How To Eliminate Fear On Your Parenting Journey

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions, it has an extremely strong impact on your mind and body. It makes you do a whole lot of things when it comes to parenting such as yelling, hitting, controlling, and taking things out of proportion. At times, we judge parents who use harsh discipline on their children, and we also judge those who just let their children have their way. These two extremes are not the way to go but one thing I have come to realize, behind all of them is that fear is the driving force.

Most parents are afraid that they will fail. Even the ones that seem to have it all figured out are afraid that they might fail after doing all that they know to do.
Fear tries you emotionally and sometimes cripples you but parenting from a place of anxiety won\’t help you either. The idea is to bring to light ways by which you can get rid of fear in your parenting journey but let\’s take a look at the effects of parenting with fear.

1. Your children aren\’t learning: In my book, \”Raising an independent thinking child”, I wrote about how and why your child can learn through failures and mistakes. Learning through mistakes is an asset and also a part of development. I\’ve seen that a lot of children don\’t learn through mistakes because their parents don\’t want them to fail. These parents can do anything to stop the child from failing including doing the wrong things. Doing so robs the child of the opportunity to fail and learn because he needs to fail so he can learn, grow, and gain confidence.
2. Stop them from making their own decisions: Many parents can\’t stand their children taking decisions on their own because they are afraid that will make mistakes or that something might happen to them. Stopping them won\’t bring to an end whatever you are afraid of rather the happenings in the world will get worse. So it\’s best to prepare them for the future because you won\’t be available all the time.
3. Raising children with low self-esteem: Self-esteem comes from competence and confidence are built on competence. Until the children do, they can\’t evolve and it\’s in your evolving that you gain confidence. A lot of adults are dealing with low self-esteem and cover it up by being rude. Low self-esteem is a result of battered childhood because the opportunity to speak or express oneself wasn\’t given.
4. Fear of future outcome: A lot of parents live the lives of their children by projecting the things that will happen in the child\’s life in the future. For example, some parents envision that by age 20, their kids will be out of the school system and ready for job opportunities. So you get to see an 8year old already in 7th grade just so he can meet up with the parent\’s predictions.
5. Limiting the children by your fears: Most times, children\’s efforts are limited by the parents because of their childhood experiences. I remember when I didn\’t buy into the idea of the twins nor I learning how to swim because of the loss of someone via drowning. I didn\’t know that the trauma affected me till I got helped and faced my fears.

I know that you are wondering how you should eliminate fear-based parenting?

Parenting from a place of calm is attainable but you need to empower yourself with the mastery needed such as;
1 . Knowledge : When you are faced with fear and at the same time armed with knowledge, you\’ll know the right step to take. That\’s why the scripture says that wisdom and knowledge are the stability of our time. Lack of knowledge brings about weariness and struggles in your parenting journey.

2 . Believe that you can: Many of us do not believe that we are capable of raising effective children. If you don\’t believe the message( the child) and the messenger( you as the parent), you won\’t get anywhere or achieve anything. Parenting isn\’t perfection. You don\’t have to be perfect to become a good parent but you need to be trained to become a better parent and for you to succeed, you need to be humble enough to be trained.

3 . Have a vision, mission, and values: A lot of parents do not even know where they are headed in their parenting journey while some don\’t even know if they are applying the right principles. Create values, visions, and missions that guide your family because it helps to put structures in your home.

4 . Read: Readers are leaders! As parents, you ought to read voraciously to acquire the knowledge needed. There\’s a lot to learn so you must read. I have written books on parenting and they are just what the doctor ordered. In this time and era, we have gone past parenting with intuitions and experiences. Garner up knowledge because knowledge dispels fears. Knowledge gives you the courage to walk in the presence of fear. It also gives you a soft landing when faced with chaos.

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