Author: Wendy Ologe

There are many ways to improve your Child\’s academics but in this Blogpost, I will be looking at 5 ways to improve your Child\’s academic performance. As I sat in a session with a parent some weeks back; a parent said that her Son was not smart. Why would you say that? In response to me, “His result says it all, the school cannot be lying ma; this boy plays too much and he is not as smart like his siblings “.

Before you say “Ah why?” hold on, you might also be guilty. Negative labeling is a big worry in the educational system today but even beyond that is also what we refer to as “positive labeling or praise”. Unfortunately, the two sides of this coin will do the same harm to a child. I shared this at our Tuesday class this week (you can replay here).

Research shows that constantly telling your child he’s a smart child could be just as bad. For many students, it creates a fixed identity they feel compelled to protect, even at a high cost which can have disastrous consequences.

What this does is that it instill a fixed mindset in your child instead of a growth mindset.

Growth mindset says “I can learn to do anything I want”

while fixed mindset says “I am either good at this or I am not”.

Growth mindset says “my effort determine my ability”

While fixed mindset says “My potential is predetermined; that\’s who I am “.

A child\’s academic results are not an indication of the child’s cognitive abilities; but

A reflection of how that child has been taught

How a Child Learns

The study habits he has developed over time

how much effort the child has put in.

The most important thing any child can learn is that learning is a skill, the same way they learn to walk, talk, sing, crawl that\’s the same way they need to learn how to learn. and that is why we all do not learn the same way.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR CHILD\’S ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE

1. TEACH YOUR KIDS TO EMBRACE STRUGGLE: There is honor in struggle, constantly saving your children from stressful situations is doing them a disservice. In neuroscience, the brain can rewire and upgrade itself. So whenever you want to gain competence or consolidate new information the brain will begin to struggle. That struggle simply means that the brain is beginn9ng to step up to the new task. This struggle helps them learn by the neurons stringing together to consolidate information. This is a process called MYELINATION.

In essence, allow your children to struggle to learn the Maths or science that they need to learn. When they do the brain is stepping up in reasoning, logic, concentration, memory.

According to Benjamin Hardy, the author of \”Willpower doesn\’t Work\”, many of us misunderstand confidence. People don\’t do well because they are confident; in fact, confidence is a by-product or a direct reflection of previous successful actions. The previous successful actions could be anything “Negative, positive, failure, etc.

2. STOP LABELING YOUR CHILD, COMMEND THE EFFORT: You need to focus on the effort that the child is putting in. You must stop labeling Children but focus on the amount of effort they put into the learning process.

3. GET THEM TO DO THEIR OWN RESEARCH ABOUT LEARNING

When Children understand learning, they understand their learning styles, how they learn and this will trigger something in them. Remember I mentioned earlier that learning is a skill.

4. HELP THEM BUILD FOCUS AND IMPROVE MEMORY: You must build your Child\’s focus and improve memory through brain-building activities. No matter how smart your child is and they don\’t build focus, don\’t understand that learning is a skill they will fail at it. One of the ways you can build skills is to get them to read more than watch the screen. Keep improving the process as they go. Cognitive exercises help in building study skills.

5. HELP THEM CREATE A STRUCTURE AND STICK TO IT

6. TEACH THE STUDY HABITS

In summary, remember that A child\’s academic results are not an indication of the child’s cognitive abilities; but a reflection of how that child has been taught, How a Child Learns, The study habits he has developed over time, and How much effort the child has put in.

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When we talk about preparing your child for a successful school year, I have noticed that a lot of people think it is all about education and academics. I have also realized that a lot of parents get confused when a new academic year is starting. I was also confused in the past. I didn\’t know where to start from and how to support my children.

I began a lot of studies and I realized that children also struggle with a new school year even if it\’s the same school. They get agitated and curious at the start of a new school year. A new school year is not just all about academics, there are a lot more to consider.

Many times, I have also realized that parents don\’t prepare their children enough. This has caused a lot of confusion on the part of the children.

Here are the aspects to consider in a new school session:

1- Academic success

2- Social success

3- Emotional success

4- Health

5- Chores

6- Maintaining Success

The skills to be able to do chores can never be overemphasized. I noticed a lot of parents take away chores once their children resume school. It is wrong. You do not need to take away the child\’s responsibility once school resumes.

Maintaining success can be very tasking for our children. So you must teach your children all of these. There is a need to check into other aspects of a child\’s life apart from academics. There are skills that your child needs to thrive aside from academic success.

A new school year doesn\’t start when the school is about to resume. It starts the very day the previous academic session ended. As parents, you are supposed to begin preparation immediately when an academic session ends and not when the school is about to resume. For example, if a school year ended July 23rd, you are supposed to have started preparing your child for the next session that same July 23rd.

-Academic Success: Academic success starts with the kind of school that your child attends. Does the school support your child\’s learning style and pattern? For instance, if your child is a kinesthetic learner, you will need to enroll your child in a school that has a good playground. In fact, if you take a boy child to a school that doesn\’t understand the play, you are going to shut down a part of his development.

When it comes to having children excel in their academics, the first thing is choosing the right school. The school is an integral part of how successful your child\’s education will be. So you might need to choose a school that supports the kind of learner that you have.

Do you know that a gifted child is a special child? A gifted child might not survive in a normal school setting. A lot of children have suffered from the ignorance of their parents. Your child could be suffering the ignorance of you not choosing the right school. EVERY SCHOOL IS NOT MEANT FOR EVERY CHILD. That a school is best doesn\’t make it the best fit for your child. Your child might not thrive in that school. You also need to understand where the connection lies.

The second point to note on academic success is:

Create An Effective Study Environment. If you want your child to study, you need to create an effective study environment. In creating an effective study environment, please take note of the following:

-Understand your child\’s learning style.

–Work on removing the morning chaos in the routines. All the yelling, shouting, and chaos that you create in the morning shut down the learning center of your child. DISCIPLINE IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. You can always address things later. You also need to understand the place of timing in your discipline.

–You need to set your children ready to learn. What do you do to stimulate learning in the morning? For me, we do music to stimulate learning in my home. A child should never go to bed upset nor should they get to school feeling very overwhelmed from shouts and screams.

–Check the nutrition of your child? It has been proven that food rich in whole grain, fiber, and protein helps children learn better. What are your children eating in the morning?

-You also need to check the right amount of sleep. Most preschoolers should get at least a minimum of 10 hours of sleep per day.

-You need to teach organizational skills.

-Teach time management

-Teach your children study skills.

-You need to understand the disciplinary policy in that school. What is the school policy on bullying? Don\’t just assume, ask relevant questions.

-You need to get involved. I see parents send their house help and drivers to represent them during PTA meetings. This leaves me astonished and wonders what kind of system you are creating. For you to raise a king, you need to be involved.

-Make time to talk with your child every day. Children who talk with their parents every day perform better academically. It\’s been proven that children who get connected with their children thrive excellently well in their academics.

Finally, neglect is a form of abuse. When you neglect your children, you are abusing them. Stop abusing your children in the name of \’I do not have time. Create time for your children.

In creating an ultimate holiday plan that helps your child strive, you need to understand that you have a choice and the choice starts with you. Oftentimes, I hear parents say, \’oh, I don\’t have the time, I am busy…\’ I am usually amazed at how parents take pride in such words. I shared in our Facebook community that lack of time isn\’t something one should be proud of. It is something that should make you feel bothered and work towards.

The holiday is one of the biggest times that you can key into and make judicious use of such an amazing opportunity. Time is spelled as LOVE for your children. If you do not spend time with your children, then \’your children will not feel that you love them.\’ No matter what you do or say to them, it won\’t equate to the time that you need to spend with your children. The major thing that a child requires of you as a parent is TIME.

Your children are going to grow up and leave the house someday, it is the time you created for them that would matter in the future. Beyond just provision, there is a need to spend TIME with your children. It is also important that you understand what is essential per time and season. What is essential when your child turns 1 won\’t be essential when the child is 20.

Children grow daily, So every decision you make would have a ripple effect someday. You might not see it now, but it\’s going to be very evident someday. For instance, King David in the Bible was anointed at a very young age but he didn\’t become king till after 17 years. Remember, CHANGE IS NOISELESS.

Your children are growing every second of the day. Don\’t wake up shocked that your children have grown without your input. Time is going, take action NOW.

Making a plan is the first place to help your child thrive. The holiday is a time to recreate and bond with your children. You might never understand your children if you do not spend time with them, especially during the holidays. The holiday time is a whole lot. You can use it to create lasting memories.

Why is it necessary that you make a plan?

Planning helps you stay focused. So you don\’t get carried away, you must plan. Remember, when you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Why You Must Spend Time During The Holiday With Your Children.

1- It Helps You Live Longer: Studies have shown on family relationships that strong family bonding reduces the risks of premature deaths by 59%. The more family relationships you have, the more bonds you can create.

2- It Creates Healthy Mental Health: Life is beyond work. We have a lot of teenagers committing suicide due to neglect in the home. A lot of parents do not know who their children are so when the child has issues, he runs out. The concept of \’I don\’t have time\’ can drown you in this parenting journey. If you do not have time for your children, then something is wrong. There was a time in my life where I wasn\’t attending weddings because my Saturdays were very important to my children.

3- Every Minute Counts: I have not missed anything in the life of my children. My husband and I choose to be present in the lives of our children. We have attended PTA from the primary one till the last stage.

4- Playtime embraces your inner child: The inner child is about who you are and who you have become.

5- It Helps Create Family Traditions: The best time in my home is the holiday season. We created a system where we are available for the holiday for the past 11 years. It is the family rituals that create bonds for the children. Don\’t assume anything, plan every tiny detail.

6- It Creates Experiences: Life is all about the experience. We are all products of our experiences. Everything that man does is all about the experience that was created. When I see some great families, I see parents that were very intentional about the experience they create for their children. Your experiences will either make or mar you. What are the experiences that your children have about you? What will your children remember? What will they think about you? Remember, we are limited by the experiences that we have.

What Schedule Can You Create That Will Help Your Children Learn?

There are many things that a school can never teach your child. You need to create that atmosphere in your home. The onus is on YOU. If you don\’t teach your child, your child will never learn how to do it. Wake up today, your children need to learn and learn things fast.

1- You need to have a specified schedule for your toddler: Toddlers thrive on routines. One of the major barriers to effective parenting is the act of flogging/beating. Beating doesn\’t change anyone. Discipline is not beating, discipline is routine.

2- Have a reading plan: Reading is something that you need to inculcate during the holiday. I am not talking about English and Mathematics. Let your children go round the world via reading. Reading gives confidence and boosts self-esteem.

3- Chore plan: Every child should do chores. Have a list of educational resources that you can do.

4- Have a daily planner

5- Have a holiday planner

6- Have a habit builder planner

7- Have a responsibility chart

8- Have a self-regulatory planner

9- Have a practical life skills builder

10- Have a screen-time checklist

11- Have a 30-days holiday devotional got your children

12- Have a vacation planner

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Over the weekend, we had a guest who came to speak to the inner circle members on \’how to raise a child in the 21st century. One of the insights that stood out for me was a Bible passage, which says, \”The labour of the foolish wearieth every one of them because he knoweth not how to go to the city\” (Ecclesiastes 10:15). ASK ABOUT THE INNER CIRCLE PROGRAM HERE

I shared a post a few days ago and I made mention of the fact that a lot of people say things like, \’A child who will be good will be good, \’You can do whatever works for you, \’Whatever works for you can be ok\’ etc. A part of the Bible made mention of the labour of the foolish. This doesn\’t mean that a foolish person isn\’t labouring. You can be working but because it is in a foolish way, it won\’t take you to the city.

You can have a child who is obedient and foolish at the same time. You can have an obedient child yet that child would be foolish. Raising an obedient child is one thing, it is another to raise children who can thrive and dominate. There are ways of the kings. If you study the kings, you will know that there is a pattern in which the kings raise their children.

21st-century parenting is war. You need to decide how you are fighting your way. Are you fighting intentionally or casually? Either way, there is a fight. What most parents don\’t even understand is that \’not doing anything can mean doing something. So when you say, \’we don\’t need to do anything, you are doing something. It\’s either you are raising kings or you\’re raising servants. The choice is yours.

1- Life Skills: Your children need to learn life skills if they are going to thrive. Life skills are; flexibility, ability to use initiatives, social skills, productivity and leadership. Have you ever taught your children how to choose their friends? Kings raise their children to remain in the circle of affluence. There is a way. Have you sat down to explain to your children the things to look out for when looking for a friend? Building a worthy social network is a key skill to surviving in the 21st Century.

2- Global Citizenship Skills: Do you know that in the 21st century, there is global citizenship. If your child does not have such skills, he/she will struggle.
Here are the things your child needs to learn under global citizenship skills:

-Tech and digital literacy: How literate is your child when it comes to tech skills? Does your child understand what should be and what shouldn\’t be?

-Media Literacy: Does your child understand how they can separate media? It is a skill to be able to see junk and sieve it out. Media literacy entails the why and how the media is constructed the way they are. Can your child discern the difference?

-Information Literacy: Can your child see information online and know what it stands for? Does your child know the system of the world? Does your child know the attainable information? It is information illiteracy to think that not beating a child is western culture. For your child to survive with the system, the child needs to be literate with information. What does your child know?

3- Spiritual Skills: The ability to hear from God is a 21st-century relevant skill in our time. It is not old fashioned. Unfortunately, parents only push their children to go to church, they can\’t discern in the spirit and think through scriptures. If your child can not hear from God, then your child will struggle. You need to understand your child\’s spiritual temperament. If you do not understand how your child connects with a superior being per time, then you will have issues leading them to the spiritual being.

4- Learning Skills: There are some basic C\’s of 21st Century learning, they are:

-Critical Thinking: If a child cannot think, your child can\’t learn. So many parents have ignorantly shut down the thinking ability of their children. People who don\’t think, can\’t invent.

-Communication: Communication is a big deal. One of the reasons why communication is a big deal is that, in Africa, most parents don\’t communicate with their children. They instruct them because they don\’t understand who they are. Instructing without communication is a failed strategy. One of the reasons why we perpetrate violence in Africa is because our communication skill is poor. Violence comes out of your inability to communicate effectively. People who lack good communication skills struggle with a lot of things. The world is made for communicators.

-Collaboration: A parent reached out to me saying, \’One of my biggest wins in the inner circle is that my child has now understood how to collaborate, participate and be a team player.\’ People don\’t learn without collaboration. If you must learn, then you need to learn the skill of collaboration.

5-The Skill For Kings: There is a popular saying in my home, \’Kings don\’t throw themselves in the mud\’. Everybody can do it but kings don\’t do it. Your child will need to learn how to separate themselves from the rest of the world.

Here are the following ways to teach children the skills for kings:

1-Decision Making: One of the ways to teach your children the skills for kings is by enhancing their decision-making skills. If your child\’s make the wrong decision it is a faulty parenting style. Are you teaching your child how to choose correctly?

2- Honour: Another skill of kings is Honour. Honour is a king\’s skill. It is the ability to honour and respect. For your child to thrive, he/she will learn how to honour people. Honour is not obedience. It is a different ball game. It is a higher responsibility. When you know where you belong, there are things that you won\’t do. Can you imagine the \’Alaafin of Oyo coming out to fight with a tout? When your children learn to honour, obedience is secondary. The primary thing is an honour. Your children are not going to obey you all the time.

3-Decision making and problem-solving skills are some of the king\’s skills. Your child needs to be empowered to make the right decisions. Kings are the ones who solve problems.

4- Peace: We also have Peace. Your children need to learn peace as a skill. King Solomon in the Bible didn\’t have to fight any war because he understood peace as a skill. Peace is a skill and there is a way to create peace.

5- How to create a viable relationship: You need to teach your children relationships that are valuable and how to build them around them. your children should learn who is a great ally and why.

6-How to think critically: Critical thinking is a skill for kings. As simple as allowing our child to choose what to wear is a critical thinking process for the child. But most parents give their children the opportunity to think critically.

Conclusively, knowledge sets you apart. It takes you on a different level. You ain\’t the same with someone who isn\’t knowledgeable. Remember, parenting is not about tips and hacks. Parenting is a process and journey. There is a template for raising kings. You need to learn it.

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https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-8-The-real-deal-about-Parenting-Alone-e13hjb5

When we talk about parenting from the place of knowledge, I hear people take it from different perspectives. I hear people ask do we really need knowledge? Why do we even need to bother about knowledge? Is it really necessary? In this blog post, I will show you why parenting from a place of knowledge is a must for everyone who wants to parent intentionally.

THERE ARE 6 TENETS OF INTENTIONAL PARENTING.

1. Ability to Frame Problems Appropriately: It is difficult for you to solve a problem you do not know and in your journey as a parent you need to understand that there is an ability to solve problems and if you do not know it will be difficult to parent. A lot of times we are struggling because we can’t frame the problem that we have. You need to be aware.

2. Ability to Aim For The Right Purpose: There is a right purpose in parenting, a lot of people do not understand why they are parenting. Are you just raising Children who will survive, grow up, have a good life, or are you raising Children who will fulfill purpose?

3. Your Ability to Expand On Your Perspective. Your perspective is limited so you need the ability to expand on the knowledge you have, this is another tenet of parenting.

4. Ability to Have Your Emotions In Check: If you must parent intentionally then your emotions must be in check. A lot of the mess we make in our journey can be traced to a lack of emotional intelligence.
5. Understanding the Concept of Balance and Essentialism: In intentional parenting, you must be able to identify what is essential to you per time. On the journey of parenting, we teach essentialism, not just balance. At a point in your parenting, there will be a lot of demand on you and the concept of balance will no longer make sense, this is where essentialism becomes necessary. For instance, what is essential to a Toddler Mum is different from what is essential to a Teen Mum.

6. Ability to Apply The Right Knowledge: It is okay to get knowledge but much better to be able to apply knowledge. What gives the result is the application and not just getting the knowledge. Intentional parenting teaches you the application of knowledge.

Knowledge in parenting must be drawn from two parts { Formal knowledge and Informal Knowledge} Formal knowledge being research-based knowledge and informal knowledge being the lived experiences of people, your personal experience, your journey, and your personal insights. You can\’t go far if you don’t have this knowledge merged together.

Another knowledge parents need is self-knowledge, a lot of parents do not know who they are: this is about being honestly aware of who you are, your values, beliefs. Do you know and are in touch with them? You need to have self-knowledge first before you start parenting.

WHY DO I NEED KNOWLEDGE?
1. Making parental tough decisions can be easier when you have a moral compass to guide you on the way. During the sex – educate like a pro challenge, I said to the participants that their values will limit and impact on their sex conversations with their children. For you to make impact on your journey, you must be able to look at your values, beliefs, and prejudices per time. What are they? So they don’t form a conflict in your journey. Your values will affect the values you pass down to your children.

2. Communicating to your child will be very difficult except you understand what matters to your Child. You need to understand your Child : their learning style, the way that they look at issues, their personality, and love language. If you do not know all these, you will misunderstand your Child and the things that matter to them. If you raise children without knowledge, you are raising them based on probability. There are 2 ways to raise Children; intentionally or by probability. Probability will give you random results.

HOW TO ACCESS KNOWLEDGE
1. Being Aware of Your Limitations and having the courage to seek support and guidance is key. Wisdom is in the things that others know that you do not know
2. Do a study on your self-knowledge
3. You need to know the strengths and limits of different forms of knowledge
4. You need to know yourself, take time to study you, your weaknesses, strengths, blind spots, limitations, and how you can strengthen them
5. You need to know the child, learning style, personality, temperament

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https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-8-The-real-deal-about-Parenting-Alone-e13hjb5/a-a50g3ae

Have you ever been in a situation where you are calling out to your child, you are screaming literally, and your child isn\’t answering you? Or have you been teaching your child and are getting frustrated? You keep saying \”oh I have taught this child this thing I have been teaching him but he\’s not listening\” Are you wearing those shoes then you are in the right class because there are lots and lots of things that happen, we\’re learning. When we do not understand this, we struggle with our own children because we do not understand what we should be doing.

Recently, a man shared a video in our community on Facebook where this parent was demonstrating how they actually teach their children during homework and a lot of people commented saying \”this is some\” and everybody laughed about it. Many children struggle to learn because their parents do not even understand who they are and cannot teach them the things that will help them learn. There are many things that will help your child learn and we need to teach them these things for learning to actually take place instead of neglecting them.

I will be sharing with you three/four things that actually hinder learning.

1. We Are Not Teaching The Skills That Aid Learning. Provided you don\’t teach your children those skills that aid learning your child will find it difficult to learn. This is applicable in a situation where you know that your child doesn\’t have a learning disability (that\’s a medical issue) One skill we are not teaching our children is work ethics. Unfortunately, we\’re more interested in making our children look perfect than teaching them the skills they actually need to be able to become better, to learn to do what they need to do. We are no longer teaching our children how to actually look at their work and do it the right way that it should be done. We are not putting down our foot on so many things. How are things being done in your home? Do your children use excuses like \”I\’m not going to be able to do this because I need to finish up my game\” and you allow them to live that way? Our children are not able to actually gain skills that will help them learn even when they are outside of our home because of this.

2 Self Worth. This is not the kind of self-worth we are propagating today where we\’re telling our children things like \”if you go to school then you deserve an award\”. Let me make this clear: the world will never award your child because they are special. I remember a conversation in our Facebook community where a lot of parents said their children are special so every school, they go to must award them. We then wonder why we\’re bringing children who are entitled. Self-worth should stem from the accomplishment of a challenging task; I am referring to intrinsic reward, not a promotion or an award. You need to teach your children to learn the self-worth of completing a task. Recently, I was teaching parents in the inner circle the difference between praising the process and parsing the result. Being focused on the result instead of the process is the reason parents go as far as paying for their children to write WAEC. I know that some of our own parents did the same thing as well, so we\’re just having a ripple effect of whatever it is that had been laid as a foundation. If we\’re going to make any difference in this generation then we need to stand up to do it differently.When you go through a challenge, it is a process that speaks to you not the result. You need to teach your children the value of intrinsic rewards, not just the promotion or physical awards that they are given.

3. Study skills. Some Children do not even know how to study so it\’s difficult for them to even learn on their own. If you teach the skill you would not struggle, instead of concentrating on beating the child who makes mistakes can we start concentrating on how we can build skills to help a child not to make those mistakes? If we think discipline from the angle of training, then I don\’t think we will have issues parenting. My son was having a conversation with me while he was studying and I don\’t know what is written in his book. If you have a 10-year-old and he or she can\’t study on their own, and you\’re still struggling with doing their homework, how are they going to survive the world outside of you? It is very important for you to teach them how they can study on their own.

Study skills involve self-discipline; Many of our children find it difficult to study on their own especially during examinations. I don\’t get it when people say \”Oh my children are writing exams\” so your life stops. I\’m referring to Children who are old enough, if you have an 8 year or 9-year-old then you should have teaching them study skills. Self-discipline teaches your child they need to wake up to actually study themselves when they have an exam. I wish that parents would begin to focus and put their energy into the training of their children because training is discipline. That is why you get tired and frustrated that\’s why we wield the cane. Instead of constantly trying to do things for your children, you need to sit back and ask yourself what skill you need to teach your child that is going to help them tomorrow. You need to understand that personal discipline is key, your children have the contributions to make on your parenting journey. However, you are the one that will teach your children what contributions they need to make on your journey. Do not make your children become people who suck energy from the family and give absolutely nothing.

Another key thing when it comes to teaching your children study skills is time management. I once shared on the community that my twins actually make their food in the morning and still be the first pupils that arrive at their school every day, this called time management. Someone then asked me if my children play at all, I don\’t think any other child plays more than my children because they immerse themselves in play. You have to teach your children how to scale their time, my children have created a time routine for themselves we just laid the foundation. I do not have to tell them what to do per time, they have learned it.

Time management is it is a big deal but unfortunately, many parents cannot manage their own time and that is where the problem. I keep saying that before you parents anybody at all you need to first parent yourself because you cannot give what you don\’t have. I was bad at time management when I started my journey, I knew that it was an error and I needed to unlearn it, it took a lot of sacrifices, but I had to do it. A very important aspect of study skill is goal setting. Teach your children how to set goals let them understand that they also have a role and teach them what they need

4. Sacrifice is another skill we need to teach our children, unfortunately, these days our children can\’t sacrifice anything. Your children need to learn that they do not need to finish that game they are playing before they do something that is important to them, they need to learn to sacrifice things for the other. Excellence thrives on sacrifice; children would need to sacrifice from day one. Unfortunately, parents think we need to start flogging from day one, NO, you need to start teaching them skills from day one. I was teaching the parents in the inner circle in one of our sessions and we were teaching honor as a skill. You need to teach them to pay their dues, let them learn to sacrifice something for something. There is no one who actually just wakes up and because you\’re gifted then you produce fruits, that only happens if you are actually you know doing something. No matter how beautiful a seed it, if you do not plant it never germinates.

5.Another skill your child will need to learn is decision-making and problem-solving skills. Children without decision-making skills struggle to learn, do you know that how to make choices is a skill? If you do not teach your children how to make a choice be it good or bad, they will do nonsense out there. Decision-making skill is the ability to weigh pros and cons: you need to teach your children how to predict outcomes and determine the pro or cons of any decision they make. With the way we are parenting, we are shutting down our children\’s ability to make choices. Even when they are able to make those wrong choices that give us the chance to correct and help, we end up making a mess because we do not give them room to learn. When you plant a tree and you do not weed around it, the weeds will envelop that plant and it will be a mess. The ability for the child to make choices is a skill, for the child to look at an issue and then determine what the advantages and disadvantages are. Things as simple as allowing your children to wear clothes shoe clothes can be way with starting skills but many parents shut their children when they share an opinion. This continues to happen, so when they get to the point where they can make choices people still tell them the choices to make.

6. Another Skill is Responsibility. Responsibility is conscience-driven and you need to give your children age-appropriate responsibility per time. Any child you do not give appropriate responsibility will become irresponsible. Your child does nothing at home, yet you are wielding the cane-like your life depends on it. I see 13-year olds with no responsibility as att. We made choices because it\’s the right thing, for instance, dishes must be washed for them to be ready for the next meal. That is responsibility.

if you do not build these skills, we are building children who cannot keep jobs. For instance, being punctual to work is tied to being able to keep your job so even if you have a movie you will like to watch, you still have to make it to work in time. You need to teach your children the orchestrating role responsibility plays in their lives. They need to realistically learn the outcomes when responsibilities are not met. If children do live up to their responsibility and natural consequences are not informed, you are creating children who would become irresponsible. This is not a curse; it is the truth and if you do not do this, it backfires.

• 

TIP ANNUAL CONFERENCE 2021

In 2018, we started FREE PARENTING online Conferencing to bring intentional Parenting knowledge to more parents across the globe. That year, we had only 4 speakers, I call them the veterans of TIP CONFERENCE Taiwo Akinlami Eyitayo Iyortim Zee Obi and myself

By 2019 TIP Conference blew up and became massive where we had 26 speakers ; we called them the assembly of giants in 6 days. People like Terry Manrique Akínrópò Akinolá Sue DeCaro Etima Abang Umeh Essienanwan Irene Bangwell Chunu Teajay Oluwatoyin Ogunkanmi corina Anne Ahrens Taiwo Akinlami Academy. Tega Omogor Dr. NitaJoseph Lola Aneke Bukola Bookkies Lameed Chinyere Obinna Viviann Okoye

In 2020, TIP CONFERENCE became an annual global sensation; we had 28 speakers from all over the world; we called them the re-makers of destiny!With speakers like Celia Kibler Samuel Babatunde Obafemi Favour Osiri Wisdom Dr. Keith Jowers Marybeth Achor-Chima Dr. Louisa Akaiso Elisha Kolade Ben Preye Baldwin Mute Olori folashade

TIP CONFERENCE 2021 is HERE and it\’s FREE yes you heard right

The Intentional Parent Academy is ready to blow up your mind on superior parenting knowledge in 2021

Theme : Parenting Today For Tomorrow.
30 Coaches we called them a line up of Global shapers

Date: July 23rd – July 30th, 2021

Let\’s Parent Today for Tomorrow

Register Here: https://bit.ly/TIPconference2021

Would you like to join the volunteer team to help us spread this message? Join here: bit.ly/tipvolunteers2021

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Catch Up on Our Latest Episode on the podcast title \”The Real Deal about Parenting Alone.

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe

©The Intentional Parent Academy ™

A few days ago, we had a conversation in our Facebook community that caused an uproar as regards single parenting. Some people felt we were castigating single parents and all that. Single parents ain\’t just doing a good job, they are doing a fantastic job.

However, you need to also know the kind of war you are fighting, so you can understand what it is that you need to do per time. Remember, you can\’t fight a war that you know nothing about. There are single parents who chose to become single parents. Lately, we are having more people choosing to become single parents. It\’s their choice. However, they need to also recognize that there are downsides to it and understand how they can manage it. There are also single parents who didn\’t choose to become single parents. They saw themselves become single parents. Maybe they are widowed, divorced or separated. These are real and relevant issues.

Effects Of Single Parenting On Children

There are common issues associated with single parenting, some of which are:

Financial Strain: It is difficult to parent alone. The financial strain is enormous. This financial strain will also affect the children. One of the effects of this financial strain is that you will begin to indulge your children. You feel like you need to prove to people that you can do it alone. Financial strain can also result in undue hardship or cause you to make decisions that won\’t give your children the opportunity to learn. –Low Parenting Quality: Low parenting quality is also one of the issues of parenting alone. I\’m saying all these so you can understand that there is a war to fight and also learn how to go to war well equipped, instead of going to war without having what it takes to go to war. The statistics of single parents having low parenting quality in their home is higher than having two parents together. Parenting requires time. You might even miss your child\’s important school function or even spend time with your child. You may react more if your child has behavioural issues because you are dealing with issues yourself. You may also disclose your issues with your child. Many single parents begin to see their children as their friend. Many of the times, parenting isn\’t about becoming friends with your child because you are lonely, you are looking for someone or family to talk to, so you give your child the emotional trouble of carrying your issues which doesn\’t help your child emotionally. The child cannot carry it. These are one of the things that bring low parenting quality.

-A lot of children raised under single parents have behavioural and emotional issues: Children raised under single parents are likely to suffer self-esteem issues. If you\’re parenting alone without a father, many of the times, confidence and self-esteem is built with a male figure. Your children may crave attention which would not be enough because you have a busy schedule. The self-esteem issue is a big deal because you do not have time to help the children as they are going through the journey. Statistically, absentee fathers create a vacuum in the lives of their children. Remember, parenting is spelt as time. So you will need time to correct behaviour and do a lot of things. -Loneliness: Many people who are parenting alone are lonely. Companionship is part of the psychological needs of man. Many times, loneliness is a challenge for many people who are parenting alone.

Another thing that can happen is that your children will have adjustment difficulties. Children also face issues along with their single parents. They may have a sense of loss, poverty etc. Your sense of loss as a single parent is because you are missing a spouse. But a child\’s sense of loss is because they are missing a guide.

Having looked at single parenting, let\’s also look at the way forward. What can you do?

1– Deal With Guilt: This is the number one thing every single parent needs to deal with. Most single parents feel guilty for many things. You feel guilty for the time you don\’t have to spend with your child, you may also feel guilty for the things you can\’t afford to buy for your child. Sometimes, you even feel guilty for your loss. Guilt is a key thing when it comes to parenting alone. A lot of people who are parenting alone are constantly in the game of blaming themselves. When you don\’t deal with the guilt, you are constantly fighting. You are fighting a fight that doesn\’t exist. You need to look for help to deal with it.

2- Shame: You also need to deal with shame. Over time, I have observed that because of shame, single parents are constantly trying to prove a point. Most widows feel ashamed and society isn\’t helping matters when they shame them too. Shame rubs off on your child unknowingly when you constantly project your shame unto your child.

3-Hurt: I have seen widows who feel hurt because their husband died. This is a valid reason. Either you are parenting alone as a result of rape or death, it\’s okay to feel hurt. Hurting people hurts others. So when people are hurting, they just want to hurt you so you feel their hurt as well. This is one of the side effects of hurting. You are most likely going to become a bitter parent with your child and others if you don\’t deal with it. The first point of call for single parents is to deal with hurt, shame and guilt. To deal with these three things, you need to put your emotions in check. If you don\’t handle your emotions well, you will keep fighting a war with nobody. You keep getting angry at everything. So when you see yourself trying to prove a point to people or convince them that you are doing a good job. There is something wrong with what you are doing.

4- Get A Parent Role Model And Model Family: Don\’t kid yourself, you need one. Your children need to see a role model in that other parent isn\’t available. Get a role model for your child to fill the gap and vacuum. Your children need to see what works in other families and learn from them.

5- You Need Support Groups: You need a support system that is going to help you. Don\’t do this alone. Get into a system that helps you to keep you accountable. The tendency of you missing it is high when you parent alone. You need to seek support and help. You can look at groups and books that can help you.

To Register for the Single Parenting Academy ;

Use link to register :

https://bit.ly/SPTAJuly2021

Pay, N9,000

If you are paying in 24hours instead of N15,000

Whetstone Coaching Zenith Bank 1015635203

Send details to Coach Eyitayo after payment @⁨Eyitayo Iyortim. WhetStone

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-8-The-real-deal-about-Parenting-Alone-e13hjb5

Parenting is not for cowards. What does this mean?

It is important to look at parenting as a business, else the journey will go down the drain. Parenting becomes a struggle because they always assume that they know it all. You need to understand that parenting is a big deal and until we understand this fact, we will continue to treat it as something not relevant. When we were growing up, we were told \”just have children\” assuming that everything will just be okay. The moment you have children, the real work starts. Another lie is \”just do what works for you\”, the truth is that being a parent is not easy and you need to recognise that to be able to do a lot more with your journey. Parenting is a big deal because of the following reasons.

1. You need to understand that you are different from the Person you are parenting: This person you are parenting wants autonomy and you also want autonomy so that clashes. You therefore need to know a lot for you to be able to handle this. There is a lot of demand on you and you need to parent from a place of know-how else you will continue to struggle through the journey. The basic things you need to handle this issue of autonomy are self-motivation, competence and relatedness.

2. The concept of time is usually not real for the children you are parenting in comparison to you as an adult. This is because you are not on the same developmental level with them, and so it can make things difficult. The true reason is found in the executive function skills, frontal lobe, working memory and attention. These are all developing throughout childhood, so the neural transmission is physically slower in children. The frontal lobe finishes developing in adulthood between 25 to 26 years, and at that stage, time is perceived to go by faster and is encoded more accurately.

3. Being a parent can make you act in a way that is not true to your core character. You will be worried, and you will be afraid. Worry and fear are the two most common emotions that parents experience, yet parenting is one of the most amazing experiences in the world. Parenting is controlled by the Galanin Neuropeptide, these are the neurons involved in many brain functions like responding to harm, sleep-wake cycles, understanding, moods, blood pressure regulation amongst others. When we become parents, our brain actually changes, this is a big deal.

There is actually a brain function of being a parent. We actually develop parental behaviours that come from genetic programming, so our feeling of responsibility increases as we have a new life to care for. Based on this, researchers believe that experiencing Postpartum depression is as a result of something going wrong with the developmental cycles of the neurons.

4. Failure is hard to watch. It is generally hard to see our child fail, and this can cause anxiety and fears. It is completely normal for you to want your child to have everything and get through life without any scratch. This approach, however, does not teach them anything because life is not perfect. There are challenges in life that your children need to overcome for the to become resilient and more likely to developed.

5. The Underdeveloped brain of the child. Parents get frustrated with their children\’s behaviour most times because they want their children to do certain things and they are unable to do it. For instance, a child not being to control their behaviour because they lack self-regulation. It is easier to be understanding when a toddler puts a toy to your face or screams at you, but it gets harder when your child is over five and does same, these skills increase as your child gets older, the neural paths are created but children lag behind and the parents will begin to realise that they are no longer in sync. Many times, the culprit of unwanted behaviours that parents fight in their children are actually found in the underdeveloped part of the executive functioning skills.

WHAT THEN CAN WE DO TO MAKE PARENTING EASIER

• Learn what is good for your child not what works for you. I always tell the parents in the Inner Circle (our yearly program in TIP, click here to learn more about this program), that parenting is not an emergency and if you make it an emergency it will overwhelm you.

What works for you might not be good for your child, remember that your child is the one that is the CHILD. Stop spreading the false theory of \”do what works for you\” it is not about what works for you but what is good your child. So, always take time to ask yourself; \”what is good for my child?\”. What is the thing that works for the child?

• You need to become intentional about your journey. This means that you should begin to learn a lot of things as regards parenting. If you are not intentionally teaching and parenting your children, something else is teaching them. People usually ask: \”how can I become intentional?\” Our value system is one of the major problems; we go on making excuses like \”I do not have time to sit with my children\”, \”I cannot read\”, \”I already know this\” whenever suggestions are made. It is the attitude of refusing to learn that makes majority of the parents in the Sex Educate your Child like a Pro Challenge shocked and have no idea on the things that are taught there. Get access to 5 replays and 4 Workbooks from the Challenge here

For instance, I shared during one of the sessions that the skills that your children need to survive are not on the television. I also shared that healthy, good children do not just happen, they are built and created in a healthy home and it takes an intentional process. Is your home healthy enough to build your children into what you want them to become? How do you intend to intentionally educate your child if you are not learning and your knowledge bank is dry? You cannot intentionally parent your child if you are not thinking through the process. Intentionality is the bedrock to ensure that you are successful in your parenting journey and to ensure that the journey is not hard. If I am asked if parenting is hard, my response will be \”Parenting is not about it being hard or not it is a RESPONSIBILITY!\”

• You need to understand that parenting is about you and not your child. That is my favourite quote from my book Connect to Correct. When you understand that parenting is first about you, you will begin to ask yourself questions like \”what do I know?\”. You cannot give what you do not have, you need to understand that this journey is about the things you invest in yourself, you need to learn to motivate yourself, learn how to find solutions and grow. Until you grow, your children cannot grow. It is only the biological growth in your child that you cannot trigger, every other growth in a child is triggered. Ask yourself \”what have I done for me?\”

• You need knowledge, you need to learn parenting. Parenting is a learnt skill; it is not an assumed skill. If you assume parenting, you make a mess of your journey. Knowledge is a prerequisite for raising a 21st century child, it is one of the key skills you need. The more knowledge you do not have, the more challenges you will have.

GET Access To The Replay Of The SEX EDUCATION CHALLENGE HERE

Again, PARENTING is not for COWARDS, it is for people who are thinking. Parenting is about going through the process; it is not about tips and hacks. If you are not going through the process, the things we share will not make sense to you. You need to determine the process you are supposed to walk through in your parenting journey. Are you aware of what you need and what process you need to start?

The place of Fathers in bringing about societal transformation cannot be overemphasized. We are in this crisis today as a Nation because we have men who lack proper understanding of servant leadership and intentional parenting. Just sitting to talk without corresponding action will not give us the desired results. It is expedient and urgent we rise and take the necessary steps towards holistic transformation.

The Intentional Parents Fathers Conference by Wendy Ologe is one platform that is committed to changing the narratives when it comes to building intentional Fathers. This year\’s conference promises to be another explosive experience as we expose ourselves to learning that will bring about reformation. Invite every father and potential fathers around you to this life transforming experience. Make sure they register and attend.I will be speaking alongside world class coaches in this field. Don\’t miss it for anything.

Date : 18th – 20th June, 2021

This conference is FREE but REGISTRATION is required! Register HERE

Create your personalized DP after registration HERE

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-6–My-Motherhood-Journey-with-Marybeth-Chima-e11rtd9

Porn literacy has become a big deal because children have become victims of sexual abuse without being touched. This therefore brings up the question: how do we protect our children from this non-touching form of sexual abuse.

There are different aspects of sex conversation that affect sex that parents are not having because they do not even know about them. One of such aspect is technology, technology can influence sex indirectly and has an effect on the sex conversation or what we are teaching our children.

A child can be abused without being touched and I need you to understand that if the sex education you employ for your children is limited to talking about “private parts and public parts of the body”, that conversation is null and void. You need to STOP NOW and get appropriate knowledge on what to do.

If you must educate your children about sex, then you must educate your children about porn. In today’s world, sex education is porn education. If you are not putting it in your curriculum of sex education, then that sex education is dead. I am already advocating that pornography should be taught as part of sex education in Schools. Porn literacy will help children clearly define pornography terms and begin to look at the problematic issues, violence and question the industry as a whole.

Pornography is a business that will probably never cease to exist, but the way we teach porn literacy to children have to change. I read an article by Steve Warren about porn targeting children through video games “the world of pornography is targeting your children and tightening their grips on children through online gaming and virtual realities. A child can be on your phone playing a game and once there is internet access, he is already a target.

I would like to discuss some of the overwhelming recent statistics on pornography.

25% of search engine request is related to porn

28,000 number of internet users view porn every second

25 million average monthly visitors to adult websites between 2010 and now

43% of online users view pornography material online.

75% of online users who accidentally view pornography online, this accidental view of pornography is where the worry is.

There are 266 new pornography sites added daily, approximately 3,000 child pornography online in English websites.

30% of all the data transferred on the internet is pornography, and it is easily accessible on hundreds and thousands of websites including the huge social media channels like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube amongst others.

Every 7 in 10 children have consciously or unconsciously viewed pornography; this means 70% of children online are viewing porn be it accidentally or deliberately. Only 15% of parents really know and understand what is happening on the online space, who understand how to protect their children.

The difference when comparing the statistics, I discovered when I was researching for my book “Walking your Child Through Puberty” and the recent statistics is quite alarming. So What do we do and how do we protect our children form this non-touching form of sexual abuse?

Remember that pornography is just one of the many types of non-touching sexual abuse. We will be treating the others in the Sex Educate Your Child Like A Pro challenge. I will share a few strategies to use to overcome pornography as I shared in my book “Walking Your Child Through Puberty” and will share more and in detail in the Sex Educate Your Child Like A Pro Challenge.

1. Address Access And Family Rules
I discovered that in many homes, children have access to anything the way they want. They have access to parents’ phones, visitors’ phones etc. if you do not deal with the issue of access, whether you like it or not your children will get into pornography. Most of us are parents who want to wield the cane all the time on our children, yet it is the same children that have unlimited access to everything tech in the house. They have unlimited access to the television, access to your phone and even the phones of visitors. There is no rule guiding the use of technology in the house. I ask myself: why is a toddler having access to the phone of an adult? It is such a norm that the visitors themselves do not mind or are surprised when a toddler does not go for a phone. Do you know what is in the adult’s phone? Do you know how many 7-year-olds and 4-year-old have been introduced to pornography by using their parent’s phone or another adult’s phone (Aunties or Uncles)?

How to address access will be discussed in detailed during the upcoming challenge. Until this issue of access is addressed, your children might never understand sex conversation when you start discussing it later. Everything about sex education starts at the level where the child is born, and any sex education that does not involve you as a parent having tech control is dead.
You need to limit access especially to your toddlers, will they cry, YES. But creating these boundaries is important. When you do not create boundaries and you wait for your child to do something wrong and you bring out a cane, it is already a failed system. Beating your child is a sign that you lack the tools to create boundaries. Boundaries are healthy for children, any child without boundaries will suffer later. Learn how to create structure.

2. Introduce Them To God
Introduction to God is not forcing your children to go to church or place of worship with you. This is good but you need to add teaching your children the ability to understand the true teaching of their religion. Studies have shown that religiosity in the home coupled with ones parenting style is a good measure for eliminating pornography. You can be a religious parent but employing a parenting style that does not encourage connection and relationship will not work. You need to live out the religion to your child, my son once said to my husband and myself “your God is really good to you”.

 Your children need to see your God through oyour life. It is okay to talk about the concept of God, but our major problem in parenting is that we do not understand fundamental principles that govern your religion. For those of us who are religious parents (Christians especially) we must understand that principles are key in parenting. If you understand the principles of Jesus, you can do exploits on earth and excel without truly knowing who Jesus is. This is entirely different form the person of Jesus. Therefore, what I mean by introducing them to God is to combine both the person and principle of Jesus so your children can understand who God is. You have to both teach and live the gospel you cannot leave anything out there to chance without proper guidance.

3. Teach Your Children How To Filter Internally

As the world moves further and further away from the principles and guidelines of God, your children need to be able to stand out from the crowd. Teaching your children to stand out is beyond forcing them to do things. I was having a Zoom book review with parents from the inner circle level 2 and we were discussing the book\” Conversations You Must Have with Your Son\”, We concluded that we do not only need to practice certain principles and teach our children to do likewise, we also need to find out why our children need to do these. I have said before “your biggest win as a parent is to have your children do what is right whether you are there or not”. When you are a cane wielding parent, you child will do what is right only when you are there. You can book a slot to join the inner circle here

How do your children learn to filter what they watch if you do not sit with them and teach them how to filter what they watch? You also have to teach them to take responsibility for what they allow into their mind. There is a saying in my home “you are not a tree” if you do not like what you see, you walk away. The mind is like a garden and whatever you feed it will grow, this includes what your children are seeing, reading, listening to and who they are hanging around. You need to take value-based actions, how you ask? I will teach this in the upcoming challenge, click here to join the challenge.

4. Teach Your Children Healthy Sexuality
The principle of replacement applies in all things applies to pornography; it is not enough to say pornography is bad. You need to teach your children what is good. If you are saying porn is bad, what are you replacing it with. If you tell your toddler to stop doing something, what are you replacing it with? Our parenting is filled with negatives “No”, “Stop” without sharing alternatives on something else that they can do. If you look critically at your parenting journey, you will realize that there is no teaching instead all you are doing is stopping the child from doing what is wrong. You are not interested in teaching what is right. For parenting to work, you need to exalt teaching what is right above teaching or stopping what is wrong.

The truth is that young people are growing in the vacuum of toxic messages with very few positive messages. Instead of the Don’ts, what is the positive we can replace them with? Until you replace your teaching with positives, your children will struggle to do the right thing because you have concentrated on only the negative. You need to ignore toxic messages and begin to infuse your home with positive messages. You are concentrating on the Don’ts because, you do not have sufficient knowledge.

5. Change The Conversation About The Problem
A lot of children get into pornography out of curiosity and the accessibility of technology they have. Pornography as a problem is a big deal, but we need to change the conversation about it. When talking about pornography, you need to look at the Three Triangular approach: Understand the person you are talking about, look at what should be done not just what the problem is.

6. Create A Plan For Your Child
Someone asked me how I was able to get my children to cook by 10 and I just told her, you need to parent with a plan. Between the age of 4 and 5 they started entering the kitchen and by 9 years, I was out of the kitchen. If you do not have a plan in your parenting journey, then you are dead in every angle. An illustration I share with the parents in the inner circle is this: there are two things you consider when you want to build a house; do you want to build a mansion or a shanty? They are both buildings, but a shanty does not require any planning, but a mansion requires professional planning. So, parenting without a plan can be likened to building a shanty and parenting with a plan can be likened to building a mansion.

It is important to recognize that when we have failed to address things like pornography in the home, we teach our children not to come to us when they encounter it. The fear of getting beaten, fear of disappointing parents and lack of vocabulary to describe what they see online, and lack of understanding are some of the reasons children never discussed their encounter of pornography with their parents. On the other hand, when you create a plan and system it helps your children when they encounter porn. In this day and age, your children will encounter pornography, you must have a porn plan even before that happens. You need to create systems and structures that work because they will help your children thrive. You cannot create a plan without the appropriate knowledge, else what will the plan be based on? You need to include things like what your child should do when they encounter porn, this plan includes children as young as 3 years (that is exactly when to start). Porn conversation with our children is important because social media is a sexualized environment, there is a high interest in sex during puberty, views about sex and porn is on the negative (you need to teach on the positives). There is also sexual up objectification and pornography can influence this largely.

UNICEF says any efforts to block children from accessing pornography online might infringe on their human rights. UNICEF bases this claim on an expansive interpretation of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights.

UNICEF also claims that asking for age-verification to access pornography online may deny children access to what it calls “vital sexuality education.” It should be noted that critics charge “comprehensive sexuality education” is pornographic and harmful to children.

Read here: https://t.co/1YeSEqRAnd

Are you still looking for why you must join the SEX EDUCATE YOUR CHILD LIKE A PRO CHALLENGE ?The world is fighting strategically. Please share this to all parents in your circle of influence.

This challenge will help us all.
To Join the #SexEducateYourChildLikeAPro Challenge, pay #1,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank). The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040. Or You can JOIN online here:
https://selar.co/Sexeducationchallenge

TIP FATHERS CONFERENCE 2021 IS HERE

Theme: The Involved Father.

Fathers matter and at TIP ACADEMY we know this , so every year we give fathers a forum to learn and do better at their duties.

After the conference last year there was so much healing for many homes. This year\’s conference will be hotter

Date : 18th -20th June , 2021

We are bringing fire to this conference this time

CONFERENCE IS FREE but REGISTRATION IS COMPULSORY

Register here: http://bit.ly/TIPFathersConference

A father brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate.

Fathers parent differently.

Fathering expert Dr. Kyle Pruett explains that fathers have a distinct style of communication and interaction with children.

By eight weeks of age, infants can tell the difference between their mother’s and father’s interaction with them. This diversity, in itself, provides children with a broader, richer experience of contrasting relational interactions.

This understanding is critical for their development.

Can you see men!!!! Our line up of speakers are on fire

Create your personalised DP for Fathers who will be attending here:
https://getdp.co/9P_

Recommend this Conference to all the Fathers in your life by creating your \” I recommend DP \”and sharing with people in your Circle. https://getdp.co/9PJ

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-6–My-Motherhood-Journey-with-Marybeth-Chima-e11rtd9

Since we started talking about sex conversations in recent times, we realized that parents were finding it difficult to talk to their children about sex.Talking to your children about sex can be pretty difficult. When parents share their dilemma with me as regard sex education with their children, I simply acknowledge the fact that it\’s difficult. As parents, you will need to learn and cover a lot on sex education for you to successfully teach your children.

HOW DO I START?

1- You Need to Start With YOU: Sex education starts with you as a parent. Parenting is about you, not your child. The first person that should learn what to do is you. If you can understand this, then parenting your child will be a smooth ride.The first thing you need to be learning about you is to define your sexual value and name them. Make the sexual value clear to yourself first before making it clear to your child. Until you define your sexual value, your children won\’t be able to understand anything.A parent was asking me about LGBTQ sometime ago, I began to explain to her and she said, \”I don\’t even understand all these, I just think it\’s a form of entertainment.\” For her, she doesn\’t even understand what she endorses and what she doesn\’t endorse.I

counseled a teenager and she said to me, \’The first time I saw porn, I saw it on my father\’s phone and the same father came to me to say that pornography is not okay.\’ As parents, your values are going to reflect in the kind of sex education you give to your children. So before you tract, what do you believe in?

2- Start Before Your Child Becomes Verbal: I have heard a lot of half hazard sex education going on in the society as regards the appropriate age to start sex education. Starting before your child becomes verbal will help you avoid any form of struggle when the child grows up.The problem is, not many parents know what to say to the child before he/she becomes verbal. Before your child can talk, your sex conversation needs to have started. Sex conversation is precepts upon precepts just like the Bible says.

Starting early helps you have a better and smoother transition.Please note, I call it \’Sex conversation\’ instead of \’sex education\’ because sex conversation is not the same as sex education. Sex conversation connotes that it\’s a process while sex education says that you are doing it for a time lag.

3- Understand Age-Appropriate: It\’s not everything that\’s okay for every child. I remember an article I read weeks ago, a 4-years old child had asked the mother, \’what is sex\’. The mother got confused and started explaining in detail, only for her to realize that the child meant something else. The mother realized that she goofed totally. You must understand what is okay for a child at the time.

If you don\’t teach early enough, you will be marveled at the level of information exposed to your child. Don\’t just assume that your child knows nothing about sex, understand what your child knows and begin

4- Understand What Your Child Knows: Parents don\’t know that child exposure to information about sex begins earlier than any parent can imagine. If you don\’t teach early enough, you will be marveled at the level of information exposed to your child. Don\’t just assume that your child knows nothing about sex, understand what your child knows and begin to work on that.

5- Work on Your Emotions: On this subject of sex education, you need to understand that if you are ready to do this, then it means that you are going to be opening up conversations. For instance, your male child can come home and tell you, \’Mum, I saw one girl in the class today and my penis stood.\’ How would you react as a parent? From the above sample, when you start that conversation with your child and make your child open to you, you are going to hear things that would amaze you.This means that you need a lot of emotional control. If you do not have your emotions in check, the things that you will hear will make you flick.

6- You Need To Get The Required Knowledge: If you teach half hazard sex conversation, it is as good as teaching no sex education at all. If your sex education is a half hazard, you have killed the child. Sex conversation goes beyond, \’don\’t let anyone touch you here.\’ You must know your curriculum. Are you teaching your child about body image, masturbation, sexuality, LGBT, drugs, pecks etc? Do you know the things that your children know? Your child might be getting abused without anyone touching them. If your curriculum is void of this and many others, then your curriculum is short-sighted.

7- You Must Understand Your Child: Who is your child? Who are you teaching? You need to get it. What kind of child are you teaching? What are their love language and learning style? There is a lot to learn on your parenting journey.

WHY MUST YOU START NOW?

1- Research says that children who learn about sex from their parents are less likely to make poor sex decisions. If your child learns about sex from you, the likelihood for them to make a poor sexual decision will be minimal. This is why you must start now. You are the pro. Do you know that your children can sense it when you have the required knowledge?

2- The best sex education strategy is starting early and continuing as the child grows.

3- You must make sure that your child gets the appropriate info each time. Don\’t over inform or under inform.

4- Never rely on the school system to teach your children sex education because it must be done from your own value system. Sex educations starts with your value system.

Recently, we launched The Sex Educate Your Child Like A Pro Challenge. And so far we have had well over 900 Participants sign up.In this challenge, we will show you exactly how you should teach this even if you have never taught it before. I have never mentioned sex to my child, will this challenge teach me?

Yes, we will show you how you can start these conversations and become a pro at them. I have been teaching my children sex education but it\’s looking like I haven\’t scratch the surface? Yes we are here to help you. The worse thing you can do with sex education is to make it half-baked. If you Don\’t fill this vacuum today, your children definitely fill if from somewhere else ; be it uncle google or another adult ; either way there would be no vacuum. For only N1,000 instead of 10,000 you can learn all of these like a pro and start your journey.

This challenge will position you as that PRO for your child on every issue of Sex Education. You don’t want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The next time this challenge will be launched you will be paying the original price of 10,000. To JOIN the #SexEducationChallenge, pay #1,000 to 0509494057 (GT Bank) The Intentional Parent Academy. Send proof of payment through WhatsApp chat to 08129687040.

You can JOIN online here: https://selar.co/Sexeducationchallenge

Catch Up on my latest podcast episode where I interviewed my friend of over a decade ,,we talked about friendship especially among women. You need to check it out

https://anchor.fm/wendyologe/episodes/Episode-5-How-To-Build-Valuable-Friendships-e10vrfr