, it can inadvertently hinder the child’s overall development. Instead of emphasizing weaknesses, consider identifying and nurturing the child’s strengths.
2. Understanding Learning Styles: Every child has a preferred learning style. Some learn best through visual cues, while others thrive with hands-on experiences. Recognizing your child’s learning style allows you to tailor educational approaches accordingly.
3. Beyond Exam Results: While exam results matter, they are just one aspect of learning. Learning extends beyond passing exams; it involves acquiring problem-solving skills, critical thinking, and a love for learning itself.
4. The Joy of Learning: Unfortunately, many adults lose their desire to learn after formal education because the joy of learning is missing.
5. Finding the Best Study Options: Knowing your child’s learning strengths helps you choose effective study methods. Some children struggle to study independently, and parents end up studying alongside them.
6. Avoiding Mistakes of the Past: Our parents often prioritized results over the ability to learn. Let’s break this cycle by focusing on holistic learning experiences for our children. By understanding your child’s learning strengths, you can foster a positive attitude toward learning.
Most of the schools I have interacted with fail to accommodate the needs of kinesthetic learners. These patterns represent learning strengths and serve as pathways to knowledge acquisition. Your child’s thinking processes can also be nurtured. Regardless of your child’s thinking style, fostering a growth mindset is crucial. This mindset instills the belief that with effort, one can learn anything.
It’s a mindset that significantly influences learning. Children learn through their talents, abilities, knowledge, skills, and thinking styles. Comprehending the child’s strengths in these core areas facilitates improved learning. Rather than becoming frustrated with the child’s inability to tie their shoes while their peers can, identify the child’s learning strength and tailor their learning approach accordingly.
To effectively identify your child’s learning strengths, consider the following steps:
Observation: Spend time observing your child during various activities. Take note of their behavior, approach to tasks, and reactions to different environments.
2. Connection and Communication: Foster open and frequent communication with your child. Discuss their interests, observations, likes, and feelings. Strong parent-child connections are essential for understanding your child’s needs and strengths.
3. Learning Style Assessment: Conduct a learning style assessment to determine how your child best absorbs information. Recognize that learning styles can vary, including auditory, visual, and kinesthetic preferences.
3. Multiple Intelligence: Explore the concept of multiple intelligences, which encompass various ways people learn, such as musical, bodily-kinesthetic, and interpersonal abilities. Identify where your child excels and shows interest in pinpointing their learning strengths.
4. Practice: Provide opportunities for your child to engage in different activities. Through practice, you’ll observe both their strengths and areas of struggle, which are valuable insights for guiding their learning journey.
5. Seek Feedback from Teachers: Collaborate with your child’s teachers to gain insights into their academic progress and behavior in a classroom setting. View teachers as partners in your child’s development rather than adversaries.
6. Portfolio Review: Regularly review your child’s projects, assignments, and works to identify patterns of strengths and weaknesses. Feedback from these reviews can inform targeted interventions to support your child’s growth.
7. Interest-Based Learning: Encourage your child’s interests and passions, as they are more likely to excel and enjoy learning when engaged in activities they love. Recognize that play is essential for children’s development and fosters social learning.
“Passing exams does not really mean your child is learning.”
It’s possible To Just cram, and pass exams!
Unfortunately, many parents are only interested in their child passing exams without learning.
This is why a parent can pay anything to school so their child can pass exams..
What if I told you that this is exactly why most people never read any other thing after leaving school.
This is why we opened up the understanding your child’s learning style course so you can help your child learn.
Register Online for the Learning Style Course here or pay #10,500 to 0509494057 (GTB). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof to 09036633600.
Did you know that 1 in 5 children experience low self-esteem, impacting their confidence, happiness, and overall well-being? As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see your child struggling with feelings of inadequacy, withdrawal, or negativity. But the good news is, that you can play a vital role in helping them build healthy self-esteem.
This blog will equip you with the knowledge and tools to identify the indicators of low self-esteem in your child, and most importantly, empower them to build a healthy sense of self-worth.
Indicators of Low Self-Esteem 1. Bullying or Being Bullied: Both being a bully and being bullied are signs of low self-esteem. This falls under the category of changes in social interaction. Some parents might even feel proud if their child is the bully, thinking that their child can’t be intimidated. However, this could indicate that the child is battling with low self-esteem.
2. Changes in Behavior: Noticeable alterations in your child’s behavior can be a sign of low self-esteem.
3. Changes in Self-Expression: If your child’s way of expressing themselves changes, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
5. Changes in Social Interaction: Changes in the way your child interacts socially can also indicate low self-esteem.
Children who feel powerless may become targets, while those struggling with their self-worth may attempt to assert control. It has become extremely important that we shine the light on issues concerning low self-esteem in Children, We can no longer remain silent. If we don’t address these issues, we risk harming future generations.
Low self-esteem doesn’t only affect the child, it also affects adults. Many adults struggle with initiating and maintaining friendships due to low self-esteem. All their lives they second-guess ourselves, feel like they don’t matter. These can be traced back to low self-esteem. These are effects of practices that can lead to low self-esteem. This might lead to fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy in social situations, and social withdrawal. Some of you may be well-dressed, and working in good environments, yet still feel inadequate. This is still low self-esteem.
A child with low self-esteem will find it difficult to express their opinion, leading to a lack of assertiveness. I recall a woman who joined our Inner Circle because her youngest child was very assertive, unlike her other children who were very obedient. But have you considered that obedience isn’t always a virtue?
We often domesticate our children in the name of parenting, shutting down their potential. We take pride in saying, “Once I speak, my children don’t utter a word.” But there’s a thin line between subduing a child’s assertiveness and proper parenting. It’s not just about following instructions; it’s about your children being assertive even while following instructions.
If your children can’t say no to you, they won’t be able to say no to people outside your home. A child recently asked me to do something I had no business doing. She pleaded, “Please don’t say no,” thinking it would make me say yes. But I said no. Why should I please you at the expense of displeasing myself or putting myself in an uncomfortable position?
Understanding Behavioral Changes Due to Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can lead to significant behavioral changes in children and teenagers. These changes can manifest in various ways, including withdrawal and isolation, avoidance of challenges, and perfectionism. Understanding these behaviors is crucial for parents, educators, and caregivers to provide the right support and guidance.
1. Withdrawal and Isolation Children with low self-esteem often withdraw from social activities and isolate themselves from family and friends. This behavior is not merely a reflection of their personality but could be a sign of deeper issues. Teenagers, in particular, may become withdrawn due to the numerous changes happening in their lives. They may feel the need to shut out the world, and our words can play a significant role in this process. Our words shape realities, and if a child begins to withdraw and isolate themselves, they might be trying to navigate their environment without drawing attention to themselves.
2. Avoidance of Challenges Another behavioral change is the avoidance of challenges due to fear of failure. The fear of failure can be so overwhelming that children hide their failures and results, leading to a reluctance to take on new challenges or engage in activities that require effort. They might develop a preference for tasks they’re already proficient in, avoiding anything new.
3. Perfectionism Perfectionism is another defense mechanism adopted by some children with low self-esteem. They strive for flawlessness to gain approval, but the fear of not meeting these high standards can lead to frustration and self-criticism. They put in so much effort to build a perfect persona to please others, often at the expense of their own well-being. Perfectionism can hinder your ability to try new things and be confident. You might find yourself constantly telling yourself that it’s not perfect enough, it’s not excellent enough. But remember, excellence is not perfection.
4. Changes in Self-Expression Changes in self-expression often start with negative self-talk. This involves the individual constantly belittling themselves, expressing doubt in their abilities, or using phrases like ‘I can’t.’ Negative self-talk can be a significant barrier to personal growth and achievement.
5. Physical Changes Indicating Low Self-Esteem Physical changes can indicate low self-esteem. This can manifest in posture, avoiding eye contact, and signs of nervousness. These physical cues may indicate discomfort or lack of confidence. For instance, nail-biting could be a sign of low self-esteem.
How TO Stop Low Self-Esteem In Your Child 1. Understand the Influence of Parenting: Recognize that parenting significantly influences a child’s self-esteem. Good intentions alone are insufficient for effective parenting. The right knowledge and strategies are crucial.
2. Establish the Right Systems: We don’t rise to the level of our intentions, but we fall to the level of our systems. Ensure the right systems are in place for effective parenting.
3. Avoid Over-Criticism: Being overly critical when providing feedback can undermine a child’s confidence. Focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.
4. Differentiate Between Correction and Discipline: Correction is not the same as discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not rectifying mistakes.
5. Implement Effective Discipline: Discipline is about teaching with love, understanding, empathy, and compassion, not about criticizing or correcting.
6. Take Time to Calm Down: If your child makes a mistake, take time to calm down before you address it. The quality of the message you’re conveying is more important than the timing.
7. Break the Cycle of Criticism: Constant criticism can lead to self-doubt and fear. If you experienced this growing up, it’s important to recognize it and consciously choose a different approach with your own children. Offer constructive feedback and encouragement instead of solely focusing on what’s wrong.
8. Provide a Loving Environment: Offer love, understanding, empathy, and compassion in your interactions with your children. This helps build their self-esteem and confidence.
9. Encourage Effort Over Outcome: Focus on the effort your child puts into their activities rather than just the end result. This fosters a growth mindset and helps them learn from their experiences.
10. Avoid Comparisons: Each child is unique and develops at their own pace. Comparing them to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Celebrate their individuality and support their journey.
11. Set Realistic Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic expectations that can lead to a constant sense of failure. Tailor your expectations to your child’s abilities and stage of development.
14. Allow Them to Experience Challenges: Overprotecting children from failure and adversity can hinder their growth. Allow them to face challenges, make mistakes, and learn from them. This builds resilience and self-confidence.
Continual learning and growth are essential for effective parenting. It’s not about being perfect, but about being open to learning and making positive changes in your parenting approach. This will help you raise confident, resilient, and emotionally intelligent children who are equipped to thrive in the world. I’ve written several books to assist parents on this journey, click here to order our books.
Reading these books will help you understand what to expect and how to navigate through various phases of your child’s development. Each book I’ve written supports parents in their journey of raising confident, emotionally intelligent, and resilient children. They address specific challenges and provide practical strategies and insights to help parents navigate through various stages of their children’s growth and development. Whether you’re dealing with sibling rivalry, communication issues, or guiding your child through puberty, there’s a resource available to support you on your parenting journey. Visit our store here to order our resources.
If you lack emotional control, all the things I’ve shared here will be like pouring water on a phone. That’s why being part of the Emotional Intelligence Parent Course will be one of the best things that could happen to you this year on your parenting journey. You need to learn how to parent. If you don’t, you’ll make a mess. You need to be in a parenting academy. You can order the just concluded Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Course here to start your emotional intelligence journey.
Thanks for sharing
Thanks Coach for all you do, I just realized that my first daughter is a auditory learner and we have…
Wow this amazing, this gives me much value.. thanks coach ❤️ ❤️ Wendy
Thank you so much for sharing Ma. Learnt alot
Thank you ma🥰 This is an eye opener God bless you richly in Jesus name
Do you struggle with disciplining your children? Do you feel like you are always nagging, yelling, or punishing them, but nothing seems to work? Do you wish you could raise your children to be self-motivated, responsible, and confident?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this blog post is for you. In this post, I will share what true discipline involves and how to go about it. Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children effectively and positively. Some parents resort to shouting, hitting, or other harsh methods that can harm the child’s mental and physical health. But there is a better way: positive discipline.
Positive discipline is a parenting approach that focuses on teaching and guiding your child, not punishing or controlling them. It is based on building a loving and supportive relationship with your child, setting clear and reasonable expectations, and reinforcing good behavior. It is also about being responsible and respectful and modeling the skills and values you want your child to learn.
Here are some key points to remember about positive discipline:
Discipline is a parent’s responsibility, not a child’s problem. You need to provide structure and guidance for your child, not yell or hit them.
Discipline is about building your child’s skills, not expressing your feelings. You need to control your emotions and act calmly and rationally, not let anger or frustration take over.
Discipline is about connecting with your child, not criticizing them. You need to praise and encourage your child, not belittle or blame them.
Discipline is about responding to your child’s needs, not reacting to their behavior. You need to think before you act, and choose the best way to handle the situation, not just react impulsively or emotionally.
Discipline is about having conversations with your child, not giving corrections. You need to communicate with your child, not lecture or scold them.
Discipline is about providing content for your child, not imposing control. You need to offer meaningful and engaging activities for your child, not just tell them what to do or not to do.
Discipline is about fostering growth in your child, not causing destruction. You need to help your child develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and confidence, not damage their self-esteem, trust, or happiness.
Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children effectively and positively. Some parents resort to shouting, hitting, or other harsh methods that can harm the child’s mental and physical health. But there is a better way: positive discipline.
In my book, The Discipline Is Not an Emergency, order a copy here , I wrote a note to parents and I said: “A seed grows with no sound, but a tree falls with a huge noise. Destruction is noisy. If your discipline strategy on your parenting journey is noisy, it means that it is destructive. Do not create drama that gives your children trauma in their lives. If your discipline is creating drama, that is not the right kind of discipline.”
Is your discipline creating drama? Aggression is not discipline, it is destruction. When we talk about discipline, a lot of people come to me and say, “Oh, you know, I just do what my parents did. If you are not aggressive to the child, the child will not listen.” No, you have just programmed your child to only listen to you when you are aggressive, and that is not the solution. You are not creating the right environment for your child. You are destroying it.
This is why we need to change the way we think about discipline. Discipline is not about what we do to our children, but what we do with them. Discipline is not about how we feel, but how we build. Discipline is not about how critical we are, but how connected we are. Discipline is not about reactions, but responses. Discipline is not about corrections, but conversations. Discipline is not about control, but content. Discipline is not about destruction, but growth.
STEPS FOR POSITIVE DISCIPLINE
SELF DISCIPLINE: The first and most important strategy for positive discipline is self-motivation. Self-motivation is the ability to do something without external pressure or reward. It is the inner drive that makes you want to learn, grow, and achieve. Self-motivation is essential for developing self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and confidence.
Why is Self-Motivation Essential for Discipline?
Unfortunately, many of us were not taught self-motivation as a skill. We were taught to fear punishment or seek approval from others. We were taught to depend on external factors to motivate us, rather than finding our intrinsic motivation. We were taught to react, rather than respond. We were taught to criticize, rather than connect. We were taught to control, rather than create.
When we discipline our children with self-motivation, we help them:
Understand the why behind their actions and decisions
Align their behavior with their values and goals
Develop a positive and growth mindset
Build a trusting and respectful relationship with us
Become independent and confident learners and leaders
How to Teach Self-Motivation to Your Children?
One of the key steps to self-motivation is to clarify your why. Why are you doing what you are doing? Why do you want your child to do what you want them to do? When you and your child understand the why behind your actions and decisions, you are more likely to be motivated by your values and goals, rather than by fear or pressure.
In my book, The Discipline That Works, you can order a copy here , I wrote extensively about self-motivation and how to teach it to your children. I also shared some examples of how my children applied the lessons they learned from me in different situations. They were able to think for themselves and make smart choices because they knew the why behind their actions. If you want to learn more about how to teach your children self-motivation and positive discipline, you can check out my book, The Discipline That Works. You can also join the Inner Circle, where I share more tips and insights on parenting and personal development. Book a slot for the 2025 cohort of the Inner Circle Program here
HOW TO ENCOURAGE SELF-MOTIVATION IN YOUR CHILD?
In my book, I shared the 4M’s approach: mastery, mindset, modeling, and motivation
MASTERY: Mastery is about setting achievable goals and providing opportunities for skill development. Part of mastery is self-confidence. You need to build your child’s confidence in what you’re teaching. Your self-confidence rubs off on your child. Your children can sense when you’re not confident about your parenting journey. They call it BBT: born before technology. They think you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re providing information, not wisdom. But they don’t need information, it’s everywhere on Google. They need wisdom. Parenting today is about wisdom. Without wisdom, you will be unstable. The Bible says that wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of our times.
MINDSET: This is about creating the mindset for self-motivation. Part of it is positive self-talk and the growth mindset. A few days ago, I taught the parents in the inner circle how to avoid becoming praise junkies. Some of us have become praise junkies to our children. We constantly say, “You’re perfect, you’re the best.” We think that’s how to build self-esteem. But that’s not true. You need to affirm your children, not praise them. Praise should not be about you but about them. When children consistently seek approval for their decisions, they fall into the praise trap. I’m going to share more about this with the parents in the academy. One clear sign of being a praise junkie is when children consistently seek approval for the decisions that they make. Of course, they have been conditioned to do so. You need to break free from the praise trap. Praise should not be vague and insincere.
Children understand abilities and qualities better when we praise them for their efforts, not their traits. Growth mindset says that we should praise the process that the child goes through, such as “Wow, you’ve put a lot of work into this and look at the results. If you try it this way, you might get even better. You can see that the more you work hard, the more you succeed.” That’s a growth mindset. It encourages the child to learn and improve. A fixed mindset, on the other hand, says things like “You’re a very smart child.” That’s harmful. It tells the child that they have a fixed amount of intelligence and that’s it. It puts the child in a box and limits their potential. That’s a fixed mindset. You can read more about the difference between growth and fixed mindsets and how to foster a growth mindset in yourself and others. I also talked about modeling and motivation and shared some stories that can help you.
Modelling
Motivation
2. Overcoming common obstacles
Maintaining discipline in every area of your life is challenging, and you’re bound to encounter obstacles along the way. One of the strategies that you need to develop is to identify and address those obstacles. What are the common obstacles that you face when it comes to discipline?
3. Lack of focus: Distractions, lack of concentration, and difficulty paying attention can all interfere with your discipline. Nowadays, a lot of children are struggling with focus. So some of the problems that you’re dealing with are not just about the child’s behavior, but about the underlying obstacle of focus. It’s not necessarily about what the child has done or hasn’t done. So you look at a child who has lost focus and is struggling to stay on task. Of course, it’s going to affect their performance and behavior. So the problem is that you’re majoring in the minor and minoring in the major. You’re chasing the child and shouting and panting and doing all of that, meanwhile the child is coming from another angle. Lack of focus is an obstacle, and it’s not going to change until you deal with it.
3. Fear of failure: When it comes to discipline, fear of failure, negative self-talk, self-doubt, and anxiety can all erode your discipline by sapping your motivation. The child has internalized a negative message about themselves and their abilities. Many of us struggle with discipline because we have that fear of failure. We can’t try, we can’t do things, we’re so afraid. So one of the things that our discipline did to us, what our parents did to us, was that they sold us fear. They did not sell us a skill called discipline. They did not teach us how to cope with failure and learn from it. They did not help us develop a growth mindset. So that’s why we’re afraid. We don’t know how to stay on track and build on that skill in the face of fear. It’s an obstacle, and it’s a big one. So stop raising children who live in fear, because according to you, you want to prove that you’re the lion parent, you want to prove that you can control everything. But you can’t. You can only guide and support your child to overcome their fears and grow their discipline.
4. Lack of time management: Time management is a crucial skill for discipline, and many children don’t know how to manage their time effectively. So you get angry, you get angry and say “Why did you do this? Why didn’t you do that?” But if you understand what discipline means, you would not raise a child without building their time management skills. Any child you raise without building their skills is not going to be able to thrive in life. Parenting is about skills building, not instilling fear.
When you don’t look at the obstacles to discipline, you’re going to be stuck and frustrated. And it all comes from your definition of discipline. If you see discipline as a skill that you can learn and practice, then you can overcome the obstacles that prevent you from building that skill.
Ever wished for better connections, deeper understanding, and a more fulfilling life as a parent or even in your relationships?
Join our Emotional Intelligence Course and embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
Why Join?
Unlock the secrets to navigating emotions, enhancing relationships, and achieving success in both personal and professional spheres. This isn’t just a course; it’s your key to a happier, more connected life.
What You’ll Gain:
Practical skills for real-life application
Supportive community for shared insights
Expert guidance from seasoned facilitators
Ready to transform?
To join the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N20,500 ($23) to 0509494057 (GTB Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.
Parenting in the social media era can be both constructive and destructive, depending on how you use it. When it comes to parenting in the 21st century, social media is a tool, not a problem. I often tell parents that the social media age will not go away. Instead, it will evolve and expand. From where we started with Facebook, we now have a million and one social media platforms out there. The fact is that the more you try to avoid or control them, the more you can’t manage them or teach your children how to use them wisely. You need to embrace that social media is not your problem. So don’t blame the tool, blame your inefficiency on how to navigate the tool. In essence, blaming social media for your parenting inefficiency is just like a bad workman blaming his tools. If you lack the skills to use the tool, it doesn’t render the tool useless. It’s about honing your skills to make the most of what’s available. Understanding this perspective is crucial. To sail successfully in this digital era, one must acknowledge the winds, not blame them. As the saying goes, “He that knows not where he sails, no wind is favorable.”
Moving forward, in this blogpost we will explore a framework for understanding the role of social media in parenting. If you find yourself attributing your parenting challenges solely to “children of these days,” it’s time for a paradigm shift. Embrace the tools available in today’s world, and you’ll find yourself equipped to champion the complexities of modern parenting. Parenting in the Digital World; How to Navigate.
Knowledge As a parent, understanding how to navigate the tools of the digital age is paramount and one of those tools is knowledge. Avoid falling into the trap of blaming external factors. Instead, seize the advantages this era offers, starting with the abundance of information and support. “If you grasp the use of today’s tools, you’ll emerge as a champion. Believe me, you will. I prefer to raise my children in this era, given the information I have at my disposal. While it may seem like a challenging period, it’s, in fact, an era of knowledge, totally different from the industrialization of our parents’ time or the agrarian era of our grandparents.
Just like parenting, maintaining a successful marriage in today’s world also needs knowledge. Without it, the path becomes chaotic. The idea that our parents had flawless marriages is often a romanticized misconception. In truth, many of their marriages were challenging. In a recent conversation with my husband, the governor, He shared a striking observation – 98% of the time, individuals unknowingly replicate patterns learned from their parents. The rising divorce rates are not a consequence of the present time or the behavior of today’s children; it’s a manifestation of a significant knowledge gap. The key factor in both parenting and marriage is knowledge, and without it, failure is inevitable. This isn’t a prophecy, prayer point, or curse; it’s a simple truth that we must acknowledge.
Unlike our parents, we now have abundant resources and knowledge at our disposal. We can’t afford to make excuses when the tools for success are within reach. The children of today are not inherently problematic; instead, they will hold us accountable for our lack of knowledge. Some have already begun challenging their parents. Embracing a commitment to continuous learning is paramount. We must confront the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of parenting and marriage. What challenges and concerns do we face? Understanding these dynamics is the first step toward navigating the complexities of navigating parenting in the parenting era. The sooner we commit to learning and adapting, the better equipped we will be to meet the demands of the future.
2. Embracing Communication and Connection The foremost challenge for parents in this era of raising children is the erosion of face-to-face conversations. Genuine, direct communication is gradually becoming an extinct practice in our homes. Even within the confines of the same house, the reliance on digital communication platforms is increasing. In many cases, individuals find themselves in the same house, yet conversations are conducted through text or FaceTime. Without intentional efforts to address these challenges, they can spiral into overwhelming and destructive forces. The very essence of communication is compromised, leading to a disconnect among family members. An alarming example is when a teenager confided in me, saying that in their home, even mealtime notifications are delivered through text messages, this shows a significant shift away from face-to-face communication.
3. Discipline is a Private Affair: Discipline is one of the most private aspects of parenting. Why has it become a public affair? In today’s parenting with social media, many parents use these platforms to vent about their kids instead of talking to them. They share frustrations, seeking advice or support from online communities. However, this can lead to too many opinions and confusion. Some parents even post videos of disciplining their children on social media, which raises concerns about privacy and their children’s well-being. Instead of directly addressing issues, they turn to online platforms. To navigate this, it’s crucial to prioritize real conversations with your child over seeking validation on social media. Building a strong connection requires talking, understanding, and engaging with your family directly, without relying too much on online platforms for problem-solving.
Discipline in parenting is a personal matter. When you miss the mark, you’re not just trying to prove something, but seeking validation publicly. It’s not about showcasing; it’s about being responsible and disciplined yourself. Ask yourself, why am I disciplining my child on social media? If you know exactly what to do, you don’t need validation from others. Seeking validation is a wrong aspect of our parenting culture that we learned. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. I have nothing to prove if my child makes a mess outside. There’s no need to defend my parenting skills. Why should it be about me? Sometimes, we struggle with our children making mistakes because we were raised to believe mistakes are unacceptable. It’s crucial to move away from this mindset. I wrote a book titled “Discipline Is Not an Emergency,” which is one of my favorites. Order a copy here. The essence of discipline is not an urgent display but a consistent, thoughtful approach. Let’s shift our focus from seeking approval to understanding and applying effective discipline.
4. Emotional Intelligence To navigate parenting in this social media era you need emotional intelligence. If our emotions are not in check, the entire parenting process can go awry. Our childhood experiences often leave us with challenges in managing emotions. In our upcoming course, “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent,” starting on the 12th of February, we delve into the impact of childhood trauma on emotional regulation. It’s a foundational step because without addressing and healing these past experiences, efforts toward emotional regulation might not yield the desired results.
During the course, we’ll explore coping mechanisms, emotional deregulations, and normalized behaviors that originated from our upbringing. One significant module focuses on understanding our childhood, reflecting on our behaviors, recognizing distorted self-perceptions, and understanding how our upbringing shaped our traits. The distorted self-perception we carry from our childhood can affect how we perceive and teach certain subjects. The course aims to bring clarity and help participants navigate their emotional landscapes.
Additionally, I have valuable insights into the influence of social media on young people and the challenges and opportunities for parents. For instance, 68% of parents believe that social media affects their teens’ ability to socialize normally. This is a significant concern that we’ll address, emphasizing the importance of using social media as a tool for our benefit rather than letting it control us.
Online safety is another critical aspect, particularly protecting children from inappropriate content, online predators, and cyberbullying. The digital space is filled with potential dangers, and parents need to be aware and proactive in safeguarding their children. If you haven’t registered for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” course, I encourage you to do so. The details are available, and it promises to be a transformative experience. Share this information with your family and friends, as the course will provide valuable insights for everyone. I’m passionate about teaching this topic in a unique way, offering perspectives and strategies that aren’t copied from elsewhere. Join me on Deliverance Day, February 12th, for an insightful exploration of emotional intelligence in parenting.
If you haven’t registered for the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent” course, I encourage you to do so. The details are available, and it promises to be a transformative experience. Share this information with your family and friends, as the course will provide valuable insights for everyone. I’m passionate about uniquely teaching this topic, offering perspectives and strategies that aren’t copied from elsewhere. Join me on Deliverance Day, February 12th, for an insightful exploration of emotional intelligence in parenting.
Three Industry Experts! Teaching …… 5 Modules! 5 worksheets! 5 days of learning 12th February is Emotional Intelligence Liberation Day
To join the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N20,500 instead of #30,500 before Friday to 0509494057 (GTB Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.
Parenting a teen has its own unique set of challenges. It is one key aspect of your journey as a parent. Many times, people do not realize that parenting a teenager will present different kinds of difficulties. It’s not uncommon for teenagers to crave independence and resist parental guidance. This phase can leave you wondering, “How can I reconnect with my teenager?” In today’s blog post, I’m going to teach you about understanding the five C’s of knowing your teen’s struggles and what to do to reconnect with them. This will help you to navigate the complexity of parenting a teenager.
Connection: The number one reason why parents struggle with their teenagers is connection issues. In my book, Connect to Correct, I explained that the child you do not build a connection with today as a toddler will be a problem for you as a teenager. This reflects the principle of seed time and harvest. Many times, you do not have to struggle with your teen if you have established a strong bond with them. I have heard people say that their children are not old enough for them to be in the academy or join the inner circle because their children are still toddlers. But by the time your children reach the adolescent phase, the struggle has already begun because you have lost connection with them. You should know that there is a lot of conflict that happens during this phase, and it is not because of you or the child.
These are conflicts that are inevitable and natural. And when they happen, one of the things that will help you is the fact that there is a connection between you and your child.
Control Issues: Control issues are one of the reasons why we are big on connection in the Inner Circle. We provide a daily tool that keeps you on your toes to connect with your child. Connection is not a weekly or once-in-a-while endeavor, it’s daily because anything you build is what you will reap.
Under control issues, you have autonomy struggles and power struggles. I was listening to my children review the book by Coach Chiedozie “Why Teenagers Fail”, and in this book, he was talking about the identity crisis, the autonomy crisis, and the destiny crisis, that teenagers face. These are all the crises that happen to your teenagers when they are going through this phase.
One of the bonus classes that we are offering for becoming an emotionally intelligent parent this year is understanding the teen’s brain and how to navigate it on your parenting journey. So if you haven’t registered and you have teenagers, you are on your own. I mean, this class will give you insight into how you can navigate through the process of understanding what is happening to the teen part of the brain. Register for this course here
When it comes to autonomy struggles, children begin to seek independence at this phase. Seeking independence is a good thing, not a bad thing. The problem is that we fight it because we don’t know how to find the balance between guidance and autonomy. There has to be guidance, of course, but that also leads us to power struggles.
There are a lot of power tussles that we engage in. We say, “No, you cannot do this or that,” because we do not understand how the teen brain works. There is something that makes them want to see what will happen. Most of the things your teenagers do are not because they don’t know whether it’s right or wrong. Some of them know it’s wrong, but they just want to try it because the brain tells them that that’s how to find independence. It’s a fight for life.
Have you read anything about the fight for independence in different countries and all of that? It’s similar to what your teens are going through. So all your threats, all your “I will do this or that to you,” your teen’s brain gets excited by that kind of challenge. So control issues are one of the reasons why you struggle with your teen.
Communication Issues:
So far in this blog post, we have explored reasons why you struggle with your child which included, connection, control, and for this third communication. In my book, “Solving Family Problems Through Effective Communication”, I wrote that the risky thing about raising teenagers in our world today is that they have a lot of options. There are a lot of people and media bombarding them with messages.
The problem is that you don’t fight to become the loudest voice in your child’s brain. No, you create it. You connect to influence, you don’t fight to influence. Many times, those communication issues happen because there is a difference in how you and your teen perceive and interpret things.
You cannot become the loudest voice in your child’s life by fighting. You fight and you lose the battle. That’s it! So, of course, in this phase, your teenagers have a problem. There is a communication gap, there is a misunderstanding. They interpret messages in different ways and I will tell you why as we go along. There is a limit to how much they share their thoughts with you.
The steps to influence your child are what we teach in the Creating a Social Roadmap for Your Genzer Inner Circle Class coming up this weekend for parents in our Inner circle. Book a slot here.
At some point, you will be on the fourth floor. When your children turn 13, you are on the fourth floor. You will no longer be the most influential person, even though you will still be the most important person if you have done the work to be the most important person. You will no longer be the most influential person when they are 13. Your influence is on the fourth floor.
If you have a child right now who is not 13 yet, please bear it in the back of your mind. Keep it in the back of your mind that at some point, you will not hear everything the way it is. Not because they want to lie to you, no, but because some information you cannot process the way you need to process it. And it’s also because you do not have the emotional intelligence to be able to take in some information. Because you have communication challenges, there is a lot of misunderstanding. There is a lot of back and forth.
That’s why you need training. Because if you are trained, you are in a better position to help your child. If you are not trained, you do your children a disservice by your ignorance. And then you fight because you will continue to fight where there is no fight.
Change in Priorities: One of the first things you learn as a teen parent is that the priorities of your teenager will change. They are now navigating their world and their priorities will shift. You begin to struggle when they begin to prioritize their friends. Do you know who is at the top of the fourth floor? Peer group. Do you know who is in the second group on that floor after the peer group? Other adults.
One of the most important people in the life of a teenager is other adults, not just their parents. That’s why we keep emphasizing mentorship. Your children will need it like their life depends on it, because at that point in time, they will need the other adult. And if you don’t set other adults in their life, they will pick any other adult, because there is no vacuum in parenting. Your child will fill the vacuum with whoever they can. It could be Kim Kardashian, it could even be Bobrisky, it could be anybody.
If you don’t intentionally create that system of who the other adults should be by the time they are teenagers, you will just be running around, because now you don’t even know who is influencing them. Remember, we are talking about the order of influence.
If you are an intentional parent, you will have created all of these four influence groups.
Coping with change: Coping with change is another reason why children struggle with their parents. Most of us do not understand why children struggle with the emotional roller coaster of their teenage years. Do you know that puberty affects the brain? There is something called the puberty brain in medicine. The brain changes its development during puberty. If you don’t have the book “Walking Your Child Through Puberty, get it here. I wrote this book while I was trying to understand what happens to children during puberty.
• Do you know that children at puberty become lazy? • Have you noticed that your children become 14 or 15 and they are lazy about things? The brain and the whole drama during puberty, weigh them down. The reason for this is that we are not intentional in building our children’s emotional capacity. When puberty comes, it overwhelms them. And when this happens, You struggle to adapt to their mood swings, you struggle to adapt to their change in behavior.
The most difficult time for any child is between the ages of 13 and 18 because they are trying to navigate their world. They are trying to understand who they are. They are trying to understand what they are doing. If they get it wrong at this age, it will make a mess of their future. You know what they say, a fool at 40 was a fool at 14.
Are you ready to join the 1000 parents who have already registered for the Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course?
This course will show you in practical terms how you can work on your emotions and use them positively in your journey as a parent 1. Learn to Understand Your Emotions 2. Understand Your Yelling Triggers And Ditch Them 3. How Emotions Management can help behavior management/discipline in parenting. 4. Learn how emotion management helps us become better people.
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU? 1. Free Assess to Self-assessment Tools: You will receive self-assessment tools and questionnaires to evaluate their current EI level. 2. Weekly Challenges and Exercises You will receive weekly challenges and exercises to apply practically your newfound knowledge and skills. 3. Year Long Access Enrolled participants will have year-long access to the course materials 4. Bonus Resources: Participants will also receive bonus resources, such as EI-related Guides, access to past editions of this course etc. 5. Gain year-long access to course materials 6. Get Up to 50% Off With Our Early Bird Offers!
But hurry, this offer won’t last long. You have until Friday to register for the course and pay only N15,500 ($17) instead of #30,500.
To join the course, simply pay to 0509494057 (GTB Bank) with the name The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600. You can also register online using this link: https://theintentionalparentacademy.selar.co/emotionalintelligence
“I am frustrated with Parenting, I don’t know if I am the only one but my children make this journey so difficult, I think my children are just too strong- willed and stubborn unlike your own children .
This is a complaint I get very often. While one parent thinks theirs is worse, what they don’t know is that every parent gets frustrated on their journey when the going gets tough, but what differs is what they are able to do with that frustration. Turning your parenting frustrations into connection moment is one of the supper powers of parenting and I have taught this over the years to help thousands of parents.
Have you ever thought that your worse moments can become the best moments for a while? Yes you heard right and this blog will be a light bulb moment for you.
In dealing with these frustrations, I have broken them down into :
6 P’s of Parenting Frustration and How to Turn Them to Connection
PRESSURE : Parenting, in these times is riddled with the weight of expectations. The pressure to excel in the role of parenting can be overwhelming. From societal standards to family expectations, the burden of raising children according to perceived norms creates pressure for tons of parents. These pressure points include ;
a. Pressure of Performance: The expectation to perform well and the constant comparison of our parenting with others, and even worse the invisible competition we create in our minds can contribute to this pressure .
b. Parenting Superiority: In a world where information is abundant, parents find themselves not only more educated but also more competitive. The pressure of proving that “my parenting is better than yours” is becoming crazy.
c. The Pressure of Fun: Surprisingly, there is a pressure associated with the concept of fun in parenting. I talked about this in the inner circle recently. From meticulously planned birthday celebrations to the pressure of living by societal expectations. The pressure of fun is real for families etc Other pressures include the pressure of educational expectations and fashion and appearance.
Perception: Perception to me, is at the core of parenting challenges. Life is shaped by how we perceive things, and when it comes to parenting, misunderstanding a child’s behavior can lead to frustration. It’s crucial to recognize that misinterpreting your child’s needs or not understanding their developmental stage can result in persistent frustration.
Parenting pressures like we mentioned earlier also adds to the mix. Whether it’s societal expectations or the fear of judgment, these pressures can cloud our perception. Instead of succumbing to societal pressure, it’s essential to focus on understanding and guiding Your child through their growth.
Power Struggles: Parenting comes with its fair share of frustrations, and one significant hurdle that many parents face is the power struggles that can arise between them and their children. These conflicts often stem from past struggles, a lack of connection, and misunderstandings about children’s developmental stages.
Power struggles with your child, especially during crucial developmental stages, can be a significant source of frustration. I believe that fostering a strong connection with your child prevents these struggles. Connection is the key to navigating past challenges and creating a harmonious relationship.
A misbehaving child seeks attention, even if negative. Understanding this helps in managing behaviors effectively. It’s crucial not to fall into the trap of prioritizing the wrong aspects—be it societal expectations or comparisons with others. Each parent’s journey is unique, and prioritizing your season of life is essential.
4. Prioritization challenges are a real struggle for parents. Managing and figuring out what truly matters often feels like an uphill battle. The constant pressure to keep up with others, especially in this competitive world, makes it difficult to prioritize our own needs and navigate through the different seasons of life.
In the Inner Circle, we don’t advocate for the concept of balance because, truth be told, there’s no such thing. The idea of achieving a perfect work-life balance seems unattainable. Instead, what we focus on is essentialism. Time, a factor often touted as manageable, is actually something we can’t control. We don’t teach time management; we teach essentialism. It’s about looking at time, prioritizing what truly matters, and embracing what is essential in that moment.
I’ve realized that trying to balance every aspect of life only leads to frustration. In my own journey, there have been moments when I felt overshadowed by high-achieving peers, questioning where I stand in my own season of life. Prioritizing my own season is the key to avoiding this frustration.
Life, as we know it, isn’t about finding the perfect balance, but rather about understanding what is essential in each season. By embracing essentialism over balance, I’ve found a more realistic and satisfying approach to managing life’s demands.
5. Perfection: Perfection, oh, the pressure it brings. Who told us that we must strive for perfection or raise perfect children? It’s a misleading notion. The idea that everything must fit into a perfect mold only sets us up for a life devoid of growth and improvement. If everything were perfect, what would be left to work on or strive towards?
In our current Inner Circle book of the month , ” Connect to Correct,” we explore the concept of perfection. I’ve often questioned why we, as parents, feel the need for our children to wake up one day and become executive bankers or fit into some predetermined perfect image. The truth is, if our children were already perfect, they wouldn’t need us. Perfection can actually hinder the growth and connection between parents and children.
The pursuit of perfection can also lead to power struggles, especially when we impose unrealistic expectations on our children. Wanting a two-year-old to be prim and proper when they come home? It’s unrealistic and sets the stage for frustration. Personally, I’ve learned that when children come to my house and don’t jump around, it gives me a negative vibe. Perfection is not only unattainable but can also create an environment that stifles the true essence of childhood.
6. Poor Emotions Management The final piece of the puzzle – poor emotions management. Discipline, to me, isn’t about creating drama that leads to trauma for my child. The root of frustration often lies in the inability to manage emotions effectively. It’s a skill not many were taught, and the result is often becoming a drama king or queen, causing unnecessary trauma.
I’ve witnessed instances where parents lose control over their emotions, creating a storm of pressure and drama. I recall a situation with our daughter a couple of years ago. The school contacted us about an incident, and instead of reacting with heightened emotions, my husband and I remained calm. We didn’t succumb to the expectation of creating a dramatic scene. We knew better.
Our daughter explained her side, and we calmly addressed the issue. The teachers, expecting a dramatic response, were surprised. It made me realize the power of not creating drama that leads to trauma for our children. We aren’t in the business of proving ourselves as ‘perfect’ parents; we’re focused on guiding our children through challenges.
It’s crucial to resist the temptation to create unnecessary scenes just for the sake of appearances. Some parents go to school, fueled by the need to show they are perfect. This not only misses the point but also traumatizes the child. Instead, I advocate for understanding and managing our emotions.
We shouldn’t crave drama or noise as a sign of effective parenting. It’s about knowing when to step in and guide, rather than reacting impulsively. I’ve even written a book called “Raising the Independent Thinking Child” that delves into these aspects. The key is not creating drama; it’s about being a pillar of support and understanding for our children. Managing our emotions is at the heart of effective parenting, ensuring that we don’t inadvertently cause trauma in the process.
I Can Show You How to Manage Your Emotions
As you know, my course Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent course is starting soon and as we were onboarding the new participants, this question came in response to the promotion of the course and I would like to address this here.
“Hi, I’m eager to join the course, but I have a question. I am a Chronic Yeller, infact , I can yell for Africa. I have read books on managing my emotions, but I still struggle at the slightest provocation. Do you think that this course can help me parent with calm?”
Without a doubt, my answer is a resounding yes!
Here’s the reality: Your journey towards managing emotions and parenting with calm begins with a commitment to working on yourself. It’s not just wishful thinking; it’s about taking charge and enrolling in this course.
For instance, we’ve witnessed incredible transformations, like a mother of triplets parenting with absolute peace and calm and former chronic yellers breaking free from the habit – all thanks to this course.
So, to address the question directly – yes, I believe the “Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Parent Course” is tailor-made for any parent aspiring to approach parenting differently in 2024.
The goal is clear: to guide you on the path to work on your emotions and use them positively in your journey as a parent. But it doesn’t stop there. You’ll gain skills, tools, and knowledge to replicate these results throughout the year.
If you’re considering signing up, act swiftly. Over 700 parents are on board already and the early bird registration ends on January 21st, so this is your only chance to secure the current price of N15,500/ $17. Delaying might mean missing out on this exclusive discount.
In your journey of parenting in 2024, becoming emotionally intelligence will be important in your child’s holistic development. An emotionally intelligent parent not only equips their child with the ability to navigate life’s challenges but also contributes to their social success, impulse control, and overall resilience. As we navigate parenting this year, you will need to be mindful of the profound impact our actions have on shaping the emotional intelligence of the next generation. In this blog post, I will be sharing 5 things emotionally intelligent parents won’t do in 2024
Advantages of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.
1. More ready to engage: An emotionally intelligent child is ever ready to engage in school activities. He/she is ready to confront whatever situation he finds himself. The child gets involved in things they do and in general.
2. More socially successful: I’ve seen quite a number of parents raise kids who can navigate in the social world. There’s a study that says that children who can navigate their social world in the next 30 years, will have an 80% advantage over their peers.
3. They have impulse control: What many parents do not understand is that impulse control is one of the reasons why children misbehave.
A lot of kids can’t control their impulses because they don’t know what else to do. When you raise a child who understands emotional intelligence, you’ll find out that the child can control those impulses. If you don’t teach the child to do so, he’ll continue to do things anyhow.
Emotionally intelligent children are a product of emotionally intelligent parents. Emotional intelligent skills don’t naturally come upon you but from what you learn. By skills, I mean doing certain things that make your child feel safe enough to express their emotions. When a parent is emotionally intelligent, it’s automatically transferred to the children.
Here are Things Emotionally Intelligent Parents Won’t do in 2024
1. They Won’t Bail Their Children out of Difficult Situations: The reason, why you have a problem when your child is going through consequences is that you don’t have emotional intelligence skills.
Many times, you hear parents say, ” I don’t want my child to suffer”, “I don’t want my child to get angry”, or “I don’t want my child to get upset”. Sometimes, it can be jumping in to pacify a child that’s crying. When you do or say these things, you don’t allow the child to go through different situations like disappointment, anger, failure, agitation, and sadness. You deny them the opportunity to deal with these emotions. For instance, your child fails his exams and is expected to repeat the class. You come home and beat the child because according to you, he didn’t do well. Then you meet with the school authority to beg them to allow your child to move to the next class because you don’t want him to experience failure.
It can also be that your child isn’t doing well in school, and you flog him whenever you are helping out with his assignments but when it’s time to pay for illegal ways like paying for a mercenary to write external exams for him, you’ll gladly do so. You are raising a hypocrite, idiot, and someone that can’t think. I might be coming too hard on you today but trust me you need to hear this. Studies have shown that children who are exposed to tough situations, and conflicts and how to manage them are more emotionally intelligent.
When a child faces difficult situations, he gains the tools to deal with the situations, however, there’s a caveat- it can only happen if the parents are emotionally intelligent. For eg, we teach failure as a tool in the Inner Circle Academy. Failure is part of the process of raising a child who will be well-rounded, however, what we call failure isn’t necessarily a failure. True failure is when you can’t use that failure as a tool to succeed. Failure is a tool in parenting and mistakes are proofs that your child is learning.
2. They do Not Shut Down Their Children’s Emotions. Often, parents ask their kids, “Why are you crying?” or “Why are you angry? I’m the one having a hard time here!! When you ask such questions, you shut down the child’s emotions. You make them understand that they don’t have the right to feel certain ways. Every single emotion is valid. Studies have shown that adults who had suppressed emotions when they were young have issues building positive relationships and that’s why you find that we have trust issues in relating with people.
3. They Won’t Stop Working on Their Emotions. I have constantly gone through emotional training in the past 10 years because I understand that it’s a journey and not a destination. When you don’t subject yourself to the journey, you’ll have issues. Your emotions are your responsibility to handle. Parenting is an emotional journey because we are constantly battling with different emotions. Learn how to work on your emotions here
4. They Won’t Hide Their Emotions. I see several parents feel disappointed and won’t share with their children that they are and if the child asks, they’ll be like, “I’m fine” while they are not. You can’t name your emotions because you don’t even know what you feel at the moment. What happens is that the child learns to mask their emotions and become hypocritical. They won’t be able to define what they feel at times. When you say I’m okay or I’m fine, you are being hypocritical because you think that you ought to be perfect. You don’t need PERFECTION but TRAINING. When you make mistakes, don’t mask them because you have bought into an infallibility narrative. When you become vulnerable in your parenting journey, you don’t lose credibility rather you gain trust and trust is the biggest currency in your journey.
Putting up a facade of perfection, hiding your emotions, and hiding failures are not good examples but show that you have no emotional intelligence. Your children need to see you make mistakes and admit them and by so doing, you teach them to take responsibility for their actions.
5. They Are Not Reactive to Situations but proactive. The parent thinks about the process and then takes him/herself out of the process of helping the child. When a child fails, an emotionally intelligent parent uses the tools to help the child become better by using that same failure but the child of a no emotionally intelligent parent struggles.
In your journey as a parent, you need to understand that you are the most important pace. Parenting is about you and not your child. You need to connect to correct and you do that by working on your emotions.
Imagine this…
Imagine this… – it’s a school morning, and your child is getting ready for school. Suddenly, they start throwing tantrums, and their breakfast cereal pours on the only school uniform available.
Instead of yelling, you respond calmly, cleaning up the mess while keeping your cool.
But wait, there’s more…
You’re out shopping with the whole family. Your five-year-old creates a scene, demanding a toy you didn’t plan to buy. Amidst judgmental stares, you manage your emotions without exploding. In the midst of it all, they throw themselves on the floor crying.
or how about this…
Your school-age child decides to redecorate your freshly painted walls with soup but you still keep your cool.
Sounds like a dream right? (Especially if you currently struggle with your emotions) Nonetheless! this can be your everyday reality — when you learn how to manage your emotions.
This is exactly why I created The Becoming an Intentional Parent Course. This transformative course offers practical insights on how to manage your emotions positively on your parenting journey.
For the next few days, I’m offering the earliest bird discount of up to 50% off. Seize this opportunity to embark on a journey of intentional parenting and transform the way you handle those challenging parenting moments.
To join the Becoming the Emotionally Intelligent Parent course, pay N15,500 ($17) to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy and send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 09036633600.
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Thanks for sharing