Preparing Your Child For Puberty Even Before They Get There

The conversation of puberty is not one you start when your children gets to the stage of puberty, it is one you start even before they gets there. One of the first questions I ask parents every time regarding puberty is \”How Prepared Are You\”?

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Whenever you start conversations around puberty, it agitates parents because puberty conversation is a big deal.When it comes to gender confusion with children going through puberty today is on the high side. When you x-ray statistics on porn addiction, you will find that African countries are found among the first five countries globally.

Most people think that gender confusion only happens abroad but the current reality shows that this happens everywhere including in our country. If you don\’t equip your child with all they need to know they will be confused. It doesn\’t matter what you know, if you don\’t know how to parent you will fail at it.

The only way to get out of what is happening in this era is to get knowledge. Knowledge is a pre-requisite for parenting in the 21st century.

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The typical age range for girls to start puberty is the age of 7 to 13, it\’s also been found that before a child gets fully into puberty they have already begun the pre-puberty stage. Boys also go through puberty, the typical age for boys to reach puberty is the age of 9.

You are to start the puberty conversation before your child reaches puberty and the sex conversation should start as soon as your child is born. You start your sex conversation the moment you have a child because sex conversations are first non-verbal.

A lot of people come to me to ask \”Coach what do I do? how do I start? When do I start? The answer is this :You are to start the moment you have a child. You don\’t prepare for war at war, you plan before you get to war.

Sex conversations are first non-verbal so you start it before your child is verbal. I have seen a lot of wrong sex conversation education, people advocating that sex education should start by the age of 5. (Are you kidding)? There is so so much to teach that you cannot plan what to teach when you get to puberty.

When we talk about the cumulative advantage in parenting it also applies to your sex education. A child who started having these conversations at a non-verbal stage will have an advantage over a child who starts having these conversations at the age of 10.

HOW TO PREPARE YOUR CHILD FOR PUBERTY

  1. You need to Equip Yourself First: It is foolishness to think that you know everything that you need to raise a child just because you gave birth to your child. \”This is why the scripture says that my people perish from the lack of knowledge\”. Unfortunately, we were not equipped with answers so therefore it is almost impossible for you to teach what you don\’t know. The sex conversations our parents gave us were fear-based sex conversations, when you give your children fear-based sex conversations you are disempowering them instead of empowering them. You must understand that when it comes to sex conversations, it is not about policing your child, controlling or instilling fear it is about empowering them. How your child will make choices is about how empowered they are /feel.

When you empower your children they are able to make decisions irrespective of our presence, when you disempower your child you make them dependent on you and that\’s not the aim of sex conversation, the aim of sex conversation is that a child feels empowered to deliver void of your presence. You also need to learn about conversations that will determine sex choices, sex conversation is not about the mechanics of sex.

2 You Must Teach Your Children about self-esteem and how to live it: You don\’t teach self-esteem by writing it on the board, there is a process. If you must share sex conversations that are valuable, your girl child must understand self-esteem like their name and your boy child must understand self-control like their name. In the school of sex conversations, the curriculum is you.

3. You Must Teach Sex Control: No matter how much you teach about the mechanics of sex it can never empower your child to make decisions what empowers your child is the ability to make decisions. Your children are sexual beings and if they ever come in contact with sex they will enjoy it this is why you must teach self-control. In the upcoming sex educate your child like a pro, we will be teaching how to teach your children to have self-control.

4. You Must Teach Self-Confidence: Self-esteem and self-confidence are not the same things, anyone who lacks self-confidence will be molested and make wrong choices

5. You Must Teach Self Identity: The truth of the matter is that children do a lot of the things they do because they don\’t know who they are, they lack self-identity.There is a way you will see yourself, there are things that you will never do.

6. You Must Teach Self Worth: Your child must know and understand the worth of their being. Many children do not know the worth of their being.

7. You Must Teach Self Discovery. There is a way you will discover your life in template, there are some things you cannot do.

8. You must teach Self Leadership: If a child cannot lead themselves, they cannot make decisions.

9. You must teach Self Expression

10. You must teach Self Awareness

11.You must teach self values, principles, and vision.

Puberty begins the process of transitioning from childhood to adulthood.

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OTHER CONVERSATIONS YOU MUST HAVE WITH YOUR CHILD ARE:

  1. Porn Literacy
  2. Gender Confusion
  3. Family Values: If there is no family values your child will be prone to anything, once you get into the inner circle we command you to produce a family value system.

You Can Join The Waitlist For The Inner Circle Program Here

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Sex conversations are bigger than pointing out the public and private parts. Many parents today are afraid of discussing sex with their children, but it is important to know that there is no vacuum in parenting.

Whatever you are not teaching your child, someone or something is teaching your child. There are many factors determining how we have these conversations. And this inhibits sexual conversation in our parenting journey.

Last year we started the SEX EDUCATE YOUR CHILD LIKE A PRO CHALLENGE 1.0 and we had almost 3,000 parents in that challenge. One thing that remained constant as a review from parents who attended the first challenge was “I thought I knew anything about sex conversation, everything here is new to me”.

We have opened up registration for S3X EDUCATE LIKE A PRO 2.0 !! This one is an upgrade of last year\’s challenge, so even if you were there last year, this is new knowledge again.

We already have almost 300 parents registered for this challenge less than 48 hours after launch. We are also giving out a 30-day of Sex education like a pro guide to the first 400 persons to register. Remember 300 slots are already gone.

See details to register: Register Here: https://selar.co/Sexeducationchallenge Or make direct payment to Pay to 0509494057.The Intentional Parent Academy (GT Bank). Then send a chat to 08129687040 with proof of payment.

How To Raise Children Who Impact Their World.

When we talk about impact, I realize that several people do not understand what impact is about, when parents talk about the parenting goals they say things like I just want to raise a good, obedient child. Even though there is nothing wrong with raising a good child, there is everything wrong with raising a good child who cannot thrive.

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One of the things I have seen is that we do not understand the difference between raising children who are obedient and raising children who can make an impact. You can raise a child who is obedient but foolish, I am going to take a cue from the conversation in the bible that talks about the foolish virgins, when people talk about the foolish virgins, they talk about it from the light of, that the foolishness of the virgins came from not knowing what to do but on the other hand I think it\’s actually not that, the story of the 10 virgins is a typical example of being obedient, yet unskilled.

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A few months ago we read a book by Malcolm Gladwell called the Outliers, this is a book we reviewed in the Inner circle program, it was talking about the \”Whatelses\” Your child is smart, brilliant, obedient but what else do they bring to the table? The Whatelses are things that made the difference. The environment is a key factor in how you raise your children. During the just-concluded healing Course, Isaac Onoja one of my co-facilitators said that 80% of who we become is linked to the environment and that environment includes who raised you.\” Who raised you is a determining factor to who you become\”, the environment, the era and the culture of where you were raised.

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What Are The Determining Factors Of Raising Children That Can Change Their World?
Some factors will determine if this child is headed towards making an impact.

  1. The Matthew Effect: The Matthew Effect is a key determining factor in how your child will make an impact. The Matthew Effect was adapted from the book of Matthew 25 vs 29: For every one that hath shall be given and he shall have abundance: but from him, that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. Opportunities not fully utilized can never be gotten, making an impact will go beyond personality, how intelligent your child is, lifestyle, inborn talents, etc. it is about the development and grooming.

No matter how great the seed is, if it is not nurtured and given the attention it will not blossom. That is why the bible talks that time and chance happen to them all, time is the preparation, and chance is the opportunity. The reason why people who have to keep getting is because success is not only attributed to merit, it is the ingredient in the success that makes for success. So you need to ask yourself if you are fully utilizing the opportunities that you have.

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  1. Skills: Acquiring skills gives you influence and elevates you because you worked to develop yourself and you are seen because the system rewards you. You want to raise an impactful child and yet the child has zero skills. Impact people are people who give value to their world, the simple definition of impact is value.

You cannot become more, without being skilled. If your child cannot offer anything good to the world, they cannot make an impact. The world is looking for value, what your child can offer. The question you need to ask yourself today is, What can my child offer? Going back to the story of the 10 virgins, the wise virgins were called wise because they were more skilled, they remembered the extras, the foolish virgins were prepared like the wise virgins, in fact, if there was no eventuality they would have been among the wise ones. They were called foolish because they lacked the “Whatelses” or the extras. When you are raising your children, what will make you raise impactful children are the Whatelses.In the bible, everyone who was great has the extras. David, Samson, Joseph, etc

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  1. Hardwork: Smart work involves taking your time to understand the problem, to get an efficient strategy, to get a workable execution plan, and trust me this takes time. Smart work is about efficiency not lazing around. Smart work is not easy work, you need to stop hiding your children from adversity. There is no impactful person that I have read in my life, that is not a hard worker. If you miss the part of raising children who are not smart workers you will raise a foolish child.

Hard work is never ancient, it remains valid. Successful people work hard, there is nobody you see flying high that does not work hard. It also takes hard-working to sustain impact.

  1. Accumulative Advantage(The 10-hour Rule): Research has proven over and again that how to achieve success is if you put in the 10,000-hour rule. This says that you can become a genius, you can become an impact maker, or an expert if you put in 10,000 hours on a task or a field of expertise, this 10,000 hour equals to 10 years of accumulative Advantage and diligence. It is required to practice the 10,000 hour rule to achieve any level of mastery associated with being an expert in anything that you do.It takes the brain that number of hours to master any skill. This has been proven over and over again. Practice is not what you do once you are good , practice is what you do over and over again that makes you good~ Malcolm Gladwell

Here is the downside of this 10,000 hour rule, the time is so long that it is practically impossible for you to reach that number by yourself by the time you are a young adult, it is totally impossible. You must have parents who understand this and support you and it has to be intentional and structured. Have you ever wondered why our athletes are not at their peak,they are not exceptional? It is because they didn\’t get to complete the 10,000 hour practice rule,they didn\’t get to complete it before starting to play at that level. You cannot compete with a child who started gymnastics at the age of 4 with another child who starts at the age of 17,the 10000 hour rule will count against you and this is what happens in Africa we are raising children who do not have mastery.
Part of what we do in the inner circle is to create structures that give your children mastery on a daily basis, if you do not follow structure your children cannot achieve it,they cannot reach the 10 hour rule because it takes a lot of structure for your children to be able to achieve this and their is no impact without mastery.

YOU CAN JOIN THE INNER CIRCLE HERE

If you see anyone who is able to deliver ,go and ask them the 10000 rule has applied in their favour. There is a how to every success in life ,especially parenting success.You must have what it is you are giving,what truly distinguishes the history of great men is not the extraordinary talent they have but the extra ordinary opportunities they utilise wisely.

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5.The Parenting Advantage: Who raised you will be a determining factor of what you become , there are opportunities that will never come to you because of who raised you.The access to knowledge you have as a parent will be directly proportional to the kind of impact that your child will make. There are a lot of people who have been raised with parenting advantage , Chimamanda Adichie is one of them, she has an advantage.

Parenting is war, the success of you children is dependent on how much war you have fought for them, that\’s their footing , that will be the platform they start from. There are ingredients for success, the fact that your child is smart and talented doesn\’t make for success, it is about grooming and development. No matter how good the seed is, if you don\’t pay attention to nurture that seed it will not blossom. There must be something you know, that sets your children apart.

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Fathers Play one of the most important roles in their families unfortunately we are having more fathers absent either by being physically absent or lack of involvement.

Research has found that the problem of absent fathers leads to higher divorce rates, destructive and negative changes in family structures, behavior problems in children, violence among teens, and moral decadence.

However, over the years of working with parents, I have personally found like many other researchers that fathers are absent due to their own lost sense of identity and lack of clarity regarding their role as fathers meanwhile their role on being the major influence on their children\’s destiny leaves a vacuum.

Unfortunately also the modern culture is playing down on the fact that DADDY IS DESTINY yet research proves over and again that families with strong fatherhood systems fair better always. Don’t be lied to, Every child needs a father figure in his life to thrive not just survive. I believe that no child should be made to go through an upbringing without having a father figure support him or her because their destiny is dependent on it.

We understand these gaps, and that is why In the past 3 years we have consistently created a narrative to equip more fathers to do better and also celebrate fathers to understand their roles.

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TIP FATHERS CONFERENCE 2020 is coming with a difference. We have lined up fathers who are in the industry of fatherhood to teach other fathers and celebrate them as well. We won’t continue assuming that we know what to do, we have chosen to intentionally teach it.

No man should miss this conference.The Intentional The Intentional Parent Academy and their partners have paid in full for this, so access is FREE for you.

Use Link To Register and tag every man you know . See all details on Flier. https://bit.ly/TIPfathersconference2022

Remember the next generations destiny is dependent on the Fathers .join us and spread this message.

Why You Keep Failing On Your Parenting Journey

I feel like I’m failing as a parent” We’ve all felt overwhelmed with the weight of parenthood at one time or another. When we’re frustrated and helpless like we have no idea what we’re doing. Maybe it’s when we feel like we’re doing something wrong, especially when we can’t decide or don’t know which direction to take. Other times we’re scared about how this is all going to turn out, at the rate we’re going. There are various reasons parents fail on their journey and there is what to do so you don\’t fail.

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Why You Keep Failing On Your Parenting Journey

1. Mindset: The number one reason parents feel like failures on their journey can be traced to their mindset, they lack the ability to mentally transition. A lot of parents are growing older but their minds are not transitioning to meet the demands and responsibilities that are being demanded of them at the time. There are various factors that influence mindset such as:

a) The dependency Mentality: Many children were not raised to transition that is why you hear people say things like \”Whatever it is my parents did, I will do it the same way\”.We were taught the how\’s which is the methodology but we were not taught the why\’s which is the principle so we end up with the dependency Mentality. I have said over and again that the reason for being raised is to be better for the next generation but we hear people say things like \”the same way my parents did things is the same way I will do them\”

b) The False Comfort That Comes From Generalising Failure: There is a false comfort that comes from Generalising Failure, we say things like everybody is failing, this parenting thing only God can save us, this is a false comfort. Instead of you asking \”what can we do better \” or investing in learning how to do things. You need to stop Generalising failure because there is what you know that can exempt you. These mentalities are not just about parenting, this happens in life too.

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c) The Entitlement Mentality: When you are entitled to your behavior, your mentality, you don\’t care, you believe that your children owe you, you believe that you can do anything you like but you forget that raising a child is not just about you but raising generations. Most parents who have this mentality often forget that they are accountable to a co-creator with whom they are creating this child because being a parent makes you a co-creator.

d. The Mediocre Mentality: This is the mindset of smallness, the mindset of whatever goes. Over the weekend I was speaking in a church. and I said to them that life is all about choices. The choice to raise a king is yours, the choice to raise a slave is also yours. Many of us end up raising mediocre because we think that it\’s all about us \”I will do it my way\”. When you don\’t understand what you do, you will be weary.

e. The Mindset of \”I don\’t need to learn\”: This is one of the big reasons why parents fail on their journey. They say things like \” I don\’t need to learn, I will only parent by the bible but they negate the part of the bible where it was mentioned that people perish for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). So if you are really parenting after the bible you should be seeking knowledge.

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Your child is a product of what you know, you cannot raise a child beyond the knowledge that you already have, your exposure is what is going to make or mar your child. The level of exposure my parents had is what I am building on for my children. So the question is \”What do you know\”? You cannot raise children beyond the knowledge that you have.

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JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR THE INNER CIRCLE HERE

2. Trauma: The second reason that makes you fail on your parenting journey is trauma. On your experiencing neglect and abuse as a child, it has an impact on your adult quality of life and can be felt across board ( Physical health, emotional health, mental health, and in relationships) People who have experienced childhood trauma often have feelings of worry, shame, guilt helplessness, hopelessness, sadness, and anger. Many people who experienced trauma have \”Learn Helplessness\”. Trauma literally stops you.

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On your mental health, surviving childhood trauma can be linked to higher rates of suicide, self-harm, post-traumatic stress disorder, drug and alcohol misuse, and even relationship difficulties. Regarding your physical health, children who experienced trauma and abuse have a heightened stress response which is why they will have issues with yelling and hitting. They have sleep difficulties, lower immune systems, and an increased number of physical illnesses.

3. You: The third reason why you are struggling as a parent is you. You are not failing because your children are bad or because they are a certain way. You are failing because of you because like I always share that parenting is about you and not your child. What you know either makes you win or fail. You are a product of what you know. What will determine your progress is what you know. Novices don\’t raise geniuses. You cannot influence a child beyond what you know.

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4. Laziness: Laziness is also one of the reasons why there is a failure system in parenting. Many of the times when you enter the inner circle the first pledge we make you say is \”I have time to parent my children\” The moment you become a parent you choose to commit to whatever it is that needs to help that child.

JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR THE INNER CIRCLE HERE

Saying things like \” My children are still too small, I don\’t have time\” are indicators of laziness. Parenting is seedtime and harvest. You need to commit the time because without time you cannot shepherd anyone.
So you need to understand that you must pick it up yourself. There is no perfect time, the time is now. Your child is growing and the intriguing thing is that growth of noiseless.

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DADDY IS DESTINY

Fathers Play one of the most important roles in their families unfortunately we are having more fathers absent either by being physically absent or lack of involvement. Research has found that the problem of absent fathers leads to higher divorce rates, destructive and negative changes in family structures, behavior problems in children, violence among teens, and moral decadence. However, over the years of working with parents, I have personally found like many other researchers that fathers are absent due to their own lost sense of identity and lack of clarity regarding their role as fathers meanwhile their role on being the major influence on their children\’s destiny leaves a vacuum.

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Unfortunately also the modern culture is playing down on the fact that DADDY IS DESTINY yet research proves over and again that families with strong fatherhood systems fair better always. Don’t be lied to, Every child needs a father figure in his life to thrive not just survive. I believe that no child should be made to go through an upbringing without having a father figure support him or her because their destiny is dependent on it.

We understand these gaps, and that is why In the past 3 years we have consistently created a narrative to equip more fathers to do better and also celebrate fathers to understand their roles. TIP FATHERS CONFERENCE 2022 is coming with a difference. We have lined up fathers who are in the industry of fatherhood to teach other fathers and celebrate them as well. We won’t continue assuming that we know what to do, we have chosen to intentionally teach it.

No man should miss this conference. The Intentional Parent Academy and their partners have paid in full for this, so access is FREE for you. Use Link To Register and tag every man you know. See all details on Flier. https://bit.ly/TIPfathersconference2022

Remember the next generation\’s destiny is dependent on the Fathers .. join us and spread this message.